Help FH and i are not getting along !!!

[rockstar1]

Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:09 pm Post subject: Help my fiancee and i aren't getting along!!!

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hi - i am new to this - i'd appreciate any feedback. i'm having a rough time. my fiancee and i got engaged in cancun mexico in july and ever since we got back - we're not getting along. he doesn't handle stress very well, and he's very laid back. i am very hyper and like to get things done. so i have been planning this wedding, full on, spending lots of time, worrying about stuff, trying to get his opinion, etc. i hired a wedding planner. she suggested having the reception on a boat. i am getting married in DC and spring time in DC is beautiful, she said. we went last week and looked at the boat- and the budget - and his eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw how much $$$$ these things will cost. anyway, it's pretty tense between us. last night he just said i could just take care of everything. is this normal?? please help!!!!! [/b]

[CarlosHoney]

Totally normal! Wedding planning is stressful, and very expensive. We're doing ours for $1500. I'm working on my site a little each day:


I'm going to have tips and stuff, and do it yourself ideas too. There are several things that you can do to save money. But, the fisrt thing you have to do, is to find out what you're looking to spend. How much is your budget? Who is contributing? Once you can get that laid down, then be realistic with your planner as far as money. I'm not using a WP, just because I've heard about couples getting pressured into spending more than they can afford on things..

If you need anything, email me at 7uckily@gmail.com

[LaceyinPgh]

It is normal to stress about weddings. We all do it. Actually it is opposite in our house. Sean has the big ideas (that I am supposed to impliment) while I am the one who lies awake worrying about money. I suppose that is because he makes exponentially more money than I do.

Just sit down with him and hammer out a budget and work within. Having a wedding in DC is expensive, just like any other big urban area. But it is one of the most important days in your life, enjoy it.

[rockstar1]

:P thank you everyone!!! feeling a little better today. we took a little break from each other last night - he hung out with his buddies and i stayed home and watched 'west side story.' (i might have one of the songs from that movie in my wedding!) sometimes you just have to take a step back from it and take a break, I THINK!

[allydawn0040]

I agree with everyone else here, it is STRESSFUL to plan a wedding & if your FH doesn't handle stress well it is going to be that much harder on you. You MUST MUST MUST work out a realalstic budget and stick to it! Weddings are expensive - Period! So decide what is really really important & make sure you get what you want for that. But things that are not as important cut costs where you can. For example order your invitations online & you can save 30% (most of the time that's cheaper than making your own) If you would like to order online at 30% off let me know - i have a site. Also you can get a program fan which can serve as your favor as well. Small things like that really add up to savings. And don't let ANYONE talk you into something you can not afford or that is not in the budget. Best of luck ~ allydawn0040

[SueMartin]

while WP's have some great ideas, and know lots of useful people.. remember to them this is a BUSINESS and as such they want to make money.. soset a budget, stick to it, and dont spend more than you can afford.. work out what is important. what is not, and compromise.

Have some couple time.. NOT Wedding TIME, EVERY DAY.. EVEN IF ITS ONLY 5 MINUTES.. TO HELP YOU REMEMBER THAT WHILE A WEDDING IS IMPORTANT.. IT IS ONLY 1 DAY IN YOUR LIFE.. A mARRIAGE IS FOREVER.

[allydawn0040]

I completey agree with SueMartin. The wedding is a one day event - a major celebration that should be cherished BUT it is the marriage which takes place at the wedding that matters the most. Well said Sue! Best of luck ~ allydawn0040

[Mish11]

great advice from everyone :) Setting up and sticking to a bidget it the first most important thing. once you know how much you have, you can see where you can save on money and where you can give a little more. A wedding is the first day of the rest of your lives together, so spending time with each other now is very NB. They say that if a couple makes it past the planning and thru the wedding day, they can handle anything after that. :D

[WebLady]

Forgive me if any of my comments are the same as others as I didn't read the entire thread ...

If your FH has not called the wedding off, then I wouldn't say that you are not getting along :wink: Men are weird creatures to begin with and if yours is shy and laid back, that can make things worse than normal.

I am sure he is as stressed as you are about the whole thing and probably more so about what it is going to cost. A guy friend of mine just got married recently and he said that he had no idea what he was getting into with the whole wedding planning process and what things cost, when he proposed! He said he finally just let his FW take care of everything and he said "Just tell me when and where to be" I guess you can't expect men to know anything about weddings though, they don't read the magazines :wink:

It is kind of like when you go shopping with a man, he just roams the store holding your bags and worrying how much of his money you are spending and is bored out of his mind.

Like a couple of other people mentioned, there are ways to save money on the wedding and that may ease his mind. (ie; biggest money saver is cut back on the guests and the attendants) But you may not be able to get him too involved in the planning.

Maybe plan a "grooms day out" for him and his friends to get his mind off of the wedding plans.

Try not to stress over it yourself and bring it home to him as that will make it worse on him too.

Best wishes and happy planning!

~ WebLady :)

[bnd94]

It is absolutely normal to be stressing. I know I have dreamed of the perfect wedding since I was a little girl. You want everything to be just so. It is also normal for the guys to kinda sit back and let us handle the planning. I know this isn't the case with everyone. For me that is the way it is. I show him pictures and he just says yep thats nice. Don't let it stress you out too much. The planning is suppose to be fun too.

[CindySue]

I actually went through this for about a week after my FH husband proposed. We sat down and talked about it and worked through whatever it was (i still dont have a clue). Im stressing about he wedding plans more than he is, of course, but hes actually involved in this with me. Its kinda cool having his input.....I mean after all it is his wedding too.

[SueMartin]

ok sweetie.. so its beena couple of weeks now.. how is everything going?

[rockstar1]

thanks for asking!!! DOING MUCH BETTER. my fh and i have picked the date., the reception site, and the music. he even went with his groomsmen already and got fitted for the tuxes. now we just have to agree on the total guest list! THANKS for everyone's help and input! i think it is totally normal now when he gets a bit stressed about stuff, or tries to put things off. i have just decided to move forward on my own as much as i can but involve him wherever possible.
you guys are the greatest for your help! thanks!

[CarlosHoney]

I know exactly how you feel. Men can be so strange. We're two different creatures, speaking different languages, and somehow we're still one species.

[CindySue]

Me and mine have gone through some issues here lately. Both of us had been stressed and we didnt want to bother each other with our problems.
We did end up talking about everything and we are communicating even better than we did before.

[CarlosHoney]

Yep. Our problems were because we weren't communicating. He had a whole lot going on, but wasn't telling me about it (didn't want to stress me out being preggo and all). So, he had a whole lot going on, I was clueless, so once we talked and got it all out in the open, it's all good! :D

[WebLady]

I believe that being able to communicate with your partner is a biggie in having a lasting relationship.

I have learned to speak 'man' pretty well over the last few years :wink: well, I can't say I understand all men but me and mine seem to communicate well :D

Best wishes to all!

~ WebLady :)

[rainbowtreat]

When it comes to the planning of our wedding my FH doesnt have much to say untill it is somethign that sparks his interest. Like when I told him we needed to pick a song for him to take my garder off too. He was on the computer in no time flat and we must have listened to about 3 dozen songs. We still havent picked one yet but he did get into it. I guess each guy does it in his own way. Give him certaint hings that he can decide on. I am glad he has come around. Goddluck with it all.

[allydawn0040]

Rainbowtreat what a great way to approach your wedding planning! Trying to get him to do what he doesn't want to do is going to be tough no matter what but getting him to do something he is excited about is easy! I have actually seen a huge increase in the amount of grooms that come into my Shoppe to purchase wedding accessories because they want to be involved in that aspect :shock:. That totally surprised me but I am so glad to see the grooms helping with the small things, it really takes alot of stress off of the brides. I guess every groom is different so you just have to find things that he wants to do and remember - everything that he will do is one less thing you have to do! Blessings allydawn0040

[CindySue]

I think a lot of grooms dont help or show interest because they think they arent supposed to. My FH has been involved in the planning of ours since the very beginning, although it has wavered a few times when someone tells him "dont you know you are just supposed to shut up and show up?"
And he does get teased about being involved. Im just so glad that he doesnt care about that part.

[meganrenae]

My fiance & I are polar opposites... and our differences are definitely creating waves... well, they have been for some time now. We are actually at the point where we are tired of battling & are realizing that time is way too short to have this much selfcreated drama! AYE!

We had a major chat tonight about communication and respect. I've always known how important compromise, trust, respect, and communication are... but even more so tonight.
We talked about what it was that we both fell in love with about the other person. We realized that the things that made us fall in love, were some of the things we complained about the most. Perspectives change, attitudes change, and people change. I would highly suggest talking about what made you know you wanted to be with this man for the rest of your life. At least for my fiance and me, it made us think about the things that are really important to us.