They finally said it

[kevinsbride2B]

On my way over to Kev's house on Friday night his phone rang. Keep in mind this is my birthday evening. Kevin told his mom that it was my birthday and was obviously hoping that she would want to talk to me and things would be all warm and fuzzy.
Well she didn't want to talk to me, this i learned when i got the phone and she said "I don't want to talk to anyone Kevin but you." I said hello and it was "ooooooooh, happy birthday, I didn't know." It was quick then I gave the phoen back to KEv. Kev explained to her that this would be my last birthday as an Innes (my last name) and next year I would be a Tomlinson for my birthday. Her response..... "Don't get your hopes up, you never know what will happen. This whole wedding idea will probably fall through and your only going to get hurt." I was dumbfounded! On my birthday she says this?
I bottled it all up for the night and for Saturday morning, but while kev and I were laying on his bed I finally asked them what that was all about. He told me to just ignore it, and that she didn't mean anything by it, but still, how would you take that?
This crossed the line between being a grumpy inlaw to just plain mean as far as I'm concerned.

[Kacie_bride]

You are right. That is just plain mean. I think it would be in everyone's best interest to try to talk some things out. Lay it all out on the table. It's a sad reality that sometimes even with a couple is just perfect for each other things can fall apart because of family. It may be what she has in mind. Don't let that happen. Kevin really needs to address this issue with his mother.

[Kacie_bride]

Oh and Happy Birthday!!!!! :cheers:

[WebLady]

I would be a little miffed about this too. I am surprised that your FH didn't stand up for you to his family.

I would talk to your FH about how this makes you feel, more from the standpoint of he should stand up for you. If you have done nothing to warrent such behavior from his family then he should say something.

Like maybe "hey, I love this woman and she is going to be my wife and you are going to have to learn to get along. I would never let her talk bad about my family and I don't appreicate you talking bad about her when she has done nothing to deserve it. You are just going to have to accept her as a part of my life if you want to continue to be a part of it yourself" At least that is what I would want my DH to say if I was in this situation.

I had a somewhat similar situation with my mom not really liking my husband. I told her that she had to accept him and be civil and respectful to him because he is a part of my life.

Sorry you are going through this!! :hug: I hope it works out for you!!

[kevinsbride2B]

Oh and Happy Birthday!!!!! :cheers:
Thanks Sweety!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kevinsbride2B]

I would be a little miffed about this too. I am surprised that your FH didn't stand up for you to his family.

I would talk to your FH about how this makes you feel, more from the standpoint of he should stand up for you. If you have done nothing to warrent such behavior from his family then he should say something.

Like maybe "hey, I love this woman and she is going to be my wife and you are going to have to learn to get along. I would never let her talk bad about my family and I don't appreicate you talking bad about her when she has done nothing to deserve it. You are just going to have to accept her as a part of my life if you want to continue to be a part of it yourself" At least that is what I would want my DH to say if I was in this situation.

I had a somewhat similar situation with my mom not really liking my husband. I told her that she had to accept him and be civil and respectful to him because he is a part of my life.

Sorry you are going through this!! :hug: I hope it works out for you!!
Thanks for the tips sweety!
For some reason Kevin gets very nervous with his family. They have loaned his a lot of money for some legal bills, and out of knowhere they just said "we're not paying another cent and I want all the money back ASAP". This came out of left field. Every time he gets off the phone or gets an e-mail from them he's a mess.
Theres a lot of house cleaning to do in the family department.
I just keep smiling, that's what she doesn't expect me to do. Kevin and I are madly in love and NOTHING will stop that. Everytime something happends that should be a ripple in our relationship it only makes us stronger. I just keep telling him that we're a team forever now.

[hummingbird521]

I would be very upset about it as well. but I would also be upset because my FH didn't say or respond back to his mother about that comment. To me this would be even more upsetting.

[kevinsbride2B]

I would be very upset about it as well. but I would also be upset because my FH didn't say or respond back to his mother about that comment. To me this would be even more upsetting.
Well I can't say he didn't say anything he just wasn't overly firm with them. He did respond to her by saying "Mom it's going to happen! Yes in September we're getting married! She will be a Tomlinson."
But still I thin he could have said somethign a little more productive. He knows how I feel about it all.

[hummingbird521]

Well I can't say he didn't say anything he just wasn't overly firm with them. He did respond to her by saying "Mom it's going to happen! Yes in September we're getting married! She will be a Tomlinson."
But still I thin he could have said somethign a little more productive. He knows how I feel about it all.

I hope I didn't offend you with what I said. I am glad to know he did respond to her. I didn't realize he had. And it sounded as if he did respond well. Sorry if I upset or offended you.

[kevinsbride2B]

I hope I didn't offend you with what I said. I am glad to know he did respond to her. I didn't realize he had. And it sounded as if he did respond well. Sorry if I upset or offended you.
No no no no no no no no no no no not at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With Kevin my mission since the day we met has been getting him to use his "parts". He has always let others walk all over him, especially his parents. He is getting better but it still really upsets me when I see him back away from a conflict.
You really didn't upset or offend me, i fully feel the same way!

[SerendipityCrafts]

Well, you know where they stand but do you know why they have taken this position? What do they have against you?

[hummingbird521]

No no no no no no no no no no no not at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With Kevin my mission since the day we met has been getting him to use his "parts". He has always let others walk all over him, especially his parents. He is getting better but it still really upsets me when I see him back away from a conflict.
You really didn't upset or offend me, i fully feel the same way!

Glad to know I didn't. I used to be the same way as Kevin when it came to my parents as well. I finally decided (which I really knew all along) that they would love me no matter whether I stood up to them or not. So for sanity's (mine) I starting standing up to them. We have a much better relationship now. Their was a large part of me that felt that if I didn't do everything their way that if I needed their help in the future they would not give it to me. But as I have said it is great now.

[kevinsbride2B]

Well, you know where they stand but do you know why they have taken this position? What do they have against you?
Well first of all they are just grumpy people. lol
Kevin is goign through a lot of court related issues right now with custody of his daughter and stuff. They must think that there is no room for me because of this or something. since we met they have been like this.
Kevin says it's because they have seen him hurt so many times. I understand you want to protect your sona nd what not, but pushing away those who love him won't help any. Am I correct?

[Valmai]

Hope you had a good 'last one of being single' birthday despite this!! I dont think your wrong to feel this way at all, its one thing to protect its quite another to smother and control tho!! It's very selfish of her to treat Kevin this way, he prob feels a sense of duty etc but i spent a long time with someone who felt like this with his parents it took him a long time to finally let go and realise that he could stand on his own 2 feet - sadly it was too late for us (i dont mean this will happen to you 2 ) i just mean that i understand how you feel and how much it hurts when uve done nothing worng! Good luck babe xxx

[BriansBride07]

So sorry your having to deal with this with your new inlaws. It seems to me that his family for some reason or another is not approving of his decision for the one he loves. Don't let his family or anyone else tear you apart. Believe me I have had to deal with this in my own relationship in the past 14years. Thankfully not with his or my family but with some of his close friends. It only made our love stronger and we are damned to let someone else interfere and break us up, Keep your head held high and you will make it through. So sorry yet another B-Day turned out bad. Hopefully next year as a MRS. you can break the bad luck on your B-Day's

[ladymelissa]

Like maybe "hey, I love this woman and she is going to be my wife and you are going to have to learn to get along. I would never let her talk bad about my family and I don't appreicate you talking bad about her when she has done nothing to deserve it. You are just going to have to accept her as a part of my life if you want to continue to be a part of it yourself" At least that is what I would want my DH to say if I was in this situation.
ITA with this!

:hug: Sorry you had to go through this! You could always ask your FMIL why she has these negative feelings toward you, esp. now that she has slipped up on the phone, there is no denying it. I would put her on the spot and basically ask her what her problem is (politely, of course).

[kevinsbride2B]

ITA with this!

:hug: Sorry you had to go through this! You could always ask your FMIL why she has these negative feelings toward you, esp. now that she has slipped up on the phone, there is no denying it. I would put her on the spot and basically ask her what her problem is (politely, of course).

In the past when I have asked Kev what the problem is I get the following reasons: They don't know you well enought (well there the oens who moved 4 hours away, and when I'm plaiing to come up with the family I'm told it's too many people), that they have seen him hurt to many times (well unless you open up o others your son will never be happy), our age difference (8 years? who cares!!! in the 1800's 13 year old girls married 40 year old men!), and in the end he says "they like you", funny way of showing it don't ya think?
We're going to be going up there ina few weeks (yippee!) and when we do that's gonna be a big topic to discuss. Gloves are off, I've been nice as pie and I want answers!

[ladymelissa]

I meant put his mother on the spot and ask her directly, not Kevin.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Kevin says it's because they have seen him hurt so many times. I understand you want to protect your sona nd what not, but pushing away those who love him won't help any. Am I correct?

Sounds like they believe you to be like his past girlfriends? Not right no ....

Hope you can sit them down and have a good chat. Just because someone has been burned before doesn't mean that he's going to get burned again.

[kevinsbride2B]

I meant put his mother on the spot and ask her directly, not Kevin.
That's what I mean, as soon as we're up there I wanna talk. She can talk a lot of **** on the phone but you can tell so much more in a persons face. That way I can talk to my FMIL and FIL.
What I said about Kevin is only the possible reasons they might have an issue with me.

[hummingbird521]

Good luck with it and I hope you get some answers and get everything out in the open so that all can work it out.

[kevinsbride2B]

The way I truly see it is that Kevin and I are in love, we're going to get married and they have a choice... They can either stay all grumpy and live a bitter life towards us, or they can say lets give it a chance and be happy. I can't force them to do anything but I can get some answers to ease my own mind. I can't control them, but I won't allow there bitterness to ruin what's to be the happiest time of my life!

[ladymelissa]

That's what I mean, as soon as we're up there I wanna talk. She can talk a lot of **** on the phone but you can tell so much more in a persons face. That way I can talk to my FMIL and FIL.
What I said about Kevin is only the possible reasons they might have an issue with me.
I agree, face to face would be the best b/c there is so much unspoken body language that you can pay attention to. Best of luck, I hope you are able to get some answers and possibly a resolution.

[WebLady]

The way I truly see it is that Kevin and I are in love, we're going to get married and they have a choice... They can either stay all grumpy and live a bitter life towards us, or they can say lets give it a chance and be happy. I can't force them to do anything but I can get some answers to ease my own mind. I can't control them, but I won't allow there bitterness to ruin what's to be the happiest time of my life!
I would try to talk to them while you are there and see what happens. But you are right, the bottom line is that it is about you and Kevin. If they can't be supportive of you guys them poo on them. Don't let their behavior ruin your wedding and your life.

Wishing the best for you!! :hug: