Can Ya'll Please give me some advice on this

[Tiggerprincess]

Its Odd.........We've only been married 1wk and a day..We already are experiencing problems....OMG!! He has the most sporatic temper....I dont know if i can deal w/ this for the rest of my life..I dont know what to do.......I love him and made a vow to love him always..He truly makes me happy, but he brings me the worst heartache...Im sruggling w/ do I leave him or do I stay? Will he become more agressive?
D.D.

[WebLady]

This is a tough one for us to say because we don't see what you see ... many couples argue and some tend to 'bicker' on a daily basis. I guess it all depends on what you guys are arguing about? Is it something silly, something resolvable? Or is it something big? And by "aggressive" do you mean that he is violent? Are you afraid he might raise his hand to you?

Whatever it is, you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around your husband. You should be able to discuss your feelings and work things out to a mutual agreement. (even if it is to agree to disagree sometimes ;))

Please don't take this the wrong way, I am only trying to "feel out" the possible problem ... your husband is quite a few years older than you so maybe he sees himself on some level as more mature? Maybe you think he doesn't understand you? In my experiences, there is a often a big difference between how a 20 something woman thinks and how a 40 something man thinks. And neither of you may ever see or understand the way the other sees some things because of the age gap. You may grow and change but he may not as he has already been there and/or he is set in his ways at this point in his life. (if that makes any sense) However, that doesn't always mean that you can't get along and have a happy marriage.

So I guess you guys need to try to sit down and talk about your differences and figure out why you are arguing ... is it you, is it him, it is money, is it outside influences, or what? And you have to figure out why he makes you feel that he is "aggressive"

A side note question ... Has he been married before?

Many times in counseling sessions each person is given a chance to voice their opinion without the other interrupting. (this is often a problem for some women, especially when we think we are right, I have been guilty of this too) So maybe try that, let him explain what is bothering him and listen then you do the same and ask him to listen. If that doesn't work then perhaps you should consider professional marriage counseling.

Like I mentioned before, it is ok to have disagreements but you should never feel uncomfortable around your husband.

Lastly, it takes more that "Love" to make a marriage work .... there has to be mutual Love, Respect, Trust, etc ... Did you ask yourself the "Hard Questions" before you got married? Maybe you should do this now?

I really do wish the best for you guys and I hope you can work it out. :hug:

GL,

~ WebLady :)

[rainbowtreat]

I agree with WebLady. You have to tell him how you feel when eh gets this way. And try to get him to talk it out. Goodluck.

[Tiggerprincess]

We have finally worked things out.I had to wait until he chilled out for a lil bit..We both have firey tempers...But we have agreed to get counseling...And not to lose our tempers unless waranted..But its gonna be tough.. As i said on another post,, People dont change overnight....Our love will provail..I love him so very much..Thank u guys..I went back amd looked at what all ya'll said and it made perfect sense..Thank u..:hug:
D.D.

[WebLady]

Glad to hear you are working things out.

Best wishes to you both,

~ WebLady :)

[wolf4091]

its great to hear that you and your guy have worked it out. i actually had to deal with the OPPOSITE. my hubby did not argue with me over anything or when i would simply try to talk to him i was accused of starting a fight. then when it came down to REAL ISSUES like money management out of the blue it isnt being done right etc. when couples dont communicate it's always a bad thing. you just have to pick your battles as well. some couples do fight over little stupid things. you definitely did the right thing by going to counseling. nothin wrong with that. he seems to care about your feelings enough to go so don't worry. i think things will work for you. sounds like you have a decent guy and are both nipping it in the bud before it gets worse. i wish you well. keep going!!!

[CarlosHoney]

In anger management the fisrt thing you do is remove yourself from the situation that is making you angry. This works for me. We have a 'safe word' (no, not that kind of safe word) that we say when we need to calm down.

So, when you say "WASABI!", for instance, you know that your temper is reaching a crucial point, and it's time to leave the room. You both know that when you say the word, you keep quiet and apart for 5-10 minutes..

There was a study on Dateline that when a couple read a magazine during the cooldown time, the blood pressure was lower because their mind was off it.

So, take a break, and a few deep breaths, and talk it out when you're both cool.

[CindySue]

In anger management the fisrt thing you do is remove yourself from the situation that is making you angry. This works for me. We have a 'safe word' (no, not that kind of safe word) that we say when we need to calm down.

So, when you say "WASABI!", for instance, you know that your temper is reaching a crucial point, and it's time to leave the room. You both know that when you say the word, you keep quiet and apart for 5-10 minutes..

There was a study on Dateline that when a couple read a magazine during the cooldown time, the blood pressure was lower because their mind was off it.

So, take a break, and a few deep breaths, and talk it out when you're both cool.

Brian and I have a phrase that can usually difuse the situation when we are getting really angry. Being in the bigger house helps, because we get to bickering, we just go to separate corners and we can keep mouthing until we cool off without the other hearing and keeping things stirred up. After we calm down we will talk about it and we are both apologizing for saying things the other didnt even hear.:bbconfused: