MY FATHER DOES NOT WANT ME TO MARRY IN THE CHURCH

[rockstar1]

:x HELLO LADIES! i need some support, and help. i have decided that i am going to marry in the church, and then we will have our reception on a boat in alexandria, va. it is about a 40 minute drive from church to reception. my dad thinks it's too much to ask people to drive this far. also he is an ATHEIST, which is fine, but I think that is a bigger reason why he does not understand that I want to marry in the church in front of friends and family. Everyone is different. I respect everyone' s beliefs. but on this day, on my wedding, i want to get married in this church. After Thanksgiving dinner, my FH, dad, and step-mother - also an atheist, were out on the porch smoking. when they returned, my step-mother announced, "ok - we are all 3 in agreement that you should just have the wedding ceremony and reception all on the boat." i was LIVID. I am not so angry now, because I think I know what the reasons for this are, but - tell me I am not asking people too much to go a short distance from church to reception. Hell, my other sister got married in ITALY and the entire family had to fly to Europe - i HATE TO FLY - AND I HAD TO PAY FOR MY PLANE TICKET - so, I can't even believe my parents are trying to change my mind about this. they are saying it would just be easier. tell me ladies, should i stand my ground????
Thank you for listening!

[sstark1218]

Most definitly! This is your day! Make it how YOU want it! However.. is this what your FH wants? Or is he just trying to make everyone happy? :evil: I would have been upset with HIM for just going behind your back like that. :shock: But, if he was just doing it for them, that's another thing. If you and he want to get married in a church.. thats up to YOU! Are they helping much financially? (Not that it matters too much either way, because it's your final decision!)
Hope this helps, keep us posted!

[usahgrad]

While I would understand standing your ground, you said that the three of them, your father, step-mother, and groom were in agreement. I think you need to speak with your groom. It is your wedding, so if he has input about this part, you should consider it. I would talk it over with him. Just so you know, 40 minutes is NOT unreasonable...it may make timing more tight in some instances, but it is definitely do-able.

[CindySue]

Hmmmmm......do you think your groom was really in agreement or he just didnt know what to say and they took his silence as agreement? I understand your parents have their beliefs, but this is your day. It would help to look at the whole picture. How "into" their beliefs are they? Would they still have a problem if you didnt get married in a church but still by a minister? What about your prayer during the ceremony? Would they make a scene?
This is a very touchy subject.

[meganrenae]

Something I've learned... those who really, honestly love you will accept your decisions. While they might not LIKE them, they will accept them. If your father loves you (as I am sure he does), he should understand that this is a very important day for you and you FH. If you two choose to get married in the church, he needs to respect that and show his love for you both by shutting up about it.

[LaceyinPgh]

Ummm it is your and your FH's wedding. Not your dad's. Be sure to point that out to him the next time he makes a decision on what you, an adult, should or should not do.

As for the 40 minutes drive. The distance between my reception and ceremony locations is about 45 minutes so I don't think it is too far.

[Hayz]

I don't think the drive would be much of a problem. I'm not sure if photographers work the same way here as they do in America, but our photographer needs us for a minimum of 3 hours to do the photos and for that the bidal party is going to the town gardens away from all the guests. If the same thing happens for you then the 40 minute drive shouldn't be a hassel - it would fill in some of the time your away with the photographer. My FH and I are not into religion that much but we are still getting married in a church. Its mainly used for weddings and I don't think services are held in it anymore. Luckily for us the place were we are having the reception is right across the road from it.

[Jenn060306]

40 Min is not long at all, if you plan to have a bit of break between the ceramony and reception for you're photo's it won't be an issue. This will allow for you're guests to take their time getting there. Plus, they can stop for a coffee if they like.
Our church is 40 min away. The guests have about an hour and a half to get there before the cocktail reception begins. This allows us to get our photos done.
You have to do what makes you and your fiance happy. You are going to remember that day for the rest of your life. You don;t want to be thinking that it wasn't really what you wanted.

[rockstar1]

thank you sooo much everyone for your thoughts and insights. you guys are the greatest. i feel like you totally understand me.
actually - i talked to my FH about it that night after we got home, and he said that he really just wants my father and step mother to like him. he says he understands their point of view. and so do i... and i'm not trying to change their religious beliefs or anything. but i have made up my mind that it's that i want to do -and i told my FH that my parents accept him and love him no matter what. they are not going to hold it against him if we marry in the church! He needs to get used to the idea that we are a TEAM, that we are adults, and that we can graciously listen to our parent's advice - but then still make our own decisions! rignt?

[Mish11]

Right! the hardest thing tha my fh and i had to contend with, was telling both our folks that we love them, but we are our own little family (even tho it's just the 2 of us)... we respect them in every single way, but we're adults now and they have to trust that they raised us right and are behaving in the independent way that they have inspired us to be... parents can just be protective sometimes.... but i guess thats why we love them :)

[LizabethDavis]

Ahhh...I had a feeling it was that FH was just going along to please your parents.

Bottom line is that this is your and your FH's day and you need to do what you want, not what your parents want.

Some people may say that 40 minutes is a long drive, but if they REALLY want to celebrate with you, they will drive it and be happy to do it.