Dealing with the "Evil" sister inlaw (long)

[WhiskeyGirl]

Is anyone out there dealing with the evil sister inlaw just like I am? Last year when we announced our engagement she acted like she was happy but all she really wanted to see was if my ring was nicer then hers. She actually came over to our house while we had company and looked at my ring then said ratherly UNexcitedly "congratulations." Later she admitted that my ring is nicer then hers and then she basically stopped being civil. After that there was another problem and she treated me even more like ****. (She heard I was pregnant and because they are having problems getting pregnant it automatically sent her into turmoil and she freaked out and started hating me.) I WASN'T! After clearing that up and not talking to them for a few months she finally came over to our house and FINALLY apologized for making me feel like a total pile of **** for those months. So that was all sorted out and we thought we could get along with them and we forgave her because this is a stressful time for her. (Not being able to become pregnant.) We asked her husband, my husband's brother to be in our wedding party and for her to set up our wedding in his parent's back yard. Well lo and behold as we got closer and closer to the wedding, she backed out on us and we just had my husband's family set up the wedding without her help. (It would have been nice to have had her help because she is quite good with these things. Thankfully his family did a VERY beautiful job so I could care less that she didn't help!) She barely talked to me on our wedding day (actually talked more to my dad then she did to me.) and come to think of it I am not sure she even said congrats and welcome to the family to me! We went off on our honey moon and came home thinking that everything was good and everyone was happy and blah blah blah.

In this last month she has refused to have any contact with me and has had parties that one would normally invite the SIL to,(she did the MIL) but doesn't. She just keeps coming up with ways to hurt me. I wonder if she's afraid that I will get pregnant before her, but I can't, we have fertility issues of our own and have been told that we may NEVER have kids! And now I understand where she's coming from, even more now on how she feels when everyone around her gets pregnant, its hard to hear about anyone's baby that they are expecting and you sometimes almost take it as a personal assault on you. (Espicially when friends say they had sooooooooooooo much trouble getting pregnant for THREE WHOLE months...boooo! Try two years or one year! And then being told you may NEVER!) [Anyhow thats a different story]

My husband tells me not to take it personally, she would have hated anyone who came into the family marrying him, but how can I not feel like its all personal. Does anyone else have an "evil" SIL, how do you deal with this person?? One of my friends told me that I just have to confront her and duke (well not fight but ya know talk) it out. Unfortunately I don't deal well with confrontation with people, I tend to start crying and then they walk all over me. We can't have a family meeting because that is so not for us. The last time they did that they waited for MIL to go to an appointment called us over and FIL,SIL and Brother attacked us! (And yes, I cried!) I am very unhappy in this aspect of our marriage, well not so much marriage as in my new family life. It does effect our marriage but we don't fight over it, its just back and forth about why she hates me so and of course it hurts me terriably. :cry: There are some times when I cry over this, because I feel like we should be able to at least be civil to each other, but she makes this impossible and extremely frustrating. I guess I just need to know how everyone thinks I should deal with her? So far I'm really good at ignoring her or just saying "hi".

~CanadianBride~

[CarlosHoney]

Well, luckily she's not actually related to me. Thank goodness!! :lol:

But, my FI has a best friend of 11 years. He's one of the Groomsmen. His girlfriend is a WENCH!! I simply can't stand her. She blows everything out of proportion, won't let things go, speaks to Tony abusively, and every time we see her, there is something that comes out of her mouth that makes me wonder how Tony can deal with her. She's an alcoholic, she's whiny, and when she is not the center of attention, she acts like a baby.

There was a misunderstanding or three about 9 months ago. She's a liar, and very deffensive, and takes everything very personally. If anyone in this tight knit group of friends talks like they normally do about what is going on with everyone (It's not gossip, it's just 'This is what so-and-so is up to...) she thinks that people are talking about her behind her back. Again, this all happened 9 months ago, she still treats FI and I like she's so much better than us. We had a talk about it, because that's the way we are as a group (Communication is GOOD!) and she pretty much had a meltdown, started being really obnoxious and rude to everyone, and pretty much spit our apologies back in our faces. It wasn't a 'Oh, I'm SOOO wrong' apology, it was a 'Sorry things are weird, and if I did anything to upset you, sorry' apology. Well, pretty much, she can't handle people being mature.

She was huffing and puffing at my birthday get together. Getting all sullen and removed once everyone started ignoring her. Last night at our friend (another GM) John's birthday, she was acting like a big baby. If no one was talking to her, she pouted.

The icing on the cake, though, is that the night I returned from my brother's funeral (only 2 months ago, mind you) she was whining and moaning about her job, how she hates it, how it's terrible, etc. I actually made it obvious that I was tired of her acting this way and that because she couldn't shut the heck up, I was going to bed. This was 12 hours after his funeral. We got home and our friends came over to be supportive. Well, except HER of course.

Honestly, I ignore her. I don't want to cause any more drama, and Tony always takes her side (as he should, it's his GF) so it would just pit us against them. I ignore the childish behavior, anytime she says something stupid, I kind of stare at her blankly with the 'Umm, Right!!' look on my face, and change the subject.

If she does things to hurt you (I've been snubbed for invites to group activities as well) just ignore it, move on. Talking about it won't change anything. It'll just be more akward. Just be the bigger person and try to be nice when your BIL is around, to show him that you're being civil. I do that, and Tony actually apologised to me because of her behavior. I compliment her on something that she is wearing, whether it's cute or not. I try to ask how work/school is going, and after the obligitory nicities are over, I ignore her immature butt.

Good luck, and I wish you the best.

Also, I'm sending you some fertility vibes. I don't want any more kids after this one.. I'll let you take over from here. :wink:

[bnd94]

I agree with Carlo's Honey. You can't let people like her get to you. You are so much better than her. I wouldn't lower myself to duke it out with her. I don't think any amount of talking is going to turn this girl into a civil human being. People like her are usually just miserable and thrive on making others miserable too. I personally would just ignore her. If she calls on the phone let your FH deal with her. If she comes over be civil but I wouldn't stop what I was doing to be nice to her. Just continue making supper or whatever you are doing. Maybe if you give her a touch of the cold shoulder she will smarten up and be a little nicer. Good luck!

[WhiskeyGirl]

So we were over at the Parent's InLaw and my MIL tells us that my hubby's dad has had a talk with his other son about his "evil" wife. The brother claims that "evil" SIL just so happened to forget to invite me. How the hell does one forget to invite their SIL? Am I wrong in thinking so?? I really don't know what to think, all I do know is that I will continue to get along with my BIL and ignore my SIL, whom I feel HATES my guts! Maybe some day she will grow up and we can be friends but for now, I will keep to myself and dread Christmas time as she will be there to make it difficult and seem like hell!

~CanadianBride~

[CarlosHoney]

Honestly, as long as you smile through it and think of it as highly immature on her part, it will be more of a joke. People can tell that she's making things weird. As long as you say the 'Hello, nice to see you!' and smile for 2 seconds, no one can sit and accuse you of being the one who is being a baby.

I have to think of it like that with this evil wench of a girl my friend is dating. It's the same thing. I get along great with Tony, but his girlfriend just sulks and acts like someone is raining on her parade. She pouts and complains, and it's easy to see.

Be the bigger man, see it as a joke. And at christmas time, just buy her a sweater that is way too big. When it doesn't fit, just shrug and admit that you thought that was her size! :roll:

[WhiskeyGirl]

Thats the other thing....we aren't giving them gifts because all they want is gift certificates, because if you buy them something she will just sell it in a garage sale she has. (My MIL has seen lots of items she has given to her being sold this way...MIL would be happy if she would just give them back to her and she has just started giving her gift certificates instead.) I think asking for gift certificates and selling items people give you as gifts, is just plain rude. I think you are all beginning to understand what kind of person I am dealing with. I think my Inlaws find it nicer that I am a gracious person who apprecaites EVERY gift I get. (I came from a home where we got VERY little for Christmas, she comes from a home FULL of money!) I just keep living my life, I haven't seen her since our wedding in July....she lives in the same town as us but avoids us and the inlaws like the plague....we all don't know what we ever did...but hey I really don't mind!!

~CanadianBride~

[SueMartin]

There is nothing you can do , but be the bigger person in all this.. if the stoopid witch wants a fight.. then do it.. except kill her with kindness.. it will drive her crazy.. coming from money , maybe she does think she is better than you.. but so what.. she can think the world is flat and unless you let it, it doesnt mean a thing to your life.

be polite.. show up her bad manners that way.. always invite them to things you have , ( so what if the party of the year is on a day when you KNOW she has something on.. not your fault :) )

and live your life safe in the knowledge that you have people who love you for WHO you are, not WHAT you have.

[WhiskeyGirl]

We are building a new house and a friend of mine thinks I should have a house warming party and invite her to it but there is NO way in HELL that she will ever be welcome in my home!! Everyone keeps telling me to be the bigger person but I don't want her to see my house because I know that if she never sees it, it will drive her absolutely CRAZY!! I know this is probably "lowering" myself to her level but I just don't want her jealous body in my house! She sees something, says something nice to your face and then goes around town saying BS to everyone else! I just can't let her treat me like **** like that. I think that I WON'T ever invite her to my house, but thats my choice....all the other times I will be polite, but Our home is MY sanctuary from her and her negativety and jealousy!!

~CanadianBride~

[As You Wish]

How does your husband deal with the conflict between you and his sister? Is he supportive? Does he try to resolve the problem? Does he just stay out of it? This woman will be the aunt of your children, be at every family event you ever attend (or host?) It is important that you like how your husband deals with the situation.

[CindySue]

My future inlaws are great. My problem is my FH's best friend from college. This man is rude and obnoxious and usually drunk. He SAYS hes going to take Brian out and get him drunk before the ceremony. OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!! Brian even said no. I think he doesnt really want his friend at our wedding but isnt sure how to handle it. I havent said anything bad about this guy to my FH, but I cant stand him.
His "girlfriend" is just as bad. Shes always going on and on about how boring their sex life is....like I really care to hear about it.
My only consolation is that they live over an hour away so we wont have to deal with them much.

[bnd94]

We are building a new house and a friend of mine thinks I should have a house warming party and invite her to it but there is NO way in HELL that she will ever be welcome in my home!! Everyone keeps telling me to be the bigger person but I don't want her to see my house because I know that if she never sees it, it will drive her absolutely CRAZY!! I know this is probably "lowering" myself to her level but I just don't want her jealous body in my house! She sees something, says something nice to your face and then goes around town saying BS to everyone else! I just can't let her treat me like **** like that. I think that I WON'T ever invite her to my house, but thats my choice....all the other times I will be polite, but Our home is MY sanctuary from her and her negativety and jealousy!!

~CanadianBride~

I think I would FORGET to invite her! LOL

[CarlosHoney]

I mean, you know, stuff gets lost in the mail all the time! :roll:

[WhiskeyGirl]

How does your husband deal with the conflict between you and his sister? Is he supportive? Does he try to resolve the problem? Does he just stay out of it? This woman will be the aunt of your children, be at every family event you ever attend (or host?) It is important that you like how your husband deals with the situation

She isn't my husband's sister, she is my husband's brother's wife. He deals with it by telling me he knows how she is and there isn't any way that she will change. He does talk with his parents and they in turn talk to his brother but we never have direct contact with her or his brother for that matter. He supports me in most cases but tells me that I cannot keep her from coming in MY house! Over my dead body will she ever set foot more in my house then on the front door step!! Yes its true she will be the aunt of our children but it is also true that she is a wench who will probably kick our children to tell them that they should get out of her way!! Ok a little dramatic but seriousily I don't think she even cares if we EVER have children! The only person she cares about is HERSELF! I don't like how my husband deals with it, most times I think he should stand up for me more, but we are working on that FOR SURE! The drama with this woman is unbarable sometimes and I just have to walk away thinking if my husband's parents continue to fall for her ****, they are stupider then I THOUGHT! I know I sound rude, but I am so fed up with her **** I could scream!

~CanadianBride~

[bnd94]

Well his parents probably feel like they have to get along with her for their son's sake. That would be hard though for everyone that has to deal with her.

[WhiskeyGirl]

UPDATE:

Well with Christmas coming I am at my witts end! Is it wrong or childish for me to refuse to go to my Inlaws for Christmas because I know she will be there? I'm afraid that if I see her I will not be polite or I might end up getting in a physical scrap with her! I usely love the Holidays but I am dreading this one....for more then one reason.

I guess I am just a really bad person or something because now even my own Brother's wife does not like me. Before our wedding we had this major fight and she quit our wedding party. She told me not a single one of them was going to have ANYTHING to do with our wedding! She was supposed to be my MOH, my niece- FG, my nephew- RB, my brother- MC for the reception. And she did this all like two months before our wedding. She emailed me one day telling me that I was turning into Bridezilla and that I was asking too much of her (I bent over backwards for her wedding and actually I was being REALLY nice, almost too nice with everything and everyone dealing with the wedding.) Anyhow to make a long story short she appologized and then I still kept her as my MOH at my parent's pleading (I wanted to demote her and pick my GF who was being a GREAT friend and helping me out WAY more then my SIL.) So the wedding came and went and my own brother/SIL didn't even give us a wedding present. (Told us it was coming...we've been married five months now...still no gift, but at this point I don't even care anymore!) So as some of you may know, my husband and I were building a brand new house. Well since we have moved, my SIL has stopped talking to us completely. She has refused to come and see our house and she does not call me or email at all anymore!!

I really don't want to go ANY WHERE for Christmas this year. It will all be uncomfortable and I just don't feel like dealing with that ****. On top of it all, I saw a Doctor who told us that we may never have children! I am hurt and could really use some support from my family and all I get is hurt and hate from them!! I am almost at my witts end!!

There is so much **** going on in my life and every time my mom calls to talk to me all she can say is that they are all so busy and that I have nothing to worry about because I don't work and I have no cares in the world. (according to her.) I just want to slap every single last one of them! Grrrr.

Ok I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.

~CanadianBride~

[fotogrllt]

My boyfriends sister in law is an evil person too. However, your sister in law to be is just plain jealous, controlling and manipulative. Here is the solution. Do not, I repeat, do not do the following: argue with her, try to justify or defend your positions on what you do, say or think, and be polite. She is looking for any reason to continue bringing you down to her level. Keep a positive attitude around her and when she starts to boast about her posessions, her life or anything else, smile and say in a sweet sincere voice, "that's nice." People like your future sister in law, like to play tennis and as long as you serve the ball she will keep on playing. In other words, they love to create chaos and no matter what you do, you will never be able to complace them. It is only until they make themselves happy, will they quit creating chaos. Your future husband needs to do the above also. When you both quit and let the tennis ball drop and walk away, then you may find her changing her tune. Good luck.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Well, let's see where to start. A lot of things have come to light in the last month or so, turns out its just not only me who dislikes my SIL, even my Inlaws dislike her. They have decided to stop giving into her and they are not going to baby her along anymore! (it's about time too!) Christmas should be fun, I am going to go and be the most happy annoying person to her! She will hate me because I will be so nice.....but then maybe I will just ignore her and show her how it feels when she does it to me!! I haven't decided yet, I guess I will wait and see what kind of mood I am in on Christmas eve. Thanks for all the advice!!

~CB~

[rainbowtreat]

Well I lucked out, my FH has no brothers or sisters so I don't have to wrry about any of these htings. but I did go through this last year. The guy I was dating and living with has a SIL and I couldn't stnad her one bit. she was a spoiled rotten brat who always got her way. she grew up an only child so every thign was done for her and her alone. She made a point to say that hse has been in the family for about 7 yrs or so just to make a point to me. I remember one time my BF at the time and his parents were sitting at his parents house talking when his brother and the little brat walk in. With no regards to any one, not like we were in a conversation or anything, she isnt even in the door yet and starts in with her own little story about some htign that happend at the cell phoen place. Every one shut up and let her talk. She goes to the bathroom and comes back and starts right back up like we were all there for her. My BF at the time said his family doesn't care for her but has to put up with her for his brothers sake. I may not like her bu I have to deal with her becuase she is family. I thought oh no i dont. His family always did htings for her, made the foods she liked all the time. Did certain things because she wouldnt have it any other way. The shup up and let her take over. If i was still with this guy I would have ended up sayign somethign to her. And his family would have either loved me for it or hated me for it. I didnt fit into that family and i dont think any one this guy is with will ever be good enough according to this little brat. She was pregnant when I left him and thank god i didnt have to listen to her whine about that. She even mentioned that she was going to get unfinished furniture so she will have somethign to do after the baby was born so she wouldnt be bored when she was home with it. I dont hate any one i get along with every oen but this girl is an exception. I feel your pain Canadianbride except I got out of the family before I was ever really a part of it. You still have to deal with it but I am sure you will be ok once she understands where you stand. I liked this mans brother alot and i couldnt understand how he was with this girl. They have had a baby boy since then and i have seen a picture of him and he looks just like his dad ( thank god for that) and i can bet you a million bucks that whenever she calls her mommy or her MIL because she cant deal with the baby crying they will be right there to take over. She wont ever learn But it sounds liek it is going in the better direction in your case. Good luck and I hope you have a great Christmas.

[usahgrad]

I don't have any problems with my FSIL, but then, there's fourteen years between us, so it's not like we're hanging out all the time. But she's cool when we are hanging out. Now, my FH on the other hand...he's got one hell of a FSIL heading his way...:censored:

[ikkin510]

Uhg! I have a problem with my FSIL (FH's sister) and her FH. You see, her FH is rich. He is spoiled, selfish, and basily no one in FH's family really likes him that much. They all put up with him. Well, no one but FSIL of course, but that's because she is the SAME WAY! Unless you have a lot of money and power or unless she wants something from you, she will not talk to you. I have tried so hard to get along with her and to be nice to her. She use to at least make small talk with me. Then FH and I got engaged. Well, FSIL is not happy about this. She thinks we are "stealing her thunder." She will no longer even look at me let alone say hello. I can be talking to someone and she will walk up and just start talking to that people like I don't even exist! Not to mention all the rude comments she likes to make about how anyone who would have their wedding reception at a firehall is pathetic and just doesn't care about their wedding. No matter how hard you try it will always look like a tacky fire hall. Yeah, we are having our reception in the fire hall and she knows it. FH says he is going to talk to her about how horrible she is treating me (she treats him just fine, go figure.) But he hasn't had the chance to lately. There is a good side to this all. FSIL and her FH will be moving 2 hours away once they are married! I know, that's mean, but I've tried to be nice to her. But it's so hard when no matter how hard I try she still treats me like I don't exist. Now I just gloat (to FH) about how much FMIL is involved with our wedding and how she doesn't even want to show up to FSIL. I know, I'm mean, but I can't help it!!!

[A-M 9802]

Oh my god i can't believe all you girls are having such problems with your FSIL's. I don't think i could have asked for a better FSIL. Her and my sister are my Maid and Matron of Honor and things have been so good between us,
and i hope they stay that way but if not i'm sure i'll be in your positions. Now his mother on the other hand that's a different story! She doesn't like me and she knows that i know she feels that way,(ya'll know when someone would rather talk to a rattlesnake than you)Well i get that feeling every time i have to come in conntact with her. She's so phonny and she's not even good at hiding it.

[sisterinlawhell]

What is wrong with those evil sister in laws?! My brother (who is older than me) is married to a beautiful Swedish twenty something) and they have the most beautiful baby girl and she lost all her baby fat off the bat!... and I looooooooove, love them all! I love Sophia (my new Swedish sister and I am beyond happy for where my brother is in his life!) And here I am thirty something, childless, and married to the worst family ever! What the heck is wrong with them… they are so bizarre! 3 divorced forty something sister (one ready to divorce #4!) and even the nieces are terrible… maybe because they were set on their ways before us.. maybe because the niece just divorced, or all the sisters are divorced, single with no money.. maybe because they are all a little white trash and uneducated.. but what gives them the right to not want happiness for their brother? It’s not like we have money! We bought out first home anjd it's been a financial struggle for us (but because it is more than they have and especially because of it's ocean view)they have become worse! It’s worse because my husband says he sees they are catty but does or says nothing about it and then when his sisters want to stay at our house (specifically when we are not there) and I get upset that he said yes… it’s infuriating! I am not a hateful person… but they successfully got under my skin and I wish they would just go away :o/ Anyways hun… yes! I DO UNDERSTAND… they just have issues.

[ElizaE]

I am sorry about the evil step sisters. Can you imagine you are Cinderella and married to the prince?

[WebLady]

This thread is 2 yrs old and several of the original posters are no longer with us. Thus, I am closing the thread; anyone that wants to talk more about the topic can start a new thread.