sick

[Doglover]

My OTHER cousin is 21, got pregnant and got married to her bf. When the baby was 5 weeks old my cousin was at work and her husband was watching the baby. When she came home frome work she changed his diaper and his butt had red hand prints on it. Her husband got so mad that he HIT their TINY TINY baby. He said he blacked out cause he was so mad or something. THAT is bull!!!!!!! He went to jail for a year and is getting out in 3 months. AND YES she is going back to him and they are still married. Everyone is so mad and can't even talk to her anymore. He has hit her too. And she has caught him cheating. She must have no self esteem AT ALL. She says everything is going to be fine when he gets out and that he is a good father. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[samantha01]

Whoah! I don't even have a good comment for that one. I mean, I see this all the time where I live. The woman get walked all over and keeps going back. I'll never understand.

[NicksBride]

That is really scary and sooo very sad! But that is the pattern of abusive relationships. They keep coming back and stating that they have changed. Its very scary. I just hope for the childs well being he has changed his ways. Makes me so sad to hear that!

[Doglover]

and now they plan to move away when he gets out. And all of her family says they will move he will hit her,shell come running back for help and no one will be there for her,just her baby. Everyone has tried to help her so much but she gets mad and says MEAN things and to stay out of her life. WOW! I can't talk to her anymore.

[woohoo2me]

abuse is a terrible thing, IN MY OWN OPINION (please dont get mad at me) you shouldnt get mad at her for the way she is acting. she could have had her life threatened or the life of her family. she may not want you involed because shes scared he will hit her more. whatever it is thats bothering her to make her think this is right, she needs the help, even if she keeps pushing away you should still be there for her.

[Doglover]

she lives in nebraska and i havent seen her in years but she just 'friended' me on myspace. Im not mean to her face or her space(lol myspace) but she calls everyone bi***** if they say one thing about him. Her brother said she could live with him and he would help her with she didn't go back with him but she said F you. He is still in jail and she goes and sees him like everyday. And works everyday all day to try to make ends meet then she leaves her baby with a sitter and goes to see her precious husband. It was in the paper and everything about her husband. I asked her if she was sure everything was going to be okay when he got out and she said yes he is a great father and she can't wait to "start over" with him. oh pleasee.

[woohoo2me]

maybe shes is crazy and thinks it will work out, i guess she believes in second chances.

[Doglover]

i don't...not when it comes to a kid. grrrrrrrrr. if anything happens to that kid she wouldn't call the police or anything anyways bc she was to protect him. I'll kill him!

[NicksBride]

In most abusive relationships where a child is involved it is very common for them to get back together. She wanst him to be changed so he will be for awhile. But he will go back, or by some grace he has changed by going to jail. But they need counseling in order to really make this work and make sure nothing else happens. With being in jail he will be on probation so hopefully he will be well behaved knwoing that. But as said before, she is probably scared for her life or her babies life if she says anything she rather then making her family suffer, she is making it easier for herself by pushing them away. Its so sad!!

[Doglover]

What should i say to her? I mean i think she is so wrong for putting her kid right back into that situation!! She doesn't talk to any of her family except her mom who is crazy and her little sister,who is crazy too. They are gothic (which isn't a problem) she was addicted to meth at one point and went to rehab.

[Goin2thechapel]

There really is nothing you can say to her that will make her change. As said earlier, this is the usual pattern in abusive relationships. He's an excellent con. I work with them all day long.

What I think is important to remember is that this IS her husband and they have a child together. It's the whole idea of "starting over" that she's scared of. I'd be willing to bet that she doesn't even truely love this guy she just feels it would be to hard for her to find someone else with a baby and an ex husband....It's much easier to stay in her situation than it is to divorce him and start over.

[woohoo2me]

maybe thats why shes a little off. i would wait to see. i know that sounds terrible but maybe he did change. like you said he blacked out.. (not an excuse though). maybe he plans on taking parenting classes and marig counsiling. but if this is still the situation afte ralert the athourities and the child will be put in foster care and the father will go abck to prison.

[Doglover]

he doesn't. He is moving her far away from her family so they can't interfere anymore....he is crazy. He has an anger problem. She says her dad needs to say he is sorry to her husband for interfereing and calling the police and stuff when he saw the babies butt. There is something wrong with both ofthem. She isn't scared of anything though.

[Dani]

My sister is in the same boat. Her husband has lowered her self esteem so bad, she doesn't see straight. Her older daugter (his step-daughter) and him got into a fight, she no longer lives at the house with them (she now lives with her biological father). They have twin 4 year olds, and he is no help when it comes to raising them. He is a money control freak, all they do is yell at one another (Poor kids!), she had an opportunity to get out, but again, they stay for the kids. I don't think they realize that the kids are better off without that mayhem, they just see it as a "father in the picture". I get so upset all the time cause of it, but I can't listen to it anymore from her cause nothing changes. (I don't mean to sound mean or anything, I love my sister, but if your not going to change anything, why b*****?)

[StaceyMc]

I think it's disturbing that her family said that if she moves and then comes running back, no one will be there for her, just her baby. (If I read that wrong, then I apologize).

As far as what you can do, just keep an open ear for her. She may need someone to lean on. Make sure that she knows that you're there for her. You never know. Lecturing or bad mouthing her husband is only going to make things worse. It doesn't surprise me that she gets angry and says mean things to her family if they're constantly on her about her husband. She may be reaching out to you for a reason.

[Doglover]

the person that said that to me is her brothers wife (they are the same age and just don't like eachother) But my cousin tells everyone to get out of her life and then a few days later shes like "can you watch Tatum so i go can see my husband" and everyone says no because how awful she treats them. She is only nice when she wants something. i donno. I havent seen or talk to this girl in person in like 5 years. But im gonna tell her on myspace if she needs anything to let me know or if she needs to talk. Is that mean of me to say? I don't want her to think i THINK something is wrong. BC she says nothing is wrong.

[NicksBride]

I think that is really nice to tell her that. She may need a friend through all of this and having a good ear to listen and talk to is always a nice thing to offer whether she acts on it is up to her of course

[Doglover]

She just told me that he did it bc he wasn't on his medication....? and that it was a long story. But i said that im here for her if she needs to talk..

[NicksBride]

That is sometimes a valid answer. My dad is on medication for aggression and for tempers. If he does not take that medication we used to have to hide from him. So I can kinda understand that, its scary. I hope she really does go and get some counseling or has someone to talk to, its not easy doing it alone.

[Doglover]

i dont think she will. But ill let you all know if she says anything else.