Problems with my parents.

[HappilyInLove]

Im new here.I dont know where to go to vent. I was looking for wedding stuff online and somehow wound up here.My boyfriend proposed to me and I happily said yes.He is the most wonderful person I've ever met, sweet and he treats me like a princess. I never thought I would find anybody as wonderful as he is. There is one problem. My parents and most of my family most likely wont attend my wedding because hes black and Im white.My family wont accept it.My dads parents dont care my mom I dont understand her. My step dad is as racist as they come. I know alot of people still dont agree with inter-racial dating but I dont know what to do anymore.Im going to marry him no matter what, Its okay for my cousins to date black guys but its just not okay for me. Nobody has ever treated me as good as he does. I dont know.Sorry for whining Im just so lost!

Jenn

[mj512]

I'm sorry that your family feels that way. I guess all that you can do is say that "you being childish is not going to stop me from marrying him, so you can either get over it and be a part of my wedding, or you can act like a child pout and not be a part of my wedding, but there will still be a wedding" I hope they get over it and realize that inter-racial marriage is no different than any other marriage. I would just state to them that you are getting married whether they chose to be a part of it or not.

Welcome btw! I hope you enjoy the boards!

[HappilyInLove]

Awww thanks! That helped. At the current moment I just want to scream.I would like to think they'd get over it.My mom might in time but I highly doubt my dad would

[mariaandmanish]

I'm really sorry to hear about this! I hope that you can find a way to get them to be okay with it, but if not, just be thrilled that you are marrying the man of your dreams, and will make a hapy life for yourself, regardless of their opinion. I know it's harder to be together when family has issues, but if he's the one you know you will be happy with, then keep that in mind the whole time. Good luck with your family, be happy with your FH, and welcome to OneWed!

[HappilyInLove]

Thanks for the welcoming! I was actually thinking about taking all the joy out of getting married and just oging to mexico or something like that where I didnt need the b/s but I decided that Im going to do the church thing after all, well Im going to tell him Ill settle for the church wedding now, hes taking me and my dog(she has cancer) to the dog park so she can go play

[Jenn060306]

Welcome to the board Jenn.
I'm sorry to hear your family isn't supportive of your FH. I really hope that they realize how happy you are and how wonderful he treats you and accept that he may not be their ideal person. But he is the perfect man for you!
Take care! I hope it all works out for you! Enjoy your wedding because it's YOURS! :grinhappy:

[HappilyInLove]

Well Im happy now. All of your comments helped.We even set a date, its June 22. Im happy now, now I just dont know where to start at as far as wedding planning goes, I think I definately need to float around the forums to get some type of idea.I've only been to two weddings my entire life.Thanks for all of your help

[Kacie_bride]

Hi and welcome to the board!!!!!! I'm sorry to hear about your family. I've not been in your shoes, but I do have a cousin who married a hispanic woman (we are white) and at first that stirred some stuff up with some of the family. They have been married for probably 10 years now and now the whole family just loves her. So maybe they'll come around. I also have a bridesmaid that dated a black guy and it caused some issues in her family and with his. So I don't really know how you feel, but I know enough about it. Perhaps they'll eventually see the kind of person he is, and not just the color of his skin.

Anyway, welcome again! Congratulations on your engagement! If you need anything just ask!!!

[WebLady]

:hi: Welcome to the board!! I'm sorry to hear about your family having issues with your FH.

My sister is in an inter-racial relationship (and I have a beautiful bi-racial niece from it) and I have seen them deal with some looks and comments from people. (it makes me sad that people still think this way today) Luckily our family has accepted it, or at least they pretend to.

I hope it works out for you, but if your family cannot accept your choices and accept your FH as a part of your life then you can't let them stand in the way of your happiness.

Wishing the best for you! :hug:

Happy Wedding Planning :grinhappy:

[kevinsbride2B]

Welcome! That's what we're all here for: venting, ideas, and support!
Ultimatly girl it's your choice. It's the 21st century and these things are accepted now!!!
You will have to remember aswell that this isn't just soemthing that will be a one day thing and boom everything will be back to normal again after the wedding. I think every girlwants to have that dream wedding and the support of friends and family that love her. PArt of them loving you will have to be accepting your choices. Your an adult now not a little girl having to take direction from your parents.
At least you have some of your family on board!!!!!!!!!!!! Think of it that way as opposed to who you don't have at your side. I'm not saying this will fix this as realistically nothing will. It's a loose loose situation for you I do understand. You do however have a whole heap of girls on this site that will be here till you walk down that aisle and as long as you want after!!!
Good Luck and keep strong!

[HappilyInLove]

I hope they will understand.Im telling my older brother tonight, so I think it might be easier if my mom sees that if my brothers understand than why cant she? My dad wont be happy but I dont care what he thinks,hes a bum anyway.Im always trying to please everybody else so I am going to try to do what makes me happy.This morning I woke up and I was like maybe if I just get married and dont tell him and than just move out.I was being a coward but you know what oh well. I am going to start going to church with him this weekend so we can get married hes baptist and im lutheran so I have to see what we need to do

[septemberbride06]

I'm sorry to hea rabout your situation.
Maybe they will come around. I mean, who would miss their daughters wedding, whether they like the guy or not. I don't know how your dad is, but mine was just plain excited to get rid of me LOL!
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to liven the mood!
Feel better hun, then come back and show us some pictures of youa nd your hunny. We LOVE pictures. Things will get better!

:grinhappy:

[HappilyInLove]

we picked my ring up yesterday! Yay! My older brother is getting used to the idea and hes not that bothered. Thanks to my sister in law who keeps him in check, so to speak hehe. Im packing my stuff tonight so than in a few days when I get the balls to talk to her in case she kicks me out or gets in a huge fight ill be ready to go. Sad thing is we work for the same company and Ill have to deal with her not talking to me everyday.I know in time she will get over it though. I picked out my dress Im so excited.Is it bad luck to show him a picture of the dress I like?Or just for him to see me in it?

[Goin2thechapel]

I know it's soo hard when family aren't accepting of your life choices. But I agree with everyone else. Times have changed and this is the person that'll you'll be spending the rest of your life with. You want someone that's going to treat you the way he does. I say, Tell your parents that you're going to marry him no matter what and you really want thier support with such a huge decision in you life. Things will work out :) they usually do!

Welcome to onewed by the way! It's nice to have new people!

[HappilyInLove]

I cant wait until this is all over with.I feel much better though! Im very happy now, but still nervous lol

[Kacie_bride]

I cant wait until this is all over with.I feel much better though! Im very happy now, but still nervous lol

Good luck hun!!!!

[SerendipityCrafts]

Give them some time and hopefully they will come around. I don't know too many parents that would follow through on a threat not to come to the wedding.

I don't particularly care for my daughter's boyfriend but it is because I don't think he treats her as she should be treated. If she ever decides to marry him however, it would take jail bars to keep me away. She's my daughter and I will stand by her no matter what life choices she makes. I will also be there for her if those choices are the wrong ones and she needs help down the line.

Have they met him? If so, was he ok to have as a friend but now they are balking because he's going to be your husband? I had troubles with my ex-inlaws because although I am a Christian, I am not a Catholic. Some people will always find an excuse to dislike someone!

Could it be that they are being protective rather than racist? I know that interacial marriages are more common now but I also know that there are many people within our community that still frown upon mixed marriages. Could it be that your parents are trying to protect you from comments or attitudes that you might receive in the future from our society at large? Just a thought.

[LizabethDavis]

I'm glad to hear that you at least feel better. My cousin (who is white) married a black man...a true African actually...born in Africa. And my family is semi-racist, but she I had a very, "I am going to do this one way or the other" attitude and things worked out fine.

Don't let them decide anything for you. They will either accept it or they won't. Good luck.

[MOB Karen]

Im new here.I dont know where to go to vent. I was looking for wedding stuff online and somehow wound up here.My boyfriend proposed to me and I happily said yes.He is the most wonderful person I've ever met, sweet and he treats me like a princess. I never thought I would find anybody as wonderful as he is. There is one problem. My parents and most of my family most likely wont attend my wedding because hes black and Im white.My family wont accept it.My dads parents dont care my mom I dont understand her. My step dad is as racist as they come. I know alot of people still dont agree with inter-racial dating but I dont know what to do anymore.Im going to marry him no matter what, Its okay for my cousins to date black guys but its just not okay for me. Nobody has ever treated me as good as he does. I dont know.Sorry for whining Im just so lost!

Jenn

Hi Jenn! Welcome to Onewed! 28 years ago, I was in the position you are in right now. My ex-husband was black and my family didn't want me to marry him. My family might have been worse than yours, because they decided to disown me too. Well, I married him anyway, and have two beautiful children from it. I wouldn't change anything I did in my past. My parents did eventually come around, and ended up loving my children very much. But all I can truly tell you is that you have to do what makes you happy. You can't live your life for your family. My marriage didn't work out, but I wish you all the best for success and happiness in your life! :grinhappy:

[chrissgurl2007]

My ex was a different race then my family and they had a very hard time taking it, but my Mom came around and she convinced everyone else to come around also, try talking to just your mom and tell her he is the one thats what I ended up doing and hopefully things will work our, good luck with everything and if you need anything we are all here!

[HappilyInLove]

Well its not that shes trying to protect me from any bad comments or anything she doesnt believe white people and black people should mix, the thing that cracks me up is she has black friends, and my step dad is a big racist.I dont care what he thinks just mom.My dad is a bum so if he doesnt like it hes not invited. Mom has never met him and mom doesnt want to meet him. I told my brothers they are fine with it, my older brother is just like he better treat you good, my younger brother doesnt care hes like cool. I just have to get the balls and talk to her. I hope it wont be that bad but I have decided that shes my mother and she should love me unconditionally, so I am going to marry him and she will come around.I dont care if I have to get my brothers to dress her, tie her to a chair and carry her to the church all tied up, she will be at my wedding :) How are you ladies by the way?All I do is whine and cry but Im done with that Im just nervous.

[MOB Karen]

Well its not that shes trying to protect me from any bad comments or anything she doesnt believe white people and black people should mix, the thing that cracks me up is she has black friends, and my step dad is a big racist.I dont care what he thinks just mom.My dad is a bum so if he doesnt like it hes not invited. Mom has never met him and mom doesnt want to meet him. I told my brothers they are fine with it, my older brother is just like he better treat you good, my younger brother doesnt care hes like cool. I just have to get the balls and talk to her. I hope it wont be that bad but I have decided that shes my mother and she should love me unconditionally, so I am going to marry him and she will come around.I dont care if I have to get my brothers to dress her, tie her to a chair and carry her to the church all tied up, she will be at my wedding :) How are you ladies by the way?All I do is whine and cry but Im done with that Im just nervous.

I hope your Mother comes around in time for the wedding. My Mother was one of those conditional love Mothers. "If you do this and this, then I will love you. If you don't, then I will throw you away." Talk to your Mom and see if she can talk about it with you rationally. Who knows, she might be one of those Mothers that might surprise you. She may come to realize how important you are to her in comparison to this ridiculous prejudice. Good luck!!! :D

[HappilyInLove]

I told my mom today! She is sad but shes not mad. She just is not looking forward to telling my step dad..Im relieved.Well not complete but a good amount! YAY!

[allydawn0040]

Congratulations!! How exciting for you that you found the one God created for you. You know, the funny thing is God created us in His image and loves us ALL regardless of our skin, personality, hair, etc - It's our HEART that matters. Parents are the closest glimps that we will ever get to see of God because ideally they are to love us unconditionally. Well, parents are still human though - Lord knows I making my fair share of mistakes in motherhood! :bbredface: If she is Christian (whether Lutheran, Baptist, Catholic or whatever) ask her to look at your future husband through God's eyes. As for showing him a picture of your dress - I don't know. I know most bride's keep it a surprise for hte wedding day and I do know it is bad luck for him to see you in it before the wedding but again, I don't know if it is bad luck for him to see a picture of it before the wedding. I will also say, God created and grew this bond that you two have and whether he sees a pix of dress, the dress or you in the dress it will NOT change your destiny or life path - just my 2 cents worth. Blessings!!!!!

[HappilyInLove]

Hi ! Well my mom is actually over it and getting a little excited, I am having a partylite candle demo at my house because I love candles and things, Mom said to me this morning" Jenn can you look in your partylite catalog and pick out two items you want for when you are your husband buy your house" I had to do a double take, I said HUH, she is over it and im grateful, unfortunatley his sister needs a kidney transplant and my mom told me I should spend as much time with him because hes upset and he needs me.Im so grateful she came around. Its miraculous :D

[chrissgurl2007]

I am sooo happy for you that your mother is over it Im sorry to hear about your sister in law best wishes and prayers for you!

[GrantsBride2B]

Do what makes u happy dont worry about them.... elope and then tell them whats the worst they can say i mean u love him obviously... that is the last resort i mean plan it if they dont show send them pics to prove how beautiful and in love u are!