HELP - family wants to invite too many !

[rockstar1]

Hello ladies. Please help. I am pulling my hair out over this.
My parents are divorced. They have both been very generous, and have donated $10,000 each to help pay for the wedding. Sounds like a lot - and it is - but I live in the Washington DC area, so weddings are extremely pricey here. basically, my fiancee and i were debating between having the reception at a restaurant that would limit us to 95 people only, or on a boat, on the water in DC. The boat holds 250- but we really had a vision of our special day being SMALL, with family and best friends.
I told my mom today in an email that we were probably going to have the reception on the boat. ( i didn't say - we want to have it on the boat so we can have a unique, special setting - not so we can invite all of your friends!) so, she responds and says that's great, and she really needs to invite EIGHT couples (her friends) instead of only the two couples I told her she could invite. and, she also wants to invite this friend who has always 'taken an interest' in me... etc. etc. etc. it's $150 at least per person to have the reception on this boat. what do i do??
I even told her in my email that the boat is $4,000 OVER budget for us - BUT that we'll find a way to do it. maybe she doesn't understand how much things cost. i don't know. but since she has offered so much money... i don't want to upset her and i don't want to appear ungrateful. please HELP!! :(

[LaceyinPgh]

You do what Sean and I did. You decide how many people you are willing to invite whether it is based on you rvision of a wedding day, budget, space, whatever. Then you and your FH make out YOUR list of people that you want there. This is your wedding and your friends and family come first. In our case we figured that the venue holds 250 people comfortably. So we figured it was safe to invite 260. Our list had 60 people on it. That left us with 200 people. We then divided that number in half and gave his parents who are still married 100 guets and my parents who are divorced 50 guests each. That was the max amount that they were allowed to invite. Our parents are each giving us a large sum of money as well for a our wedding but they had their day and now this one belongs to Sean and I. Set limits and don't feel bad about saying no to anyone.

[sstark1218]

I think thats the best idea, Lacey! This is your day, and you should say how many people and who you want there. Just because she is helping pay for it, doesnt mean she gets to take over. Are the people she wants to invite friends of yours? Do they even know you?

[rockstar1]

thanks ladies!
good question! her friends have met me.
but i am only close to TWO of the couples. she wants to invite like NINE couples. so, i am going to have to set some boundaries - it's just never easy for me ! so, thanks for your support.
so i shouldnt feel guilty - even though she contributed a lot financially?
:x

[LaceyinPgh]

thanks ladies!
good question! her friends have met me.
but i am only close to TWO of the couples. she wants to invite like NINE couples. so, i am going to have to set some boundaries - it's just never easy for me ! so, thanks for your support.
so i shouldnt feel guilty - even though she contributed a lot financially?
:x

My parents and Sean's parents are helping us very graciously with our wedding. I don't feel guilty about telling any of them no about anything. They all had their big wedding days the way that they wanted them and now I get mine. The way I see it is this, they are our parents. They are all financially comfortable and able to help us with this wedding day taht they have been waiting many years for. They obvisouly want to help because we never asked for a penny. That means it is a very generous gift. When someone gives you a sweater for Christmas do they give you stipulations on how and when to wear it? This is the same thing only it doesn't come in a box with tissue paper.

[Jenn060306]

We desided we could afford to have roughly 120 people at our wedding, we split the numbers 40 us, 40 my family, 40 his family. My parents are paying for the reception, and have had alot of their friends flat out say they are coming to the wedding. We decided the number of guests that we each are over we pay for.
I know this might be tough to ask her to do considering how much they have put forth into the wedding. But it might help your mom understand how much it is costing you for extra guests.
Good luck!

[sstark1218]

I completely understand where you are coming from, rockstar1. My FH parents aren't even contributing and I still feel bad about saying no to things. It'll all work out, and if they want you to be happy, then they should and will accept this!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Some times you just have to put your foot down and say NO. I know when we got married this past July my hubby's dad really wanted us to do a seating plan for the reception and my hubby and I were totally against it. Even though he paid over $14000 for ou wedding, we told him ultimately it is our wedding and we will decide what we want. Both our parents wanted us to invite certain people (these people maybe last saw us when we were like five and we don't remember them.) but we knew what we wanted and what we didn't. Tell your mom she gets to invite so many guests, and she should pick then wisely. I found that if you don't put your foot down from the beginning these type of things will KEEP cropping up!! Best of luck and talk to your mom!

~CanadianBride~

[rockstar1]

thanks canadian bride!! you're right i have to put my foot down.
well today i emailed my mom and asked her to please hold off on inviting all of those people until we know what we're doing - we haven't officially signed off on anything yet. so she writes back and gives me a guilt trip!!!!. very manipulative if you ask me. compared this to my evil step sister casey's wedding. my step sister was a total B**** during her wedding; we all called her 'bridezilla.' she wouldn't let her dad, my step-dad, walk her down the aisle. she didn't want my mom, her step mom, in any of the photos. i am TOTALLY NOT being like that!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!! My mom in her email said, 'well, we weren't able to invite ANYONE to casey's wedding. it really upset us. i guess if it happens again, we'll live.' what a bunch of ****.
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS.

[As You Wish]

My suggestion is to set a total number quick. Say you and you sweetie decide on 150 guests- whatever your choice just pick a number you can live with. Then decide how many of those guests can be from parents? Make sure each set of parents get the same number of people, perhaps 10. Again just pick a number and stick with it. Let both parents know how many they get and let them decide who they will and will not invite.

Make your decision as early as possible and then don’t change your mind. As soon as your Mom knows that she can invite X number of people, the exact same number of people as his mom, and the guest list is not growing, she will find something else to worry about.