needing help desparately!!

[Andra2000]

Hi my name is Marsha,and I need help with a situation with my daughters wedding. My daughter is my heart & soul.I raised her alone in Florida while her father stayed in Puerto Rico.Eventually we were divorced,and he remarried right away.My daughter visited him every once in a while she hardly knew him,and he wasn't in her life.When my daughter was 12 yrs old I remarried to a wonderful man.He had no children of his own,and treated my daughter like his own,along with my other children who were married.My grandchildren called him grandpa.Shawn (My husband) did everything for Britney (My daughter).He even taught her how to drive.He considered her his daughter. When Britney decided to get married the question came up about who was going to walk her down the isle.Her Fianc'e and herself agreed that her bio father would walk her half way,and her stepdad would walk her the rest of the way.He was so happy about the decision.My daughter recently went to PR to help her father with some work he was doing.Last week she texted me and said she'd made up her mind, and she wanted her real father,and myself(me) to walk her.I asked her what about (Shawn) her stepdad,and she said no she didn't want him to be in the ceremony,and that was it,and she didn't want any drama about it.I cryed and told her she needed to tell him which she replied no you tell him.Well when I told him I could see the tears in his eyes.I don't know what was said while she was in PR. Her father I think influenced her.I can't see this happening alot of people are going to be upset about this decision, because they no my husband raised her.Is there something that he could be or do to be in the ceremony.I was thinking if he stood up front,and when we got down there he would come over and we would all give her away.He's not a person to make a speech.My husband has to be in that ceremony,but what could he do? I need help or I'm going to go crazy,and I don't want him hurt .Please help me or give me some suggestions so I can tell my daughter. I hope to hear from you soon.

[Andra2000]

Originally Posted by Andra2000

Hi my name is Marsha,and I need help with a situation with my daughters wedding. My daughter is my heart & soul.I raised her alone in Florida while her father stayed in Puerto Rico.Eventually we were divorced,and he remarried right away.My daughter visited him every once in a while she hardly knew him,and he wasn't in her life.When my daughter was 12 yrs old I remarried to a wonderful man.He had no children of his own,and treated my daughter like his own,along with my other children who were married.My grandchildren called him grandpa.Shawn (My husband) did everything for Britney (My daughter).He even taught her how to drive.He considered her his daughter. When Britney decided to get married the question came up about who was going to walk her down the isle.Her Fianc'e and herself agreed that her bio father would walk her half way,and her stepdad would walk her the rest of the way.He was so happy about the decision.My daughter recently went to PR to help her father with some work he was doing.Last week she texted me and said she'd made up her mind, and she wanted her real father,and myself(me) to walk her.I asked her what about (Shawn) her stepdad,and she said no she didn't want him to be in the ceremony,and that was it,and she didn't want any drama about it.I cryed and told her she needed to tell him which she replied no you tell him.Well when I told him I could see the tears in his eyes.I don't know what was said while she was in PR. Her father I think influenced her.I can't see this happening alot of people are going to be upset about this decision, because they no my husband raised her.Is there something that he could be or do to be in the ceremony.I was thinking if he stood up front,and when we got down there he would come over and we would all give her away.He's not a person to make a speech.My husband has to be in that ceremony,but what could he do? I need help or I'm going to go crazy,and I don't want him hurt .Please help me or give me some suggestions so I can tell my daughter. I hope to hear from you soon.

Im so sorry if this is too much long..

[gwenshack]

Hi Marsha.

I'm sorry about your touchy situation. I don't have a relationship with my father and he wasn't in my wedding, regardless of how he feels about that. It was my decision who to have participate in my wedding. As much as your husband raised her, and as much as I'm sure she loves him, it's up to your daughter to determine his role in her wedding. If she decides to leave him out, as much as it may hurt, you all will have to respect that and choose to just be happy that she found someone to spend her life with.

Best of luck.

[WebLady]

I am sorry about this and I can see how you and your husband would be hurt by this. I think she should have told him her plans and probably not told him he would be a part of the ceremony then have you tell him she changed her mind. But there is not much you can do about it. She is going to do what she feels is best for her.

Maybe she is trying to rebuild a relationship with her bio father, or maybe he pushed her towards this - you may never know and probably shouldn't push the issue.

Sure, if you are paying you could try to push for what you want, but that will only cause more drama and hurt for you and your husband. I would try to put your personal feelings aside and just let her do what she wants to do for her wedding and just let any money you plan to give her be a gift to do as she wishes with. Hopefully she will show that she appreciates you guys; maybe she will do a nice toast and/or present you and your husband with a nice gift at the wedding or something.

All the best

[Fishlips]

These kinds of decisions are not easily made. I was almost in the same situation. My biological father isn't apart of my life, and the man that raised me was very present (my mom and him never married, but were together for 15 years). Even though I have only spoken to my bio father once in the last 10 years, I had no idea how I was going to tell him I didn't want him walking me down the aisle.

I can't say I know what changed your daughter's mind, but you have to remember that you and Shawn raised an intelligent, independent, strong young woman. While you may not always agree with her decisions, you have to afford her the freedom to make them. And as difficult as it may be support her in them. Her wedding day is her day and you don't want something to ruin it for her or them.

I know that isn't much advice, but I hope it helps, and I hope too many people aren't hurt in the process of joining to lives.