dad

[jeni740]

Most of you know I am not thrilled about having my dad walk me down the aisle, well now I dont even want him at my wedding. I heard some very disturbing news from my sister a few weeks ago about something that happened about 30 years ago that I am so repulsed by I wont speak to him. Not only from that, but we got his divorice papers from his 3rd wife for his pension and what we read that he had done to her over the years is horrible, at one point she wrote "she thought she was taking her last breath until my 14 year old brother heard something strange and helped her" I cant believe that this is the man I always loved so much. I know he has serious mental problems and he stops his medication all the time, but how much more can I do for a man that doesn't even care about himself or anyone else anymore? I have not talked to him since November, I cant hate him forever he is my father, but I am so disappointed at what he has become. Thanks for listening I have been wanting to get this off my chest for weeks now.

[kevinsbride2B]

Well sweety you have EVERY right to feel this way. My biological Father did a lot of very bad things to me growing up that there has been is on going argument with my Mom's family about why he's even coming.
I personally give you credit because I couldn't allow him to walk me down the aisle, and that's why I've picked my Mom to walk me at my wedding.
I wish you all the best sweety!!! It's hard to learn things about someone you love especially when it's your father when it's not the best news or good information.
All that I can say is that we are all here for you to listen and to give our little tid bits of information.
If you ever want to talk and be a little more private please don't hesitate to PM me!!!!!! I'm enough of a friend to listen yet still as much a stranger not to judge!
Good Luck Honey, we're all here for you!

[ger]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's quite hard to hear things about people we're supposed to love. Hang in there...and go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it!

[Valmai]

I think one of the hardest things we have to deal with as families go is when someone we love so much does something dreadful and we feel torn between loving them and despising them. Good luck with things hun and sorry you're going thru this - we are always here if you ever want to chat! xxx

[march2007bride]

i'm actually having this problem with my mother she left when i was 3 becasue she was a coke head and wanted to party leaving my dad to raise me(well it ended up being him and my grammy) when i was 9 he got remarried to a chick who ended up abusing me every day..i had runaway 13 tmes and when i was almost 13 my dad let me move in with my grama... now in teh mean time my mom would appear when she felt like hey i got a kid i should say hi... then in 1995 she did sometingTERRIBLE TO ME but i have moved on and she will get her day i invited her becasue my dad and step mom said i should so i dont regret it because i loved her still even after her leaving me...now my stepp mom and i get along and she has done most of my shower stuff but my gram and dad are walking me down the aisle

do what ur heart says is right

[ladymelissa]

You have every right not to invite him at all. I don't know what else to say, I just wanted to give you a :hug:

[Goin2thechapel]

Sorry to hear about this especially during this time in your life. Feel free to talk to me if you need it!

[jeni740]

Thank you all so much for your kind words hopefully I will forgive him and move on, I will keep you posted.

[shawnsgirl]

I just wanted to say that first off I am soo sorry you are dealing with this and that your father has done some terrible things. Like the other wonderful ladies said you don't have to even invite him to your wedding. It is an honor and a gift for a parent to walk their child down the aisle to give them away on their wedding day. It sounds as if he doesn't deserve this honor. I guess all I can say is hang in there and that I hope he gets the help he needs.

[BriansBride07]

So sorry Jen, I can totally understand where you are coming from. My bio father also has some mental problems. I have let him back into my life several times just to be let down again and again. IF you don't want him there then don't have him there just for the sake of what other's will tell you. It's your day hun and he doesn't need to ruin it for you. My bio-dad will not be invited to my wedding. I have not talked to him in 12 years and have no desire to, he has said and did things to me that are unforgetable. So please just go with your heart. Your wedding is not a time to make amends with people. IF you want him at your wedding, make sure to make amends way in advance before your wedding, so you won't be let down again. I wish you all the best.

[jeni740]

Well now I feel like I have to talk to my dad, his roomate was killed in a head on car crash Sunday afternoon, and he is pretty down about it from what my sister said. I will just have to give him another chance, its weird how death makes you forgive, I know he needs us right now.

[BriansBride07]

Sorry to hear that your father lost a dear friend. I hope all goes well if you do decide to contact your father.

[WebLady]

Thank you all so much for your kind words hopefully I will forgive him and move on, I will keep you posted.
You should definitely forgive and move on, but you don't have to put him in a predominant place in your life if you don't feel comfortable in doing so.

If you don't want to have him walk you down the aisle then don't. There are many other alternatives or just walk alone. If you don't want him at the wedding at all then don't. Sure that might make for some questions and what not, but if you don't care to have him in your life then it shouldn't be a problem anyway.

Well now I feel like I have to talk to my dad, his roomate was killed in a head on car crash Sunday afternoon, and he is pretty down about it from what my sister said. I will just have to give him another chance, its weird how death makes you forgive, I know he needs us right now.
Wow, that is aweful!

If you want to talk to him and try to offer support in this rough time then that is fine (and if might be the 'bigger' thing to do) But that still doesn't mean you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable (ie; letting him be a part of the wedding)

Just take things a day at time if you want any kind of relationship with him and see what happens.

Wishing you all the best :hug:

[shawnsgirl]

You should definitely forgive and move on, but you don't have to put him in a predominant place in your life if you don't feel comfortable in doing so.

If you don't want to have him walk you down the aisle then don't. There are many other alternatives or just walk alone. If you don't want him at the wedding at all then don't. Sure that might make for some questions and what not, but if you don't care to have him in your life then it shouldn't be a problem anyway.


Wow, that is aweful!

If you want to talk to him and try to offer support in this rough time then that is fine (and if might be the 'bigger' thing to do) But that still doesn't mean you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable (ie; letting him be a part of the wedding)

Just take things a day at time if you want any kind of relationship with him and see what happens.

Wishing you all the best :hug:

I was trying to add to rep buy I hit the enter but by mistake I was just trying to say that's some great advice~!