PDA

View Full Version : I HATE My Father in law to be

lenor_1
09-30-2005, 07:18 PM
Can I say this man has been a pest from day 1. He is unable to keep his check book balanced and is always borrowing money from my fiancé's. We are paying for this wedding out of our own pockets and cant afford bailing him out of trouble every 2 months. To top it off he isn't even going to the wedding. My fiancé's parents are divorced and since his mother offered her home for the wedding he has refused to go. Now to top things off my fiancé and I are going to change both of our last names when we get married and start our family with a new name. His father has now threatened him saying if he changes his name he will wont update his will. I cant believe he is being so petty. ITS ONLY A NAME!!!!!!!

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
SueMartin
09-30-2005, 11:47 PM
I agree with you .. to us its only a name , but to this man its a further way to control your FH.. ignore him.. if he cant balance his checkbook now, is it likely he'll have anything to leave you????
CindySue
09-30-2005, 11:49 PM
Well I admire that you want to start your own "family" name. As far as your FFIL not updating his will.......he borrows money from his son so your fiance probably wouldnt get left with much more than a pile of bills anyway. Dont worry about it. If this is what you both want then dont let some grumpy old man make you feel bad.
Good Luck.
CarlosHoney
10-01-2005, 01:02 AM
I agree. If you guys want to start fresh, go for it. If he were loaded, which it sounds like he's NOT, then yeah, you might be losing out on some cash.

But, if nothing else, you just won't have to lend out money every 2 months. :wink:
LaceyinPgh
10-01-2005, 07:49 AM
Aren't families great? I mean seriously I wish that I had 3 or 4 more because my life isn't thrust into enough chaos daily!!

As for the father in law from hell, it is slapping in the face time (figuratively of course). The next time he asks to borrow money, ask him, "For repayment can we be expecting that now, or do we have to wait for that mythical will to come into play after your passing?" or the next time he says something about changing your names, give it the old, "Gee I wonder why we would want to do that? Do you have any ideas on that dad?"

He is just being this way because he feels that once the "I dos" are apoken he won't have control of his son anymore. His son needs to step up and show daddy dearest that there is no control to fight over.
CarlosHoney
10-01-2005, 11:22 AM
He is just being this way because he feels that once the "I dos" are apoken he won't have control of his son anymore. His son needs to step up and show daddy dearest that there is no control to fight over.

Totally agree. ::golf claps::
lenor_1
10-03-2005, 12:28 PM
The more I think about it the more im sick of my fiancé making sure his father isn't upset. He has been such a pain in the *** since I met him at this point I really don't care. Were changing our names regardless of what that pest has to say. After all if were happy with the change so should he shouldn't he want his son to be happy???

:wink:
CindySue
10-03-2005, 03:15 PM
You would think that his sons happiness would be his first priority, but some parents cant let go of the hold they have (or think they have) over their kids.
I lived an hour away from my FH and in August I moved to the town where he lives. It was something we had talked about and decided was what we wanted me and my children to do. My mother flipped out. She was use to coming over all the time and putting me down and just going out of ther way to make me feel bad. She cant do that anymore and I havent talked to her since I moved.
I hate that we arent talking because I do love my mother, but she has her life and my future is with the wonderful man Im going to marry May 2006.
Hopefully one of these days she will come around, but Im to busy being happy to worry about it.
bnd94
10-04-2005, 10:59 AM
Good for you! Are you changing your last names to another family name or just totally different?

Cindysue, it is too bad your Mom is like that. That sucks!! My Mom and I have a similar relationship and I too have found that distance is the best way around it. I hope she comes around and shows that she is happy for you. I don't know why some mothers have to behave that way, it just makes no sense to me.
lenor_1
10-04-2005, 03:03 PM
Since I have become very close to his mother and step dad I thought it would be a great way to tie in his family to ours. We then decided to combine both my last name and his step dads Lamb. All we did was just add an extra L sine my current last name starts with an LL, so now its LLamb. Its cute and his mother and step dad really feels honored by it.


:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
CarlosHoney
10-04-2005, 05:31 PM
That's awesome! I love that idea. Tell FFIL to KISS it.
lenor_1
10-07-2005, 11:44 AM
I told my mother what my new name would be and even she was confused as why we were changing his name. Her comments were "Well your the girl your name changes anyway but why make him?". I couldn't believe her comments. Don't people remember why Women have to change their names????? Its a transfer of PROPERTY you change your name because you are no longer your fathers PROPERTY. That's why woman had dowries to encourage a prospective husband to take you. I guess its been excepted for so long that we don't bother to look thing up. There is more wedding customs that symbolize the same thing. Remember marriage wasn't about love at one time they used to be arranged.. ewwww who would want their parents choosing for them, I know I dont.
bnd94
10-07-2005, 12:59 PM
I told my mother what my new name would be and even she was confused as why we were changing his name. Her comments were "Well your the girl your name changes anyway but why make him?". I couldn't believe her comments. Don't people remember why Women have to change their names????? Its a transfer of PROPERTY you change your name because you are no longer your fathers PROPERTY. That's why woman had dowries to encourage a prospective husband to take you. I guess its been excepted for so long that we don't bother to look thing up. There is more wedding customs that symbolize the same thing. Remember marriage wasn't about love at one time they used to be arranged.. ewwww who would want their parents choosing for them, I know I dont.

Are you serious? I have never looked it up about exactly why you change your last name but I would have never guesses that this is why. I don't think of it as a tranfer of property. When I get married I will not belong to my husband. I have always belonged to myself, well since I was 18 anyway. I want my last name to be the same as him and our future kids so we are a family and will carry on a family name with our children. I don't know I can't think of anyother reasons why to change my last name other than that, I am sure there are other reasons though. No offense though, I mean we are all different and have different views.
CindySue
10-07-2005, 04:42 PM
Yeah.....I had heard that a long time ago about why the woman changed her name, but it was before people started getting married for love.
I will be changing my name to my FH's but I know that he wouldnt mind if I kept the one I have now.
In a way I can understand why a man would have a problem with his son changing the "family name", but at the same time, I admire you two for wanting to blend your names and make your own "family name".
Youre right.....its your life, your decision and if thats what you BOTH want then it isnt anyone elses business.
Good Luck!
SueMartin
10-08-2005, 01:07 AM
when I remarried I used my old married name as my middle name & now use my new married name as my surname... that wayI still feel tiesd to my kids, and am making new ties with my husband.
lenor_1
10-10-2005, 12:21 PM
Were going to get our cake topper soon of our new last name and it looks so nice to see the Mock Up cake with our LL in the top of it. Now we have to decide on a Font but so far so good. His father keeps bringing it up now in more childish methods he even has our 7 year old nephew asking us why were changing our names. We explained to him and he even understood, he even wants to have his name changed so he can be part of our new family. :)

We even stopped talking about to see if it would blow over but so far it hasn't.
I don't expect him to be thrilled but I at least want him to be happy for.
CarlosHoney
10-10-2005, 07:28 PM
I'm glad that you're excited, and I'm excited for you!! :D I think it's awesome that you are going on with it, and it's pretty stupid for him to resort to making the 7 year old ask. Maybe have your nephew can ask why he can't get over it??
CindySue
10-10-2005, 08:53 PM
Im so glad you two arent letting him dictate your lives. I sincerely hope the best for yall. Best of Luck!!!!