Dear Abby

[SerendipityCrafts]

Out of the Houston Chronicle 8/17

Dear Abby:

My husband and I received a wedding invitation from my nephew's son, whom we have never gotten to know very well. Included was a deposit slip to a bank savings account "in lieu of gifts"!

We later learned that everyone on the guest list received a deposit slip, even the grandmother. Is this proper?

PUZZLED in Colorado

Dear Puzzled:

Please waste no more time feeling offended. The family who issued the wedding invitation is obviously grossly ignorant about the basic rules of etiquette. According to Emily Post's Etiquette (17th edition), when issuing wedding invitations, "any mention of gifts or listing of gift registries is unacceptable."

I am sure you dealt with the solicitation you received as you would any other. Just be glad they didn't have your bank account number, or you would have found enclosed with your invitation a notice stating that your account had already been debited $125 to cover the cost of your dinner.

[SerendipityCrafts]

:bbeek: Wow LOL

[sjk1431]

wow is all I can say I don't think I could do that.

[ladymelissa]

That is precisely why I am against including registry info with the invite.

One could argue that the guest would only use the deposit slip if they are interested, but it is still TACKY!

[EarlyBird]

who does that. i feel ashamed for these people!

[kate80]

is that for real? i cant believe someone would really be that cheeky!!

[Trillian]

Yeah that's really not a good idea. I'm not including registry info, but I am including our website, and the registry is there along with the RSVP, bride blog, wedding info, etc so it's not like I'm just directing them somewhere to buy me presents.

[woohoo2me]

wow......

thats terrible, just coming right out asking for money!!??

[SerendipityCrafts]

That is precisely why I am against including registry info with the invite.

One could argue that the guest would only use the deposit slip if they are interested, but it is still TACKY!

There has got to be a word that defines something or someone that is "more than tacky" .... ie tacky to the ultimate degree!

Tacky just doesn't seem enough - KWIM?

Tackfinity?
Tack-a-palooza?
Tackamundo?
Tackorama?
Tackolious?

[WebLady]

Yep, definitely rude :bbeek: I would be "puzzled" as well :worm:

* I moved this thread to the etiquette forum since it sort of deals with the topic of gift mentions in the invite, and that gets brought up alot :)

[RevMatty]

What some people wont do.......

[bichonlvr]

OKay...that is CLASSIC!!!!! I mean really classic!!!!

Who is the world would even THINK of that?!?!?!

It is kinda like this thing I saw on a friend's website..I think it was called Honey fund...you go to their page and they ask for TONS of stuff with the prices...but the kicker is you just give them the CASH for what they want!

So they wanted a tent campsite fee..I thought that is cool, how do we pay the campground for that...so I clicked it...YOU pay the company and the company sends them the money!!!

The site even says..."your payment will be sent directly to the couple."

Hello might as well ask for cash...

Soorry if any of you do it..JMO!!!

[ladymelissa]

I'm not including registry info, but I am including our website, and the registry is there along with the RSVP, bride blog, wedding info, etc so it's not like I'm just directing them somewhere to buy me presents.
That is acceptable b/c there is much more information there than just the registry.

[frenchie]

Ugh that makes me cringe. Seriously I would never send out registry info, but if I receive an invitation with it, I would tend to just shrug.
People don't necessarily know etiquette, and it's convenient for me if I want to get them a gift, so I wouldn't complain about a registry.
But that is just OVER THE TOP!!!

[Trillian]

I was talking about this thread with my mom, she was reminded of a wedding she went to where the couple asked for cash....for charity. They felt they didn't need anything so they sent cards in the invites telling people where they'd like donations sent in lieu of gifts. I think that's the only time something like that would be okay.

[frenchie]

I was talking about this thread with my mom, she was reminded of a wedding she went to where the couple asked for cash....for charity. They felt they didn't need anything so they sent cards in the invites telling people where they'd like donations sent in lieu of gifts. I think that's the only time something like that would be okay.

I guess - I just don't "get" the whole "donate to charity instead of giving me a gift" - it's a nice idea, however when I give someone a gift, it's for them. A donation to charity well what's the difference between that and just making a donation in my own name? Afterwards if they want to donate perhaps 10% of the money given to them at the wedding, that's their buisness.
I don't know, I guess it kind of sounds like "oh look at me I'm giving to charity, look how selfless I am" - it's better than being selfISH, but it still kind of gets to me.

[hummingbird521]

Worse than tacky and i can't think of a word that could describe what they have done. my only hope is that they are not from arkansas. lol.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I was talking about this thread with my mom, she was reminded of a wedding she went to where the couple asked for cash....for charity. They felt they didn't need anything so they sent cards in the invites telling people where they'd like donations sent in lieu of gifts. I think that's the only time something like that would be okay.

We did exactly that. We asked that people donate to the charity or cause of their choice but we also wrote that they were under no obligation to do so. Even still, we felt "wierd" mentioning it at all because we didn't want it to appear as if we expected a gift.

[shawnsgirl]

I just hate when people mention registry information on wedding inivtes let alone inserting a deposit slip!! It's so urghhh! There really is no word for it. However, you might as well hand over a deposit slip if you are putting registry information in wedidng invites! What is it with people these days??? Anyhow, I'm sorry we invited people to our wedding to share our day with them..Not for them to send money and gifts. I don't care if we don't even get a single card on our wedding day! We're having the day for our enjoyment and our guests enjoyment!!!

[StaceyMc]

I can't even imagine getting an invite like that. "Gimme Gimme Gimme!"

I vote for "Tackamundo"

[LVBride2Be]

Wow......

I will not be sending my gift registry thingy in there with my invitation...I'm thinking about sending it with my save the dates. Not everyone is our families have computers or talk to each other often. I don't expect anyone to buy us anything but if they do at least they know what sort of things we need.

[KMPLUVGUCCI]

I saw this a few days ago and just thought I would share:
Quote:
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I received a wedding invitation from my nephew's son, whom we have never gotten to know very well. Included in the invitation was a deposit slip to a bank savings account "in lieu of gifts"!

We later learned that everyone on the guest list received a deposit slip, even the grandmother. Is this proper? This is the first time we have ever heard of this, and frankly, we were rather insulted. -- PUZZLED IN COLORADO

DEAR PUZZLED: Please waste no more time feeling offended. The family who issued the wedding invitation is obviously grossly ignorant about the basic rules of etiquette. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette" (17th Edition), when issuing wedding invitations, "any mention of gifts or listing of gift registries is unacceptable."
I am sure you dealt with the solicitation you received as you would any other. Just be glad they didn't have your bank account number, or you would have found enclosed with your invitation a notice stating that your account had already been debited $125 to cover the cost of your dinner.

What do you think?

[Goin2thechapel]

That's Horrible!! How ignorant can one be!!!

[SerendipityCrafts]

LOL heard a good one just yesterday ....

Someone's ex (who shall remain nameless), threw himself an engagement party and organized a 50/50 draw to help fund his honeymoon!

IMHO this is tacky on three counts -

Second wedding for both - engagement party????
Hosting your own engagement party????
Self organized 50/50 draw?????

[NicksBride]

omg that is horrible. How tacky!

[WebLady]

Yep, definatly tacky :whoa:

Someone else posted this before too - http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=9808

[KMPLUVGUCCI]

Oops... Sorry!! I didnt see the other thread...
Maybe we should just close this one up.

[WebLady]

Oops... Sorry!! I didnt see the other thread...
Maybe we should just close this one up.
That is cool, I just merged the two threads ;) It is now in the 'Wedding Etiquette' section since it deals with a topic that gets brought up alot ;)