If money were not an object, should Moms work outside the home?

[SerendipityCrafts]

Motherhood is a hard job say 88 percent of moms. A growing number of Moms work outside the home, and three out of four find it difficult to balance work and family life.

Overall they are happy with their career choices, but if money were no object, only 10 percent would work full time and 42 percent would work part time.

Please post your thoughts but be respectful of other's thoughts.

[Panthers Bride]

I pick option 3. It's really up to the parents. I personally would go crazy being a stay-at-home mom. I'd need to work at least part-time. However, if FH wanted to be a stay-at-home dad i'd have no problem with that. I do think that it's best for kids to have one parent who is always accessible.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I was a stay at home Mom for 12 years. We scrimped so that I could be home for the kids. We supplemented our income by making and sellng crafts at weekend shows.

My neighbour once told me that I wasn't living up to my potential because I didn't work outside the home. While I didn't have anything against her, for her decision to work, she seemed to begrudge me for staying home.

I don't know how she did it. She worked 9-5 Monday through Friday, ran her kids from one place to the next weeknights and Saturdays and then spent all of Sunday shopping, cleaning, doing laundry and cooking for the upcoming week.

[mariaandmanish]

I would choose other. I think that having a parent at home is a wonderful thing developmentally for the kids if possible, and if the parents choose it. But, I definitely think it's personal choice, and no one should look down on anyone for the choice either way.

[LizabethDavis]

If money weren't an issue, I would much rather stay at home. I enjoy it so much more then going to work everyday.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I will NOT desert my children to go to work!! I believe that children thrive when they have a parent home with them! But if a child is raised in day care what good does it do them really!! So in my opinion no Mother should work while she SHOULD be raising children! (Sorry just my opinion!)

[HalloweenBride]

I've worked (mostly) since I was 14 (I babysat and nannied in all of my free time for college money) and now at 30, I'm ready to be a Mom, but I love my career. Steve and I will split the duty (one of us home with the child while the other is working) or if needed, I have two Grammies ready to babysit. I rarely went to daycare as a kid (I stayed with my Grammie or aunts) and my mom HAD to work full time to support us, and I turned out FINE. Some of the SAHM's I know are about to lose their minds from never getting away (and having hubbies that refuse to help)

[hummingbird521]

I didn't vote strictly because I would have picked other. I feel as if it should be left up to the mother as to her choice.

[BriansBride07]

Sorry I can't vote on this one. I am a homemaker but also i've been in the working field. I think that it really depends on the family and there situation. Do whatever is best for yourself and your family would be my vote. They both have there pros and cons.

[MOB Karen]

I think this should be totally up to the Mother to decide what she wants to do. :grinhappy:

[Kacie_bride]

I would pick other. It really depends on the mother's choice and her abilities to be an early childhood educator. In some situations the children would probably be better off going to some type of alpha school during the day. What good is it to stay home with them if you are just going to sit around and let them play all day. I think they should be involved in learning activities from a very early age. However if a mother stays home and actually does things with the children like learning the alphabet etc, it is a good thing.

I also believe that if you are a stay at home mother you should make the effort to have your children exposed to other children and other adults. You can do this through involvement in a church or other religious organization, Mother's Day Out, swimming lessons, baby gymnastics, or some other type of activity.

[countrygirl]

Messed up, message is in next post.

[countrygirl]

I voted yes, but I am really acutally torn. I was raised by a single mom who couldn't stay home. There are times when I have worked nearly two full time jobs, and gone to school at the same time to support my son. I would love to be given the op to stay home w the kids, but that is not the full idea of motherhood that I want to portray to my girls. They need to know that a mom doesn't just stay home. They need to know that a woman needs to be able to take care of herself too. It is important for my girls to know that they can 'bring home the bacon' too, if need be.

It doesn't mean you are abandoning your children. You are just helping to support them.

[MOB Karen]

I voted yes, but I am really acutally torn. I was raised by a single mom who couldn't stay home. There are times when I have worked nearly two full time jobs, and gone to school at the same time to support my son. I would love to be given the op to stay home w the kids, but that is not the full idea of motherhood that I want to portray to my girls. They need to know that a mom doesn't just stay home. They need to know that a woman needs to be able to take care of herself too. It is important for my girls to know that they can 'bring home the bacon' too, if need be.

It doesn't mean you are abandoning your children. You are just helping to support them.

Thank you, Heather! Well said. My Mother was a stay at home Mom and she didn't do anything with us. By contrast, I was a single Mother, that worked full-time while I was obtaining my Bachelor's Degree from Arizona State University. I started going for my BS when Malachi was 4 and Amber was 2. I got it when they were 8 and 6 respectively. That was the hardest thing I ever did, but I did it so that I could provide a better home for my children. They were in a fantastic day care center right here in Phoenix. Whenever I was at home, I tried to fill it with quality time with them. I think they turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself. :wink:

[countrygirl]

Thank you, Heather! Well said. My Mother was a stay at home Mom and she didn't do anything with us. By contrast, I was a single Mother, that worked full-time while I was obtaining my Bachelor's Degree from Arizona State University. I started going for my BS when Malachi was 4 and Amber was 2. I got it when they were 8 and 6 respectively. That was the hardest thing I ever did, but I did it so that I could provide a better home for my children. They were in a fantastic day care center right here in Phoenix. Whenever I was at home, I tried to fill it with quality time with them. I think they turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself. :wink:

I respect any mother who stays homes w thier kids. It can be just as hard as going to work everyday. But being raised by a single parent, and being a single parent gave me a diff. perspective. I wasn't able to finish school because I had to work so much, but you better believe if I could I would.

[lea m]

I definitely believe its up to personal choice and circumstance, so people dont have a choice in either situation so i could never judge anyone but when i were younger, my mum was a childminder and the children who were with her from a very young age and didn't understand used to call her mum and she had to explain to them that she wasn't there mum. Which for these little one year olds was quite hard because they saw her a lot more than there actual mums. I had the choice and i have stayed at home with my children.

[rainbowtreat]

I voted yes just becuase that is what I want to do. But it is truely up to the person if they want to work or have to work. Right now I have to work. I was home withmy kids for a yr and a half and loved it. I wish I could tay home when/if I have another child. I put my daughter in child care but that was because I was working there and I could see her when ever I wanted to. When my son was born I was when I stayed home with them. It was great to be home with the baby and 2 yr old. When my son was 1 1/2 I had to go to work as my husband and I split up. I hated having to put them with a sitter then later in child care. But the kids have loved the day care center they were at and they learned so much. But I cna't see putting a baby in child care. And me not being there to see them all the time like I did with my daughter would kill me.

[Jenn060306]

It really depends on the family. I can't say i feel that every mother should stay home. I feel that for alot of women they want to have a family but they also want to have a career. I can respect that. I belive that a parent should stay home with their children until they are in school. The first 5 years are so important.

I will choose to stay at home if that is an option for us.

[LoveHim08]

I did not choose either, because I believe a mother should do what is right for her and her family. Sometimes, women can be better mothers if they work outside the home. Personally, when I have children, I plan to be a stay at home mother. I will probably still work once or twice a month to make a little extra spending cash and to get out of the house from the kids (for my own sanity), but I am a big proponent for women staying at home if they want to.

It comes down to what is best for you (and the family)!

[shawnsgirl]

I don't think it is fair to say if another mother should work in or outside the home. I can only answer for myself.

Personally, I would prefer to stay at home with the kids all the time or just work part time. I would love to have my days spent with the kids doing various activities and getting them into some wonderful programs...Due to finances I must work full time. I would love nothing more though than to be at home with the kids!!

As far as the kids benefiting or be hindered between either decision I don't think it matters. If you work full time, your kids are in great day cares or camps, and you are making the most of your time together at the end or your work day then I think your children are no worse off than if you stayed at home.

But, I do feel wether your a stay at home mom or you work outside of the home if you children don't get the attention and the time they need from their parents your children are being hindered and either situation is not beneficial.

I think it all comes down to the parenting style of the parents that hinders or benefits children. Personally, it's not wether or not mom worked outside or inside the home that hinders or benefits children. It's what the parent's do when they are with their kids that will either hinder them or benefit them in the end.

[tootsie]

I pick option 3. It's really up to the parents. I personally would go crazy being a stay-at-home mom. I'd need to work at least part-time. However, if FH wanted to be a stay-at-home dad i'd have no problem with that. I do think that it's best for kids to have one parent who is always accessible.

I totally agree with all that you said!

[samantha01]

I also agree with her. I am not a mother, but I do bring in a large portion of our income. I think that if money were no object, I would at least work part time to keep sanity. Totally up to the ind. family.

[sjk1431]

No - Motherhood is the most important job a woman will ever have. It's important that she stay home.

[Doglover]

I think it just depends on what the parents want. I think it is fine either way. But for me i want to stay at home with my kids. haha cause i hate working!

[neebelung]

If a woman -- OR MAN -- wants to work outside the home, then by all means, they should. A stifled woman (or again, man) who doesn't feel like they did all they could to fulfill their dreams, or feels they 'gave up' on doing something they loved will only grow resentful, or live with regrets.

Parenting is (ideally) done by two people - both the man and the woman. These ideas of it being a "woman's job," or the most important thing a woman can do are simply archaic. It takes two people to create a child, and should take two people to raise one as well.

Sure, if money allows, it would be NICE if one parent could stay home, at least for the early years, and spend that time with the child(ren)... but why is there this assumption that it should be the woman? Why aren't both options weighed, and the door left open for the man to take on the stay-at-home parent role?

Personally I know men who have done this, in situations where their wives were the "breadwinner," or had greater tenure at their jobs, and therefore the husbands opted to "take a few years off" to raise their children until they were of school age... and I think it's WONDERFUL that they were able to step outside of the "traditional" gender roles of parenting, and simply do what was best for their family all around.

[E. Jennings]

I think I would get stir crazy. I like to work, but part time would be nice for me.

[Jacklynn]

I voted no, but that is just because if I could when we have children I would love to stay at home, even though it probably won't be possible. I really think that it depends on the parents and the career needs of the mom. Some mom's are just career driven and there is nothing wrong with that! But for me, I would love to stay home.

[lize566]

I voted no, but that is just because if I could when we have children I would love to stay at home, even though it probably won't be possible. I really think that it depends on the parents and the career needs of the mom. Some mom's are just career driven and there is nothing wrong with that! But for me, I would love to stay home.

I completely agree with this. While I would LOVE to stay home (all I have ever really wanted to be is a mom) it's not going to be possible, I don't think. I am okay with that and have come to terms with it. However, it is possible I would like to work part time or work from home. I do enjoy working and would like to be able to do both. I only see a problem with mothers who work so many hours they get no time with their kids (like my cousin who in return feels guilty so lets her child run wild) but again I think that is totally a personal thing. Someone could just as easily be like this staying at home! I would vote other-depends on the family!

[katieandalex]

I voted on this a while ago, but I guess I never posted on it....

I think its definitely each persons decision. I think if someone wants to be a SAHM and they can afford it, go for it. But I personally don't think I could do it. I would like to do it, but I think I would 1) be bored and get sick of being a SAHM and 2) we wouldn't ever have enough money to do it.

[Trillian]

I didn't vote because there was no option for "if money weren't an object, mom should do whatever she wants to do."

Some women want to work but feel obligated not to. Some women want to stay home, but can't afford to. If money weren't an object, I'd still work because lonliness of a sahm can be quite debilitating, but I'd work for nonprofits and do volunteer work.

I'm not going to tell any woman what she should and shouldn't do, what kind of mother is the 'best' mother. As all moms know, we have enough guilt that we aren't doing things right without pseudo-debates like this.

[Panthers Bride]

If a woman -- OR MAN -- wants to work outside the home, then by all means, they should. A stifled woman (or again, man) who doesn't feel like they did all they could to fulfill their dreams, or feels they 'gave up' on doing something they loved will only grow resentful, or live with regrets.

Parenting is (ideally) done by two people - both the man and the woman. These ideas of it being a "woman's job," or the most important thing a woman can do are simply archaic. It takes two people to create a child, and should take two people to raise one as well.

Sure, if money allows, it would be NICE if one parent could stay home, at least for the early years, and spend that time with the child(ren)... but why is there this assumption that it should be the woman? Why aren't both options weighed, and the door left open for the man to take on the stay-at-home parent role?

Personally I know men who have done this, in situations where their wives were the "breadwinner," or had greater tenure at their jobs, and therefore the husbands opted to "take a few years off" to raise their children until they were of school age... and I think it's WONDERFUL that they were able to step outside of the "traditional" gender roles of parenting, and simply do what was best for their family all around.


I TOTALLY agree with this. I'd give you rep, but I need to spread it around first.

I make 3x as much as FH. If I would die, he'd lose everything, if he would die (we're discussing life insurance), I would be fine, financially. But if we would have kids, I'd need to quit my job, and we'd be practically starving because "being a mother is the most important job a woman can have?!?!?" Sorry, no, my job that I do is helping create products that will save millions of lives. Personally, I think the fact that MY income can support my family, and my job has a global impact, is more important than falling into the misogynistic patriarchy that controls the world, and thus fulfill my "true job" of changing poopy diapers.

[Doglover]

some people just want to do that (stay at home and raise their children) and some dont! Whatever floats your boat!

[ger]

I stayed home with my kids until they were 4 and 6, then went to work, then went to college. It was fine for them because they had other kids in our neighborhood that they interacted with and I babysat for a couple of older kids.

Now, my daughter had always worked and it used to be that Kaelie stayed with one Grandma or other during the day. About a year ago, Darcy decided that Kaelie needed to go to daycare because she was getting no interaction with others her age. There are no children close to my house, and her other Grandma lives way out in the country. Kaelie loves "school" and all of her frieinds. I think it was a great thing. (Darcy HAS to work, she is a divorced Mom who gets no child support)

[Doglover]

my neice Rylee goes to "school" 2 times a week from 9-2 at a church. But i dont really consider that daycare. Its more like preschool.

[Panthers Bride]

some people just want to do that (stay at home and raise their children) and some dont! Whatever floats your boat!


Exactly! I just hate it when people who say motherhood is the most important thing a woman can do.

[Doglover]

but i mean some people feel it is the most important thing to do in their life...like me. But i don't have a good job or anything so thats probably why!hahaha

[frenchie]

I didn't answer the poll because my opinion is somewhere in between.
I'd say it depends on the woman, depends on what job she does, depends how many hours she works, if it involves lots of travel, depends if she gets lots of vacation/time off...

Personally I'm probably going to be a university professor/researcher which I think is totally compatible with family life, and I'll probably take a year or two off when the kids are small to spend time with them but go back to work later, just maybe teach less classes - from what I understand it's pretty flexible in France, especially for women.