engagement party/registry questions

[EarlyBird]

Okay- i have read a ton of things on this but cant seem to get a complete answer.

We are having an engagement party- it will be fairly big. My parents are having it catered at a hall with a theme and everything. Alot of different Etiquette says that you should do your gift registry BEFORE the engagement party- but personally i dont want people to feel like we are pushing for gifts because the truth is- WE DONT NEED OR WANT THEM !!!! and it will definatly seem like we are askin for gifts cuz the wedding is in 09

I spoke with a wedding planner we were thinking about using and basically picked her brain and she said "people are not going to come to a party empty handed, might as well pick what you want" and she also said that the reason i should register is because my shower will not be until 2009 b/c our wedding date is 09 and since my engagement party is the end of this year it would be perfectly fine to register and people wont feel like they are doing nothing but buy us gifts

okay with that being said, i am still uncomfortable with doing this and actually letting people know."
However, as people have been finding out that we are doing the party i keep getting the question "what do you want, where are you registered" and i polietly say, we dont want gifts.

Heres the question, should i reigister and not let anyone know? Keep it on our website and if people come across it and want to use the registry they can?

We just moved and bought our first home and we are completely furnished and stocked with brand new everything. this just all seems like its alot of BS and I dont understand why it is so difficult.

[WebLady]

While I have never been to a big engagement party, I think most people would expect to give gifts at the shower further down the road.

Although some people bring small host/hostess gifts to big parties, like wine or something; but that would mean gifts for your parents.

But if you want to register I don't see a problem with it, I just wouldn't make a big deal over it. Like you said, put it on your wedding site and if people see it and use it then great :)

[Panthers Bride]

Wow, I didn't even know gifts were given at engagement parties, so I don't know the question. Are you doing invites?

something you might want to do is put on your website/invites/word of mouth, is state that rather than gifts -- charitable donations can be made in you and FH name. That's what we're doing as well as our registries.

[EarlyBird]

To answer the question, yes invites are going out and some people from out of town will be attending. Therefore it is a pretty big party and all, but i would rather someone bring hostess gifts for my mom and dad. They have done soo much already and this whole process is just beginning.

i guess like someone else said ill register, put it on my website and if people see it great, if not, oh well, and ill also put on there about the donations. i think we both agreed we were going to give something out of the wedding money to the cancer society (all our g-parents have died from it)
If we get any money from the engagement party maybe we will do something for our parents instead :) take them to an awesome dinner or something.

thanks for everyone's help.