Confused About The Wedding Party

[TangoWedding]

I'm really a moron when it comes to wedding stuff. Growing up, I never daydreamed of getting married, I never planned my future wedding...as a matter of fact, if you'd have told me a year ago, I'd be planning my wedding, I would have laughed in your face.

Needless to say, I don't know anything about anything, other than what I've learned in the last month of planning. :grinhappy:

So. I just saw someone say they have a maid of honor AND a matron of honor. I just assumed that was the same thing.

What DOES a maid of honor do? A matron of honor? Do bridesmaids have duties?

I'm just curious. We're not having a maid of honor OR a best man....just 2 bridesmaids/groomsmen on each side. I don't really know what to do with them other than say "here, wear this dress and stand there when I say my vows." :bbredface: And, honestly, we're just having them because you're supposed to. I don't have any real REASON to have them....I don't think.

And what about the guys? What do they typically do for the groom?

I was going to have my bridesmaids help me with my DIY projects, but I'm having so much fun doing it myself, I don't want them to help. LOL

I'm just confused. What IS the point of the wedding party?

:notsure:

[bichonlvr]

I am the one with both...a Maid of Honor is an UNmarried woman kinda like the "leader" of the girls! I am having both because I really want my BF to be my MOH, but I have a sister so I just made them Co-MOH's! As for the men...you have a Best man and groomsmen..again the BM is the "leader" Your "leaders" sign as your witnesses.

Your BP is there to help with wedding things...I look at it as your support system. The stand up with you and basically get you there!

I am only have 2 MOH and 2 BM! The rest of my BP are Lei greeters and ushers!

Generally, your MOH will throw you a bacherloette party and you BP wil have a shower for you!

[Smashingpennies]

Maid of Honor is an unmarried woman, usually a sister or best friend or someone you are close to. Matron of Honor is a married woman, again usually a sister or best friend or someone your close to. A wedding party can really be anything you want it to be. We didn't do the maid or matron of honor thing at our wedding; we just had brides maids and one of my sisters was married so tecnically she would have been the matron of honor if I had one. They are there to plan your bachlorette party( sorry about the spelling) and help you in any way that you want them to. We didn't to a bachlore or bachlorette party, we just had too much going on to do one. But there is no wrong or right way to do things. We did have a reciving line and we did the brides maids first, my grandmother my parents then us and then his parents and then the groomsmen which happened to be my Brothers, brother in law and at the time my future brother in law. The best thing in my honest opinion is to keep things simple.

[KMS]

I'm aslo having matron of honor and a maid of honor. I did this because they are sisters and my 2 best friends (one will be married by my wedding) and I didn't want to choose. I took the easy way out. lol.

I think that a bridal party is whatever you want them to be. A few members of my bridal party have gone wedding shopping with me and I've asked for opinions via email as well. I don't know if they will plan any bridal or bachelorette parties for me. Traditionally they do, but tradition isn't really a big deal to me.


Here's what BridesmaidAid.com has to say:

MOH
Being the maid-of-honor is like being bridesmaid extraordinaire-congratulations! But what does that mean and what do you need to do? Here's the 411:
1. Above all else, you are the ringleader of all the bridesmaids. It is YOUR job to make sure they do everything that is required of them, from getting their dresses to showing up on time. What's the best way to do this? Send out e-mail reminders with all the pertinent information to all of the bridesmaids on a regular basis. That way they can't say you didn't tell them about a particular detail. It is also quick and efficient; no need to call and repeat information to each and every 'maid.
2. You are also the liason between the bride and everyone else who might want details, ranging from inquisitive guests who want to know where the couple is registered, to random relatives who might corner you at a shower or engagement party and ask for other information. So, be sure to stay informed.
3. Help the bride with WHATEVER she needs you for. Some brides rely more heavily on their MOH than others, requiring their assistance (and hand-holding, and comforting words or gushy praises) for everything from picking out gift registry items to looking for bridesmaid dresses. By the way, if you do accompany the bride when she chooses the dresses, think of your bridesmaid compatriots, and encourage the bride to choose something flattering.
4. Throw a pre-wedding shower and bachelorette party. This is a biggie, and is where lots of MOH's feel helpless. No need to despair! Simply ask the bride, in a friendly way, what she would like. Maybe she wants a big shower, maybe she wants a small one. Maybe she doesn't even want one at all (Lucky you...). Respect her wishes and then plan the best bridal shower and/or bachelorette party you can (click here (http://bridesmaidaid.com/party/index.html) for our party-planning advice).
5. You also have to attend all other wedding-related events, such as engagement parties and a rehearsal dinner. No excuses!
6. On the Big Day, it is YOUR repsonsibility, again, to make sure all bridesmaids are present and accounted for. During the ceremony itself, you'll probably be called on to hold the bride's bouquet or adjust her train, for example. And, before the ceremony begins, you may be the one enlisted to help the bride deal with layers and layers of satin when she needs to use the ladies' room. Aren't you glad she picked YOU for this honored role?
7. Look out for the bride! Make sure she has something to eat, something to drink, and hand her a napkin to wipe her brow when if she glistens during the dancing. And, if any problems of any kind arise, help her deal with it. This is YOUR job more than any of the other bridesmaids.
8. Give a toast (this may happen at the rehearsal dinner rather than the reception, but in either case it will happen at the same time the best man gives his speech). Not sure what to say? Nervous and tongue-tied? Keep it short and sweet and from the heart. If you're no comedian, stay clear of fall-flat jokes, and just say how happy you for the couple, and relate some endearing stories about how they met, when you first met the groom, etc. And most importantly, use good judgement in relating potentially embarassing tales. If you question whether it's appropriate or not, it probably isn't.
9. Be a shoulder for the bride to lean on. Even though this is the happiest occasion in her life, she may occasionally be stressed out, angry, teary, what have you....Do your best to comfort (and humor) her. Remember, she loves you and counts on you, and that's why she picked you in the first place!

BRIDESMAID
A bridesmaid has many functions, but first and foremost you are there to make the bride happy and give her support throughout the engagement, the wedding planning, and the wedding itself. Many a bride becomes a teensy-weensy bit self-absorbed once the ring slides onto her finger. Brides tend to forget that while they're 100% immersed in planning a wedding, the rest of the world is not. Try to be enthusiastic and inquisitive and understand. Remember that this is an exciting time in her life and that cards and email are simple, great ways to show you care without having to engage in a 45 minute conversation about seating charts or mini-quiches.
Typically, your responsibilities as a bridesmaid will include:


Helping the maid-of-honor plan and throw the bridal shower.
Attending all wedding-related events such as engagement parties, showers, luncheons, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, next-day brunch, and, oh yeah...the wedding.
Buying engagement, shower, and wedding gifts. (gift ideas (http://www.bridesmaidaid.com/gifts/index.html))
Buying a bridesmaid dress and matching shoes (at your own expense).
Arranging travel plans to and from all events, including car rental, hotel reservations, and taxis (at your own expense).
Attending a bridesmaid lunch the day before the wedding.
Attending the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
Arriving at the wedding site early.
Attending and participating in the wedding.
Doing items 1 - 9 without any complaining and with a big ol' smile on your face at all times! Click here for some special big day reminders (http://www.bridesmaidaid.com/reminders/index.html) that will make you the shining star of the bridal party!

[KMS]

Groomsmen

A groomsman is first someone who is important to the groom, and whom the groom wants to be a visible part of his wedding. He may be a close friend, brother, cousin or father. These days, he may even be a she; more men are asking female friends to be part of their attendants (although they are usually called honor attendants, rather than groomsmen, and can wear a dress rather than a tux).

But a groomsman does more than stand around and look pretty. He also serves as advisor to the groom beforehand, helps the groom be organized, aids with any wedding planning details he can, and helps seat guests at the wedding.


While a groom will want to have his best buddies and the men in his life that means the most to him, he should also make sure that he has a group that is responsible enough to handle their duties, or at least one person willing to pick up the slack for the others.

A groomsman:

Supports the groom, advises him, listens to any pre-wedding nervousness
Assists the groom in picking out what the groomsmen are going to wear
Either gets measured at the formalwear shop or promptly sends his measurements to them, and offers to pick up and return the suits.
Goes to all pre-wedding events, including engagement parties, any coed showers, bachelor party, and rehearsal dinner.
Helps to plan and pay for the bachelor party
With the bridesmaids, helps decorate the getaway car
Gives a wedding present, and often an engagement present
Helps the groom relax and get dressed on the day of the wedding
Unless the groom has separate ushers and groomsmen, shows guests to their seats at the ceremony.
The best man frequently holds the ring during the ceremony
Dances with bridesmaids and single female guests at the wedding.
Helps carry away gifts and personal items after the weddingThere is a considerable expense involved in being a groomsman, including cost of apparel, travel, and hotel room for the ceremony, hosting a bachelor party, as well as the gifts.

A groomsman should have these expenses in mind when he accepts the honor and be up front with the groom about what he is and isn’t able to afford. Once he has agreed to be a groomsman, however, he shouldn’t complain about the cost. Possible ways a groomsman can save money include:

asking to wear a suit he already owns
renting his tux
staying with friends rather than in a hotel room
throwing a casual bachelor party (perhaps a barbeque at a local park?)
and asking other groomsmen to band together to give a joint present
A groom may choose to have separate groomsmen and ushers. This generally is only when a groom feels he has too many friends for them to all stand at the front of the church, or if the bride only has a few attendants. In this case, the ushers’ duties are largely the same as the groomsmen. They may not attend as many of the events, and may not be dressed as formally.

[TangoWedding]

Oh yeah, missmess! That was you! :D


:bbeek: I never even THOUGHT about married/unmarried. Hahha! I suppose that makes sense now that I think about it. Duh.

Thanks. :grinhappy:


We're not doing a LOT of traditional stuff, though, I guess.

No MOH/BestMan...no ring bearer/flowergirl...no bouquet toss/garter flip...no candle-lighting or sand...no father/daughter or mother/son dance...our 'first dance' will be sometime in the middle of the party and will be a tango...I'm walking down the aisle by myself...no "here comes the bride" music...no old/new/borrowed/blue stuff...no toasting (unless it's impromtu)...no receiving line...

Basically, we're saying our vows (which we're writing), and then people will eat and dance.

You're right....we're ALL about keeping it simple. We just want to hang out. And, of course, DANCE! :winktongue:

[TangoWedding]

:rofl:

Holy moly, KMS! I posted that the same time you were posting all that info. That's awesome, thanks!!

:grinhappy:

[bichonlvr]

Oh yeah, missmess! That was you! :D


We're not doing a LOT of traditional stuff, though, I guess.

No MOH/BestMan...no ring bearer/flowergirl...no bouquet toss/garter flip...no candle-lighting or sand...no father/daughter or mother/son dance...our 'first dance' will be sometime in the middle of the party and will be a tango...I'm walking down the aisle by myself...no "here comes the bride" music...no old/new/borrowed/blue stuff...no toasting (unless it's impromtu)...no receiving line...

Basically, we're saying our vows (which we're writing), and then people will eat and dance.

You're right....we're ALL about keeping it simple. We just want to hang out. And, of course, DANCE! :winktongue:

We are doing the same thing...nothing traditional at all...our readings are from the velveteen rabbit and a scotish prayer...since this is where we are going on our HM! We are not even doing dancing...we are doing a cocktail hour and then a LUAU!! Should be a blast! You will have a great time too because it is your day!!!

[bichonlvr]

WOW!!! KMS you are on it :)

[TangoWedding]

...our readings are from the velveteen rabbit


I LOVE this. :D

[bichonlvr]

My FH has 2 kids...his daughter is 9 and she will do this reading and then we have the book and bunny to give to her! I LOVE IT TOO!!!

[KMS]

Velveteen Rabbit....that's too wonderful! So sweet. I would just love to see that!

[Elly_N_Joe]

I'm just having a matron of honor, my sister n law. I feel that all the bridesmaids are just as special, but the reason I chose Jess as my Matron of Honor was because through everything she has been there. When Joe and I fought I went to her... so I feel that having her there is an honor to me. :worm:

But really it's your wedding so you can do whatever you want!! (gosh that sounds so Bridezilla!)