Few Months to Go - Families Snapping...

[LeopardBride]

I read an article a while ago when I was sorting through a bridal magazine to pass the time waiting somewhere that starting at six months and up away from a wedding, drama really begins to unload to the point where couples wish they had eloped. At the time I laughed it off, but now that my wedding is close to that time range my fiance and I really beginning to see it happen.

There are several things going on, but one in particular I just really cannot understand that actually is hurting me. When it was time to do our registry, my fiance came up with this idea of inviting our mothers to tag along and figured that by being around my mom and being involved in this task, it would cheer his mom up. I honestly was not at all crazy about the idea and really wanted our registry to be something that we just did. Anyway, his mom said "okay" and then when we were all together, he had asked my mom for me who at the time seemed happy.

I was beyond wrong and the next time my mom and I were alone, she blew up and said by having my fiance ask her instead of me and by having his mom know about the idea first, I was being disrespectful to her and my father since they are the ones working hard on my surprise bridal shower (which honestly I do not even want....I am sick of hearing from everybody involved in that about how much stress it is causing) and as a wedding gift, they are helping with the hall. Because of that, she angrily threw in that my fiance's mother should not be overly involved because she is not paying for anything.

I was very taken back and explained that I did not at all mean to be disrespectful and how my fiance thought it would be cute to do together. Nothing I said mattered. She said a lot of nasty things that I am not even going to bother mentioning. Now both my parents are not talking to me. I told my fiance what happened and he is baffled. Well, we did our registry by ourselves. His mom did not come, but my parents wouldn't know that since they refuse to even be around me.

I am very confused.... how did this happen? Why?

I cannot even talk to them so I am waiting to see if they let up. Honestly, I have gone through my adult life ensuring that I never was disrespectful to my parents, which is why this situation actually hurts. On top of this, we have drama on my fiance's side, but this bit of drama is what I need some advice on.

Thank you.

[WebLady]

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have heard stories before about the bride's parents getting upset about the groom's parents being "too involved" when they are not paying. In a way, I understand, but the I think it is just being petty. I mean really, the family is supposed to be coming together to celebrate a marriage. Unless one side is trying to take advantage of the other, it should not matter. I also think paying for the wedding (all or in any part) should be a gift to the couple and should not have any strings, but that is just my personal opinion.

As for you in this situation ... I guess I would give your parents some space since they are not talking to you right now. Then try to explain how you feel and that you didn't mean any disrespect (again) and how you just thought the trip would be a good bonding experience for everyone. Or, you might try to write them a letter, or email or something.

Good luck!

[LeopardBride]

Thank you! You really hit the nail on the head because I could not agree more. I hate having money be held over my head. We planned on paying the hall alone and were so appreciative when they insisted on helping. If I knew those comments were going to be made, I would have politely rejected their offer to help.

I actually was considering a letter if the silent front continues. I hope it doesn't come down to that.

[Florida photographer]

As a photographer I see that a lot: many times when I walk in to that hotel room I see people frustrated. It is understandable, wedding preparations are no easy task; so much to worry about. I can only advise you to trust the people around you and let it go on a big day. I know it sounds impossible but keep in mind if the Bride is frustrated and stressed everyone else is going to be stressed. All eyes are on a her and if she is giving negative vibes people will have a hard time having fun (that is until the get to the bar of course... lol). Smile a lot, look relaxed and you will have a great fun wedding.

[LeopardBride]

Thanks for your response! No matter what happens, I will be sure to enjoy my day. It's one day I will never get back so if people cannot be happy that day, I will just do my best to ignore them. I appreciate a photographer's input.

[barbaracollins665]

Wish you best of luck

[LeopardBride]

Thanks!!!!

[muguet]

Well, you posted this a month ago today and I'm just now reading it since I haven't been on the forums for a little while...how are things going?

First of all, let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. There is enough stress on you just planning the wedding and getting ready to be married, this must really hurt. It seemed shocking to me, just reading about it. I am so, so sorry.

I do think that you have received some good advice here. Try to be happy, despite everything. There is no way you could please everyone and unfortunately with things like weddings, the people involved many times get offended by things that we don't even think of. I spent my entire engagement trying to be overly considerate of my MIL and SIL, to include them where they wanted to be included but not ask too much, but every very nice thing I tried to do was still countered by a totally ignorant and eventually hurtful response. A friend of mine says that I did the right thing, but the fact is that I still now have to live with the fact that I graciously shared my wedding with two people who don't give a **** about me or my DH, just to be nice - and nothing.

So based on my disappointing experience, I suggest that you continue to enjoy the planning and do your damnedest not to bend over backwards for anyone else. You want to be respectful, but being that it's your day and about YOU, some respect has to be shown in return as well. People should be happy for you, especially those who care about you.

[LeopardBride]

@muguet - Thanks so much for responding!!! I really appreciate your well wishes. Things are better now. We had a few problems with my future MIL after the registry fiasco was forgotten by my own parents, but now that the plans literally are all done, there is nothing left for anybody to complain about. lol

I'm sorry about what happened with your MIL and SIL during your wedding process. It is so sad that they do not even care! People really don't realize that their actions and words can be hurtful, especially during the stresses of wedding planning. What you said is right, though, about not bending over backwards. It isn't worth it.