To drop or not to drop... That is the Question

[Ms. Scribbles]

Ok...

I have a dilemna here that I am sure someone out there has also had to go through so I am hoping to get some kind of advice.

I am having an issue with my MOH...AGAIN...

Now to give quick background info, she is a diva. Totally. No questions asked. She willa dmit it to your face. We usually get along because we have nothing to compete about-she is a waitress at a trendy NYC resturant living the SE & THE CITY life waiting to be "discovered" as the next top model or actress or whatever. I am a student teacher in a relationship for the last four yearsm planning to move to NJ whitelandia after my wedding.

So generally we are ok. She is really one of 2 friends that I have and the other girl is getting married two weeks after me so to spare ehr expense I chose my current MOH.

She is a good eprson but she is also a self absorbed woman who honestly believes the world revolves around her-just alst week she told me she dropped plans with a guy she was dating from match.com because and i QUOTE..."I don't think he would be the type to appreciate that I am the kind of woman who NEEDS nice things and if I wnat to spend 400 dollars on adress I must ahve, he needs to deal."

So yes. She is a good eprson but not quite alll straight with her priorities. So this is my dilemna...

She doesn't get it is MY WEDDING!

First we had a problem with the dress she was supposed to wear because she wanted to be "individual" and to "stand out" when she thought there were going to be more bridesmaids. (Now there is just her because we want to keep it small) We settled that went I went mini-bridezilla on her and she decided to wear the dress I picked out. (lovely, simple dress she CAN wear again and it isn't too expensive. SHE wanted to wear this huge bow to "stand out" BUT she promised and I QUOTE.."Don't worry I know my limits. My mother told me that I couldn't upstage you and I told her I knew that so I am choosing my accessories and hairstyle carefully..." ***! As if she's prettier than I am? ok claws there..I digress...)

Then there was the issue of the centerpieces which she thought "might look cheap considering the place you rented." (we are doing photo frame centerpieces rather than traditional flowers)

NOW...its been about 3 weeks since we have spoken-going on four actually. WHY? Because online that fateful night those weeks ago, I mentioned that I had ordered some silk gerber dasies online. I wanted to see what they would look like because they were less expensive than real flowers and would have been easier to transport. So anyway, I mentioned it to ehr in apssign that we'd see what they looked like and if they didn't look realistic enough for my tastes than we would gowith real flowers.-that was what my FH and I had decided.

First my MOH said that she really thought I should use real flowers because there is no substiution for them. I said yea I know but we were just going to look at them and see how they looked becasue I might be able to use them for some projects.

So what does my MOH, supposed to be dear friend say?

I AM QUOTING HERE!....

"Well I guess I have to trust you not to turn your wedding into Ghetto Homes."

***!

GHETTO HOMES???!!! WHOOOOOO says something like that?!

And when I called her on it by saying, "if you were anyone else I would be so offended, but since I have known you since we were ten and know you sometimes speak without thinking, I will let it slide. ONCE," she says....

"Well I am just saying. I know you want to cut corners but really. You're going to look cheap."

I excused myself politely-said I was going to bed before I snapped. I signed off. She called a moment later and I let it ring, thinking she would leave a voicemail.

Did she?

NOPE.

Has she called again trying to apologize?

NOPE.

Have I seen her online since?

YEP.

Another of my close friends (who I didnt ask to be my MOH ONLY because she is getting married two weeks after I am) said I should drop her because this is ridiculous. Honestly I agree, but my issue then is I have no one else. NO ONE. So should I suck it up because I know she is a self-absorbed diva and deal with her or should I just go MOHless?

HELP!

[SerendipityCrafts]

WOW. Of course you know her and we don't but IMHO I would say that it's going to continue and may get worse as your day approaches. Sounds like she has some high expectations of how you are going to spend YOUR money.

[WebLady]

WOW. Of course you know her and we don't but IMHO I would say that it's going to continue and may get worse as your day approaches. Sounds like she has some high expectations of how you are going to spend YOUR money.
I feel the same. Good luck with that.

[Ms. Scribbles]

I know.. -sighs- So how do I deal with this? Should I give her a week or two more and then call her and say, "Well its been a month and I don't think this is going to work?"

What do I do about a MOH? Do I go without?

[WebLady]

I know.. -sighs- So how do I deal with this? Should I give her a week or two more and then call her and say, "Well its been a month and I don't think this is going to work?"
Yeah, you might want to give here some time to see if she will apologize andor see how she continues to act then tell her.

... What do I do about a MOH? Do I go without?You could use a close family member ... a sister, a cousin, an Aunt. Or you could just go without, but if your FH is having a best man it might look funny if you don't have a MOH. But if you are having other bridesmaids, then it won't make that big of a deal.

:goodluck: :hug:

[Kacie_bride]

And you could always have your mother stand in as MOH. You could always talk to your other friend who is getting married after you and ask her if she maybe could spare the extra cash to be in your wedding as well. Maybe she would be willing especially if the dress you picked out is not very expensive.

[Ms. Scribbles]

The dress isn't that expensive and honestly I am flexible with the dress. So long as it is a base of fuschia or red, I am good. It can be whatever summery dress she wanted at this point since it is just one girl.

-sighs- I guesss Im more hurt than I am put out if that makes sense. I can be a pain in butt about many things but this time Im being so flexible and reasonable and STILL she cannot take one thing I say as word. I mean is one day to ask? I know I have been lenient becaause its just her and an intimate wedding and maybe that was the problem-I was too lax instead of being like "THIS is what I WANT SO DO IT!"

I just didn't wan to become Bridezilla because things liek the dress just aren' that important to me. But to say "I guess I have to trust you not to turn your wedding in ghetto homes?..."

I was an art major-we went to the same HS of Art and Design in NYC. I mean Im more artistic than she is in my expression of clothing and decorating my place. I may wear less expensive clothes because I try to be frugal but they NEVER LOOk cheap. I guess she's forgetting she once asked to borrow a pair of "killer heels" that I paid only 20 bucks for.

-sighs again- sorry Im rambling. I just HATE HATE HATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE confrontation and she's so high strung it will be drama. OR she will do the exact opposite-act nonchalant and we will never speak again.

Earleir in the planning process, durign the dress debacle, I "joked" that I could replace her and she turned and looked right back at me, continuing to eat ehr cheesecake as she said, "Who else are you possibly going to get that you actually like."

I mean she has a point. I don't geta long with my mother because she is loony about this wedding and my other friend has so many expenses Im trying to spare ehr more. SHe said she'd do it but she can be flakey aand isnt very excited about planning her own wedding so worries me.

Anyway Im talking too much but I wnat to clarify my current MOH IS a good person. Really. I mean she tries to be there for you and she's just...Its like she was born self absorbed and knows no other way to be, if that makes sense. She is 26 but honestly though she is "worldly" in terms of the music and acting industry, when it comes to relationships with men and women, she just doesn't know how to put herself second sometimes. Its all about her and when you remind her it isn't, she actually seems honestly surprised.

Oh well. Thanks for listening to my rants, folks.

I appreciate it.

[kevinsbride2B]

I can't speak for everyone else but I know that most of us have that "friend" who's such a "diva" you want to tear there hair out sometimes. I know I have a few of them.
You need to call her and say "listen, I know that your trying to help me, but really your not!" You don't have to snap out or anything, just let her know that you have a lot going on with this planning, and you can't handle the "diva attitude". It doesn't mean you love her any less but the "non-help" she's giving you isn't heping.
I wouldn't say drop her, cause think about your friendship too outside of the whole wedding thing. You really don't wanna loose a friend. But on the other hand if she can't see what she's doing to you right now after you tell her then, well it's really ehr loss.
I see absolutly NOTHING wrong with silk gerbs!!! My whole bathroom is silk gerbs and the amoutn of stupid people that walk in and say "where do you always get such lovely flowers from" is enormous!!! Gerbs are BEAUTIFUL silk IMO anyways. Plus your right, you can do a lot of other stuff with them later thatw ay too. And in a vase they look ab fab!
Just keep in mind this is YOUR wedding,a nd she can say whatever she wants, but bottom line it's yours, not hers and it's YOUR opinion regardless of what she says. And BTW your planning thus far is beautiful don't forget that!

[BriansBride07]

So sorry, you are going through this. This is what I would do in your currant situation. I know your MOH is a diva and a bit of a drama queen (from what you have stated) But she is also your best friend, since you have known her since you were 10 y.o. Sit her down and tell her that when she makes these comments that it is truely hurting you. It doesn't sound like she is trying to hurt your feeling, its just the way she handles situations. Also try to refrain from telling her every single detail. This is something I have had to do with my MOH and it is working. Stand your ground if you believe something will work and try and let the words she says to you roll off your shoulders. Your wedding will not look cheap by using silk flowers and not real ones. When you receive the silk daisy's try and do a mock up and show her she may be surprised on how well it does look. tell her to have an open mind about things. Continue to tell her this is your wedding not hers, and that if she wants to go extravagant (sp) for her wedding that you would be there to support her so you need the same in return. I hope that talking to her will help and I wish you all the best.

[4424]

quite honestly, she sounds very manipulative. i'd be offended if she told me that i couldn't replace her because i had noone else. there is nothing wrong with having a couple of close friends instead of a bunch of less close friends. anyway, it's tough because you were asking her opinion on something. and granted, most people would not ever say such a thing, it was her opinion. i would give talking to her a try and explain that you are very creative and that you are not trying to cut corners but instead trying out ideas and that you appreciate her opinion but wish she would be more considerate in her comments or something like that. i think it's hard to drop people out of weddings only because there are ppl you are so close with. personally, i'm not a confrontational person either and i would give talking a shot and if not, i just wouldn't ask her opinion on anything. good luck!!

[WebLady]

...-sighs again- sorry Im rambling. I just HATE HATE HATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE confrontation and she's so high strung it will be drama. OR she will do the exact opposite-act nonchalant and we will never speak again.

Earleir in the planning process, durign the dress debacle, I "joked" that I could replace her and she turned and looked right back at me, continuing to eat ehr cheesecake as she said, "Who else are you possibly going to get that you actually like."
Well I wouldn't want a friend like that, let alone have a person like this in my wedding.

If it was me and I was having a small wedding and my 'friend' was being this way to me then I would just tell her that she doesn't have to be a part of my 'cheap' wedding and go on about my wedding plans without her.

Some people say things they feel are jokes and no big deal (and for some ppl it is fine), but these things can be rude, hurtful and uncalled for. You have to put your foot down and let these people know that you are not the person to talk to that way.

No matter what happens, it is going to work out ... you are getting married to the man of your dreams, that is all that matters, even it there is no one else there.

Best to you :hug:

[cowboysbride]

You obviously have more patience than I do, at this point she'd be out. Friends are supposed to support you and do whatever makes you happy in your wedding....Her comments about upstaging you, the ghetto comment and then the "who else would you get" would have me seriously wondering how good a friend she really is...she seems very superficial. That in itself would bother me tremendously. Your MOH is supposed to be there for you, not there for you to worry about! I would do what Kacie suggested and see if you could find someone else...this has gone on long enough...if she's this childish now it won't get any better (based on what you've told us). Best of luck your plans sound fine to me...after all it's YOUR wedding!

[janeandreawong]

Well I wouldn't want a friend like that, let alone have a person like this in my wedding.

If it was me and I was having a small wedding and my 'friend' was being this way to me then I would just tell her that she doesn't have to be a part of my 'cheap' wedding and go on about my wedding plans without her.

Some people say things they feel are jokes and no big deal (and for some ppl it is fine), but these things can be rude, hurtful and uncalled for. You have to put your foot down and let these people know that you are not the person to talk to that way.

No matter what happens, it is going to work out ... you are getting married to the man of your dreams, that is all that matters, even it there is no one else there.

Best to you :hug:


ohhh I have to agree with you. Her attitude just doesn't fit a MOH.




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[vanessabg]

I feel the same. Good luck with that.
I also feel the same,best of luck.

[samanthamarie]

Lose her. Fast. It's better to have no MOH.