Bridesmaids Trouble!!!

[smalllady]

I got engaged about 5 months ago and immediately knew who I was going to ask to be in my wedding party. My problem is that I was in a old friends' wedding about 3 three years ago. Since then we have grown apart, speaking maybe once every four months. I tried VERY hard to continue the relationship, but there were far too many times that she never returned calls and cancelled plans. When I told her I got engaged I got a very "PC" response "Oh...congratulations" After that I chose a bridal party consisting of my best friend, my two sisters, my sister-in-law to be and two friends I have grown very close to over the last four years. Recently my "old friend" has been calling alot and asking alot about the wedding, she sent me a card saying she knows we have grown apart but I am still one of her best friends....now I don't know what to do -- how do I tell her without hurting her feelings that I didn't choose her to be in my wedding party? Is there an etiquette to this? Help!

[sstark1218]

Wow, thats a toughie. Do you have room for one more in your party?

[bnd94]

You could just be honest with her if you think she can take it. Just tell her what you told us, about not returning phone call or basically not keeping in touch, so you didn't know what was going on with your relationship and decided to ask some girls you are friends with now. But if you really want why not ask her to be in it too.

[CarlosHoney]

You are not obligated to have her in your wedding party. Let me repeat that. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO HAVE HER IN YOUR WEDDING PARTY. Now, if you WANT her in the wedding party, that's another matter.

What I would do, is continue planning, offer no explination, and if she wants to be involved and wants to try to help with things, and your friendship grows and you feel like you want her to stand up with you, then ask her.

I know how it is to grow apart, and I know how it is to regret it. But, if she didn't make an attempt at friendship before, why should things change now?

Good luck, feel it out. But, that's the ettiquitte. It feels guilty to be in her BP, and not offer her into yours, but there is no reason to include someone who isn't a close friend at the time.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I can't agree more with Carlo'shoney. Do not ask her to be in your wedding party because you were in hers. Things change over the years, people change over the years. You tried to keep in touch with her, she didn't want to pursue the relationship and therefor forfited all rights as "best friend" to be in your wedding party. You see this happened to me, my best friend from high school thought that I should pick her to be in my wedding party even though she failed to try and keep the friendship going with me. (ie never returning calls or emails, telling me she would call and of course this never happened!) Anyhow, I didn't ask her to be in my wedding party and she showed me just what kind of person and friend she was, she teamed up with my ex-bf (who was horriable to me!) and started making plans to bring him to my wedding. SO she didn't even get an invitation! But yeah thats off topic, I don't think you should make room for her, you are not obligated to do so!! Follow your heart, I don't really think just because you were in someone's wedding party you HAVE to have them in yours!! I just can't say it enough! Everyone thinks that you have to be nice and you have to pick the people who once picked you, but I think espicially in this situation, you are not obligated to pick her! (I think anyone who tells you differently might have the largest wedding party in the world because people would keep coming out of the wood work and they would KEEP making room for them! Lol!)

~CanadianBride~

[wedbyjean]

Don't ask her to be a member of your bridal party just because you were in hers. The people who you ask to stand up with you are those who are special in your life. Keep in mind that you've already got 6 on your side of the bridal party, do you want any more? If you really want her in your bridal party, then ask her. If you feel that you've drifted too far, but you want to include her in some way, you can ask her to perform some other duty (ie. do a ceremony reading, be a greeter, pass out programs or 'man' the guest book).

A lot can happen in three years. Don't immediately sever any ties just because she hadn't responded when you tried to keep in touch. Does she have a good reason? OK, I admit there probably aren't too many acceptable reasons why, but find out first before making any quick decisions regarding the relationship, and regarding how (just a guest, or something more) to include her in your wedding.

[sstark1218]

Great advice.. couldnt agree more!