When RSVP's don't arrive

[kevinsbride2B]

OK my invite states for the RSVP's to be in by Aug 15th. To date I have 65 rsvp's MIA.
I know that I have to wait until after the 15th but it's already the 10th and I feel liek that's really a lot still outstanding.
My Mom has told me that I shouldn't call but have other people do it because of the etiquette issue. She explained to me that I shouldn't call because it puts people on the hot seat about if they're coming or not.
How long would be the right amount of time to wait before phone calls begin to go out?
Does anybody else think 65 people is a lot to still be outstanding???

[StaceyMc]

I'd probably wait until the 15th - who knows, maybe you'll get an avalanch of RSVP's on the 14th :) And, I think it's fine for you to call. As far as I'm concerned, they should be put on the hot seat if they can't manage to fill in an RSVP and drop it in the mail.

[TangoWedding]

65 is certainly a lot to not know about!

I'd be on the horn as soon as I could, personally. If it's people I know, I'd call them...if it's people FH knows, I'd make him do it. :D

[bichonlvr]

I would wait until at leat the 20th! people LAG!

[kevinsbride2B]

Well I spoke with a few of my friends today who suprisingly haven't sent their RSVP cards as of yet. I just brought it up i convo about how I haven't got them and so on. I really hate people who lie I Really really really do. If your going to lie don't make it obvious cause i don't want to look dumb. But they all stood there like deers caught in teh head lights trying to then tell me that they sent them 2 weeks ago. Really? I don't think so! I sent out the invites and they were at the houses withing 1 to 2 days, and the same with the RSVP cards I have recieved.
I told Kevin that with respect to a few of his friends who haven't sent back yet he needs to get on it a lot sooner then I do. So many of these people are not people that we see often or speak too that often.
I'm just trying to get stuff done for tables and such and I need him to figure out some more numbers for me. Because I know that I won't only have 70 out of 144!

[bichonlvr]

People get embarassed!!!!

[kevinsbride2B]

People get embarassed!!!!

Oh I know, the thing is that these aren't "formal guests" if I can say that there a couple of girls that I grew up with that I can cut out the etiquette with. I think because of being a youth worker I HATE the whole lying thing. I can see right through it.

[bichonlvr]

As a teacher too...I hear ya!!! I hate my my students lie...I call them out on it sooo fast!!!!!

It is not like your responses were even due yet...All they had to do was say..."oh yeah I need to mail that out...when is it due again?" They still have a few more days!

[ladymelissa]

I called people the evening of the due date. At that point any breech of etiquette is on THEIR part.

[Kacie_bride]

I called people the evening of the due date. At that point any breech of etiquette is on THEIR part.

Exactly!!!

If you remember I had many RSVPs not come back. I did get many back on the due date, and a few days afterward. We started making calls a couple of days after the due date. My mom and Justin's mom did most of the calling. Justin personally asked a few people.

[frenchie]

I think I'm going to set the due date about a week before I really need to know that way I'll have time for all the phone calls.
I think you should go ahead and call- that's a lot of incertitude to deal with.

[Trillian]

I'm going to include RSVP cards, but I'm going to encourage people to RSVP at the wedding site. They don't have to send anything, and I don't have to wait. They can do it as soon as they get the invite, and I've got some people doing it already and the invites haven't even gone out yet. It's so much easier and more hassle free for everyone because I know some people (like my mother) never seem to remember to mail something. It's gotten to the point now where getting a stamp is an odd thing to do, most correspondence is done via email and telephone.

[TangoWedding]

We're actually not doing RSVP cards at all. We're putting an email address and a phone number in the invite and calling it good.

If I don't hear from people by the date, I'll just start calling everyone who hasn't responded. :grinhappy:

[kevinsbride2B]

Well I'm at 27 days till the wedding and I still have 20 something people who are MIA. I've called them, I've had friends and family call them and still we get zero response. So here's my idea... If they choose to just show up at the reception I'll just tell them that I didn't expect them as I thought the stamp which they saved on their response card was all that they wanted to keep and that they weren't expected there.

[lize566]

I know I'm a little late, but I just noticed the thread. Ours were also due the 15th, we still got some saturday, and I wouldn't be surprised if we got some this week as well. When do you have to have a final count? Ours isn't due until 3 days prior, so we are giving them a few days of grace before we make phone calls, but we aren't missing a lot. Good luck and I hope you get more responses!

[gennymac]

I am planning on having the RSVPs come in exactly 1 month prior to my wedding date.

I'll then give the outstanding ones 5 days, then my FH and I will start calling, leaving messages if necessary, and I fully plan on telling people that I HAVE TO KNOW because our reception catering is based on the NUMBER of people I am feeding - and if they don't let me know, we won't have enough food.

My attitude on RSVPs is that it is rude as heck not to respond one way or the other, and our's will have two - one for the ceremony and one for the reception. My reception one will clearly state that I have to have exact numbers for the caterers and to please respond one way or the other.

Call em after about 5 days past the deadline and just let them know how important it is for you to know their plans. Make sure they know that if they can't make it, you absolutely understand, you just need to know.

That's alot of people to show up unannounced and end up writing another check to cover babe. Don't let their ignorance cause drama on your day.

Gen

[LMW-S]

I would wait 5 days after the RSVP's were due. If their close friends or family then I would call them up if you really want them at the wedding. If it's people you aren't exactly close to I'd just let those slide. I do believe that with some people you should have someone else call! I'm a wedding planner and believe me I've made hundreds of those calls. It's possible if you dont have a wedding planner to get a bridesmaid to call. It doesn't put someone so on the spot when it's not the bride or the bride's family!

[recentlymarried]

Don't worry. It will all come together. I invited over 350 people and within 3 days of the RSVP deadline only 200 had sent back their RSVPs or called or emailed me. What I did was create a list for each of my parents and my inlaws and asked tehm to start calling a day before the RSVPs were supposed to be in. It worked out well because withing four or five days I had everyone taken care of (an additional 150 people responded). Good luck.