My aunt is driving me crazy !

[KaryneFromNormandy]

Gosh, she is driving me insane !

Let me tell you a bit more ... I don't have my parents anymore and I find myself organizing the wedding by myself. That's ok as I don't need help other than ideas I can get from this forum :)

My aunt insists on taking a day trip to Paris to do some wedding related shopping ... Like finding a dress for me and a tux for my boyfriend ... The thing is we want a simple wedding and I have decided not to wear a gown/dress. I will buy what I'm gonna wear by myself on a catalog or in a store but I don't need anyone to go with me. It's not like picking a dress with your own mother, you see what I mean ?
She called me today and mentioned that trip to Paris once again ... as it was a long distance call I didn't use the opportunity to tell her it won't happen.

She also "offered" for her husband and her to take us to the City Hall Altar ... but we didn't ask anything ! My bf and I had decided - since we both don't have our parents anymore - to arrive together. She seemed so happy and I was so surprised that I didn't know what to say. I just said we would see later ...
My aunt is a nice person but overprotective and wants to decide everything for everybody ... Also, you say "black", she will say "white".
Plus - sorry for him - but her husband is as smart as a water bucket and I've never been close to him. I don't see myself arriving at the Altar at his arm ...

I also have rethought about the whole wedding and made a few changes recently, which she doesn't know about yet. Like we will do a lunch instead of a diner, and we are cancelling the dancing part. I know she is going to criticize my choices !

I know she means well but she is really driving me crazy wanting to decide things for our wedding and also wanting to take my mom's place. I like her but she will never be like a second mom to me. I can't tell her flat out because I don't like hurting other people's feelings but I want my wedding to be just like my bf and I have decided.

Do you have any advice for me so that everything goes smooth ? :)

[shelbyoliver]

Since your parents are gone she wants to be there like your parents would be. Like most parents she would want you to have a traditional wedding. Just because you dont have your parents doesnt mean you have to make your wedding any less nice. If all you really want is a simple wedding...Go for it!!! Let her know you appreciate her help but you really just want your wedding to be a simple one. Be ready to calmly defend your decision. Most people are very opinionated about what a wedding should be.

[KaryneFromNormandy]

Thank you for your reply, Shelby :)

The fact we don't have our parents doesn't mean our wedding has to be any less nice but it is true that our heart isn't into it as much as it was when we talked about the wedding to my parents. They passed away last year and we canceled our wedding which was supposed to be in June 07.

We realized that many people haven't kept in touch with us since it happened and they have been crossed off from the invitations' list. I don't want to pay a meal for people who haven't had the decency or kindness to call me and at least ask me how I am doing ...

But all in all, we will have the wedding we want :) A bit simpler but still representing us well.

About my aunt, I am thinking about giving her things to do so that she lets go but I don't know if it will work ... It's hard to say no to someone that offers their help like that ...

[craigsbride0630]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can completely relate. My wedding is this Saturday and my Grandmother (who was basically my mother) was helping me plan it. Exactly 6 weeks before the wedding, on May 19, she died suddenly and I'm still having a hard time looking foward to my wedding knowing she's not going to be there. In fact for a while I was dreading it but my mother has spent a lot of money on this and it's just too late to cancel. I had never dealt with death or illness in my family before this and for her to pass away was mind blowing. If I had more time my FH and I would have definetely done things differently so my advice for you is to do exactly what you and your bf want to. You deserve it and just let your aunt know you appreciate her help and give her little things to do but just let her know that you really want to do this yourself, I'm sure she'll understand.

P.S. Since my grandma died we've had a few people bail out of the wedding "suddenly" including my only uncle in kentucky and his wife and son. It just really goes to show you who really cares about you. But you are blessed to have a man in your life who loves you and you can unite together in love. Hope this helps. Hugs!

[EarlyBird]

Now in no way do i know what its like to lose my parents or his, and i imagine the wedding thing is hard to do without them around. But... maybe in the past (if this is your mom or dads sister) they told their family that they would want you to be happy and healthy and continue your life in a way that made you sooo happy, even one day when they arent around. I know my parents have told my aunts and uncles this plenty.
Maybe your aunt is doing what she thinks is your parents will, especially since when they were alive the wedding was set and ready and things were going very traditional (or so the impression i got from the post) and now they feel like you wont be happy with the decision you have made. And hey, its your perogitive to be happy with anything you chose, i think you aunt is just a little toooooo pushy and takes her good intentions wayyyy out of line! but maybe they are truly just good intentions and you can give a little in the areas that arent SOOOO out of the realm of what you want.. maybe you could wear a simple white flowing dress so she feels its a little more wedding, and maybe even let her see it before the wedding :) and maybe you could do a dinner with her and her husband (i dont know if you planned on this) and go to your local bakery to get a cake so she feels it was still the wedding you would have shared with your parents!

[KaryneFromNormandy]

Thank you, girls ! It really feels good to see I'm understood :)
I have talked about it to my grandma (my aunt's mother) but she knows her daughter is pushy, she can't help me much in that department but I know she understands me so much and will give us support in what we want to do.

I have thought about inviting my aunt and uncle at the restaurant where we will have the wedding lunch so that they can try various menus with me. That is a good start with helping with the wedding without it being annoying to me ... Other than that, I don't know what I will ask her since most things are pretty much decided ...

Craigsbride, I'm really sorry about your grandma ... I know how importing mine is in my life and I can really understand your pain ...
I'm almost 100% sure that they can see us from above - I hope so - and I'm sure your grandma will be with you on that special day :)

Take good care, girls !

[EarlyBird]

As far as your aunt helping and not being annoying to you. i hate to tell you it will always be annoying because its not truly what you want. Im having a problem with my fmil like this. She wants to "help" with everything. Unfortunatley, its mostly "you shouldnt wear this, you'll regret this color, your cake should be this kind" UGH but i have learned a little goes a long way. She has just wanted to feel included so what i did is even though i had NOOO intention of picking the place she wanted, i went and looked with her. In the end it took an hour and a half out of my life, but it made her SOOOO happy you cant imagine.

good luck ;) hang in there

[KaryneFromNormandy]

Thanks for your reply, EarlyBird !

My aunt is exactly as you suggest, she's like "you shouldn't wear this" or "this color is awful", "you look like a potato bag" or "well, that's your choice but I wouldn't have chosen this or that and people will certainly feel like me" ...
Grrrrr !!

I think she wants to feel included so I'm thinking about things I can share with her but it's gonna be hard ... Checking out the restaurant and finding a nice menu can be a start but I can't let her decide anything about my theme or colors ...

I'll hang in there !

[shawnsgirl]

When you have the time to actually talk to her I would suggest doing this...

Tell her exactly what you want for your wedding. Tell her that you DO NOT want a traditional wedding. Tell her that you would much rather have a more intimate setting that isn't going to cost a bundle and make sure she knows this is about what you and your FH want. Hopefully she will get the clue but be firm and stand your ground but respectful to her as well.

I wish you luck with this and keep us posted!!