Living arrangements...

[Irie_Bride]

My future mother in law is upset that my fiance and I have bought a house and at closing we're going to move into it. He's given up his apartment already and I'm done with medical school so I consider myself able to move out of my parents home. My parents don't agree with it either, BUT they support me anyway.

My future mother in law doesn't quite understand that this house is THEE house and I couldn't let someone else purchase it...the time was now or never. I love this house with a passion and I will not let it sit there empty for year (my sister ended up doing that...she's getting married this December). I can understand her concern...but we decided to go ahead and buy this house and we're going to live in it.

I guess this was just a vent session! Thanks for reading.

[sstark1218]

Wow.. interesting. I couldn't agree with you more though, it's now or never. And if you and your fh are sure that's what you want, that's all that matters! Congrats!

[LaceyinPgh]

Good for you! Sean and I live together too, although he bought his house just before he met me. People need to learn that it is 2005 and living together is perfectly acceptable. There are no commandments against it! God and the neighbors really do have better things to worry about.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Lacey I couldn't have said it better myself. My husband and I lived together a year and a half before we were married and so far we have not been struck done by God, a bolt of lightening or a Mack Truck for that matter. In this day and age people should just learn to bite their tongues and get over it. At least thats what I told my mom and Grandma....more so my grandma then my mom but still!! Best of luck and tell them if you are old enough to buy a house, you are old enough to live together before you are married!!

~CanadianBride~

[Jenn060306]

My parents had said they didn't want me to live with Mark until i was done college. But after having a run in with a terrible roomate, they agreed to support us living together. (I couldn't afford an apartment on my own, and couldn't bare to have another terrible roomate) His mom wasn't too thrilled either. But now that we have been living together for a year and a half and are planning our wedding for next June there is no issue.
Living together has been very good for us. We've been able to learn more about eachother. And deal with the conflicts we've had about different ways we do things.

[SueMartin]

Maybe, as a mom, I can partially explain her reasoning.. she MAY, only MAY, be thinking that the committment of a mortgage & a new live in relationship may be too much for her son to handle.. either is scary , but together .. whew!!!!!.

just give her a little time to get used to it...

[CarlosHoney]

I think that living with my FH is one of the best things that we've done. We've been living together for a little more than 2 years, and all of those fights, bad moods, quirks, habits, are out in the open. I can only immagine marrying someone having never lived with them. I'd freak out, thinking to myself, 'Who is this that I have married?!'

If you are not a virgin, and your parents and his parents are pretty aware of it, what does it matter? Seriously, it's the 21st Century. Living together is no big deal, and if they try and make it one, remind them that you are an adult, and that they need to support your decisions. You're not 16. You're a college graduate.

Let us know how it's going, and good luck!

[Mish11]

Jac and i have been living together for 2 years and about a year ago we bout a house. It was quite funny because we knew we wanted to get married, but were waiting for the right time. My mom was quite upset bout the fact that we wanted to buy a house because somehow a morgage commitment in property was soo much bigger than getting married! It just takes time for everyone to understand that this is how you want to do it, we don't live in the 50's ya' know! if its wot you want everyone will jump on board and support you, just takes a little time :)

[bnd94]

I have been with my FH for 11 years. We have lived together for about 10 years. 3 years ago we bought our second house. I guess you can probably tell what my advice is. I agree with the other girls times have changed. It is normal to live together now. I don't think I would care if it wasn't though I would just do what I want, You are an adult now and can make these decisions for yourself. I do agree though that it is alot of stress to take on buying a new house and moving in together. But what difference is one year going to make, if you wait you will have that stress plus the new marriage to get used to. I wouldn't want to let the house sit for a year either. It's nice to live together before getting married, this way you get to see what kind of a person your man is. It's just not the same as going over to his house for a visit and then going home to your place.

[SpringBride]

My fiance and I have been living together for about three years already, and we'll be getting married in May. We lived in an apartment first, but we felt like we were wasting our money, so we bought our house two years ago. Our families were very supportive, and it's the best decision we've made!

I'm happy for you, you'll be very happy with your decision!

[As You Wish]

While the statistics don’t encourage living together before the wedding, I lived with my husband for a couple of years before we tied the knot and it was the right thing for us. You need to first do what’s right for you, but be sensitive to your parent’s feelings. My mother had a really hard time with us living together. Make sure your parents know you love them and while you respect their beliefs, you don’t share them.

[CarlosHoney]

I'm glad to hear so many people who feel that it was the right thing for them. My mom didn't care about us living together, but once I foud out that I was pregnant, it's a HUGE deal that we are not married. I think that it's old fashioned.

[kheath10]

Me and my fiance have been living together for a 1year and everybody my family and his is all up in our bus. I know it is not right to have a man that is not your husband as the call it (shack with u) but god knows my heart and he also knows that me and joshua will be getting married soon and then will be be right in the eyes of god!! So for those of you that are shacking pray about it and keep moveing do what makes you happy . You only live once and as soon as we get married people who are in ya:censored: business that won't have :censored: to talk about. Its funny when people hear about weddings that act stupid and all like they have lost thier mind.

[CindySue]

Brian and I are living together and have bought a house. I guess because we are in our 30s and have both been married before, we didnt catch any flak over living together. From what Ive gotten from different people over the last several years, is that if you live together, you might reconsider getting married. If everything is working as it is, why change it? I personally dont think I could get married without living together 1st. I want to KNOW that we can mesh well. Brian and I do. We have had some conflicts, but weve worked through them and in the process made our realtionship stronger.
Good Luck with whatever you decide!

[Kacie_bride]

Justin and I live together. It is not something I would have planned, although I would not redo it either. I'm glad that when we get married we wont have to deal with the wedding issues and getting used to living together. We already know what it is like.

[CindySue]

While the statistics don’t encourage living together before the wedding,
This is what I dont understand. You would think a couple would have a stronger relationship having lived together first. If you cant live with him, chances are you ARE NOT going to marry him, and since you dont get married, you cant get divorced. See my point?

[tha_mrs]

I have been thinking about this.All my life I was taught that you don't shack. But I now feel that if you are engaged, you are going to be married, so don't you need to know before you say I Do.It seems so much more logical,but my FH was raised the same way so I know we won't move in together before we are married.I guess he and I will have to try and figure it out.I mean he knows almost how I am and I know almost how he is, but I do believe we should live together at some point before the marriage. I talked to my God-sister because it had been troubling me. She told me not to worry about what others think.So I figure we should move in maybe 3mths before we get married.She moved in with her husband 2mths before they were married.What do you think?

[CindySue]

I have been thinking about this.All my life I was taught that you don't shack. But I now feel that if you are engaged, you are going to be married, so don't you need to know before you say I Do.It seems so much more logical,but my FH was raised the same way so I know we won't move in together before we are married.I guess he and I will have to try and figure it out.I mean he knows almost how I am and I know almost how he is, but I do believe we should live together at some point before the marriage. I talked to my God-sister because it had been troubling me. She told me not to worry about what others think.So I figure we should move in maybe 3mths before we get married.She moved in with her husband 2mths before they were married.What do you think?
I respect your feelings on this. And only YOU know whats right for you and your realtionship. As for me and Brian we really didnt "know" each other until we started living together. We have been living together since August of last year and so far he doesnt have any nasty habits I cant handle. (And vice versa!;) )

[tha_mrs]

And see you know because you lived with him.See as for me and Tommio,I want to know too.I want to stay together at least for the last 3mths before we get married.See you want get any surprises.but I am trying to lessen my shock.(hopefully it is not soo much of a shock)

[WhiskeyGirl]

I have been thinking about this.All my life I was taught that you don't shack. But I now feel that if you are engaged, you are going to be married, so don't you need to know before you say I Do.It seems so much more logical,but my FH was raised the same way so I know we won't move in together before we are married.I guess he and I will have to try and figure it out.I mean he knows almost how I am and I know almost how he is, but I do believe we should live together at some point before the marriage. I talked to my God-sister because it had been troubling me. She told me not to worry about what others think.So I figure we should move in maybe 3mths before we get married.She moved in with her husband 2mths before they were married.What do you think?

I don't think its respectful to call it shacking up. (I am not trying to sound rude, but this is how I feel about the words shacking up!!!!) We lived together before we were even engaged! For us, it was right! We were always together and I had a low paying job so I was struggling month to month to even eat!!!! So I think the better word is combing a household but certainly not shacking up! To me shacking up is just for screwing! And that is not what it was about!! We loved each other so much that we couldn't stand to not sleep together at night!! Or not come home to each other at the end of the work day!! For everyone it is different!! For us it was right! For others, maybe not so.

I respect your decision to not live together, however, I knew a girl and her parents would not allow her ot move in with her fiance. So they waited and got married! Less than a year later, the divorce papers were waiting to be signed!! I just think that should test the waters before you dive in head first!!

[CindySue]

I don't think its respectful to call it shacking up. (I am not trying to sound rude, but this is how I feel about the words shacking up!!!!) We lived together before we were even engaged! For us, it was right! We were always together and I had a low paying job so I was struggling month to month to even eat!!!! So I think the better word is combing a household but certainly not shacking up! To me shacking up is just for screwing! And that is not what it was about!! We loved each other so much that we couldn't stand to not sleep together at night!! Or not come home to each other at the end of the work day!! For everyone it is different!! For us it was right! For others, maybe not so.

I respect your decision to not live together, however, I knew a girl and her parents would not allow her ot move in with her fiance. So they waited and got married! Less than a year later, the divorce papers were waiting to be signed!! I just think that should test the waters before you dive in head first!!
I dont like the phrase "shacking up" either. And the only time I hear it is from the people that are against it. And I try clothes on before i buy them, I try shoes before I buy them, even a lot of my food, if its new i want to taste before i buy......why in the world wouldnt I want to "try" things with the man I want to marry. Marriage last a lot longer than clothes, shoes AND food!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I dont like the phrase "shacking up" either. And the only time I hear it is from the people that are against it. And I try clothes on before i buy them, I try shoes before I buy them, even a lot of my food, if its new i want to taste before i buy......why in the world wouldnt I want to "try" things with the man I want to marry. Marriage last a lot longer than clothes, shoes AND food!

Exactly!! Glad I am not the only one who feels this way! And it takes time to get to know someone when you move in together! Its not an over night thing! I am still learning new things about my DH, but I think it took me almost a year to get used to living with him and not wanting to throttle him when he did things HIS way and I didn't like it! Then I started to see the bigger picture, we were combining two lives and two different ways of doing things and that takes time...two or three months I don't think is enough time! It takes a lot of time to get to know each other! My cousin and her man lived together for six years and then decided that it wasn't right!! (and thats a lot of time!! lol)

[ikkin510]

We are not going to be living together before we are married. Most people say we are old fashion that way, but that just what we believe in. Both of us come from families who also did it this way. My parents are celebrating their 25th anniversary this year, his parent's just celebrated their 35th. I know I love my FH and I can't live with out him in my life. We spend all of our time together minus when we are asleep. While I'm sure there will be some surprises, I'm sure there won't be anything we can't work through. We kinda combined our incomes already. He helps me out when I'm short on cash, and visa versa. I do not have anything against people who choose to live together before the wedding. What ever works!

[rainbowtreat]

I have been livign with Nihcolas since he decided to move up here to be with me. I also lived with my ex for a few years before we were married. I work with a girl who is getting married in may but her and her FH wont live together untill after the wedding. He doesnt even stay the night at her place. If she crashes at his parents ( he moved back in to save money for the wedding ) she sleeps on the pull out couch. Now that would drive me crazy. Knowing my FH was in another room sleeping. I'd much rather curl up next to him. I understnad the ones who dont want to have sex ebfore they get married but I eman sleeping next to him is not sex. But I love her dearly and to each their own. I have nothing against what they are doing. I just know that I will encourage my kids to live with they one they want to marry first. I think it is must these days. I could go crazy not being with Nicholas if we lived seperately.

[CindySue]

I could go crazy not being with Nicholas if we lived seperately.
When Brian and I got together, we had a plan! Since we lived 45 mins from each other, he would come see me on Wednesdays and I would go see him on the weekends. Thats lasted until we spent our 1st weekend together. Falling a sleep cuddled up next to each other and waking up next to each other mattered a lot more than we expected it to. The sex didnt have anything to do with it. Even though we were spenting ALOT of time together, we WERE NOT going to live together. THEN.....my kids were fixing to start school, we were engaged, knew we were getting married in May, so we decided to go ahead and do it. We couldnt have stayed away from each other nor did we even want to. We had gotten so used to being around each other, i know this sounds stupid, but it was like we felt lost without the other. BUT, we have learned a lot this way. We know how to deal with each others tempers and bad moods. As far as how we do things, its really no different than how the others does them. This was the right way for us, and i think our marriage will be stronger because of it!

[tha_mrs]

When Brian and I got together, we had a plan! Since we lived 45 mins from each other, he would come see me on Wednesdays and I would go see him on the weekends. Thats lasted until we spent our 1st weekend together. Falling a sleep cuddled up next to each other and waking up next to each other mattered a lot more than we expected it to. The sex didnt have anything to do with it. Even though we were spenting ALOT of time together, we WERE NOT going to live together. THEN.....my kids were fixing to start school, we were engaged, knew we were getting married in May, so we decided to go ahead and do it. We couldnt have stayed away from each other nor did we even want to. We had gotten so used to being around each other, i know this sounds stupid, but it was like we felt lost without the other. BUT, we have learned a lot this way. We know how to deal with each others tempers and bad moods. As far as how we do things, its really no different than how the others does them. This was the right way for us, and i think our marriage will be stronger because of it!
Exactly!! That's what I want to know.we talked about it, and he said he didn't think that we should.I have spent weekends with him.I enjoy waking up seeing his face and laying down next to him at night.I enjoy cooking breakfast for him and the baby.I even enjoy the baby says"okay mom and dad let's say our grace" before dinner.I know what we each have been taught and I know how hard it would be to stray from that,but I really think we should move in together.At least 3mths before the wedding, but I won't push.I told him if it means that much to him to wait,I can do that.

[brewsells]

I know that it is important to a lot of people not to live together before they are married, whether it is due to religion, preference, or whatever. I, on the other hand, think it is important to live together first. My FH have lived together for 3 years. There are many times I have heard of marriages ending because they cannot stand how the other person lives. If they are a complete slob or OCD, it is important to know before you get married. You are not always able to see these things fully unless you live with someone. This is just my opinion, and I respect however someone chooses to handle this.

[tha_mrs]

I know that it is important to a lot of people not to live together before they are married, whether it is due to religion, preference, or whatever. I, on the other hand, think it is important to live together first. My FH have lived together for 3 years. There are many times I have heard of marriages ending because they cannot stand how the other person lives. If they are a complete slob or OCD, it is important to know before you get married. You are not always able to see these things fully unless you live with someone. This is just my opinion, and I respect however someone chooses to handle this.
I totally agree! another poster said in so many words we try on everything else before we purchase,now with the one we spen forever with,we can't do that.My take is yes I was taught one thing and life experiences have shown me another.I would loe to live together before hand,but it probably won't happen,unless he changes his mind.

[brewsells]

I totally agree! another poster said in so many words we try on everything else before we purchase,now with the one we spen forever with,we can't do that.My take is yes I was taught one thing and life experiences have shown me another.I would loe to live together before hand,but it probably won't happen,unless he changes his mind.

Well, Nette, if it is really that important to your FH, it must be for a reason. Whatever that may be, it is important to support him, and it sounds like you are already doing that. Good luck!

[CindySue]

I totally agree! another poster said in so many words we try on everything else before we purchase,now with the one we spen forever with,we can't do that.My take is yes I was taught one thing and life experiences have shown me another.I would loe to live together before hand,but it probably won't happen,unless he changes his mind.
I have a question......do you think he might feel this way because you arent divorced yet? Maybe once you ARE "free", he may feel different and be more open to what you are wanting and understand why you want it. This is just a thought.

[countrygirl]

I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I don't like the phrase 'shacking up' either. It's so icky.

I lived w my ex for 8 years, and never married. He didn't think I was worthy enough I guess. When Josh wanted to move in together, I was very hesitant. I didn't want to be another live in girlfriend, and just be convinient for someone again.

I finally agreed to move in w Josh w one condition. That he wouldn't make me wait a year to figure out if he wanted to marry me. Apparently, he did want to, but being that he had gone thru a divorce, he wanted to make sure that we would be totally compatable first. It turned out to be the right thing for us, because 6 months after we moved in together, he proposed.

But it just depends on the couple.

[tha_mrs]

@CindySue
You know that is a good question,but I don't want to move in together now.I was asking him if we could 3mths before the wedding.You know just to "try it out" before the till death do us part line.I know his pet peeves and he knows mine,but it is can you or can you not live with that is the question.That's what I'd like to find out.Our relationship is great,we don't live together so my house is where I live and his house is where he lives.I know I may sound a little petty but I am really thinking about this.I told him I just want to met half way on somethings and I can meet him half way too.

[countrygirl]

@CindySue
You know that is a good question,but I don't want to move in together now.I was asking him if we could 3mths before the wedding.You know just to "try it out" before the till death do us part line.I know his pet peeves and he knows mine,but it is can you or can you not live with that is the question.That's what I'd like to find out.Our relationship is great,we don't live together so my house is where I live and his house is where he lives.I know I may sound a little petty but I am really thinking about this.I told him I just want to met half way on somethings and I can meet him half way too.

Have you stayed at eachother's house often?? And do you live close together?? Hope my asking that isn't rude. I was just thinking that if you tried it for even a few days or a week, it may give you somewhat of an idea.

[tha_mrs]

No I don't think you are rude at all!:D Yes. In fact,I am at his house almost every weekend.I work a lot so, I do over-time on the weekends and he keeps the baby. So,I stay at his house.I think that's why he is okay about us living together because I am at his house now and he's fine. My mom and sis live with me now, but they are moving out(that's a whole nother story,it needs to air on Oprah).I will be living with just my son and I then.I suspect I can get him to maybe come and spend a few days every now and then.

[countrygirl]

Well, good luch with that. It's a touchy one. It took me a long long time to agree to move in with Josh, against my fam's wishes as we both have children. But I knew that he was the one I was going to marry, and I think I did the right thing. especailly when I see the stability it's given the kids.

[tha_mrs]

well,I think I can take this cue from you and Josh.Seems like you did it all at the right time.Hopefully my situation is the same.

[CindySue]

But I knew that he was the one I was going to marry, and I think I did the right thing. especailly when I see the stability it's given the kids.
I think this is why we didnt get a lot of flak about it. His family says its like Ive been a part of the family forever and they see something in Brian when hes around me theyve never seen before. They KNOW hes truly happy for the 1st time in his life. My family knows how hard its been for me raising my kids on my own. And unless you know better, youd think Brian WAS their dad. My family can see that Im happy and that Brian is going to be great for their grandkids. Only both families have said we cant have anymore. Its ok....because we totally agree!!!!

[countrygirl]

I am right there w you Cindy. Same situtation here. My fam wasn't happy about it at first, but they came to love him so much. My mother is so happy, she says that he is the son in law that every mother wants (for her daughter!!!)

[ikkin510]

I see things a little differently. Partly because of my religion. In my opinion it's not whether or not you can live with the person, it's whether you can live without them. Both myself and my FH would not let something like leaving dirty clothes in a pile at night, or OCD or something like that get in the way of our marriage. Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I know may people, both family and not, that have done the same as we are and have happy marriages. I don't mean to offend anyone, this is just my point of view. THe issues the could arise from living together (in my opinion) are not major enough to ruin a marriage. Now, I do not include finances in living together just because ours are mostly combines so as it is. And I know that is a major issue in relationships. We know we are going to get married and be together and we are goign to work through whatever problem arises. If our biggest problem is not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, I consider that a major success!

[countrygirl]

I see things a little differently. Partly because of my religion. In my opinion it's not whether or not you can live with the person, it's whether you can live without them. Both myself and my FH would not let something like leaving dirty clothes in a pile at night, or OCD or something like that get in the way of our marriage. Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I know may people, both family and not, that have done the same as we are and have happy marriages. I don't mean to offend anyone, this is just my point of view. THe issues the could arise from living together (in my opinion) are not major enough to ruin a marriage. Now, I do not include finances in living together just because ours are mostly combines so as it is. And I know that is a major issue in relationships. We know we are going to get married and be together and we are goign to work through whatever problem arises. If our biggest problem is not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, I consider that a major success!

While most of us don't consider the laundry, or toothpaste the major issues in determining whether or not to live w eacher, they are things that add up. But those aren't the reasons that I agreed. I have a child, and Josh has three. At first, I thought it would be harmfull for the kids if things didn't work out. But in the long run, it would have been more harmful to find out after the wedding that we couldn't be together.

You make a valid point on working thru problems, and I think that we all feel the same way.

[Jenn060306]

I think living together has been the best thing for Mark and i. We don't have any children. But we've gotten to know eachother much better and learned to create a balance between our different personalities and schedules to make everything work.
You have to figure out how to share the work load and make comprimises to support eachothers needs. Financials are the biggest cause for divorce, but i do feel like other things such as not picking up after ones self and supporting eachother in the daily activities in a household can lead to bigger problems. There definatly needs to be a solid balance and understanding or eventually it will snow ball to be a big problem.
We did talk alot about him moving in here with me. His mother wasn't exactly thrilled about it because she felt that it would lead to us having a child simply because we lived together. I can understand where she is coming from because her oldest daughter did have a baby when she was 19. His mom at one point said it was wrong to live with someone and not be married to them. But quickly re-tracked her statement when Mark pointed out that she wasn't yet married to her now husband. My parents had been against us living together until it came to be a possible safety issue for me to live on my own or with another roomate i didn't know. The girl who lived with me before Mark came had threatend me on a number of occassions and was forced to leave on bad terms. I didn't feel safe living on my own at the time.

[Kacie_bride]

Justin and I have almost lived together for 3 years. I am glad to know that I can live with him. The only thing that he cannot stand about me is my cats in the house! But he's getting used to it! I've had them a year now and he's still working on it.

[tha_mrs]

I don't know what we will do.More than likely we will wait until after we are married.I know that's what he wants.In the beginning that's what I wanted.I am just nervous about us living together.But I know we can work through any problems too.I don't know.I think it could go either way on this issue.

[andysgirl07]

Me and Andrew definitely want to live together before we get married. He and Todd are on the lease for the apartment until March of next year. So when it comes up for renewal, we'll just renew it for another year in mine and his name and live there until we can afford to buy a house.

[rainbowtreat]

I see nothing wrong with living together ebfore marriage. I lived with my ex husband before marriage as I mentioned and we still didn't work out. For many reasons. But with they way things are today not livign with a guy that you know your going to marry seems crazy to me. If I had to wait to be with Nicholas every night I would go stir crazy. I sleep better when he is in bed with me. I dont usualy fall asleep untill he gets home at night. The kids are a big part of this. I made a mistake of living with a guy for a year and it didnt work out. My kids were effected by this. But I knew in my heart and soul that Nicholas were getting married even before he moved up here. If we lived in seperate places we never could have affored the small wedding we are having. Money is so tight these days. But it is not the money thing that made this happen. It was his first visit here and coming home to having him here and not wanting to be away from him for one second. If we had seperate places we would always be at one or the others anyway. I just wouldnt have been able to deal with him being in the same town and not being right next to him. We had a long time of just having the phone and not being able to be with each other that once he was here I was not letting him go.

[CindySue]

We had a long time of just having the phone and not being able to be with each other that once he was here I was not letting him go.
Thats kinda how Brian felt. He would call me EVERY NIGHT and want me to drive back over to his house. (there was only one time that I didnt!:bbredface: ) When I decided to go ahead and move to his town, I was looking for a place for me to rent. He was like, "Do you really think I got you to move here only to live across town? I dont think so!"

[tha_mrs]

That's what we have.We call eachother like 3 or 4 times a day and we have to talk before bed.

[ikkin510]

Fh and I only live about 5 minutes apart. He is still at home with his parent helping out since his dad has a lot of health problems. On the days we both have off, he comes over once he gets up, we spend the day together, then he goes home about the time I get ready to go to bed. So it works for us. Right now we work at the same place and most of the same days/hours so we see each other then too.

[LaceyinPgh]

I wasn't going to comment on this because I did on the first page ages ago. Sean and I have lived togheter for almost 5 of the 7 years we have been together. It didn't make our relatioship stronger or weaker. To be honest if we had just continued to live togethere and never decided to get married, I don't see how our lives would be different. Marriage to us is a binding legal contract. We care about each other very much. We make each other happy. We were content living together for years without ever mentioning the "m" word. We are getting married because that is something that we want to do. It isn't something we feel pressured to do. We aren't doing it to appease family members who feel they are better than we are because of their ethically or moral choices. When we moved in together marriage wasn't even an option in our lives. I was still in law school and he was working on becoming a partner in his firm. We didn't have the time or the money to devote to a wedding.

If you want to live with someone than do it. If you don't than don't It isn't that hard. We are all adults on this board. I don't know why it is so hard for people to tell family and friends and total strangers where to stuff it when they get judgemental or out of line. It isn't anyone's business but your own who you chose to live with, sleep with, share domestic duties with, or who you have sex with. As long as both parties are equal in the relationship and have the same common desires and goals, it isn't anyone else's business. No one said a word to Sean or I when we moved in togheter that I am aware of. Probably because they know they would have been told where to shove it mighty fast.

It also isn't about living with or without someone. You learn alot about someone when you live with them. It is easy to hide stuff when you aren't sharing a home. What at first is cute or quirky can really turn into a deal breaker later on down the road. I am all for taking a very long test drive. I wouldn't buy a car if I could just drive it around the block once. I surely wouldn't commit a lot more time and money than that car would cost me without some serious investigation first. But if you don't want to live with someone for whatever reasons before you get married the same rules of telling people their opinons aren't warranted in your life fully applies.

[katieandalex]

I think that you and your FH know what is best for you. My sister and her husband lived together before they were engaged....my parents didn't say a word about it. So when it came time that my FH and I (were not engaged yet) were both planning on going to the same college, they suggested that we should look into getting an apartment together because it was stupid for us to both have dorm rooms when one of us wouldn't probably ever be there. So we moved in together....his parents freaked out. They said that its not right to live together before marriage, and then freaked out when we said we wanted an actual wedding because they said that since we live together already that we really shouldn't have a big wedding because there is no point. We said screw it to them.

So what I'm saying, you and your FH know that we will be living together after the wedding, and if this is the house you really want, then you might as well buy it and move in together....that way you have a few months to adjust to living together before starting off your marriage.

[shawnsgirl]

I wasn't going to comment on this because I did on the first page ages ago. Sean and I have lived togheter for almost 5 of the 7 years we have been together. It didn't make our relatioship stronger or weaker. To be honest if we had just continued to live togethere and never decided to get married, I don't see how our lives would be different. Marriage to us is a binding legal contract. We care about each other very much. We make each other happy. We were content living together for years without ever mentioning the "m" word. We are getting married because that is something that we want to do. It isn't something we feel pressured to do. We aren't doing it to appease family members who feel they are better than we are because of their ethically or moral choices. When we moved in together marriage wasn't even an option in our lives. I was still in law school and he was working on becoming a partner in his firm. We didn't have the time or the money to devote to a wedding.

If you want to live with someone than do it. If you don't than don't It isn't that hard. We are all adults on this board. I don't know why it is so hard for people to tell family and friends and total strangers where to stuff it when they get judgemental or out of line. It isn't anyone's business but your own who you chose to live with, sleep with, share domestic duties with, or who you have sex with. As long as both parties are equal in the relationship and have the same common desires and goals, it isn't anyone else's business. No one said a word to Sean or I when we moved in togheter that I am aware of. Probably because they know they would have been told where to shove it mighty fast.

It also isn't about living with or without someone. You learn alot about someone when you live with them. It is easy to hide stuff when you aren't sharing a home. What at first is cute or quirky can really turn into a deal breaker later on down the road. I am all for taking a very long test drive. I wouldn't buy a car if I could just drive it around the block once. I surely wouldn't commit a lot more time and money than that car would cost me without some serious investigation first. But if you don't want to live with someone for whatever reasons before you get married the same rules of telling people their opinons aren't warranted in your life fully applies.


I have to aagree with lacey on this 100%...It depends on the relationship and it doesn't matter what people think. If your morals are both the same that's whats important. I do think living together prior to getting married may help make the transition from bachalor pad to home a lot easier and smoother!

[sweet bride]

i think this decision depend on you and your fh its your life noone have to interfer in it , the most beautiful thing in the relation that you have a private life in your house