Having some self doubt

[Jenn060306]

My wedding isn't until June 2006. But lately i have been a little nervous about my upcomming wedding. I have been feeling some self doubt. I know this is what i want to do, but at the same time i keep doubting myself.
I love my fiance more then anything. We have been together for nearly 6 years now, and have experienced alot of great things and not so great things together.
I really feel like i am at a loss for words. I haven't really been doing any planning lately. I have been putting off going to make a final decision on my wedding dress and order it. I also feel like i can't say anything to my fiance about how i feel or to any of my friends or family. I think everyone will look down on me for it.
Has anyone eles felt this way?! How can i get myself back into being super exsited and motivated to make plans.

[CarlosHoney]

Completely normal. Anytime that you are about to have a big change in your life, you are going to have cold feet. The thing to think about is what it would be like without him. How would you feel being single again?

Though we like to romanticise the idea of going out and having fun, think back to the lonely nights. I had a lot of those, and once my FH came into the picure, I couldn't sleep without him.

If you need some time, take it. Don't plan. Don't think wedding at all. Don't talk about it. Just chill out.

Remember: This is only one day of your life that you're planning. You're planning a nice party for your family and friends to celebrate this joyous time. Unless there is a real, serious reason that you are reconsidering, just sleep on it for a while. Relax, have some fun with your guy, and think about your life together--married or not.

[Mish11]

yay! Finally someone has said wot i've been going through but thought i was alone... Jac and i have been together for 5 years now, living together for 2, getting wed feb 06.

I know that this is wot i want, otherwise i wouldn't have stuck with for so long... I'm completely in love with him and could not image spending one night without him, let alone the rest of my life! So why did i only start getting the planning into gear last week?

Then, in oprah's words, i had a lightbulb moment! I've been feeling this way because everyone else is so excited and happy because they've "seen it coming" for the last few years. I realised that everyone just "expected" us to get married and assumed that I would just jump at all the planning right away and i didn't want to be the bride-in-training they wanted... I wanted to be my own!

i sat down with everyone and just told them outright, this is our day, our life, our planning. It's about us deciding to get married because we are ready to do it, not because everyone expected us to!

jac and i spent a wonderful evening together reminising about the day we got engaged, why we want to get married and about our life after the big day... it really got my fire burning again! Beacause after all... we are getting married because we love each other and are ready to start this new exciting chapter of our lives together!

[allydawn0040]

I love Mish11's idea. Have a nice dinner with your FH, remiense about the day you got engaged, talk about why you both want to get married, dream about what the future holds, remind each other why you love one another, remember your first date (encounter or other special moment). Planning a wedding is tough!! Take to the time to enjoy WHY you are doing it. Like someone said in a post I read before "the wedding is the first day of your marriage, it's not the marriage. It's a celebration of the commitment that has already taken place several months (if not years) before the wedding ever happened." We are here for you!! allydawn0040

[rockstar1]

I totally understand how you feel. i HAVE been feeling the same way. It's so overwhelming and I haven't even picked the date or the reception site yet. I think once I have those things nailed down I will feel better. but, it's tough. everyone asks you a million questions, and everyone certainly has an opinion on how you should handle things. it's a major life change and an expensive one at that, and that causes stress. I like what the others have said. what i have tried to do is take a little break now and then and take a day or two when i just don't think or talk about wedding stuff. then go back to it for a bit.!:) also i keep thinking back to nice memories jim and i have together. look at our website it's on my profile. i'm interested to know if your significant other is helping you with the plans. my FH was helping me, but the last discussion about things got so heated he told me just to take care of the details myself. so, i think now i['m going to take him at his word!

if you need anything at all email me at carylee1@COMCAST.NET.

[Jenn060306]

Thanks so much for all your respondses. It's made me feel better to hear that i'm not the only one feeling self doubt.
I love the idea of sitting down with Mark and reminising. Because of his job we don't see alot fo eachother, so that would be a nice thing to do.
My fiance has been interested in helping. I get fustrated because he has told me he wants to have his say in everything. But then he doesent seem really interested in doing it. I gave him a couple responsibilities, and i don't think he'd even thought twice about them. One is finding live music for a good price and finding transportation for us from the church to the reception. Nothing too difficult. The last time we talked about major things we did get into a big argument and still havent really come up with a good solution.
Anyways... thanks so much! I willl keep you all posted on how the planning is going. Or, when it starts really going again.
- Jenn

[CarlosHoney]

Guys, in my experience, don't like planning stuff other than batchelor's parties, and well, parties in general. A reception is a party, but it's the kind of party that they don't like to plan. They like the parties full of loud music and stuff that alters your mind. I know that to be true of my guy and his friends.

I'd say, give him a timeline to complete it, or you'll have to plan it. Maybe talk about it over dinner. I think that guys just have wedding-depth-perception issues and think that it's further away than it really is. That, or that bands and cars couldn't possibly be booked 8 months ahead of time. It's better to be safe than sorry, though, and you might want to have some back up ideas in case he procrastinates.

[Mish11]

Guys really don't like getting involved in the planning. everytime Jac and i talk bout something for the wedding, things always get heated. So we decided that if i ask him, he has to at least tell me what he thinks and if it doesn't matter to him (he told me that he doesn't care bout the theme or colour) i must just do it how i want. lets face it, they haven't been planning their wedding since they were little girls :) And since i'd rather do all the fun and pretty stuff, i've made it his job to organise the officiate, handle all leagal stuff and arrange everything with our minister. just share out the duties, chance are he won't mind helping if he knows it'll make you happy.

[Jenn060306]

Well. I told him. I broke down and told him how scared i was. I was able to tell him about having some self doubts and he was very cool and supportive. I'm not very good with cooking and cleaning, usually i burn somthing or end up spilling water everywhere. And since i don't have alot of experience working with kids i feel like i won't make a very good mother. He told me he thinks i make a mean Kraft Dinner and everything will be ok. It was very good to finally tell him about doubting myself. He was very understanding and ok with how i feel even though he doesen't feel the same way.

We talked about some of the planning, i told him how i've kinda felt like he doesen't care that much. He explained where he's at with the things he said he'd do. one which is music, and since he is a musician and works at a music store i thought it would be easy for him to find someone to play. He explained that he's worried about possibly hurting a co-worker by not asking to attend the wedding but only to come play a bit of music. So he's trying to find friends of friends who are good. I think he knows now that i would really like to get that booked soon.

[allydawn0040]

Good for you Jenn!!! That is great! What a loving and sweet FH you have. And I think he is right not to ask his co-workers to be the musicians at the reception but that they should be invited. It is wonderful that he is using their help in finding a good band. It sounds like you two had a great talk and it's moments like that which build, strengthen and make your marriage last. Keep up the communication and everything will work out! Blessings ~ allydawn0040

[CindySue]

Ive done the whole doubting myself thing because this isnt my first marriage, BUT it is my first wedding. Realizing that helped me get past those issues. I really do think that all brides go through some form of it.