Alcohol at the Reception-byob?

[samantha01]

I am having alcohol permitted at my reception, but I am not providing it. I thought about somehow including a separate sheet in the invitations to anyone I believe would be drinking that some how say to byob.
Is this totally rude? I wouldn't include it in all the invitations. I am having dinner and recpt. events until 7 and then going to have alcohol served and dancing music started. I think I have figured out how to word that part (with help from you all)

[neebelung]

Is this totally rude?

Um... sorry... but yeah. Terribly. If your reason for not supplying alcohol is cost (which is totally understandable!) then just leave it at that. Don't supply it, and don't mention it. Or maybe just do a champagne punch or toast during the cake cutting.

But to even subtly suggest "BYOB!" reeks of frat party, and tackiness.

(I'm sorry!!)

[Doglover]

yaaaa i don't think thats really appropriate. If you don't want alcohol just don;'t have any! Lots of people don't have alcohol.

[samantha01]

No, I very much appreciate the honesty. I have mentioned it to several people and not one person has said that, which in the back of my mind I knew it was tacky. I guess since we live out in the sticks people really don't follow ettiquette.
I think I'm going to price kegs of beer which is what the lodge suggested in the first place. I don't want to have liquor their because believe me I know some of my family and that wouldn't turn out very good.

[neebelung]

yaaaa i don't think thats really appropriate. If you don't want alcohol just don;'t have any! Lots of people don't have alcohol.

Yup, I agree... we went to a wedding just last month where they had just soft drinks, water, and punch (but did the champagne punch toast I mentioned above, just for the cake cutting). It was lovely, and I didn't hear anyone complain about the lack of booze.

[neebelung]

I think I'm going to price kegs of beer which is what the lodge suggested in the first place.

If you have Total Wines in your area, they have excellent prices on kegs, half kegs and pony kegs. Also, if you or a family member has a warehouse club membership (i.e. Sam's, Costco or B.J.'s) I think they have kegs as well.

[samantha01]

I'm having a bartender so I wouldn't think the kegs would be too tacky? do you?
I do have a local Sam's but they are in a dry county.
I just called to price Kegs and its not bad at all. I think that is the route I will go and then mixed drinks such as strawberry daquiris..Does that sound alright? I do want alcohol for the second half of the reception and I'm glad I found something I could afford. Thanks for the advice.

[Doglover]

we had a keg at ours too.

[StaceyMc]

We didn't have alcohol at our wedding for two reasons (1) we didn't want to finance someone else's drunken night out and (2) we had the reception at in the church hall, alcohol was a no-no.

Quite a few people told Joe and I, and my parents, how much they enjoyed an alcohol free reception.

Do what you can afford. If someone is coming to your reception for the alcohol, do you really need them there?

[NicksBride]

I agree with Stacy. We had a few problems with alcohol with people buying underage people drinks etc. So I feel that if you cannot afford it and don't want it don't have it. People are there to see your wedding, see family and friends and enjoy the day. they do not need alcohol to haev a good time and frankly most people will enjoy it better without. So as saidb efore, do what you can afford, not what you think other people will want

[samantha01]

I actually do want alcohol at the latter part of the reception, but the main reason for byob was that I couldn't afford alcohol for 150 people. I just never really thought of kegs before, which is probably going to be my best bet and the cheapiest. Thanks for all your input...I appreciate it.

[shelbyoliver]

Yeah thats pretty bad. If you cant afford alchohol then dont have it. Just serve a champagne toast. Or atleast do a cash bar.

[neebelung]

I'm having a bartender so I wouldn't think the kegs would be too tacky? do you?


A bartender with the keg would be just fine. Heck, it'll be better than having all the guests trying to man the keg themselves!

[samantha01]

Yeah, thats for sure. We had to have a bartender to serve to be able to cut them off, which I love. I just hope everyone is on their best behavior.

[shelbyoliver]

Yeah, thats for sure. We had to have a bartender to serve to be able to cut them off, which I love. I just hope everyone is on their best behavior.

We are doing that too. Its a good idea. Reduces liability too. =)

[NicksBride]

A keg is always a good choice for money and for monitoring with a bartender.

[Doglover]

yup everyone LOVED that we had a keg..and the reception started at 3pm hahaha! it was gone right before the reception was over. And so was the 10 bottles of champagne.

[hummingbird521]

our wedding and reception was held in our church so alcohol was a huge no no. we did however talk them into letting us have a champagne toast and that was all. honestly though no one that came to our wedding would have drank anyway. in fact the only ones to even drink the champagne was the two of us. lol. everyone else had punch and soda and bottled water.

[kevinsbride2B]

Call me horrible, bad or whatever else but we're having a cash bar. Yes I said it a cash bar. I've been drilled on here I can't count the numebr of times, but thats' our plan. We're providing the wine for the tables and each seat has a glass of champagne for the toasts but other then that the guest are on their own. I don't have the cash to fund it so that's our plan.

[WebLady]

I would rather see a cash bar than the byob thing.

Like others said you could look into getting a keg, or you could just provide champagne/sparkling cider for a toast.

[samantha01]

How many Kegs would you purchase for approx. 120 people?

[Goin2thechapel]

Eeeekkk...No BYOB!!! Doesn't sound like a wedding at all...JMO

[Richie Truxillo]

The reception hall we picked does not allow alcohol :( Not even a champagne toast! :irked: Congrats to those of you who have a keg at your wedding reception though! ;)

A keg is always a good choice for money and for monitoring with a bartender.

Totally agree there! Make sure no one gets too out of hand!

[allysa04]

We're offering beer/wine, but we are having the reception at a country club, and the bar area is open to their patrons, so if our guests want something other than beer/wine they can purchase it themselves..its just way too expensive..and hopefully this will deter people from getting too trashed..ya know?? I think that a Keg is perfect, better than BYOB. If you have a BevMo in your area they have little cards that tell you how much alcohol to have for so many people...you just have to ask them for it!

[samantha01]

Marks family was still telling me last night that there isn't anything wrong with asking (mainly young people we know well) to bring their own beer. I informed them that I wasn't going to do that because it was tacky...they still disagree with me, but I think I can afford the kegs, so no biggie.

[Panthers Bride]

Marks family was still telling me last night that there isn't anything wrong with asking (mainly young people we know well) to bring their own beer. I informed them that I wasn't going to do that because it was tacky...they still disagree with me, but I think I can afford the kegs, so no biggie.


Good plan on the kegs! Even if your FH or your family doesn't think it's tacky, it is (just ask Emily Post or Martha Stewart).

We aren't having any alcohol at our wedding. The people who would want it, we don't want to have it. However, there is an hotel bar, so if someone absolutely must have a drink, they can go buy it themselves (so a cash bar with out us having to even pay for the bartender, double win). Another thing you *might* want to do (I almost said might could, NC is getting to me, tee hee), is come up with some signature "Samantha & Mark" drink, and provide the alcohol and fillers for that. It'd be sweet, and may work for those who don't like beer or daquiris.

[samantha01]

What exactly does signature drink mean? Is that just taking an already existing drink and calling it our signature drink? That is a pretty good idea so that your not providing 10 diff. types of alcohol.

[gennymac]

Even opening the subject at all takes you down a very slippery slope. If someone does get the information in their invite, and mentions it to someone who didn't - then you have to deal with the "Why didn't you tell me BYOB is ok" issue.

I would leave it alone entirely.

At my neices wedding, she could not openly serve drinks because the groom's family would have been furious (for religious reasons) We did a remote bar away from the actual reception building for those who wanted drinks and served them in the same colored cups as the punch. We handled it by word of mouth only and kept a tight control on it so there were no problems. But, it was at the bride and groom's request that we handle it for them. We waited until later on at the reception when guests were beginning to depart.

Best to just keep it mum.

[EarlyBird]

i think 2 kegs or maybe 3 (keep one in the back as a backup) would be perfect esp since your only offering it at the second half. maybe get 2 or 3 diff types of beer so people feel they have more of a choice. Then Go to albertsons or something and get CASES of wine *you can get them super cheap) and you can offer wine spritzers (wine and sprite- sounds fancy) and that could be trhe "lighter" side of drinking for the people that dont like beer. You may also want to do the same thing with a certain liquor- maybe do a signature martini or something.. that way they have 3 beers, wine spritzers, and a daquri or martini to choose from.. voila , you have your liquored up reception at a fraction of the cost :)

good luck ;)

[Melly.Monkey]

We're not having free beer for our guests either. Mainly because my fiance's family gets pretty out of control. (after we build to courage to tell both sets of parents that beer will not be paid for) We plan on just spreading the word through the grapevine that guests will have to pay for their own drinks, instead of writing it in the invite.

That way people will know to bring some extra cash if they need to and not be so put off right away when they read the invite. The last thing I want is for them to open the invite and right away decide that "if they're not having free beer, then I'm no going."

[Jacklynn]

yeah, byob isn't for a wedding. If you don't want a cash bar (which can also be looked down at sometimes depending the people you invite) either pay for it or don't have it.

We didn't have beer, no one complained and there were several people who do drink at our reception.

[weddingdude]

I've been to receptions where there is no alcohol and to some where there is.
If you like to drink and alot of you friends and family do then go for it. I think it is ok to allow alcohol and not provide it. I would just kinda let it be known there will be drinking at the reception without the BYOB on the invitation.

B

[frenchie]

We're going without alcohol for several reasons. At least for the main reception with about 150 people. Maybe for the family meal later on, in private, we'll have a few bottles of champagne.
People can survive without alcohol, and if you have other nice things to drink, it won't even be missed. Punch with sorbet is very refreshing and can be really classy.

[miranda]

I'm like you, I'm from the sticks, so my family actually asked me to put BYOB on the invites! I said no. We're providing two kegs and plan on spending about $50 at the liquor store on the hard stuff, and we're only having a bartender for the first half of the night. After that, people are on their own. But where I'm from, people expect that. We were actually laughed at when we said we'd be having a bartender!

[He_calls_me_Angel]

Ok, not to change the subject, but you girls that didn't have alcohol are making me feel so much better! We really don't have the extra money for it and not a single soul in either of our families drink. However, some of our friends have been making me feel bad for it....but even if we did have it, my mom would have a fit!


So thanks! I feel much better about it!

[FFC]

Depending on the formality of the wedding, I don't see anything wrong with it. If your reception is majorly casual, I don't see why not to do it. My family even suggested it to me :D but that would mean too much alcohol - that's why I'm supplying it in moderation. Maybe we (my family) are just too hick to understand the ettequette of an informal wedding :D hehee

[Scrwballsgrl]

we arent having alcohol at our reception simply b/c of the additional cost and the cost of having two off duty police officers to be present at the reception location(venue requirement) Plus I've been to parties where my family & FH family had alcohol available...not a fun .....well not the "way" I want my wedding reception remembered:)

[Whitewater]

At our reception, if we can swing it financially, we'll be having a champange reception. It's just about the one alcoholic beverage I can handle! Otherwise, we're going to be dry -- knowing that some of our guests will be bringing their own regardless, because that's what always happens, every time we all get together. Knowing this, we're not planning on supplying anybody -- we don't want to be responsible for somebody's drunken binge. The last time, my parents insisted on an open bar, and my ex and his best man got SO DRUNK (after I'd asked him specifically to keep tabs on his best man, whom we knew had a 'problem') that he and his best man did that manly bashing-head thing together and we wound up calling an ambulance and taking my ex's best friend away to the hospital, because he had a concussion and needed stitches.

I spent my first ever wedding night sobering up my ex and having him cry drunkenly on my shoulder about how it was his fault etc etc.

No, we will not be supplying alcohol at my wedding this time around. It's a totally different set of people, but *anybody* can get drunk and do stuff they normally wouldn't do, so yeah. Too much of a risk for me.


Whitewater

[Kristina]

I have been back and forth on this issue.. we have been engaged 2 years.. so the planning has been staggered.. all the while.. I have chosen not to supply alcohol because of concerns my father (hispanic) has with some of our family members.. most of us no longer drink therefore I dont see putting out the money for another to drink.. we have chosen to tell our responsible friends to bring it if they choose and keep secluded but we are not going to supply it. They were good with that.

[smiller]

If someone is coming to your reception for the alcohol, do you really need them there?

Okay let's be real. Weddings are really boring and the only saving grace is an open bar. Yes as a bride and groom you are generally happy just to be there but as a guest you need some incentive. I have only been dragged to two weddings and the alcohol helped make up for a lost Saturday night:D

[StaceyMc]

Okay let's be real. Weddings are really boring and the only saving grace is an open bar. Yes as a bride and groom you are generally happy just to be there but as a guest you need some incentive. I have only been dragged to two weddings and the alcohol helped make up for a lost Saturday night:D

I am so glad that my guests didn't need an alcohol incentive to come and celebrate our wedding. My wedding was far from boring and I had quite a few guests comment on how nice it was that it was an alcohol free reception. Depends on your type of guests, I guess.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I can have a good time without alcohol. :)

[Whitewater]

smiller --

You obviously haven't been to a wedding where the concept of celebrating the new relationship and the love of the two involved was a priority, and I feel sad about that for you.

That said, *any* social event can be fun and rewarding without alcohol to make it so. The plain fact is, like brides planning a wedding, many people have been brainwashed into thinking that without getting smashed, they're not having 'fun'. And that, my friends, is a load of BULL.

Alcohol dulls the senses, induces a fake sense of euphoria, creates problems that sober people have to deal with later, and makes the imbiber physically ill, sometimes dangerously so. What on earth is fun about not remembering the event that you paid a pretty penny to attend? Personally, I have never considered vomiting into a toilet 'fun' or passing out 'fun', or getting date raped, 'fun'. Then there's the social aspect -- what's so terrible and terrifying about your 'fun' that you have to use alcohol to blunt your senses and allow you to successfully endure whatever it is that you're doing?

I have always thought that if one needs alcohol to have fun, then that one is really very badly missing the point.

I don't know how to be gentle in saying this, so I'm just going to say it: If you get invited to a wedding and all you can see is that it's a chance for a free booze-up, then the only thing wrong is you, not them. You are the one who needs an attitude adjustment.


Whitewater


Whitewater

[gwenshack]

I, personally, am going to have alcohol flowing at my reception. It's Vegas and it's us. We're drinkers, so are our friends/associates/family.

But...I don't think that alcohol is the main reason to go to a wedding! Weddings are a celebration and people attend them because they're happy for the couple. Sure, alcohol is great...but not the centerpiece of the occasion! There are lots of valid reasons to not have alcohol and I understand every one of them. Do what feels comfortable to you. I had never heard of a BYOB wedding before this board, but if that's considered okay in some circles then go for it! People who care about you won't care one way or the other whether alcohol is provided or not.

[mitch]

Very well said Gwen.

Our Friends are Drinkers too. I personally am Teetotal. But i still have a great time out with Friends. Plus i'm like the "Mother Hen" who makes sure everyone is having a good time and everyone gets home safe.

Knowing our Friends they will bring extra drink with them. Because our Reception is at Home. To them it's like any other gathering where Drink is brought as a gift. Only this time there's the addition of a few vows, a signature or two on some official papers and then a Party. :D

[smiller]

Ouch ladies. No need to get so touchy when someone clealry states their opinion.

To each their own and different people find different things interesting. Weedings is not one of them for me. Further some of us are able to drink and not get drunk. It is called self control:D

And lets be frank, most people go to a wedding to say a quick congrats and then to just have fun.

Again, don't attack. It is merely an opinion.

[WebLady]

I don't know why this subject seems to be so touchy with some people :worm: We will not all agree on things all the time, but there is always a "nice" way to state your view without putting the opinions of others in question. We should also remember that sometimes it is just best not to reply at all ;)

As far as etiquette goes; yes, it is generally a no-no to invite someone to a party and then ask them to pay for anything. So the cash bar would be a bad idea if you and your family are big into formality and etiquette; and the BYOB thing would be especially offensive.

But the cash bar thing is quite common and openly accepted in some areas and social circles. I think you (brides/couples in general) should know your friends and family better than anyone else and should choose an option that best suits you and your event. If you do choose to do the case bar or a limited open bar, just make it known to your guests what to expect and all should be fine.

Me; I wouldn't care if there was a cash bar at an event I went to ... and even if there was an open bar, I would not likely drink anyway. As a host; I don't want to have to pay for someone else's "good time" and I don't want to have to feel responsible if someone has too much or if someone underage drinks at my event. I see alcohol as an "extra"; I will provide food and drink, but if they want the hard stuff that is on them :p

And if someone was to feel forced to come or dragged to to my wedding (or any other event for that matter) and would be miserable there if they couldn't get toasty, then they are more than welcome to stay home. I try to surround myself with people that care about me and want to support me and celebrate with me regardless of what I do for them. But that is just me ;)

[smiller]

I believe that is a difference in a wedding of your best friend or close family member or a huge 500 person wedding where you don;t even know the bride and groom, but their parents' or someone else will be very upset if you do not attend. So you do the whole politics thing but in all honestly you may not really want to be there. Believe me such situations are not unsusual. In some social circles attending is a sign of good politics and being invited is a sign of good politics. No one honestly believes that every single guest is just overwhelmed with joy to be there.

That being said, to all the ladies that took offense to my post, I apologize. But please, just because someone feels different from you is no need to bring out the claws.

Finally, it is nice to see so much passion in the discussion here.

[WebLady]

I believe that is a difference in a wedding of your best friend or close family member or a huge 500 person wedding where you don;t even know the bride and groom, but their parents' or someone else will be very upset if you do not attend. So you do the whole politics thing but in all honestly you may not really want to be there.
See now; I don't go to these such events and don't care who will be mad that I am not there :p ;) I don't want people I don't really know at my events either; but you are right, such things do happen.

If you are the one planing a huge 500 person party then yeah, your focus should probably be more of making your guests happy. Some people are just big party people and these are usually the ones big on etiquette too; they also usually bring good gifts ;)

[smiller]

See now; I don't go to these such events and don't care who will be mad that I am not there :p ;) I don't want people I don't really know at my events either; but you are right, such things do happen.

If you are the one planing a huge 500 person party then yeah, your focus should probably be more of making your guests happy. Some people are just big party people and these are usually the ones big on etiquette too; they also usually bring good gifts ;)

That's why I want 25 guests at most or maybe elope.

[smiller]

smiller --

You obviously haven't been to a wedding where the concept of celebrating the new relationship and the love of the two involved was a priority, and I feel sad about that for you.


I don't know how to be gentle in saying this, so I'm just going to say it: If you get invited to a wedding and all you can see is that it's a chance for a free booze-up, then the only thing wrong is you, not them. You are the one who needs an attitude adjustment.


Whitewater


Whitewater

I understand that you may disagree with me but maybe next time that you disgaree you could state it in a less negative manner. Thanks.

[gwenshack]

Smiller -

I think maybe, after your clarification about the politics of events you've had to attend, people will agree there was some miscommunication about the understanding behind the intention of your first post on the topic. I'm pretty sure the responses you received were written with the thought that you meant something else (all weddings) and I hope that your clarification will bring peace and harmony back to the discussion of alcohol, as it should be! :)

Gwen

[NowAShelton]

ok so this is quite the loaded thread. not sure it really needs my two cents, but why not...
i do NOT think BYOB is such a bad thing. if its done right. i personally did not put inserts in my invite envelopes but when people asked....and they would as im from south texas...i said you are welcome to bring your own, but its not in the budget for us. and everyone, including my over-conservative stepmom, was perfectly fine with that. like smiller and weblady have said to each their own! and with things the way they are these days, its weird how only some of the formalities and such have stayed. not to stir anything but back when these martha stewart-esque "rules" of being proper were such a big thing, not only was it not ok to ask people to pay for anthing, it wasn't ok to run off and get married and guys always stood when ladies walked into a room. and i know some ladies have done that and i also know that i would think my man was batty if he stood up every time i walked into the room. and i see nothing wrong any of this just so everyone knows. im only saying this because some of the responses kinda surprised me. but i see yall hashed it out and everything is calm once more in the land of OW:D

[f77g4]

We are having a cash bar too - in fact where we are from that is the norm. I have not been to a wedding yet where the drinks were provided for so for all you out there getting a cash bar I say go for it.

Another thing that we did was hire a DD - our reception is at a golf & country club in a small town where there are no hotels and our hometown is about 20 minutes away where there are hotels so we hired a lady to drive our guests to the hotel or their house so that if people have too much to drink, they have a safe way home. Then she's helping them all get their cars back the next morning....and on top of that she has offered to help with my running around the day of so I think I will use her to pick up my flowers, etc.