Family Problems

[dearlyloved]

Do any of you have problems with your family not liking your FH?

[Caleb's Bride]

Fortunately, my family loves him.

I'm guessing you do have this problem, though.

Why do they dislike him? Any particular reasons?

[dearlyloved]

Thanks for asking. I am going through so much right now. I know it sounds awful, but my family is extremely judgemental. My sister is going through a horrible divorce and unfortunately she is on a man-hating campaign. She has a son with autism and he has outbursts periodically when he gets over stimulated. I love him with all my heart, but this would pose a problem at the wedding. Unfortunately my FH brought this up and that started the war. I know this sounds crazy too but my FH is from the East coast (Philly)and I am from the Midwest (Indy to be exact). It might as well be from Europe and Africa! If you are from the Midwest you understand. He is just more outspoken then Midwest people. I'm just at my wit's end!

[Caleb's Bride]

I'm an East Coast girl, but I understand what you mean by there being a difference from the Midwest. Particularly if he is from a metropolitan area. Because the non-metro areas on the East Coast can have a "midwest" style, if you know what I mean. Things move at a quicker pace in say, NY, DC or Philly and generally, we will speak our minds. And sometimes we say things that aren't meant to sound mean, but they come across as such, particularly to folks that aren't familiar with the mannerisms.

How old is your nephew? I used to work at a Children's Therapy Center and some of the kids that came there were autistic. Is he severly autistic or highly functioning?

I can understand the concern with having an outburst because so much is going on. Do you think there could be a compromise and have him not attend the ceremony but be more than welcome at the reception?

I don't get the impression that your family really dislikes him, unless there is more to it than just this. Maybe they are just hurt and don't understand where you guys are coming from and they think it's all him because he's a city slicker. LOL!

[Callys_bride]

Well at first my mom didnt like my FH just because she wanted me to date someone my own race. After she dissapprove of him I stopped visiting her and I told her that I will only visit her once a year if she keeps it up.

Eventually after she spent more time with him she has come around.

But like I told my FH, you are marrying me not my mother so do we really care if she does not appove? That is her choice, I still love him so that is all that matters.

[jeni740]

Nope my family really likes Andy alot, he has changed my whole life and my family is very greatful for that :)

[Panthers Bride]

My family loves Mark, and they haven't even met him yet. They just trust me and my judgement. One of my friends even said "If Amy loves him, he must be something special."

Sorry you're going through a tough time though.

[BriansBride07]

Thanks for asking. I am going through so much right now. I know it sounds awful, but my family is extremely judgemental. My sister is going through a horrible divorce and unfortunately she is on a man-hating campaign. She has a son with autism and he has outbursts periodically when he gets over stimulated. I love him with all my heart, but this would pose a problem at the wedding. Unfortunately my FH brought this up and that started the war. I know this sounds crazy too but my FH is from the East coast (Philly)and I am from the Midwest (Indy to be exact). It might as well be from Europe and Africa! If you are from the Midwest you understand. He is just more outspoken then Midwest people. I'm just at my wit's end!

Sorry to hear that your family is being judgemental. Just because your FH asked a question about your nephews outbursts. I am from the east coast and even though I don't know your FH it sounds like it was taken out of context. I think like someone else has mentioned that if you and your FH are worried about an outburst happening during the ceremony. Just have your nephew come to the reception. That way maybe the music and the dancing will calm him down, so there won't be so many outbursts. Also maybe if your sister doesn't have to many people around him at once that may help. I hope this all works for you in the end. Best of luck to you.

[SerendipityCrafts]

My parents didn't care for my first husband. Now I am not saying that this is the case as far as you are concerned but I believe that they knew that he wasn't right for me, even if I didn't.

My dad has passed but my mom absolutely loves DH. She wants to age him and clone him so that she can have one :)

[dearlyloved]

My nephew is considered severely autistic. I love the idea of having him come to the reception only.

I hope that I didn't offend any East Coasters. I love East Coasters (obviously) - lol. Now I'm going to tick off Midwestern folk (but it's okay because I am one). Some Midwest people (not all mind you) they tend to be close minded and too easily offended -to give you an example, when my FH transferred here they called him "Rocky" and gave him a hard time about his accent. He took it all in stride and laughed about it and so there was a guy in his office that was big and had an accent so he called him "Big Country" he said, because you're big and your country. The guy got mad! LOL!
Well, I thought it was funny.

[4424]

yes i definitely have family issues. my family is very traditional indian (i mean very!) and my FH is not indian. as of now it doesn't appear as though my family will come to the wedding. my mom loves my FH as a person but can't get past he's not indian. it's sad but i'm still getting married in less than 3 months!

good luck to you! i'm from nyc so i know what you're talking about!

[hummingbird521]

My parents absolutely hated two of my ex husbands. But they could see things to begin with that i was blinded too. i should have listened to them. but they really adore the man i am married to now. they would have chosen him first for me.

[dearlyloved]

4424 -

I am so sorry that is the situation with you! Your story sounds like Romeo and Juliet. I will keep both of you in my prayers. :flower:

[shawnsgirl]

It's definatly true that people from different areas have different quirks about them that affects their over all attitude and way of thinking. I live in Central PA aka Amishville..Anyhow, people are always in each other's business and can be closed minded at times. It can be very difficult living in an area like this. However, we aren't in the middle of the bible belt and I don't think people around here are more liberal than other areas such as where you are from.
I think one thing to remember that when Daddy's and mommy's little girl is getting married it is hard on them. Also, some Mom's and Dad's feel deep down inside no matter how wonderful their little girl's FH they will never be good enough. Take for instance my great grandmother. She never like my grandfather because he was a farmer. She was very opposed to my grandmother marrying him. He just wasn't good enough. However, they stuck together like glue and managed to still be married to this very day. I think at one point in time my great grandma who always had an opinion called gave up on convincing my grandma not to stay married to him, but after 50+ years they made it work because they love eachother. So, your family isn't that impressed with you FH. Well, honestly and please don't take offfense to this...They will need to get over it and support the love you have for one another. Your FH has a good point. If you nephew has severe autism a wedding is definatly an event that would over stimulate him and would cause him more stress and a possible blow up. Maybe if you or FH explain to you family that he was just thinking of him and his welfare first they may change their outlook on the situation who knows. I wish the best of luck and happiness to the both of you. I hope that the two of you stick like glue and can get through this together. Hopefully, you family will see what you see in him and begin to understand where he comes from. Best wishes!

[septemberbride06]

My parent's have never really liked any of the past guys I ever dated. This is gonna sound kinda weird, but I think it gave my parents comfort to know that Joe had a son when we met. I only say that because he doesn't "party", or do drugs, or anything like that . He is very mature for his age....needless to say most of the guys i dated were this way.
It did take awhile for my dad especially to warm-up, but once he did, they are great together! ;)
Sometimess when me and Joe are spatting my dad will (naturally) take my side and get a little upset with Joe, but once we work things out he is okay again.
I'm very sorry to hear that your family doesn't favor your FH. That is so awful, especially when that is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with. If I were you I would call a "family meeting" and tell everyone to get over it...that's just me though....a bit outspoken LOL!