Need help ASAP! Bro's getting married, should parents and I go?

[iamjames]

I'll try to make this short but this has been very stressful.

My brother is a loser. He's screwed up his life with drugs, in his mid-twenties and works a dead-end job and now he's getting married in a few months despite the fact everyone helps him with everything. My parents gave him a $200k house to live in for $600/mo (which he didn't pay and moved out after 3 months) and grandmother gave him a 2007 Chevy.

He makes plans with us then forgets about them (drugs?), then we call to remind him and he says he never said that, gives us new dates and times at totally new locations then forgets them too. The bride's parents fly into town, pick a restraunt to go to and invite my parents to meet for the first time (they found out hours before they were coming to town) then bride's parents refuse to pay any of the meal including their own meals!

I can just see this going downhill very fast... actually forget the hill, this is a free-fall. What should we do? My parents are upset, I'm upset, we're all very confused. We don't think marriage is a good idea right now, he needs to get his life together and this woman he's marrying isn't helping anything and so far we don't think much of the bride's family.

Do we go to the wedding and support my brother for fear of alienating ourselves from his life if we don't attend, or do we refuse to show support for something that is so obviously wrong?

[shawnsgirl]

Well, that's a tough one. IMHO: I would go. Just because you and your family doesn't think he's making the right choice doesn't mean he's making a mistake. No matter how much the cons weigh out the pros in this situation. I also think if you don't at least attend the wedding you would jeopordize any reltionship you and him may possibly have. If he is making a mistake then he needs to learn this on his own. I understand you side of it but by not attending the wedding you may ruin what relationship you have with him.
Also, you can't predict the future. What if, in turn this does work out and he gets his life turned around?

[Goin2thechapel]

I work with Drug addicts daily...It is a choice to do drugs, but once the drugs are in your system it's really hard to live a normal life. I think you should go. No matter what, he is your brother and he is the son of your parents. He clearly needs some support in his life right now. Just go. This could mean the world to him

[iamjames]

This could mean the world to him
he sure isn't acting like it, we're pretty tired of being crapped on, hate to see how things turn out.

Guess I'll go, i'll keep you guys updated, the families are already fighting over the hotel. Bride's parents picked a $120/nite hotel when there's plenty of nice hotels in the city for much cheaper (this isn't New York!) and are expecting my parents to help foot the hotel bill for the wedding party to stay there (groomsmen, bridesmaids, family, etc), not just themselves.

[shawnsgirl]

Well, what you can do is try to help your parents solve the financial issues. They aren't obligated to pay anything that they don't want to pay for. The wedding party can foot their own bill for the hotel. If the bride and groom aren't paying for the wedding..Technically the groom's parents are only responsible for the rehearsal dinner. The brides parents are to pay for the wedding. That's old ettiquette there for you!! Times obviously have changed and keep changing. Today mostly everything goes. Frankly, I don't think it's fair for the brides parents to dictate who pays for what!

[mariaandmanish]

I have to agree with the other ladies on this one... you don't want to not go to his wedding, and then regret it later. In regards to helping to foot the bill, your parents shouldn't pay for anything that they are not comfortable with, and that needs to be made clear to the future inlaws. I wish you luck with this, and hope that it turns out well.

[ger]

I'm wondering why the GROOM'S parents are expected to pay for ANYTHING other than the rehersal supper?? Why aren't the BRIDE's parents paying for things...especially things they are picking out? I'm really confused by this.

[iamjames]

I'm wondering why the GROOM'S parents are expected to pay for ANYTHING other than the rehersal supper?? Why aren't the BRIDE's parents paying for things...especially things they are picking out? I'm really confused by this.

SO ARE WE!!! :confused:

[NicksBride]

I am sorry that this is happening, but as been said before. You may regret it and whether he says it or not it would really mean a lot to him if you want. I don't know him, but I am sure it would.
Just step away from all the drama, all the issues that are going on and go to his wedding. You won't regret it I am sure.

[Caleb's Bride]

I would go, just to show your support. I know it's a hard situation, but it's a lesson that he has to learn and live with. And there would be hard feelings if you didn't go.

In regards to the bride's family dictating what your family should pay for, well, that's not right. Again, traditonally, the bride's family pays for everything but the rehearsal. With that being said, I don't necessarily agree with that 100% and it seems that alot of times now, the grooms family does contribute to certain things because weddings are so darn expensive. And I think that's a nice gesture. But I will say that your family, if they choose to help, should be able to pick what part of the wedding they want to contribute too. It shouldn't be something that is forced on anyone.

And for the record, the bridal party or whatnot can pay for their own room at the hotel if they want to stay overnight.

[The future Mrs. Monroe]

My FH's brother is in a similar situation. He and his "fiance" were really big into drugs when I met them. My FIL helped pay for their house and were constantly buying food, paying electric bills, paying car ins, etc. just to keep them afloat. At one point thay were really bad off, so my FH let them stay with us in our house for 3 months. One night I came home from work and thay had taken our computer, TV, and Stereo and pawned it for drug money... I know how hard it can be! But in Sept, they had a baby and got married. This was a life changing event b/c since then, they have really cleaned up their act. My FBIL has held a job for 7 months now and they have moved into a decent apt. They still rely alot on my FIL, but still it is a HUGE improvement! Maybe this huge event in yor brother's life will cause him to look at his future. Maybe with support from his family, he will see it is time to make a change! My FH does not talk to his brother often and I know he misses him- I went to the wedding but my FH was still very angry and made an excuse not to. This is an awful situation and certainly a hard decision! I wish you and your family all the best in resolving it!

[woohoo2me]

Umm welcome to the boards???? Are you getting married or have plans to get married? Or did you just come here to complian about your brother? If your worried about your bother being dependant on you and your family just cut him off. I would still go to his wedding though, it's only fair to him that you support him in this major life milestone. Maybe your brother is too busy to go to these family functions or he knows how you truly feel about him and rather not go. I think this is something your family should work out for themselves.