Just when you thought...

[LaceyinPgh]

Just when you thought that my family couldn't get any weirder, it does. My dad informed me a couple of weeks ago that he is very unhappy in his marriage and was filing for divorce. This of course upset me in the fact that my dad wasn't happy, but elated me in the fact that I don't have to look at the step mother anymore. I don't like the step mother and the step mother HATES me. Oddly enough though I do like my step mother's family, especially her two little granddaughters who call us Aunt Lacey and Uncle Sean.

Now my step mother is a piece of work. My parents divorced while I was in college. I came home for spring break to find my stepmother in our house. Which was weird but oh well, she and my dad were consenting adults and it was my mother who packed her things and left. What was strange is that I noticed her clothes looked familiar because they were my mothers. My mom had left some things behind and my step mother to be was wearing them! Then she starts to call my mother who isn't the most stable individual herself and leaving all these messages like, "I get to be Mrs. H***** now." or "Gues what I am living in your house." So we are dealing with two menopausal women who weren't stable before hormone fluctuations began so you all can imagine how that went. Regardless to say none of this endeared my step mother to me. So in a way I am glad to see her go. He told me not to say a word to anyone, especially my mother. (Go figure) So, he already filed the other day so I feel like I can finally say something to someone.

So, here is the thing that is bothering me. I already sent out save the date cards to her family and friends that they wanted to invite to the wedding. Now I know that they won't be expecting an invitation after this. I certainly don't want them there. I know dad doesn't want them there. This is also shaving 10 people off of my guest list and saving me approximately $700. But **** it, I can't stand the break of etiquette. I know that Emily Post is going to haunt my dream for this. I'm not stable at this point in my life either (at least I have an excuse, I'm a bride.) Why is this bothering me, besides the fact that I like these people but not THAT well, if you know what I mean.

[CindySue]

That is a touchy subject. If you dont want to invite them to the wedding after this, then thats understandable. Its also your decision. You could always send announcements instead. That way theyre not actually at the wedding, but you dont have the feeling of leaving them "hanging".
And I wouldnt like someone that deliberately tormented my mother either. No offense, but she sounds like a worse :censored: than your FMiL! I really feel for you Lacey! Hang in there!

[Tiggerprincess]

OMG!!! How could she do something like that? If you feel umcomfortable w/ those certain people there than dont invite them..I mean My Lord!! The odasity of her!!! Hang in there sweetie you'll get through this...
Mrs. Champagne

[usahgrad]

Lacey, I have to point out to you that Emily Post and Miss Manners and all those other people who have written down the proper way to do everything from sign your thank you card to wipe you :censored: (which I'm still trying to figure out how that's going to be proper in a wedding gown) don't live real lives. They have the time to fold their dinner napkins into roses and make three course meals that would make Emeril look like MacDonalds. They also DEFINITELY DO NOT deal with divorce or any of the other very real issues that face people today. So, no offense to Emily Post and Miss Manners and all the other people but they can stuff a sock in it.

I'm using clear labels on my outer envelopes *gasp*. I just don't have the time to address all of them, nor the handwriting ability and I want them to look nice, so I'm going to do it in a nice script and then hand write the inside. Emily Post doesn't work 55 hours a week...I do. And I'm pretty sure Miss Manners wouldn't like my hot pink fuzzy slippers that will be my I-have-to-get-out-of-these-shoes footwear. She spends every day in high heels...I don't. I'm sure you get my point.

You don't want to invite them even though you've sent them save-the-date cards, then don't. If it really worries you, maybe you could send them a letter explaining that because of the divorce, you didn't feel it would be appropriate to have them at the wedding. Take that Emily Post. Good Luck...it definitely is a touchy situation. Hopefully the witch of a step-mother you have doesn't make a few phone calls to you to let you hear what she thinks of how you handle the situation.

[LaceyinPgh]

Lacey, I have to point out to you that Emily Post and Miss Manners and all those other people who have written down the proper way to do everything from sign your thank you card to wipe you :censored: (which I'm still trying to figure out how that's going to be proper in a wedding gown) don't live real lives. They have the time to fold their dinner napkins into roses and make three course meals that would make Emeril look like MacDonalds. They also DEFINITELY DO NOT deal with divorce or any of the other very real issues that face people today. So, no offense to Emily Post and Miss Manners and all the other people but they can stuff a sock in it.

I'm using clear labels on my outer envelopes *gasp*. I just don't have the time to address all of them, nor the handwriting ability and I want them to look nice, so I'm going to do it in a nice script and then hand write the inside. Emily Post doesn't work 55 hours a week...I do. And I'm pretty sure Miss Manners wouldn't like my hot pink fuzzy slippers that will be my I-have-to-get-out-of-these-shoes footwear. She spends every day in high heels...I don't. I'm sure you get my point.

You don't want to invite them even though you've sent them save-the-date cards, then don't. If it really worries you, maybe you could send them a letter explaining that because of the divorce, you didn't feel it would be appropriate to have them at the wedding. Take that Emily Post. Good Luck...it definitely is a touchy situation. Hopefully the witch of a step-mother you have doesn't make a few phone calls to you to let you hear what she thinks of how you handle the situation.

She wouldn't dare call me. I honestly think she is a little afraid of me. For some reason people find me to be very intimidating...I have no idea where that comes from.


I want to thank you girls for all your well thought out advice. I really don't think that it would be at all appropriate to invite them. In fact this will hep to aleviate so much stress since my mother and her family HATE my soon to ex stepmother and her family. So, not having a powder keg in my wedding is really no that bad of a thing.

Kelli, don't forget Miss Manners and Emily Post also pull cakes out of the oven fully frosted and have a string of pearls welded to their throats. That is why they always speak in such polite whispy tones.

[usahgrad]

Kelli, don't forget Miss Manners and Emily Post also pull cakes out of the oven fully frosted and have a string of pearls welded to their throats. That is why they always speak in such polite whispy tones.

I wish I had their talents...ok, not really.

[LizabethDavis]

Lacey, first let me say that for some reason, your posts always bring a smile to my face. Perhaps it is the intelligence and occasional sarcasm mixed together that fills my heart with warmth.

That being said, I hope you have come to peace with NOT inviting the family of the woman from :censored: . Certainly, none of us will think badly of you for not inviting them.

[LaceyinPgh]

Lacey, first let me say that for some reason, your posts always bring a smile to my face. Perhaps it is the intelligence and occasional sarcasm mixed together that fills my heart with warmth.

That being said, I hope you have come to peace with NOT inviting the family of the woman from :censored: . Certainly, none of us will think badly of you for not inviting them.

I'm not inviting them mainlu because I am not paying for them. Rules are rules because they can be changed due to extenuating circumstances. Think of "thoeries" in your science classes. The "theory of evolution" is just a wild guess that could be right. However, if there were wedding laws then they woul dbe set in stone kind of like the "law of gravity".

Thanks for the compliment by the way if I didn't have sarcasm I would have ot turn to sharp projectile objects and innocent people and cute fluffy animals could then get hurt.

[LizabethDavis]

I'm not inviting them mainlu because I am not paying for them. Rules are rules because they can be changed due to extenuating circumstances. Think of "thoeries" in your science classes. The "theory of evolution" is just a wild guess that could be right. However, if there were wedding laws then they woul dbe set in stone kind of like the "law of gravity".

Thanks for the compliment by the way if I didn't have sarcasm I would have ot turn to sharp projectile objects and innocent people and cute fluffy animals could then get hurt.

See. There is the intelligence and sarcasm rolled into one again! Love it. Glad you are not beating yourself up over this guest thing...well, except for your FMIL..who wants everyone and their brother at the shower!

[As You Wish]

I can not imagine that theses guests are expecting, or wish to attend. Even the Misses posts would not fault you for simply sending a wedding announcement. The intent of etiquette is to make people feel comfortable and welcome.