Question about names on invitations.

[JessycaF]

Let me preface this by saying that our wedding is very small and informal. That being said, why exactly do you put people's full name on your wedding invitation? I have an Uncle Buck. Everyone calls him Buck, or Reverend if they're from his church. So why would I send him an invitation that calls him Stanley? Maybe I'm just being thick, but I don't get it. I suppose I could understand if I was having a super formal traditional wedding, with gold embossed invitations, double envelopes (never saw the point of that either...), that little sheet of tissue paper thrown in (again with the huh?). Maybe I'm just a small town hick girl with West Virginian roots that doesn't get all this fancy stuff. But my uncles names are Buck and Dick and Ben and Greg and Tom, and I don't see why it should be something different just because it's a wedding invitation. Can someone please explain this?

[ChristineLS]

Well, you know, formalities are a way of establishing social distance in a respectful way. If you are having a laid back, more casual wedding, which is smaller and so everyone knows each other... You don't need the social distance formality requires. Invite them as you address them. What I did was mail the invites to their legal name and then inside write "Uncle Jim and Aunt Jane", etc. I had a really casual wedding, so it worked. No one seemed offended.

[sandy03]

Typically you put the formal/legal name on the outer envelope (the same way you would normally address a letter) and then the way you know them (relational title, nickname, etc) on the inside.

If you aren't doing double envelopes I would put the legal name on the envelope if you're mailing them, but if you're going to hand-deliver them (especially to family) I think it's fine if you simply write whatever you normally call them on the envelope.

[Salayia]

We ran into the same problem. My husband has a Grandpa Jack and that's what everyone calls him, so my husband didn't want to address it to John. So, we just went with the casual names. And if people were offended, they definitely didn't say anything.

[MaryLove]

Go the comfortable route! Always the comfortable route

[JessycaF]

Thanks ladies. I think what I'm going to do is just use my judgement on who would think it odd, and who would think it "me". So my Uncle Buck's invitation will be addressed to Buck. But my Uncle Dick, who is much more of a stickler for formality, will get an invite addressed to Richard.That way I can be formal with the people who expect formality (AKA the people I'm not close to, lol) and be more personal with the family that wouldn't think it strange. Makes sense to me, lol.