Groom Problems

[usahgrad]

I keep reading threads in here that state some sort of problem with the groom. Someone told me this and I thought I should pass it along because it was good advice.

Ask yourself, are you excited that you're getting married or are you excited that you're marrying the man with whom you're going to share the rest of your life with, the good times and the bad?

I was told this during my last, sort-of engagement and it really helped me evaluate whether or not I really wanted to marry the creep I was going to marry (of course, catching him in bed with someone else really helped me evaluate it as well, but that's a different story).

I have a few problems with my FH now and then. I feel really lucky that he's the type of person that I can talk to about anything! He's not just going to be my husband he is my best friend. I know it's probably something you've heard a million times, but communication is really the key. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with this man you need to be able to talk to him.

Good luck to all of you and I hope you find what makes you happy!

[CindySue]

That is GREAT advice!!!!!!!!
I have noticed that a lot of brides (everywhere) seem to base their whole marriage on how perfect their wedding day is.
Its more than just your wedding day that should matter.
What helped me was the fact that I DONT have to be married to Brian in order to be happy with him. He has become my closest friend, my rock. I would be with him (and him with me) whether we got married or not. We just want that promise, that "covenant".
A lot of girls DO need to ask themselves what is more important - the man or the day.
To me? Definitely THE MAN!!!!!!

[CarlosHoney]

Yeah. Carlo and I would be together anyway. His mom says that we're too much alike. I agree. We both keep things in because we don't want to worry/upset the other, and we end up in a bad posistion because of it.

That's why I'm re-evaluating whether I want a wedding. Not the marriage. Just the wedding. I feel like it's too much right now.

[sstark1218]

Wow, something to make us all think! Thank you so much for those 'words of wisdom', if you will. I, too, am thrilled about my wedding day, but no more than I am thrilled about spending the rest of my life with the only man in the world for me! I hope everyone reads this post and truly thinks this through. I have a group for weddings on myspace.com and so far there are about 35 members or so... two that I know of have already gotten married AND divorced (we're talking about a 4 month period here) and I don't want that to happen! Thanks again!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I often find that people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Its true I wanted our day to be perfect but the most important thing to me was that I was marrying my bestfriend, my confidant, my lover and my soulmate. Things went wrong on our wedding day, but to me it didn't matter because I was finally with my husband and happy, truely happy! I see people posting about how they need to get married for this reason or that reason and I think, boy, that person is in for a shock. Being married isn't easy, we find ourselves having our fair share of fights, but at the end of the day when I lie down beside my husband, kiss him good night and say "I love you.", well thats when it doesn't matter what happened that day, because its him and I and the life we have together! Everyone knows that communication is the key, and its the key to happiness and a wonerful life together!! Best of luck to you all on your wedding days and may the joy last long after you say "I do!"

~CB~

[CindySue]

Exactly Canadianbride!
Yes, I want my wedding day to be special, but when I look into Brian's eyes and can see how much he loves, knowing in my heart that hes the only man for me, I wouldnt care if we ran right down the street to the JPs office.
Never in my life did I think I could love (or be loved) this much. Thats what Im focused on - spending the rest of my life with the "man of my dreams"!

[rainbowtreat]

CindySue you remind me so much of myself. We seem so much alike as I read your posts. I feel the same way.

The main reason I want the ceremony is to see his face. To see those tears i know he will get. I want to make this day for him. Most people will say thi sis the Brides day. But not fo rme, everythign I am doing si for him. Even right down to the shoes i will be wearing, I am thnking about white cowgirl boots under my dress. FOr his sake. He will be in boots and a hat and i would just throw him for a loop when he goes for my garder and sees cowgirls boots.

It is the marriage that is the most important here. That is why we are gettign married, that promise, we hav elost each other before for reasons that could have been avoided. We want to tie the knot to say to every one see this IS the man/woman for me. We ARE staying together forever. I cant wait to call him my husband.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Rainbowtreat, I just want to give you a little heads up and this coming from someone who wears cowboy boots on a regular occurence. If you do wear them, make sure that you BREAK them IN in plenty of time in advance. (Wear them often!!) New cowboy boots will kill your feet no matter how used to wearing them you are! (Or not for that matter.) I just want to make sure that you know that so that you may be comfortable on your wedding day!! (although they do have these new boots out, they are called "Fat babies" and are made by Ariat. They are the MOST comfortable boot I have ever worn. The only problem is that they aren't totally "fancy"...they seem to only come in "funky" colors or with "funky" colors and jewels on them. ie. Red and white, lime green and blue, dark blue and light blue, and more. They are all the rage in the country scene right now, I love those boots, so funky and cute and fun!)

~CB~

[rainbowtreat]

Thaks for yoru advice, it's liek any pair of shoes they need to be broken in. My first wedding I wore my shoes around the house off and on to get used to weraing them.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Cowboy boots can be rough though. They almost take a little more then normal shoes to get used to thats for sure! And hey no problem, I just thought I would tell you from my experience, I know if it were me I'd hate to find it out the hard way! have fun!

~CB~

[rainbowtreat]

I am not even certain yet and again thank you. I have boots that my freinds liek to call hoochie mamma boots, the ones tha tcome up to my knee. I was also thinking about a white pair of those. Liek i said i am not sure yet. But thanks for thinking of me. Isnt that why we are all on this board. To help each other. :lol:

[WhiskeyGirl]

You bet! thats why we're here!! :D

~CB~

[allydawn0040]

The only thing I can say is you have to go into it realizing that you are making a covenant. Not a contract. Marriage is an irrevocable commitment to each other until death separates you. Your commitment to each other has nothing to do with the other’s performance or any choice that they each make. It is a unilateral commitment before God unto death. You are about to make a covenant – a promise, an unbreakable contract, a commitment that can not be destroyed. *On a side note I do believe there are reasons, such as been beaten by your spouse, that someone may need to get out of a marriage; however most people just quit because it's too hard. Just my two cents worth. Blessings allydawn0040

[CindySue]

Dawn, Your right. There are reasons to leave a marriage (adultery, abuse, etc.), but thats not the case in most divorces. I know too many girls that hop from one husband to the next. Its like when they go out on dates they are interviewing for their next ex husbands or something.
After my marriage ended, I never wanted to get married again. I never wanted to give myself to someone only to have everything shattered. Well, Brian felt the same way. Only we met, started dating, and can totally picture ourselves being married to each other. We both know what we want and expect out of our relationship. We communicate very well so when things do come up, we are able to discuss them like adults and reach a compromise we both can live with. Most of the time we meet in the middle. We have both been hurt and taken advantage of and because of that we wont ever do it to each other.
Brian put it best "We had to go through our pasts in order to become the people we are today and thats the people we fell in love with."

[CarlosHoney]

Cindy. That's exactly what happened with Carlo and I. I was hurt, so was he. The first time we talked on the phone, we talked for hours. We both said that we weren't looking for a serious relationship. The very first time we hung out, we got together. I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who just, for the life of him, couldn't commit. I don't mean marriage, I mean, couldn't say the word 'girlfriend'. We were great friends, never fought, talked about everything, but he was hurting himself, and me, and it was too much.

The day after I told my ex to pick his stuff up from my house I met Carlo. And 2 days later we talked on the phone for the first time. The rest is history.

"We had to go through our pasts in order to become the people we are today and thats the people we fell in love with."

That's how we feel too!

[bnd94]

In April we will be together for 12 years!! I still can't believe it has been that long. I was 15 and he was 21 when we started dating. It seems like yesterday!! :D

The key is definetly communication. We can talk about anything and everything. Alot of coworkers through the years have been shocked when we talk about our personal lives. They are like you told him that and I was like well that's the way I felt, so yeah I told him that. Nothing is taboo. That helps alot. I feel totally comfortable with him in every way.

Of course it wasn't like this from the beginning. We definetly had to work to get here. We have been engaged for 8 years!! I know! That's a long time, but neither of us have been in any hurry to get married. We just didn't see the point since to us it is just a piece of paper. The only reason we are finally going to do it is because if we start a family I would like to be married. Just to simplify things and if either of us were hurt we would be covered there too. Also it is very important to my Grandfather and his Grandmother to see us get married. Don't get me wrong though, now that we are planning the BIG DAY I am so excited to hear him call me his wife(beats the "Old Lady" anyday!! :lol: ) Yeah I know he will still probably call me that anyway!!LOL! I guess we just weren't ready before.

[allydawn0040]

"We had to go through our pasts in order to become the people we are today and thats the people we fell in love with."

Way to go! I totally agree with your statement. Blessings, allydawn0040

[CarlosHoney]

Becky, we feel the same way. We've been un-officially engaged for a couple of years. He got the temp-ring once I got preg. He's getting my engagement ring once we know for sure when we're tying the knot.

I'm going to ask my Grandpa if there are any heirlooms in the family as far as engagement rings go, just because I feel like that would be very special. I think that any rings that I have I'll pass down to my child(ren) should they decide to take the plunge later on.

[usahgrad]

I had asked my mother if we could use her and my father's rings (my father died when I was little and my mother hasn't worn her ring in years because her fingers have grown to big). My mother told me my brother had my dad's wedding ring. Y'all ready for the big family secret we can't tell Mom...My brother lost it!!! ARGH! Was I mad when he told me?!?!?! And, to top it off, I wasn't allowed to tell my mother why we had to go buy rings! (Fortunately, we found our rings on sale, so they were a little cheaper than they could've been...God bless credit cards!)

[CarlosHoney]

:shock: He LOST it?[/u]

[usahgrad]

He did! I couldn't believe it. My mother still doesn't know! ARGH!!!!!

[CarlosHoney]

Hopefully, she never will. I'm pretty sure that she'd be VERY upset.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Thats really too bad that he lost it!! But these things do tend to happen. My aunt has been married for a twenty two years and one day she just lost her ring as well. I don't know if there is more to the story, but she was pretty upset about it!

~CB~

[bnd94]

I had asked my mother if we could use her and my father's rings (my father died when I was little and my mother hasn't worn her ring in years because her fingers have grown to big). My mother told me my brother had my dad's wedding ring. Y'all ready for the big family secret we can't tell Mom...My brother lost it!!! ARGH! Was I mad when he told me?!?!?! And, to top it off, I wasn't allowed to tell my mother why we had to go buy rings! (Fortunately, we found our rings on sale, so they were a little cheaper than they could've been...God bless credit cards!)

OH NO!! That is awful! Yeah I am sure your mom would be a little upset too! :(

[LizabethDavis]

USA~ that is too bad that he lost it.

I do believe that at the end of the day on July 21, 2006, I will be happier that I am finally Mrs. Davis then I will be that everyone loved our favors/centerpieces/food/whatever. that should always be the most important thing in the world.