FMIL says I am not an "Active" member of her family

[cipher]

But that she has noticed that I am "Very Active" in mine and "it's not fair." WTF is she talking about and what business of it of hers how I act with my family?

[70707Bride]

I don't really know what she means. Maybe that you don't do as much with her side or spend as much time with them? Its quite obvious though that you would be with your family more.

[WebLady]

I am sorry you are having difficultly with your FMIL and I don't really know what to say. I can't help but find it odd that you'd come here and make this be your first post.

It is quite common for married couples not to get along with the "in-laws" You can accept it for what it is and try to make the best of it or work to try and make it better. But you cannot force it, sometimes people just don't get along. In that case all you can do is try to be civil, don't start anything and don't antagonize her. And hope she can do the same.

All the best to you!

[70707Bride]

I am sorry you are having difficultly with your FMIL and I don't really know what to say. I can't help but find it odd that you'd come here and make this be your first post.

It is quite common for married couples not to get along with the "in-laws" You can accept it for what it is and try to make the best of it or work to try and make it better. But you cannot force it, sometimes people just don't get along. In that case all you can do is try to be civil, don't start anything and don't antagonize her. And hope she can do the same.

All the best to you!

That's what I was thinking too, but hey people need to vent! Lol.

[cipher]

Why is it odd that I would make this issue my first post. It says family and relationships. This is the right forum, isn't it?

[70707Bride]

Why is it odd that I would make this issue my first post. It says family and relationships. This is the right forum, isn't it?

Yes, I think she just means that most people introduce themselves or whatever. Its fine though! You don't have to do that, not everyone does.

[WebLady]

Why is it odd that I would make this issue my first post. It says family and relationships. This is the right forum, isn't it?
You are fine, it is just that we have had a few people join and start similar posts and then start arguing when people give opinions they don't agree with. (not saying you are this type of person)

I think she just means that most people introduce themselves or whatever. Its fine though! You don't have to do that, not everyone does.
Yeah that is pretty much what I meant. But you don't have to do that, like Jenn said, not everyone does.

If you just came here to vent about this then we are here to offer whatever advice we can. I guess I hope there are brighter things in your life you'd like to share with us and that you'd want to be a part of the community too.

I apologize if I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Like I said before, issues with MILs are pretty common. If you search the forums you will see it has come up a few times.

Best wishes to you!

[shawnsgirl]

I think all the wonderful ladies here have given you some great advice so I don't have much to add to it!

I would like to say though is that I hope everything works out for you!

As far as this being your first post in the vents they are right there is nothing wrong with it we have had some people ask for advice and when it was given they would argue it with us. Anyhow, mostly though we enjoy meeting new people, we love hearing other's proposal stories, and love to offer advice and help when it comes to planning a wedding!! I hope to hear some of yours soon! Best of luck to you!

[djshari]

Is it maybe that she feels you spend more time with your family than with hers?

Now, this is my own personal experience and could be completely different in your case, but we had an issue recently in my family with a few siblings who made their in-laws a priority for holidays/events. This really hurt my mom's feeling (and all of us) because we got the leftovers... which basically means something like SIL/BIL's family got FIRST choice at all events and my family was left with "we'll get there when we get there IF we get there". Like Thanksgiving dinner... in-law's won. We saw them late in the day and by then everyone is tired and sometimes we didn't spend much time together. Christmas it was nuts because they would go to all of their other family events and squeeze us in when they had time which meant we never all got to be together at once or even spend that much time together. It really came up last year due to several issues but we came to an agreement that we would pick at least one holiday and one time when our family takes priority.

If that is the case or similar, I guess maybe she just wants you to be more involved? Make a point to go to birthdays, holidays, or just stop by once in awhile kind of thing.

If that is not the case you may have to sit down with her and find out what she means by it.