do my fiances sisters have to be bridesmaids?

[meganrenae]

My fiance has 2 sisters... I get along with them fine, but if I had to choose between a night alone or a night with them... I'd be alone. When I got engaged, it was assumed that one of his sisters would be my maid of honor (his family is very pushy). I unfortunately went along with it all. My bridal party is now up to 4 bridesmaids (a lifelong friend, cousin, 2 sisters to be). My problem is this: My 2 best friends from high school were not going to be able to make it because of military and school. They just got together and told me they would make it to my wedding. I desperately want them in my bridal party. When I picture my wedding... I see them being by my side. While I suppose I could have 6 bridesmaids (ouch), I would do almost anything to keep it to less than 4. I originally only wanted 2. So what do I do? Is it even possible to unask sisters of the groom? Or do I suck it up and just deal with the pushy family?
I'm having a small, outdoor, country wedding... so I could possibly have no bridesmaids, yes? just one maid of honor as a witness?
HELP! :( I love my friends and family very much and don't want to mess this one up...
***I do have to mention... I have been living with my fiance's family for almost a year now. Being with his siters and parents is driving me nuts. I'm seeing another side of his sisters that I don't like... they can be so selfish and unresponsible... and we end up taking the brunt of it all...*

[LaceyinPgh]

Since you already asked them and they accepted then you are kind of stuck having them there. On the bright side though, 6 bridesmaids isn't that many. I myself am having 6 including my FH's 2 sisters. Since you already asked them to be in the wedding, asking them to step down could really damage your relationship with his family. It might seem like a trivial thing to get ruffled about but some families and people take the bm thing seriously. You will be spending the rest of your life dealing with your in laws, try to keep the peace and make it as easy on yourself and your FH as possible. At least that is what I would do.

If you don't want to have two additional bridesmaids could your friends act as hostesses at the guest book or do a reading during the ceremony?

[CarlosHoney]

You are never obligated to have someone in your bridal party.. But, immagine what thigns would be like between you and his family if you de-moted them to guests. For the sake of your wedding (and especially your marriage) I'd just leave it alone.

I know how you feel, having someone that you really want in your BP but it just not being possible. I agree with Lacey--give them something else to do (readings at the ceremony, speech at dinner) that shows everyone just how important they are to you, without ruffling any feathers.

[As You Wish]

Miss manners would faint at the suggestion of un-inviting someone from the wedding party. There is no way to do this and maintain a relationship with someone you will eat thanksgiving dinner with at least every other year.

Let it be a lesson- don’t let his family push you around and make decisions. Talk to your fiancé and make sure he stands up for you. If you use this as a learning experience, you may end up with 6 bridesmaids, but you will get to pick out your kids names with no help from the in laws.

[allydawn0040]

Way to go As You Wish. I totally agree with you and everyone else here. You cant demote them. Even though you were pushed into it, the bottom line is you did agree to it. Take it as a learning experience and try not to let it happen again. By leaving it as it is (having 6 in your bp or having your 2 friends do some other special thing) will definately be your best bet for keeping the peace with your new I.L. especially since you are living with them. Hope it all works out for you, Blessings, allydawn0040

[sstark1218]

Just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with the other ladies! You can't ask (or tell) them to step down since they have already accepted. I think you should let your friends read something or sing if they are good singers. Hope this all works out!

[meganrenae]

While I made my decision to have 6 bridesmaids... I can't believe how disgusted I have become with family and friends. Does no one realize that weddings are not all about the family... or the actual wedding day for that. Weddings are about supporting either the bride or groom... not being bitchy and controlling... and it's about what happens AFTER the wedding. LIFE... oi! I think people have lost sight of what this is really all about...

not about being a bridesmaid... not about flowers... not about seeing how many more people you need to invite to "beat" the other side's family in numbers...

who gives a flying f

*sorry... end of my rant*

thanks all for the comments... I didn't even get a chance to look at the replys until I had made my decision to have the 6. While most of it was good advice, I think I just needed to get it all off my chest and "let go of it"... lol, again, what this reply is all about

[WhiskeyGirl]

At the mere word "wedding" families turn into total monsters sometimes. People become demanding, families fight and make your life miserable, but hopefully eventually they will all come around, if not just remind them whos day it is!!

~CanadianBride~

[allydawn0040]

Hopefully this part of the drama is over for you with everyone happy, well except you :oops:. As the pp said weddings do have a way of turning families inside out and upside down. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions on how the wedding should be, some would even say how the wedding HAS to be. Good luck my dear and hang in there! Glad you got the ranting done and off your chest, that's what we are here for. Blessings, allydawn0040

[CindySue]

megan.....dont feel real bad. We do have to put our foot down sometimes and not let people walk all over us.
When my FH proposed the 1st time (without the ring) it was during a full moon, and we were laying out on a blanket afterwards just looking at the stars and we decided that we wanted a moonlit ceremony. We even chose our date by the full moon. Anyway......we had chosen a time of about 9:30 or 10:00 pm to have the ceremony. I mean we wanted it to be dark and we wanted to moon high in the sky. There were several people that said that just wouldnt work for them. Im thinking "so? Its not you getting married anyway. You dont have to come if you dont want to." We did end up changing the time and now its more of a "sunset ceremony" but we changed it because of our own reasons, not because people pressured us.
We do have a few other "issues" that we need to work through with people wanting to decide things for us. But for the most part we are having the ceremony we want.

[rainbowtreat]

I have to agree with every one ehre. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. They all know this is OUR day.

For my first wedding the maids and groomsmen were off set. He only had a best mand and I had a maid of honor and a brides maid and a flower girl. IT was still a very nice wedding. Things dont have to be perfect. You can add them without your FH having ot choose 2 more guys as groomsmen.

Good luck.

[meganrenae]

I am thankful that we have the support of our friends and family... I guess it's becoming especially hard for me when I'm the more aggressive one out of the two of us (my fiance is very quiet and a people pleaser). I'm finding that I'm doing a lot of the talking and trying to stand up for what WE want. My father is a minister, and so he's had to deal with a lot of the family drama ****... so it's soo comforting to know that I have his experience to fall back on if need be.

[usahgrad]

Well, no, you don't have to have your fiance's sisters as bridesmaids, but since you already asked and they accepted, then you do.

My wedding is also going to be small and I have four bms and three jbms. Here's my suggestion...tier them.

During the ceremony, instead of having all six of them in one line off your side, split them in half and have three and three. Pick the shorter of the three to stand in front or have them standing so they don't block each other. This way, you still have all your bms, your wedding still looks small, and your fiance's family doesn't hate you. :)

Good luck, and believe me, all of our FH's families have quirks we don't like. And all of them are probably involved in our weddings in one way or another. It's part of becoming family.