Feeling neglected and disappointed by mother...

[rockstar1]

OK ladies, i am 39 years old, a grown woman, so i don't want to sound like a whining baby. but ****, my feelings were crushed today. my mother does not seem to understand that looking at a dress in person and not just photos of it is important to me! for God's sake, didn't many of you have your mothers go with you to look at dresses or to see the final dress you picked out? basically she blew me off today over email when i asked her to look at the dresses. she said she could just tell by the photos. well one of the places where i found my dress, they won't allow you to take photos. i finally wrote to her and told her that her opinion is important to me, and this dress if for a very important day. so she's going to go but she's kinda acting, to me, like it's a hassle. she lives an hour away. i'm just really hurt. for my younger sister, she pretty much managed the whole thing. she drove to south caroline for God's sake, from Virginia, to look at sites with my sister. maybe it's because i have hired a wedding planner that she thinks i don't need her??? but i waited over a month and she never offered! I JUST DON'T GET IT.

[LaceyinPgh]

That sucks. I think we need to combine our mothers to get someone who is interested in just the right amount of our wedding plans. I hope that things get better for you.

[CarlosHoney]

Honestly, if she is not interested, then find someone who is! Get a friend or relative who likes that sort of thing, and is supportive enough to go with you if that is what you want. Moms are weird people. They never seem to do what you really need them to do, and the important issues are always conflicting.

[WhiskeyGirl]

If your mom is not interested perhaps your mother in law will be! This should put a bug in your mother's bonnet!! And yes my mom did come with me to pick out my dress and for ALL of the fittings!! (So I find it unusual that your mom would be such a bag....sorry, for lack of a better word!)

~CanadianBride~

[CarlosHoney]

My mom probably wouldn't, and Carlo's mom would be more than happy to. And my mom wouldn't give a rat's....

But, my mom has to make EVERYTHING about her. I'm pregnant, and it's not about the fact that a child is coming into the world, it's about the fact that she's 'too young to be a grandma'.

Moms are either breathing fire down your neck, or you can't get them to do/say/think/comment on anything. I certainly hope that your mom comes around, and realises that a Wedding planner is someone who is paid to care, and this person who you'll never see again is going to share some of the more important mother/daughter moments with you, not her.

Sorry, I hope things get better!

[LaceyinPgh]

My grandmother never took an interest in my mother's wedding. She didn't even want to look at her wedding dress the day that mom brought it home. My grandmother is a very mean and selfish person who is very negative towards anyone's happiness except her own. So my mom's aunt did most of the wedding planning with her. My grandmother didn't even look for a dress to wear until the morning of my mother's wedding and only because she had to. To this day my mom has never gotten over being treated like that.

[SueMartin]

i cant imagine a woman not wanting to be involved in her daughters wedding , no matter how old her child is. perhaps you just have to accept that she ISNT gong to be involved as much as you would like.. and just move on.

But I do feel for you.. my mom died well before by second marriage and I picked my dress on my own. I felt really alone too.

[LaceyinPgh]

Hell, when are you going dress hopping? The onewed message board ladies will all come with you. :D

[bnd94]

My Mom is the same way. I haven't gone to look at dresses yet because I have noone to go with too. My MOH is busy most weekends. I am thinking about asking my FMIL. We get along great and I think it would be more fun with her than my own Mom anyway.

[CindySue]

Im with bnd.....I would prefer to be with my FMIL than my own mother any day. Im almost 32 and getting remarried in May 2006. My FH is making me plan a wedding because I didnt have one before, I eloped. I didnt even notify my family till afterwards. My wonderful man wants this to be special for me.
EVERYONE but my mother is happy for me. She likes my FH and knows hes a good man, but she thinks shes the only one that can be happy. Right now Im not sure that she will even be invited to my wedding---we arent even talking. It bothers my FH more than it bothers me. He doesnt understand that things have always been like this.
I hate that your mom isnt being there for you the way you would like, but I know how you feel and Im not letting mine ruin my wedding day. Im marrying the greatest man on earth and thats what Im focusing on.

[CarlosHoney]

My FMIL is a wonderful lady, too! My mom didn't have a wedding, I'm the oldest child in the family, and my FH's Sister eloped, so I think that she will be happy to plan a wedding.

I honestly think that 'If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' was coined after my mother.

:lol:

[lenor_1]

At least your mothers went to the wedding or are going. Im having my wedding in North Carolina and my father refuses to go so my mother or family wont be there. Mostly My father is cheap and dosnt think he should have to pay to see me get married. my fiancé's mother has been wonderfull she has ideas of her own but dosnt get upset when i dont like them a=she really cares about what we want.

[CindySue]

My mom isnt going to be at my wedding either, but thats ok. Im not bothered by it as much as my FH is. My mother is a very selfish person and I know from experience that she would try to find a way to ruin that very special day for me. I only want to be surrounded by the people that are truly happy for me.
My main issue was that my dad and oldest brother have an ongoing fued and I thought that I would have to choose which one to invite to my wedding, but they have both told me that no matter what problems they might have with each other, that will not keep them both from being at my wedding if I want them both there.
My FMI will be the one helping me make most of my arrangements. Im still in the early stages but already I ask her opinion on just about everything. I love this woman to death and will honored to call her MOM.

[CarlosHoney]

Sorry to hear about such sucky mom situations! My mom wants us to go to the JOP. I told her, hey, it's my wedding, and I want my friends and family there. Be there, or be square.

She said 'Alright, I'll help out where I can.'

My mom is growing in leaps and bounds, though, and I'm proud of her.

Even though she's a wench!! :twisted:

[WhiskeyGirl]

I would have loved to have included my MIL in on the search for a wedding dress....unfortunately her english is limited as is my German. We need my hubby around to translate a lot so I opted to go with my mom and my SIL/MOH. And I second Laceys motion, you let us know when you are going and we'll be there....lol. Best of luck!

~CanadianBride~

[lenor_1]

Well it seams that we would all rather be with our FMIL then our own mothers . To me I think that my mother was ticked off that I was spending 650 on my wedding dress when hers only cost 50 bucks. I keep trying to explain that times are different and I'm not going to Vegas for my reception. On the other side my FMIL cant believe I spent so little on a custom dress and that were squeezing a wedding in a 3000 - 4000 budget. In the end she is going to wish she was more supportive and was there for you more.

[CindySue]

They probably will wish they had been there for us more, but you know what? Im 32 and as much I would like to have my mother in mine and my childrens lives, I dont need her to be happy. I had a lot of "issues" growing up because of her and my step dad.
I finally met my "soul mate" and thats what Im focusing on. I have my special friends, my dad, my brothers, and my little sister that will be there with me on my wedding day, and I perfectly happy with that.

[usahgrad]

I haven't read through all of the posts, just the initial, but I can say I feel for you. While my mother helped me pick out my dress, recently she's been having a lot of trouble with my sister (she just kicked her out of the house a couple weeks ago). While my mother wants to be involved, the problems with my sister always takes precedence. I called her to tell her that we bought our rings last weekend and when I mentioned them in the middle of the week she said she didn't even know we had gotten them. I feel selfish about it, so I'm not going to say anything to her, but I comiserate with your feeling neglected. My suggestion would be to turn to your MoH. That's what I did. She lives far away and can't come out to see things, but she and I talk on the phone and via email all the time. Her wedding's a month after mine, so I can talk to her for HOURS about the wedding.

[lenor_1]

My FMiL and I do the same thing :lol: In fact last night i was on the phone with her for 2 hours before my FH asked who it was. I simply said your mother want to say hi then she and I had a good laugh as he yanked the phone from me.

[CindySue]

Me and my FMiL will talk on the phone for an hour or more too. We even chat daily through IM or email or both. My FH loves it. He loves to tease me about it, "My mother calls me and ends up talking to you instead". I tell him that maybe she called to talk to me anyway. :D Shes going to be invaluable to me through the planning of our wedding.