What would you do if your DH/FH told you he wanted/does crossdress?

[MOB Karen]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/12/12_3_125.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm824YYUS) Let us know what you would do.

[MOB Karen]

There is no way I'm going to deal with that. I got enough problems in my life, to have to take that one on too. NO WAY! :snide:

[jeni740]

:chair: I would be sooooooo pissed.

[Kacie_bride]

He would have to go.

[Jenn060306]

I answered the wrong one.... i wanted to say get him help rather then let him do it.

First. I would laugh. Then if he was dead serious i would ask him why and suggest he get some help. I don't think that it is somthing i would kick him to the curb over. But we'd have to work through it and decide if our relationship is right for both of us.

[mariaandmanish]

I would definitely try to get him some help. If after that was tried and he was willing to go for help, but he still wanted to cross dress, I would totally be out of there!!!

[MOB Karen]

I answered the wrong one.... i wanted to say get him help rather then let him do it.

First. I would laugh. Then if he was dead serious i would ask him why and suggest he get some help. I don't think that it is somthing i would kick him to the curb over. But we'd have to work through it and decide if our relationship is right for both of us.


I fixed it for you, Jenn. Thanks for letting me know. :)

[ladymelissa]

I would first try to figure out what prompted this behavior and we'd probably go to counseling. If it turned out that it was a deep seated biological need or calling that had nothing to with him lacking in any other area, then I would have to let him do it. I am not sure how our relationship would end up, that is dependent on so many other unpredictable factors.

[LizabethDavis]

I would try to get him some help first and then if it continued, I would have to leave. I have too many other issues to deal with besides worrying about Pat stealing and wearing my underwear.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I would first try to figure out what prompted this behavior and we'd probably go to counseling. If it turned out that it was a deep seated biological need or calling that had nothing to with him lacking in any other area, then I would have to let him do it. I am not sure how our relationship would end up, that is dependent on so many other unpredictable factors.

I suppose I am with you on this one but I have to add .... he would have to be a closet cross dresser. I don't think I could handle it if the world knew.

[Jopet]

:icon_barbar: <------ I think that says it all lol.

[hummingbird521]

He could sit on the curb with his dress and heels on. :)

[Valmai]

I dunno - would he be a different guy cos of it? Id be pretty p'ed off if he had been doing it as it would have been being decietful and sneaking around - think id put locks on my clothes cupboards tho lol xxx

[cowboysbride]

I would build a fire becasue hell will have frozen over!

Eric a crossdresser??? NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!

[mlm063007]

I would build a fire becasue hell will have frozen over!

Eric a crossdresser??? NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!

LOL. This is exactly what I thought about Clayton!

[BriansBride07]

I ans. that I would try and get him some help, If that would not work then I guess I would have to let him go b/c apparently he would no longer be happy with me.

[EarlyBird]

i know im diggin up some old posts but sometimes its cool to dig them up- so to answer this poll...

i would probably try to get him help firt but then if he really still wanted to- i think i would have to leave.

[Trillian]

Am I the only one who'd let him do it? Just because he wants to dress like a woman doesn't change the way he feels about me, unless that's part of the deal. There's a difference between liking women's clothes and wanting to BE a woman. I mean, you probably learn different things about the guy you love all the time, but it doesn't mean he feels differently about you. One day you discover he likes to say, eat mayo straight out of the jar. I wouldn't assume that meant he loves mayo more than me and therefore he should be out the door and marry his mayonnaise.

[BrideInCuffs21]

As ridiculous as it sounds... I have actually been nagging him jokingly to let me paint his nails he says no... and he says he wouldn't cross dress but I think the reason I want to see him so something like that with me asking him is to see how much he really wants to please me... does that sound weird???

[neebelung]

I don't want to get into too much detail, except to say I have some experience with this second hand (not my own relationship, but that of someone very, very close to me). I can say there are perfectly normal, very hetero-sexual men who choose to dress in women's clothing. By day, you'd never know it, they work high paying jobs, they love their wives, they are 'men's men.'

In the case of the man I knew who did this, it was not for sexual gratification, but more to allow his "weaker" side to show. After much therapy, it came out that he had been sexually abused as a child (by a man, a physical therapist), and this manifested itself in his need to not only dress in women's clothing, but to then go out in public dressed like this, and in a wheelchair and leg braces (again, harkening back to the condition he was in when he was abused).

Each couple has to define their roles and determine for themselves what is and is not "okay." It's not fair to classify all men who do this as "gay," "sick" or perverts," but it is important for everyone to know what they can and cannot contend with in a marriage, and not allow someone to push them outside of their comfort level if they don't want to be.

[neebelung]

Am I the only one who'd let him do it? Just because he wants to dress like a woman doesn't change the way he feels about me, unless that's part of the deal. There's a difference between liking women's clothes and wanting to BE a woman. I mean, you probably learn different things about the guy you love all the time, but it doesn't mean he feels differently about you. One day you discover he likes to say, eat mayo straight out of the jar. I wouldn't assume that meant he loves mayo more than me and therefore he should be out the door and marry his mayonnaise.

Excellent post. :D

[Doglover]

I don't consider crossdressing just wearing a womens shirt or something. I think of a man trying to look or be like a women.....so i would kick em.

i edited t his!

[WebLady]

I can't believe I missed this post before :bblol:

I have sort of mixed feelings on this ... on one hand I agree with Trillian in that this wouldn't (or shouldn't) change the fact that he loves me or I him for that matter. But, that is not the type of person I fell in love with; though I wouldn't have a problem being friends with someone like this, I don't think I could be in a relationship/married to a man like that.

It is just that there are certain things about the man DH is that are big parts of why I fell in love with him. If for some reason those things were to change we might have problems. And that goes for alot of things.

I wouldn't have been attracted to him in the first place if he was a cross dresser, and if I found this out early in our relationship I probably would have ended it. But now; well, I voted "get him help" :worm:

[woohoo2me]

i would go shopping with him:D i love kyle and if he feels the need to look like a woman then im okay with it. im always jelous of those men who cross dress and they have really awesome legs! and there hair is always nicer too. and nails...... i hate men lol.

[Trillian]

I don't consider crossdressing just wearing a womens shirt or something. I think of a man trying to look or be like a women.....so i would kick em.

i edited t his!

That would make him a transvestite, not a cross-dresser.

[Doglover]

either way I would not want to be married to a guy who liked to dress in womens clothes. I would assume they were gay. But i wouldn't not like someone or not talk to someone if they were.

[sjk1431]

I would let him do it. If that is what he chooses.

[neebelung]

There's actually a REALLY interesting episode of National Geographic's "Taboo" airing lately on the 3rd gender (transvestites, transsexuals, etc...) in different cultures... Seriously fascinating show. It will really change your outlook (or if nothing else, open your eyes to things you might never have known about).

[EarlyBird]

i think weblady really said this best - if i found out now. it wouldnt be the same person i fell in love with"

I know people sy "if its what he wanted to do i would let him" but i have been through something to that effect.
FH is a recovering addict- (GRATEFULLY IN RECOVERY FOR 2 + YEARS :) ) and if he came to me one day and said "I want to do drugs or drink again again i would say theres the door, have fun" or i would say "we need to seek help for you again" there would be no way in hell i would ssay "sure honey if its what you want, do drugs and drink" and alot of people say well thats different- but it isnt, b/c i dont like who he is when he is doing drugs - (FORGET THE FACT THAT THEY ARE ILLEGAL- DRINKING IT LEGAL AND I DOTN LIKE HIM WHEN HE DRINKS) if he did drugs/drank again it wouldnt be the person i fell in love with and if he wore my heels/skirts/bras It wouldnt be the person that i fell in love with. Feels the same kind of thing to me :)

jmo and its what i would do- i would seek help, i wouldnt kick him out...just yet

[Trillian]

I don't know, EarlyBird. To me, that just seems like conditional love. Not the drinking and drugs, those things are dangerous and alter the chemistry in the brain which could easily cause him to hurt you, your future children, himself, etc. I don't see where finding out he likes to cross dress makes him a different person. If he'd been completely honest with you about everything about himself except that he likes the feel of silky undies and a pair of high heels (don't you?), he's still the same person. It feels like to say something like "stop it or get out" puts a condition on your love for your husband. "I can only love you if you're completely normal." I love FH no matter what he does as long as it's not dangerous and doesn't put me or my son in jeopardy.

I don't think the analogy of comparing something dangerous and life-threatening to a preference of dress is really fair to any of the cross-dressing, committed, one-woman family men who don't beat their wives out there.

[samantha01]

I personally wouldn't be able to deal with it. It would end up making our marriage go downhill anyway because I would always be questioning if there were more to it than just dressing in womens clothing. You need to feel comfortable with your partner as well as loving them, and that would indeed make me feel uncomfortable. But I am the kind of girl that is not attracted to anything but a rugged country boy that wears jeans and boots, so that would be a HUGE change for me.

[frenchie]

I don't think that ever could happen - it's really not at all in his personality, I just don't see it. So I think it would be a huge shock - and I can't really say how I'd react. Because I just don't know.

[Trillian]

I don't think that ever could happen - it's really not at all in his personality, I just don't see it. So I think it would be a huge shock - and I can't really say how I'd react. Because I just don't know.

I guess that's part of why I'm so overwhelmingly comfortable with it. He wouldn't do it. I don't have to worry about it. I have this book "Dick for a Day" where the editor got a bunch of notorious feminists to write something about what they'd do if they woke up with a penis for one day. I was asking my SO if he'd still want to ....ahem.... be with me. He was all NO WAY! And I kept (jokingly) badgering him about it, "Why?? You wouldn't still LOVE me? Your love for me is conditional on my girl parts??" Finally he looked at me and said "wait a minute, this is never going to happen. Okay, if you woke up with one, I'd be with you in every sense of the word." It was hilarious.

[nic1124]

I married a cross-dresser!!

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i109/nikloveskev/NewYorkCity293.jpg http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i109/nikloveskev/NewYorkCity294.jpg








I'm joking! We made him try on my nieces prom dress in NYC so we could all have a good laugh. He's fun like that.
Seriously tho, I'm not sure what I would do. I guess it depends on alot of things and honestly I wouldn't know till it happened and I felt it. KWIM?

[Trillian]

HAHAHA!! Does he know you're posting those pictures on the internet? You two must be a riot!

[nic1124]

HAHAHA!! Does he know you're posting those pictures on the internet? You two must be a riot!

God no! He'd kill me :grinhappy: We do have so much fun, thats why I married him!

[Nekochanpurr]

I'd get him help! :) I wouldn't just leave him.. But he'd have to choose which was more important to him.. I wouldn't be comfortable with something like that.

[katieandalex]

I would try and get him help first. If that didnt' work, I wouldn't be able to handle that.

[TangoWedding]

Am I the only one who'd let him do it?

Assuming the question mean transvestite and not cross dresser (cross dressers are typically gay men dressing as women for show.)....not at all! I'd let him do it, too. I mean, if that's what he really was into.

It's common misconception that transvestites are GAY. One has nothing to do with the other. And as long as he's not telling me he's gay? I say go for it. I couldn't care less what anyone else thought...I love him for him, not what he wears.

Though he better not wear my shoes with his big ol' feet! :geek:


BTW? I think Eddie Izzard is YUMMY. And he's tv.

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/264037%7EEddie-Izzard-Posters.jpg

[tinkerjew]

I just pictured Larry in a dress... for the love of G-d...

[candyt2009]

This what I will do if I ever found out that he was across dresser:censored: :boxing: