Guests without a significant other

[Jenn060306]

Ok this is a kinda tricky thing i'm trying to sort out what is better to do. I'm wondering if any of you have done this, or been to a wedding where they have done this.

I know typically when you send an invitation to a guest that is not married you invite them to bring a guest. But i have heard that a way to control your numbers is to not invite a guest of your single guest. Just that person unless they have been in a serious relationship.

I'm kinda pondering this idea. I would really like to invite all my friends and their dates (who i could possibly have never met, and may never again). But i'm worried about my numbers.... we are already over the budgeted number of guests we can afford. :(
I kinda don't like the idea, but really think i need to weigh all my options and have some more information before Mark and i make a final decision on our guest list.
:bbconfused:

Thanks!

[usahgrad]

I'm doing that. There are definitely some people that will not have "and guest" attached to their invitation simply because if everyone brought a guest we'd fill the hall to maximum capacity and not have anywhere to dance...and I WANNA DANCE! :bbmrgreen:

There are some people we know, without a doubt, wouldn't be coming with a guest. There are others that I'm not inviting to bring their guests simply because they still live with their parents and their invitation is going to the family, not the family and their guests (this is my cousins, primarily, it will be interesting to see how many guests show up anyways). Others a guest is necessitated simply because they're married to them, or have been with them for a long time and I wouldn't expect them not to bring them. I guess it all depends on the person. Good luck though, this could be a touchy subject either way...

If someone has a problem with it, you could always try to explain to them that if they brought a guest someone who was really important to you may have to be cut off the guest list to make room...guilt ALWAYS does the trick. :)

[WebLady]

I wouldn't want to invite people I didn't know or people I have never met and will likely never see again. I don't think there is anything wrong with not inviting the "guest" but even if you address the invite the "right" way there may be some people that may bring a date anyway.

Best of luck,

~ WebLady :)

[Hayz]

I haven't used "and Guest" in any of my invitations (which we posted today :D ). If the person we are inviting has a long term partner then their name was put on the invitation too but if our guest is single then only their name was put on the invitation. We know most of the partners anyway so thats good cos I don't want too many strangers at our wedding, and the ones that are single know other people that we are inviting so at least they will have others to talk to during the dance.
It also is helping to keep the numbers down.

[ikkin510]

We are doing the same thing. IF they have been seeing someone for a long time they are invited. We have such a small budget and we need to keep the numbers down, it's just something we have too do. The only thing that I can't decided is when do you decide whether or not they have been together long enough or seem serious enough to invite? I have one friend who has long term relationships, they are just never completely serious.

[WebLady]

We are doing the same thing. IF they have been seeing someone for a long time they are invited. We have such a small budget and we need to keep the numbers down, it's just something we have too do. The only thing that I can't decided is when do you decide whether or not they have been together long enough or seem serious enough to invite? I have one friend who has long term relationships, they are just never completely serious.

I would just keep it to the 'partners' you know as well. I had a friend that has been with this guy for 3 yrs but I have never met him, I did invite both of them but she ended up not bringing him. But she also knew that we were keeping it to close friends and that our budget was tight. She said she figured he wouldn't know anyone anyway.

I had another friend (well actually it was my DH's friend) that is single and not in a committed/serious relationship and we didn't invite him to bring a guest ... he called and asked if it was ok for him to bring a date, so we let him.

We had a couple of people get sort of mad that we said no kids, so they just didn't come ... that was fine with me ;)

LOL ... OK, I don't know if that helped at all ;)

~ WebLady :)

[Jenn060306]

Thanks.... this is great help. I haven't spoken to much to Mark about this idea. So we'll see what happends.
I'm just a bit worried about having people upset with me or offended. :bbconfused:

[WebLady]

Thanks.... this is great help. I haven't spoken to much to Mark about this idea. So we'll see what happends.
I'm just a bit worried about having people upset with me or offended. :bbconfused:

I wouldn't worry too much with offending people ... it is YOUR wedding and you (and/or your family) are paying for everything you should have things your way. These people are suppose to be friends and family and if they don't understand then they are the ones in the wrong. At least IMO.

We had some friends and family we didn't invite and some people made comments about wishing they could have been there but that they understood that we had to keep it small.

We sent announcements to like everyone we knew and let them know that we were getting married but that the wedding was going to be very small and intimate and only close family was going to be invited. Then our reception party was after the honeymoon and only for our close friends.

Best wishes,


~ WebLady :)

[Tiggerprincess]

I wouldnt worry about it Hun..I definately CANNOT afford people bringin guests..I love m yfriends but the expense is a little too much for me to handle..We cannot even afford a honymoon right now..It is not a crime to not invite their guests too..
Mrs. Champagne

[usahgrad]

So what do we do when someone we didn't plan on having a guest "reads the envelope wrong" as it was put and RSVPs for a guest anyways? That's my fear. I don't want to have to turn around to someone and say, "I'm sorry, I really wasn't planning on you bringing a guest." How do you handle that situation? Do you just squeeze that person into your budget?

[WebLady]

So what do we do when someone we didn't plan on having a guest "reads the envelope wrong" as it was put and RSVPs for a guest anyways? That's my fear. I don't want to have to turn around to someone and say, "I'm sorry, I really wasn't planning on you bringing a guest." How do you handle that situation? Do you just squeeze that person into your budget?

Yeah that is a rough one ... as far as 'etiquette' I think it is best to spread the word about no 'guests' by 'word of mouth' and hope that your guests know 'how' to read an invite ;)

~ WebLady :)

[Jenn060306]

Thats a good question usahgrad. I hadn't thought of that either.

Mark and i talked about the whole idea tonight, and we're wondering how long someone has to be seeing someone for it to be considered long enough. Then also there is the question of people who weren't invited to bring a guest being annoyed about people who are in a longer term relationship who were invited to bring a guest.
I think we are just going to invite our friends to bring a guest. For the most part they will all come together and not bring someone. But we really don't have too many single friends anymore.
I really hate conflict, it makes me sick to my stomic. So i think this will be the best way for us at this time. Thanks for everyones thoughts. I just don't know that it is right for me. :bbconfused:

[usahgrad]

Mark and i talked about the whole idea tonight, and we're wondering how long someone has to be seeing someone for it to be considered long enough. Then also there is the question of people who weren't invited to bring a guest being annoyed about people who are in a longer term relationship who were invited to bring a guest.

My basic rules are this:

1. If they are male and live at home with their parents, sorry, no guest (I know, that's sexist, but it's different for girls than it is for guys; it's still ok for a woman to live at home until she's married, it wasn't really ever ok for a man to live at home until he's married...no offense guys).
2. If I (or Jason) don't know they're in a relationship, sorry, no guest.

That pretty much narrows it down enough for me. Hope this helps.

[rainbowtreat]

For us the guest list wont be so big any ways. So if some oen was to bring a guest it would not be a problem. The hall is huge, bigger then we realy need. And it is a pot-luck so I dont have to worry about nto having anough food or needing to pay for more plates. And the ceremony is outside and every one will be standing so again no worries about not having enough seats. But I can see where there would be problems. But remmeber also there will be a few guests who may not be able to make it so having one or two of your guest bring some one may not be that big of a problem. but as every has said it is up to you and your man to decide how your going to deal with it all.

As for men living at home till they are married........ MY FH was livign at home till he moved up here with me. He moved back after collage to help with the house bills. Made life easier for him and his mom. It was just him and his mom all his life. His dad has not been in the picture for a very long time. And the BY I had a couple of years ago still lived with his mom and little sister. Again no dad in the picture. My friends had asked me about it. Two guys still livign at home with their moms, whats with them. I see nothign wrong with it but maybe your thinking of a different situation then i am speakign of.

[usahgrad]

As for men living at home till they are married........ MY FH was livign at home till he moved up here with me. He moved back after collage to help with the house bills. Made life easier for him and his mom. It was just him and his mom all his life. His dad has not been in the picture for a very long time. And the BY I had a couple of years ago still lived with his mom and little sister. Again no dad in the picture. My friends had asked me about it. Two guys still livign at home with their moms, whats with them. I see nothign wrong with it but maybe your thinking of a different situation then i am speakign of.

It is a different situation and I meant no offense by what I said. After my father died and my brother got over his first wave of anger at my mother (he was my father's child, not my mother's) he moved home to help out with us. Let's just say, he wasn't the best babysitter...I have a very clear memory of being tossed across the living room one day. I landed on the couch, got up and ran back to him to get tossed again...lol. But he was what my mother could afford at the time. My father had a lot of debt to pay off.

The situation I'm talking about directly refers to my cousins. The eldest, who is 27 was living at home with his parents until just recently. The only reason he moved was because he finally realized that Michigan is not hiring teachers. They haven't been hiring teachers for years...but he's too much of a bonehead to figure that out. I love my family, but, especially on my father's side, we have VERY thick skulls! Their second oldest son, who is 24 or 25 is still living at home and they are in the process of building on an addition so his bedroom isn't in the basement. Their youngest son, who's my age (they have a daughter after all the boys), still lives at home even though he rents out a house with a friend.

Why do they all live at home? They don't have to pay for anything. The youngest son says it's for the free food. If they are that immature that they have no problem taking advantage of their parents like that, then I have no problem telling them they can't bring a guest. Those are the boys living at home that I was referring too. Not the men who live at home to help out the family in one way or another.

Sorry, off my soapbox now...

[ikkin510]

I understand where both of you are coming from with the men living at home issue. My FBIL is 29 and lives at home. He would rather go out and spend him money on what he wants, like hockey tickets, video games and going out every night. He isn't there because of free food since he goes out to eat everyday, and not to just fast food places. He goes to nice resturants with his friends. He never helps out with anything at the house and doesn't see why he should have to contribute towards the bills. Basicly, he just wants a free place to live so he can live his life the way HE wants without the added burden of a lot of bills.
On the other hand, FH still lives at home also. We were taught that you don't live together before marrage. Although both of us see the pluses to living together before (he spends all his time at my apartment anyway!) we figure it's not big deal to not live with each other right now. He is only a 3 minute drive from my apartment and it keeps the parents in a good mood too! Any how (off subject!) He moved back home after college to help his dad out with his business (he use to own a fuel business). Shortly after he moved back his dad had to sell the business for health reasons. He had 2 heart attackes and needed a couple back surgeries. He is not able to work now, so FH stays there to help with the bills. He also does a LOT around the house since his dad can't do much because of his back. Honestly, his parents would be a little better with money of all the kids moved out (he also has a younger sister who is living at home too. She is getting married in August.) But they don't want to charge the kids money to live there (FMIL loves having the kids in the house!) So FH stays to help any way he can. Sometimes it amazes me how completly opposite he and his brother are!