Please pray...

[lize566]

This is not wedding related, thankfully, but I feel like everything else in my life is falling apart around me and I can't stop it. First of all, I hate my job. And I mean with a passion. I often feel sick thinking about going to it and I'm not a happy person anymore b/c of it. I want to quit but I have bills and what not. I have been applying to jobs for like 2 months and I haven't been offered anything. The original plan was to stick it out until I found something, but yesterday my boss moved me AGAIN and now all I do is cover a department (I work at Kohl's, started in the 5 month Management trainee program, he basically kicked me out after 2 months with out giving me any other options, which was a move that came with a large paycut. I was still a supervisor just not as high up. Now I keep the pay but as far job duties I am as low as I can go) I didn't even really want to be in retail, but the business part was what I liked and now I have none of that. I'm frustrated and aggravated and don't know how much longer I can stick it out at Kohls. So needless to say I don't like my job on a good day and then the following happens (this is the big news, and what is really causing my life to crumble):

We found out Monday my brother's cancer is back after a year of remission. He got diagnosed with Hodgekins Lymphoma 3 years ago, and has had chemo radiation on 2 different occassions and a stem cell transplant. And now it's back. In totally different spots. I hate the way I feel about my life. I am generally happy and full of life, but now I jjust feel empty, like God has abandoned me. I don't want to stay at my job, probably b/c I feel like that is the one thing that is making me unhappy that I can control, but people keep telling me to stick it out and be strong. I don't want to, though. I honestly don't know how much more I can handle. And adding to all this, a year ago this month my best friend passed away then a week later my grandfather passed away. I still struggle with that and now all this! It has to get better, right?

Okay, I'm done. Thank you to all those who read this little meltdown!! Please just pray, or cross your fingers, or whatever you guys want to do, for me, my brother, and the rest of my family. I don't think I have ever needed it more!

[WebLady]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you :hug:

Try to stay positive and keep your chin up :)

[KMS]

Ouch you're going through a hard time right now. On the job front, I would keep on searching for a job as hard as you can so you can get the heck outta there. Sure sticking out situations is a great thing, but I think that there comes a time when you gotta call it quits. Work is an important part of life, but I don't believe (if there's any way that you can help it) that work should be a miserable situation...not for any amount of money.

I'm so so sorry about your brother. All I can give is my support. I remember how heartbreaking it was when my mom's kidneys failed just a few years after her first transplant. We all thought, "This cannot be happening again!". Against all odds (and as a last chance effort), my dad was a match and donated a kidney to her. She lived many more years and was able to see me graduate high school and meet Chad, who I'm now marrying. Even when it seems like all hope is gone, I've seen miracles happen. Keep your faith, though I know it's hard.

I'm sorry that this month brings about anniversaries of great sadness and loss for you. Some of those things never do get easier.

[samantha01]

Yes, keep your head up and continue to pray...pray..pray. I agree, that at some point you just have to call it quits when it comes to your job. I know you have bills to pay, and that makes it even harder. I would suggest to continue your search and switch if anything at all comes up. It has to be better then this place called work that is making you so depressed.
Try and keep a positive outlook for your brothers sake. That has to be a very difficult thing to go through and I'm not going to pretend I know what that feels like. So, just try and keep your spirits up.

[allysa04]

Oh, I am so so so sorry for all that you are going through. Losing your best friend, your grandpa, and now your spirit. Keep your chin up, things will get better. It can only get better at this point right? Just stick it out at work, for your bills, apply everywhere, and soon you will be offered a position. Just try to make the best of the situation. Your brother needs your happy little self now more than ever, so if for anything, keep positive for him. I will definitely be praying for you and your family.

[NicksBride]

oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you and your family!! I am so sorry you are going through with this! What an awful awful turn of events. Please take care of yourself and of course you and your family are in my thoughts!

[ger]

Aw, honey, all this sounds perfectly awful. Life is way too short to work in a job you hate. We spend too much time working to have to hate the job. I hope this turns around for you real soon.

I'll be praying for your brother. I hope things go really well with his treatment. Hang in there.

[lize566]

Thanks guys! I just don't feel like I can talk to my mom b/c she just gets upset about my brother (which I understand it just makes it difficult to talk to about it) and my dad and fiance, they just are as sympathetic, you know? They both understand, but are just like "go through the motions, you have bills, he will be okay" and that's just not what I need right now! I know I'm not on here as much as some of you, but I'm glad that I can come here and vent and know I will get support. That means a lot!! Thanks again. I'll try to keep you guys updated on both issues.

[dearlyloved]

I am surely praying for you right now!

I sent you a private message if you want to check it!

[SaralovesMike]

Good luck with the job situation. It's never easy going to work when you hate it so much. I know, I did that last year. Something will come along, just keep positive.

My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you and your family. Hang in there!

[mariaandmanish]

My heart goes out to you and your family. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I will keep up hope that your brother's health improves. I wish you luck finding a new job. Try your best to let go of as much frustration as possible until you find something new. Remembering that things will improve, and the longer it takes, the better situation you will find yourself in.

[Nekochanpurr]

I'm sorry so much is happening to you right now. :( Just remember no matter how hard it gets, God is still with you. I'll be praying for you on this end.

[RevMatty]

Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your loved ones

[hummingbird521]

I haven't read anyone else's responses so i hope i don't repeat any. first off let me say how sad i am to hear about your brother. my thoughts and prayers are going out to him.

about your job: let me say or ask this. if you quit wouldn't it be worse stress wise on you than sticking it out till something else came along? i ask this because at one time right after we married i loved my job but hated the long distance driving to it. so i quit. i hated being home and stressed over money much more than that drive had been. i am just saying to consider all of it before quitting. think about what you would feel like not working, bills still coming in, would you have enough to tide you over till you found somehting else? i hope you get it all worked out and things have a better outlook for you soon.

[lize566]

I haven't read anyone else's responses so i hope i don't repeat any. first off let me say how sad i am to hear about your brother. my thoughts and prayers are going out to him.

about your job: let me say or ask this. if you quit wouldn't it be worse stress wise on you than sticking it out till something else came along? i ask this because at one time right after we married i loved my job but hated the long distance driving to it. so i quit. i hated being home and stressed over money much more than that drive had been. i am just saying to consider all of it before quitting. think about what you would feel like not working, bills still coming in, would you have enough to tide you over till you found somehting else? i hope you get it all worked out and things have a better outlook for you soon.

First of all, thank you all for the responses!

In response to Treasia, I would be working, just not making as much as I am now. Even at my current job, I am not making as much as I need to be, so after looking at some of the jobs I have applied to too and doing some figuring, it would be tight for a few months but we could make enough to cover the bills. And it would just be until I got a call from Humana, the company I want to work at but is taking FOREVER to interview. I've had phone interviews, and I know a couple of managers who are going to get me an interview. Am I making sense lol i'm tired. I've come to the conclusion that while money is a necessity, life is to short to be this unappy. I worked today and I managed, but I still feel sick over the thought of going back again. Hopefully something will happen tomorrow while I am off. I am still not sure what I want to do, but I am working on putting the situation in Gods hands and hopefully I will have some clarity soon. Thanks again everybody!

[Viajar]

I have this site saved on my toolbar so I can reference it when it seems like all is going wrong and I am at my wits end...

http://www.hartnesshouse.com/business-travel/do-not-give-up.shtml

Don't lose faith, that's all any of us has. God bless.

[lize566]

Okay, well I have a plan. I sort of quit my job today. I say "sort of" b/c I called and asked if they could transfer me to a store closer to my house (the one I was at was about 25 miles away) but I would have to take another pay cut but would get to keep benefits. So I am going to go part time, go back to my old job part time and still have an income but be happy. I will still have benefits, won't have to be trained on a new job be close to home, and have some time to keep looking for a new job. This may not have been the most responsible decision, which would have been to keep the job, but I feel 100 times better just knowing I don't have to go back. I have a plan that hopefully will work until I can get a better job (which hopefully will be soon!). I am happier though!

And for news on my brother-he has a biopsy Friday that will determine if and what type of cancer it is, but I think there is still a small chance it isn't cancer b/c all they know for sure is that the PET scan showed active spots, which is very common and on a "normal" person they wouldn't think anything about, so active doesn't always mean cancer. Does that make sense? I am not getting my hopes us b/c it will probably be cancer, but at least it gives me something to pray for, right? Thanks everybody again for the support!

[NicksBride]

I am crossing my fingers that you find another job and I am REALLY crossing my fingers extra hard that your brothers biopsy comes out fine. Take care and my thoughts are with you and your family.

[lize566]

Thank you!!

[lize566]

Just wanted to post an update in case anybody wanted to know. My brother had some lymphnodes removed today, and that all went well. He seems to be in good spirits, like he always is. The bad news, though, is that the cancer center he goes to is already putting together a treatment plan-an aggressive one at that. My sister and I have to go in to have a blood test to see if we are matches for a bone marrow transplant. If that is plan of action they have to take they dont want to waste any time so we have to prepared. I hope one of us is a match, but a teeny tine part of me hopes its not me. Does that make me a terrible person? Getting bone marrow hurts like hell from what I have heard and I am a baby when it comes to that stuff. It's not like I wouldn't do it though, obviously if I am a match I am going to do it. I know in the end things will trun out just fine, but I hope I find the strength to make it between now and then. Thanks everybody for your thoughts and prayers, and please keep praying that it doesn't come to a bone marrow transplant. That seems to be the last line of defense. If anybody has any first hand experience with this stuff I would love to talk. Please keep us in our prayers!

[NicksBride]

That does not make you a horrible person at all. Its very scary and yes it does hurt. So I do hope however that you or your sister is a match. But it is OK to be scared and hope in the back of your mind its not you.
I will continue to have you and your family in my thoughts!

[Mrs.Gittins]

First things first, I am so sorry to have read about your brother, I just joined this sight, so I'm rather new. And just ran accross this. I just waned to let you know you are in my prayers. But do rest assure God doesn't put us through anything we can't handle, and is with us when things like this happen. This is a time not to lose faith, but to look to God, ask him for the strength you need. This is a time to become closer to him, not draw away.
He is there and wants to help you just to lay your problems at his feet and he will listen. Once again, I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless

[sjk1431]

Good Luck with finding a new job. I will keep you and your brother in my prayers :hug:

[lize566]

Just wanted to update you guys. We went and had our blood drawn to see if we are match, but we also found out that it doesn't matter right now! The biospy results came back normal! He has to get another scan in August, but as of right now he doesn't have cancer!!!! Maybe this was God's way of restoring my faith in him...thanks for all of your support, everyone!

[ger]

That is sooooo VERY cool!! I am so relieved for you! What a wonderful answer to a lot of prayers!

[allysa04]

Thats so awesome.. I am so thankful that you don't have to go through that. I will be praying that his test in August is negative as well. YAY for good news!!!

[rebel]

don't worry, everything will b fie. always with u.