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View Full Version : I have a small dimlema!


rainbowtreat
12-29-2005, 10:58 PM
OK I will try and keep this short. One of my brides maids has been my best friend for 6 1/2 years now. Since I had my daughter. She is not the smartest girl but we get along great. Most of the time. She has been there for me and with all she has been through in the past year I am the only person who has stood by her and supported her through it all. Even when she ended up pregnant with my ex BF. OK this is what has happened.

Her and her husband split up and her and her FOUR kids ( ages 5, 3, and twin 2 yrs olds ) moved in with her mother. She complains about her mother and how she takes over the role as the parent but my freind lets her. And she is doitn nothing to get a place of her own and get out. Then she tells me she is pregnant and who by. she thought i was gonna hate her. Now i would have hated her if it was he who broke up with me but i did the gettign away. They are not a couple they were just freinds with "benefits". This was their agreement from the start. Well I knew somethign was up becasue she was not coming over or calling nearly as much as she normaly had. Latley I dont see her at all. The last time we actualy saw each other I said a few things she most likely didnt like. This man has put her in the hospitla because he kept pushign her for an abortion. She was so stressed she nearly lost the baby. So then he calls her while she is still in there and tells her that a friend of his off the net ( a girl ) told him my freind should have them deliver it and have it taken care of right then. He actaul called her and told her htis. I have let her know that this man is walking all over her. He is not telling any one at all that this has happened. He will not tell his mom untill the baby is born and put up for adoption. Another problem. My freind doesn't think she can do this. Even though she can barely deal with teh 4 she has she is not sure can give up a child. But yet she says nothign to this guy. I told her i will tell him for ya. She said i wish you would cause i can't. I did tell him when i saw him at the bar when i went out for a couple of drinks for my birthday. I told him she was keeping the baby. He calls her at 1 am and keeps her on the phone for 3 hours. She is pregnant and has to get up with kids in the mornign and he is stupid enough to do this. And of course she is as stupid for staying on the phone.

My problem is every time she talks to me about him she says that my name is always in their conversations. And not from her but from him. I told her i can see she is being stepped all over. She can't hide this pregnancy but it is ok for him to. You have to live with dealign with the questions and such but he can still go out and spend money on woman and drink and what not. While she is at home pregnant. This pisses me off. Relationship or not this is not right in my eyes. And she actually had the nerve to call him from my house. I went to the bathroom and i heard her say i didnt think you would answer when you saw the number. I said did you serously jsut call him from myhouse. She shut right up.

The last couple of times i saw her we didnt have much to say. I saw her step dad at walmart on christmas eve and told him to tell her i said hi.

She hasnet called or come over since we spoke about what went on at the bar. He had told her i was jealous and every time he looked my way he said i was watchign him with the girl. The ONLY reason i was looking for himwas because i wanted to tell him what i had to say. If i had had a few more drinks i would have said a hell of alot more. He also told her that he didnt go home with the girl that he is now here talking to you ( meaning my friend) again playing with her mind.

OK so much for this being short but i am sorry. It has been a total of 3 weeks now and i have not heard from or seen her. I know it goes both ways i could call but if i do i am afriad i will end up B****ing at her.

So do i plan with wedding without her in it? I dont realy even want to talk to her right now. This guy is most likely filling her head with a bunch of ****. I dont see how she can do whti but if so then i guess it will be so. The worse part is her daughter and my daughter are best friends. They are 6 months aprt in age and have been friends since brith just about. And my daughter has been asking for her ALOT. I hate to not let her see her but i dont want to deal with her mother at the moment. What do i do?

Sorry it was so long, rambled a bit. I could have said alot more and i am sure it is a bit out of order.

usahgrad
12-30-2005, 09:26 PM
Well, so much for your small dilemma...sorry, trying to lighten the mood.

This is heavy. Let me tell you what I would do in your situation. One, I would call her and do my best to keep from bitching at her, but at the same time, tell her what I thought about the whole scenario (of course, said phone conversation could solve your problem if she tells you she doesn't want to be in the wedding, but I don't see that happening). The next thing I would do would be to keep planning the wedding with her in it. BUT I wouldn't do this without talking to her first. Bring up the wedding even, that's what I did with my sister. Worse comes to worse, at the end of planning, if she backs out, you cut out a bridesmaid. So some lucky bm ends up with two escorts. ;) Don't stress about this too much. I'm sure, if she really is a good friend, that things will work out. You just have to talk to her. I know it's going to be hard to control yourself (I'm quite the pistol myself--trust me, I really do know) but just try to talk things over reasonably with her.

Good luck!

bnd94
12-31-2005, 08:40 AM
Well Kelli gave some great advice and there really isn't anything for me to add. Except well put Kelli! ;)

You don't need to apologize though I know we all do when our posts get a little longer than we expected, but that is what we are all here for. To help eachother out.

She probably just has a lot on her mind right now like Kelli said I would call her. You may have both said some things you shouldn't have but I am sure she could use a friend right now. I hope everything works out!

CindySue
01-02-2006, 12:20 PM
I agree with Kelli, I would talk to her first. And I know it would take everything i had to not start bit**ing, but I would try.
Will having her in the wedding make it a difficult day for you? If so, then CUT HER OUT!!!! This is YOUR day and no one should be there that makes you uncomfortable.

rainbowtreat
01-02-2006, 05:14 PM
Well I have not tried calling her yet. Not sure if waiting will make it easy not to ***** at her but I feel like that is all I will do. No the day would not be ruined either way. If she is there great if not the other girls will be. The other friends have always been loyal and I have never had any reason to be mad at them. I dont fight with my firends but this girl has done way too much. I have forgiven her for things in the past that maybe I shouldnt have. Like forgetting my daughter at school and daycare when she was responsible for picking her up. Not once but twice this has happened. It took all I had but I got over that and forgave her after she told me how sorry she was. I did give her a piece of my mind and i almost did not forgive her till this "guy" she is pregnant by talked to me and I listened. But I have a life. I work 40 hours a week and if you include the drive time before and after with dropping and picking up the kids then it is more like about 45 or 46 hours. Then I have the family things. I want to spend time with my FH and my kids and some times get a free moment for myself in there somewhere. She does not work and lives at her moms. If she wants to throw away the one true friedn she has ever had then by all means go for it. I have my life and I can get by without her. Am I hurt by it yes. But I will be ok. I have the best friend ever in my FH and my other friends , who none live near me but one, are a hell of alot better at keeping in touch then she is. I will survive without her and i know once i make that phone call that she will have excuses and say a bunch of s**t to try to make it all better. In our last convosation she said if i am going to loose you over this guy then it is not worth it. But what has she done? So no i have not talked to her yet. Cant bring myself to call her. I will let ya know when i decide to.

rainbowtreat
01-07-2006, 11:07 PM
OK after Nicholas told me tonight that this friend of mine walked right by him at the Irvings Station on New Years Eve I had to talk to her.

We went to her house. I felt it would be easier then the phone for me.

She said she has been busy working and dealing with the guy that got her pregnant and just life has been crazy. I of all people can understand about life being crazy. But there is more to it she is not telling me. I know this girl and have for the past 6 1/2 yrs now.

I said that to her and she said there was nothing else.

Nicholas tried to get us to make up, just him being him and saying I have to live with her and listen to her ***** about what is going on with you too. Then he backed away from me. He was just joking around trying to lighten the mood. You would have to know him to understand. I am the same way. The way he and I joke around some one might think we hate each other but then again it is all done with smiles and laughs. OK I am getting way off track here sorry lol.

Not alot was said between us just what needed to be said. She tried making the exuse that she left a message on my cell phone just before Christmas. I told her I haven't had any time on my cell in 2 months. I told her she knew my number and she came back with you were at work. But again I got her on that one to. I said to her how many times have you left me a message that starts with I know you at work but... . She said a million times. So no excuse worked for her. She asked if i had tried calling her. I said I told you before I wont call here any more ( she lives with her mom ) that every time i call i always get the answering machine and you never get my messages and never call me back. I left without the usual hug we give to each other. Nicholas told her to hug me but she said she is still mad. I just said lets go and we left. I did tell her to call. I also told her I have 5 months to plan this wedding and i am doing it on my own cause she is not there to help me.

One other thing she said was that her and " the guy" have met with adoptive parents twice and have a third meeting with them this week. I kept my mouth shut but bitched on the way home. How can she even think of meeting with these people if she dosent know if she can hand this baby over when the time comes. It is not fair to them at all. To get their hopes up like that. That is just wrong in my book. But that is just me. I know she wants to find a way to keep this baby but this guy is pushing her and she never says anythign to him about how she feels she just lets him talk and she just nods her head in agreement. It pisses me off.

OK sorry i went off there for a few mins. I am off now to enjoy a night without kids with my BABY. He is waiting to watch a movie, well we will try to watcht it that is.

bnd94
01-08-2006, 08:55 AM
That is too bad Gwen! At least you tried and really that is all you can do. I hope she calls you. Hope your movie was good too.................Bet you have no idea what that movie was about!!! LOL!!:bblol: