I'm confused and scared

[70707Bride]

Chris thought I was mad at him last night and today when he called me (I was on the bus going home), I don't know what brought it up but he said that "I'll (me) have fun at home because he won't be there. I don't want him around..." and stuff like that. I've told him several times before that if he wants to talk :censored: he can find someone else to deal with it because I don't want to anymore. I thought maybe that would make him quit saying bad stuff about himself, yet he keeps on doing it! I told him today that same thing, and asked if he's trying to say something by it. He said no.

I don't know what to do but I'm stressing out about that mixed with other things and so I thought that since I need to talk about it right now, I'd come to you ladies. I mean, sometimes like this (we go thru phases like this often) I don't even feel like I'm engaged! I'm afraid for our future and such. I think I'm gonna tell him we need to talk when I get off work tonight. Somehow I don't think it would matter.

[cowboysbride]

He sounds like he might be low on self esteem and rather than just ask you if you have a problem with him he goes about it that way and hopes that you'll feel sorry for him and not have a problem or be mad...yes you need to talk. Good luck hun, relationships aren't easy but you've got a support system here.

[70707Bride]

He sounds like he might be low on self esteem and rather than just ask you if you have a problem with him he goes about it that way and hopes that you'll feel sorry for him and not have a problem or be mad...yes you need to talk. Good luck hun, relationships aren't easy but you've got a support system here.

Thanks, I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Everything was perfect, but he says after I got the ring, I changed. What? I have not, and I'm not blind, I know how I act and I am the same way. I think he just chose not to see "negative" things about me in the beginning because "she's so perfect" ya know? My best friend even said I never changed. I just feel like he's putting the blame on me for stuff that doesn't even happen.

[mariaandmanish]

I definitely agree that you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about his self-esteem issues in regards to you and your relationship. You need to talk with him about how being angry with someone, or upset with them doesn't mean that you love them any less or that you don't want to be with them, and spend time with them. Good luck with this problem, and I hope that it gets better soon!! We're all here anytime you need to "talk" about this!

[70707Bride]

I definitely agree that you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about his self-esteem issues in regards to you and your relationship. You need to talk with him about how being angry with someone, or upset with them doesn't mean that you love them any less or that you don't want to be with them, and spend time with them. Good luck with this problem, and I hope that it gets better soon!! We're all here anytime you need to "talk" about this!

Thanks I appreciate it. I have told him that, yeah I might yell but that doesn't mean that I love him less. I don't know what his problem is.

[kevinsbride2B]

I can't handle people putting words into my mouth and acting witht he "oh woe is me" attitude. My ex did that and it was so often and so in my face i actually wanted to slap him.
Well my dear, your option is to put things on the table by talking about it, or let it go till it's out of control.
Ask him if this is how he plans it to be for the rest of your life. Ask him if he likes this? He obviously doesn't. He must have something going on in his head that he isn't talkign about. Most people won't go on and on like this without something fueling it.
Just remember to keep calm. If you get all upset then it'll only fuel him. Be the bigger person, stay calm cool and collected. Just remember yelling and what not will get you knowhere but further from where you want to be!
Good luck honey!

[ladymelissa]

You definitely need to talk. If either one of you have a problem with the other one, it really needs to be addressed. You two may even benefit from professional counseling, so you can learn to effectively communicate.

[70707Bride]

You definitely need to talk. If either one of you have a problem with the other one, it really needs to be addressed. You two may even benefit from professional counseling, so you can learn to effectively communicate.

Well we are doing the premarriage counseling at my church. He said that his Sunday school class is doing videos of better communicating in the household or something like that. He said its very useful. Wtf?

[WebLady]

I agree that you guys need to talk about this, especially if you have issues like this often.

Maybe he has alot on his mind (with his sister and all) and isn't dealing with it right? I would reassure him that you love him, but you can't handle his attitude. Tell his that if you guys are gonna be married then you have to learn to talk to each other better.

I wish you the best! :hug:

[ladymelissa]

Well we are doing the premarriage counseling at my church. He said that his Sunday school class is doing videos of better communicating in the household or something like that. He said its very useful. Wtf?
I think anything that might help both of you communicate effectively is at least worth it to watch or try.

Make sure you bring this and any other issues you are having during the counseling sessions. I know ours wasn't extremely comprehensive, but we didn't have any major problems going into the sessions. I wish you the very best and we are here if you just want to vent or want some support. :hug:

[BriansBride07]

You have already had great advice from the other ladies. I just thought that I would add that not only does it sound like he is dealing with some self esteem and family issues. You both in the midst of everything are trying to plan a wedding which is extremely stressful in itself. You may both want to talk about everything that is worrying you in both the wedding planning and in the other things going on with your life. Best of luck to you