Grrr!!!

[LaceyinPgh]

Ok, so after what happened on Thanksgiving (see the link below if you don't know) Sean and I decided that we wanted to spend Christmas at our house. Also, getting to everyone's house on Christmas is a pain in the butt. We get up and go to his parents (30 minute drive) and spend time there, then we go this grandparents (15 minute drive) spend time there, then to my grandma's (90 minute drive) and visit her, then to my other grandparents (30 minute drive), to my mom's (10 minutes), the to my dad's (5 minutes), then we head home (45 minutes). But there is no reason everyone can't come here. We were going to visit Sean's grandparetns sometime before Christmas and my grandmother that I am speaking to on Christmas Eve. Then Sean's parent's were having a get together a day or two after Christmas.

Everyone knows where we live. Everyone is always welcome at our house. So, in our Christmas cards taht I sent out the other day I printed a small encloser stating that Sean and I would be having a Christmas open house from like 12-6 and around 6 o'clock we would be having Chrsitmas dinner. The only thing I cared about was if you were going to stay for dinner, please let me know.

I'm an only child and my parents (though divorced) are thrilled to drive the 45 minutes to our house to spend the holidays with us. Sean's sisters both live like 5 minutes from us so they were thrilled to be able to get to hang with everyone without having to drive all the way to their parents house. Plus his one sister's in laws' home is near us too. The grandparetns were thrilled because they were actually going to get to see us for more than 40 minutes because we wouldn't be rushing around like crazy. Sean and I loved the idea of not being exhausted. On top of that we have lots of friends that we love who can't always get home for the holidays who now have a family enviroment to be in on Christmas.

So the cards arrived in mail boxes today. Sean's parents get theirs and are irrate. How could he do that? To not spend Christmas at their home? Did I put him up to this? He won't get to see his grandparents on Christmas, how will they explain that? What could he be thinking? There is no way that they or his sisters will go along with this. In all it was upsetting for Sean. Sean by the way is going through an incredibly stressful time at work right now so he needs this added silliness like he needs a hole in the head. I simply told Sean that the next time they have an issue with how I run my home, they need to call and talk to me about it. That guilt **** won't work on me. I was also not raised to believe my elders were 100% right 100% of the time so it won't phase me to tell them to go pound salt.

This is my problem. I always got along well with Sean's parents. We were friendly. We got on well. They were annoying but eveyone is annoying to me, I just look past that. I thought I was lucky to get such nice and welcoming in laws. But ever since we told them about getting married his mother has done a total turn around. Between the way she acted when we told her about the engagemnt, what she did at St Patricks Day, how she treated my mom and I at the food tasting, Thanksgiving, and now this it is making me rethink things. I really believe she was being tolerant until her son got tired of me and moved on to some "better". I can't belive she would be that way. Of course she is such a little social climber I can imagine it. Is anyone else oging through this? Am I crazy for thinking this way? What in the hell is going on here?
http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=662

[bnd94]

I think you have a great idea. Sounds like it will make the holiday easier for everyone. Why can't his grandparents come to your house so then Sean will be able to see them? Do they not want to make the drive? Hopefully his Mom will come around. Is she a traditional person? She may just be acting this way because this was a tradition to her. She will probably get over it.

[LaceyinPgh]

I think you have a great idea. Sounds like it will make the holiday easier for everyone. Why can't his grandparents come to your house so then Sean will be able to see them? Do they not want to make the drive? Hopefully his Mom will come around. Is she a traditional person? She may just be acting this way because this was a tradition to her. She will probably get over it.
I would love for Sean's Grandma and Pop Pop to come and visit. But, his grandmother had a stroke several years ago and is confined to a wheelchair. We live in a three story town house that you have to get up and down stairs to go from room to room. Both of our bathrooms are located off of the main floor and require a trip up or down very steep stairs to get to. So, there is no way that his grandmother could come for the holidays. I am in really good health with total mobility and there are days when getting up and down the stairs is a lot of work for me.

It isn't the tradition thing either. Up until about 4 or 5 years ago they always had Christmas at someone else's home anyway. I really think that it is a control issue with his mother. She is a royal :censored: to me lately. I think that she feels that I am trying to steal Sean from his family. Which couldn't be further from the truth. I adore Sean's 2 sisters and his brother in law. I love his grandparents. I get along decently enough with his dad. I certainly don't have any problems with the extended family. It is just his mother ever since February has treated me like the enemy. I don't want Sean away from his family. I would love to just all get a long and have a nice Christmas in a centralized location for everyone.

[CindySue]

I might would make a special trip just to spend time with his grandparents the day before or maybe after Christmas, but I wouldnt give in to his parents. I dealt with similar with my ex husbands family. It was awful so feel for you, Lacey. The future inlaws I have now are great.
Can I ask a questions? No offense to Sean, but was he a "momma's boy" growing up? I know that sometimes in that situation when the "child" decides to live his/her own life, the parent cant stand it.

[LaceyinPgh]

No offense at all Cindy. I wouldn't consider Sean a mommy's boy. She has never called too often. (Both of my parents call at least once a day. She calls once every couple of weeks.) Her office is about 4 blocks from our house but I can count the times on one hand that she has "stopped" by uninvited. Usually it is to do something like drop off a cassarole dish I left at her house or pick something up. Other than that it is by invite only. Heck Sean and I were going out well over a year before I even met her. I think her issue is age. Sean is 37 years old. Up until I came into the picture (6 years ago) he never had a really serious relationship. He has serious relationships but never live in and talk about marriage let alone be engaged relationships. So for every holiday, birthday, special occasion, she got to dictate what was done and everyone went along with it. (Sean's 2 sisters are both older too and until recently were never with anyone serious - Kelly got married in April) Now I am in the picture and it is quite obvious that I am not going anywhere anytime soon. Sean has to divide his time with me and my family (that Sean LOVES to hang out with) and with her. I really think she wants to little bit of control back that she had before. She can't stand that when I say something Sean stops and listens to me. She can't stand the fact that her precious son is marrying into a family that she doesn't feel is good enough. Apperances are everything to her.

[CindySue]

Well I sure hate that youre going through all of this. But I agree....I think it does sound like she wants some of that control back she had before. My FMiL calls all the time and most of the time its to talk to me. Brian isnt a "momma's boy" but he is very close to his parents. I love that about him too.

[LaceyinPgh]

Well I sure hate that youre going through all of this. But I agree....I think it does sound like she wants some of that control back she had before. My FMiL calls all the time and most of the time its to talk to me. Brian isnt a "momma's boy" but he is very close to his parents. I love that about him too.
I am incredibly close to my parents too. In fact my dad always jokes that he is moving into our game room now that he installed a bathroom for us. I stop by after work at least once a week to visit my mom. Sean is very close to his sisters and I love that about him too. In general I always liked his family. But his mother is a nut job all of a sudden. She and I were never going to be the best of friends but there was no reason we couldn't have a nice friendly relationship for Sean and any of our future children's sakes. That won't be happening now. I am offended by her appauling behavior. I don't care what she thinks. And did I mention that the day after Christmas she expects us to be there all afternoon and evening too because Sean's cousin (whom Sean hasn't spoken to in years) is visiting from Atlanta? Sean and his cousin are both adults if they wanted to visit all day I am sure they could have worked things out to do so on their own.

As for the grandparents, we are going out one day next week to visit with them, take them out to dinner, and give them their Christmas presents. On Christmas Eve we are going to my grandmother's house where my mom is spending Christmas and several of my mom's brothers and their families will be there. So, for a holiday I might actually get to see some of my family too.

[rainbowtreat]

I hope all works out fo ryou in the end. I odn't want to take away from your post but just wanted to mention a little of my situation. My family lives over 7 hours away and my FH family is about 13 hrs away. We don't have alot of friends here and the ones we do have have their own families and Christmas things to do. I got used to not being able to go home for Christmas. And with the kids being so young I like it better being at home so they can enjoy their things instead of being stuck in a car for 7 hours. I have a sister who spends every holiday with her in-laws. And I have a brother hwo is only 14 and is of course at home with my mom. They can't get here because she doesnt have a car. But manages to get here atleast once through out the year. My FH is an only child. And untill about a year nd a hald ago he was the only grandchild. So his being gone has made it real heard on his mom and his nana. He is very home sick at the moment it being the first Christmas away from them in his 27 years of life. But this is his choice and his mother is coming around i think. She actually talked to me the night before my Birthday. We dont speak much. She calls for him and I see her number and hand him the phone. If i answered she would just ask for him any ways. So I dont have to worry about families and what we are doing for Christmas. The kids will spend Christmas eve with thier dad and his family. I am glad he is takign them. I want them to have the big family get together like we did when they were just babies. They will still have that with him. We get them back in time to put them to bed and we have all Christmas day with them. Good luck LaceyinPgh. I am sure every thign will work out eventuly.

[bnd94]

No offense at all Cindy. I wouldn't consider Sean a mommy's boy. She has never called too often. (Both of my parents call at least once a day. She calls once every couple of weeks.) Her office is about 4 blocks from our house but I can count the times on one hand that she has "stopped" by uninvited. Usually it is to do something like drop off a cassarole dish I left at her house or pick something up. Other than that it is by invite only. Heck Sean and I were going out well over a year before I even met her. I think her issue is age. Sean is 37 years old. Up until I came into the picture (6 years ago) he never had a really serious relationship. He has serious relationships but never live in and talk about marriage let alone be engaged relationships. So for every holiday, birthday, special occasion, she got to dictate what was done and everyone went along with it. (Sean's 2 sisters are both older too and until recently were never with anyone serious - Kelly got married in April) Now I am in the picture and it is quite obvious that I am not going anywhere anytime soon. Sean has to divide his time with me and my family (that Sean LOVES to hang out with) and with her. I really think she wants to little bit of control back that she had before. She can't stand that when I say something Sean stops and listens to me. She can't stand the fact that her precious son is marrying into a family that she doesn't feel is good enough. Apperances are everything to her.

I think your right Lacey. It does sound like a control thing with her. Hopefully in 5 months or so she will get over it and accept that this is the way things are now.

ETA: Hopefully she will accept that alot sooner I was just refering to the wedding date because I really hope she doesn't make a scene for ya. :censored: You know the girls could come and keep an eye on her for ya if you think we are needed!:fear:

[LaceyinPgh]

There would be no better wedding gift in the world than to see you girls take a bunch of folding chairs to the old bat. :chair: But she would never dare cause a scene at our wedding. There will be too many of her high flying important friends around. Her M.O. isn't to work in the open she is very covert about the things that she does and says when it comes to me. She comes across as this sweet kind fabulous woman that no one can dare believe that I have a problem with. Little do they know that she is the Queen :censored: . I have a news flash for her though. I am about ready to stage a palace coup and remove her from that throne is this b.s. keeps up. :drv:

[usahgrad]

Ok, are you saying should we reserve the chairs for after the wedding so she's not all bruised in your wedding pics?

*very sadly goes and puts her chair away*

[LaceyinPgh]

Ok, are you saying should we reserve the chairs for after the wedding so she's not all bruised in your wedding pics?

*very sadly goes and puts her chair away*
I don't care if the old bat is bruised in my wedding pictures. Take anything you like to beat her about the head and body with.

[CindySue]

Oh goody...... http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_105.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS) Somebody deserving to take my frustrations out on!! http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_111v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS)
Im definitely crashing this party!!!!! Hope ya dont mind!





http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb065&pp=ZNxdm414CPUS (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb065_ZNxdm414CPUS)

[WebLady]

Oh goody...... http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_105.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS) Somebody deserving to take my frustrations out on!! http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_111v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS)
Im definitely crashing this party!!!!! Hope ya dont mind!

HAHAHA .... what she said ;)

Seriously though, I hope it all works out. I know is sux when your family and/or the in-laws cause trouble for you.

Best wishes,

~ WebLady :)

[usahgrad]

*excitedly goes and gets her chair back out*

WOOT! Mass-chairing at Lacey's FMiL's house!

:chair:

[LaceyinPgh]

Oh goody...... http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_105.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS) Somebody deserving to take my frustrations out on!! http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_111v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS)
Im definitely crashing this party!!!!! Hope ya dont mind!





http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb065&pp=ZNxdm414CPUS (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb065_ZNxdm414CPUS)
Come on over but you need to bring your own chair and some snacks. I wasn't planning on the extra Onewed company.

[WebLady]

Come on over but you need to bring your own chair and some snacks. I wasn't planning on the extra Onewed company.

LOL ... I got extra chairs ;)

~ WebLady :)

[bnd94]

LOL!! I will bring a couple extra....just in case someone forgets theirs ...you know... I don't want anyone to feel left out!:bblol:

[ikkin510]

Well then I guess I'll bring the extra food for after the "Chairing"!!! Any Requests??!! ;)

[CindySue]

hmmmmm.......finger foods maybe? Something quick so we can get back to the "Chairing". That can be Lacey's Christmas present from all of us!!!

[usahgrad]

How'd the party go Lacey? Any onewed girls show up with their chairs? Sorry, I was madly cleaning the house last night or I'd have definitely been there...:)

[LaceyinPgh]

How'd the party go Lacey? Any onewed girls show up with their chairs? Sorry, I was madly cleaning the house last night or I'd have definitely been there...:)
The party went fine. Everyone had a nice time. The FIL's sisn't stay too long and stayed far out of my sight, what more could I ask.

[Tiggerprincess]

NO YOUR NOT......i'VE BEEN THERE DONE THAT OWN THE T-SHIRT......BE PATIENT SHE'LL COME AROUND......dON'T GIVE UP THTAS JUST WHAT SHE WANTS TO HAPPEN.......sHE WANTS TO PUT JUST ENOUGH PRESSURE ON THE RELATIONSHIP TO CRASH IT......DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN,,,,,HANG ON TO YOUR MAN,,,,,REMEMBER ITS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FH NOT YOU AND YOU F.I.L..........sTAY STRONG
D.D.

[WebLady]

Glad to hear it went well Lacey!

Best wishes for a better 2006!

~ WebLady :)

[bnd94]

That's good to hear Lacey! I am glad everything went well!:D

[usahgrad]

Glad to hear it all went well. Isn't it great how well women can avoid each other...if you were the groom having problems with the FOB, you'd have both been up in each other's faces...hehe...men. Guess that means we have to hold off our chairing at least for a little while. :bbmrgreen:

[LaceyinPgh]

Glad to hear it all went well. Isn't it great how well women can avoid each other...if you were the groom having problems with the FOB, you'd have both been up in each other's faces...hehe...men. Guess that means we have to hold off our chairing at least for a little while. :bbmrgreen:
Naa...you can come after her with a chair anytime that you want to. Just let me know ahead of time. Depending on my mood and day I might have a nice long list of people that ne a chairing!

[usahgrad]

Naa...you can come after her with a chair anytime that you want to. Just let me know ahead of time. Depending on my mood and day I might have a nice long list of people that ne a chairing!

We are here to do your bidding....

:chair: