The Harris' (Joel and Angel) After Wedding Journal [Archive]

AngelinLove

09-21-2006, 12:06 PM

I figured that I would go ahead and start one of these and I will start to post my pics and plans, and experiences here. I will try to post often, but I have really been depresed lately. I blogged about it on my myspace, so I am just gonna copy and paste that here, so if you all wanna know how I have been feeling lately.

Here is my depressing blog:

Well everyone, the wedding came and went. It was sooooo beautiful and sooooo perfect and in my humble opinion I think it was one of the best weddings ever!!!! I love Joel so much and I truly feel that marrying him was the best decision of my life. I am looking forward to our wonderful future together and all the great memories that we will make. So, why am I feeling so lost, deflated and depressed. I just want to rewind my wedding day and play it back in slow motion. I want to be able to notice all of the little things and take everything in. I want to be able to get all the pics that I didn't get a chance to get. I want my processional, my vows, my first kiss and my first dance all over again. I want to actually be able to eat some of the dinner that I picked out so carefully and enjoy my strawberry filled cake. I want to do it all over again. Now I feel like all I have to look forward to are the photographer's pics coming in. Now all I have is a dress that needs to be cleaned and preserved (if I decide to keep it) and all kinds of memories laying around of the wedding that went so fast and since my dumbass didn't record it, I don't even have that. Can someone please tell me how to cope with this. How do you get through this without sinking into major depression. I don't want to start my marriage out like this. I want to be happy and lovey-dovey!!! I want to be as happy as I was on that day!! I just want to feel normal again. HELP!!!!!!!!!

AngelinLove

09-21-2006, 12:11 PM

Last night Joel and I went shopping with the money that we got for the wedding. We got a new mattress set...bigger and much more comfortable. We also got a bedroom set, which we have never had yet. We are happy with our purchases and hope to have it all delivered in early October. I will post pics when we get our bedroom all set up. We also talked last night about how I have been feeling. How I hate that we cannot afford to get a house and TTC, and that I really wanna save for a honeymoon and plan for one in March or May, but that I also feel sooooo guilty for wanting one, when we need so many other things and have alot of his credit card debt to pay off. I think I deserve one and I know that if we don't start savinga nd go soon that we will never go, because we will always push it to the back burner...I am just disgusted. I guess that is all for right now, maybe I will feel better later!!!

Jenn060306

09-21-2006, 12:40 PM

Hey Angel!
Welcome to the after wedding forum! I love reading what everyone eles it up to. and keeping up to date with all my friends.
I'm sorry you are so bummed out. It's definatly tough. There is this huge build up to the one day. And it's over so fast and then you really don't know what to do with yourself. You were sooo busy and now your not. I went through some of the same problems.
Not having a honeymoon is difficult. Mark and i had planned that we would go away a couple times over weekends insted and then go away when we could really afford it. Well.... We never went away once. At the mid-end of July Mark started working every Saturday. And when i was working monday - friday we only got to see eachother on Sunday. It's not fun. At this point i am desperate to get away.
We are going to take a couple days and go to Niagra Falls. I really recommend you and Joel try to find a weekend to get away before too long. I totally understand how money is tight and you feel like you should pay off some bills first. But really. If its even your Christmas gift to eachother. I really recommend getting away and have some time together with no other people to worry about but eachother.
Take care hun! I'm hear if you need to vent or talk. Take care! I hope you feel better soon! :flower:

Kacie_bride

09-21-2006, 12:41 PM

Angel I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It'll probably go away in a little while. Some of the other girls on here felt the same way and it passed with time. It's kind of like postpartum depression I guess.

hummingbird521

09-21-2006, 12:50 PM

Angel I know exactly how you feel for I went throught it as well. You don't know what to talk about anymore, don't feel as if you have much to do. It is something that will pass with time. I know this is probably not what you want to hear right now though. I do suggest you take a weekend away soon and enjoy your time together. Do as often as possible. Maybe find a hobby and think of some things you would like to do that you never had time to before. And if you ever need to talk I am here for you.

Amber818

09-21-2006, 01:05 PM

Awe, Angel! I am so sorry you feel this way. I don't want to start handing out advice since I am not familiar with the situation but I will give you my opinion. The way I see it is we will always be in debt to someone for something but to have the memories of the honeymoon and to be able to take that time to relax and unwind from the wedding and to actually be able to connect again with your DH is something I wouldn't give up for the world. I truly hope you get your honeymoon sooner rather than later because I feel it will help you a lot. Do some research and find a nice affordale place that you and Joel can go to and relax and enjoy yourself. Again I am so sorry.

Here are some websites that might help:

http://www.girl.com.au/post_bridal_depression.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/c...twedding.shtml (http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/life_postwedding.shtml)
http://www.enotalone.com/article/2529.html
http://www.crazyus.com/archives/000744.html

AngelinLove

09-21-2006, 02:23 PM

I just want to thank you ladies for your concern and advice. As for the honeymoon, well we have discussed it a bit and we decided that instead of trying to save all the money up to go to Mexico in March, we are gonna try and plan a trip to Jamaica or Hawaii for our 1 year Anniversary. That will give us more time to save and we will be able to get some of our debt paid as well. It depresses me a bit, because now I will have to wait even longer, but we are planning to take a few mini trips along the way. We are going to try and throw a couple in over the next year, just to give us something to be excited about and a chance to get away. So, hopefully that will help.

AngelinLove

09-22-2006, 12:21 PM

Well, I am having a REALLY bad day today with the depression. I just don't even know how to explain how I am feeling!!!! I feel depressed, lost, and deflated, and then guilty for feeling that way. I have not really been able to get a hold of any of my friends since the wedding and I feel lonely as well. I am also feeling very frustrated by the fact that I have to attend a Bachelorette party tommorow. I feel obligated to go, because it is for the fiance of Joel's bestfriends/bestman, and Joel is his BM, plus she came to mine. I don't have anything against Ami, I actually like her, but I do not feel comfortable around some of the people attending, including Joel's ex-gf, and another girl he used to be in love with, plus I am depressed and am not feeling reveling in someone else's bridal joy...I know that sounds selfish and horrible, but that is how I feel. Another reason that I do not wanna go is because I have NO money and Joel is already funding the entire Bachelor party for her fiance, which is tommorow as well. I just don't have the money for the party bus, the cover charges, drinks, gift, etc. I really just wanna crawl into a shell and disappear right now!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for all the depressing posts!!!!

WhiskeyGirl

09-22-2006, 05:49 PM

Angel

AWww Honey! I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and it is quite common!! I can't remember what I did to make myself feel better, but I guess it helped that we were moving into a new home soon and I didn't have much time to be sad. Have you started on your Thank you cards? Unpacked and washed all those dishes and other things you may have gotten for gifts. My best advice to you is to remain busy, find something to do that makes you happy!! Do you like to knit? Crochet? Paint? Why not try something like that!! I hope you are feeling better VERY soon. Perhaps if you had Joel tell everyone you've come down with the flu or something you may not have to attend the Party? Just make sure you make it to the Shower. ;) We love you Sweet Pea and we're here for you. Just know that what you are going through is very normal and quite common!! Good luck and if you need anything, please don't hesitate to PM me!! Love ya Hun!!

hummingbird521

09-22-2006, 06:37 PM

I wish there was some advice to give that would make it all better. Just know that you are not alone in it. Lots of us have gone through it afterwards. As Shawna said it does help to find something to keep you busy. Another thought, maybe you could start a scrapbook of the wedding and all of the stuff from showers and such.

Trin

09-27-2006, 12:57 AM

Hello!

Hope the after wedding depression is better! How you doing?

AngelinLove

10-12-2006, 10:28 AM

Well everyone, I really wanted to force myself to take a few minutes to talk to you all about what's been going on. I am not sure if anyone has really noticed my not being around thta much or not, since we have soooo many new girls and all, but I have been a lot more of a lurker lately. I do miss you all and just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you all.

As some of you know, I have been battling some depression. I thought that I was doing a pretty good job of getting over it, but then I realized that I was just fooling myself. I feel like I am torn into two. I have the normal me and the depressed me and I can't seem to get rid of the depression. I have actually been working on a poem to express how I am feeling, and when it is done I will share.

I feel lost and depressed and kinda empty. I feel like I can't talk to Joel, because I will only bring him downand I feel like I am being a bad wife, becasue I have been so distant since the wedding. I feel like Joel and I spent the last year totally consumed in the wedding and that was pretty much all that we talked about...and we let our relationship slip in other areas. We don't really seem to have a whole lot to talk about and it makes me very sad. I am just really lost right now and feeling helpless and confused.

Aside from the depression, there hasn't been a whole lot going on. We did get our new bedroom set and bed, which we have been waiting for forever...and it s really awesome. Joel is still looking for a new job.

We are planning to go to Cedar Point this Saturday, but that still depends on whether it is going to be dry or not.

Well, I have whined enough for now. Thanks for reading!!!

SerendipityCrafts

10-12-2006, 10:34 AM

(((((((((((((((Angel)))))))))))))) You need a hug!

I think that after the wedding blues are normal (going through a bit of them myself) and it can't help that we are heading into the fall, the days are getting shorter and the weather is turning colder.

Hang in there, keep busy but if you find that you are sleeping all the time or not wanting to participate in normal day to day activities - get yourself to a doctor!

hummingbird521

10-12-2006, 10:40 AM

Angel you just expressed every single thought I had as well after the wedding. I too felt as if we had nothing to talk about anymore. We had been so consumed in wedding that we seemed to have lost touch with one another. The only advice I can give is in my situation I did talk it over with Jerry. He understood and helped me work through it. We done this together. Joel I am sure understands and will help the both of you as well. Give him a chance to help. Just know that it does get better and one day soon you will be feeling better about everything. Start doing a date night like before you were married. It helped us a lot. It brings the reconnection back again.

countrygirl

10-12-2006, 11:19 AM

Hey Angel, while I can't give you post wedding day advice, I can give you depression support, sort of. I went thru a point before I left Nico's dad where I was totally depressed. I couldn't get happy. I started reading, alot, and it acutally ended up pulling me out of it.

Just remember that we are all here for you girl. Whinning is allowed here, I have learned that one myself. Don't forget the support group you have here, and you can NEVER bring us down. We are here for our onewed sisters, even if we (myself included) aren't around much right now.

LOVE YA GIRL!! CHIN UP!!!!

MOB Karen

10-12-2006, 11:49 AM

:hug: I have noticed that you haven't been around as much, Angel!!! I miss your wonderful posts!!! I'm sorry that you still have the blues. Please know that we are here for you! :hi:

hummingbird521

10-12-2006, 12:04 PM

Angel come on over and eat one of my chocolate pies. guaranteed to make you feel better.

AngelinLove

10-12-2006, 12:10 PM

Thanks girls, and I know that you are all here for me...I guess it just seems really hard for me to talk about it and let it all out. Maybe because I am trying to stay in denial..lol. I am really good at helping others and being supportive for others, but I guess I don't take my own advice. I am really going to try and open up more and try and deal with this better.

WhiskeyGirl

10-12-2006, 01:50 PM

Angel!!

Sweet Pea, these feelings are completely...well not normal...but expected. (KWIM?) I understand where you are coming from, I am another bride who had the exact same feelings as you. For me the thing that snapped me out of it was talking about our future and that meant for us changing our focus from wedding to babies. Unfortunately it hasnt been an easy transition and I understand that you and Joel have decided to wait so it's not a common place topic that every bride might want to or even think about discussing. Try and talk with Joel about the future...get excited about your future. Talk family, homes, new jobs, trips you'd like to take...this should get the two of you talking. I think the worst thing we do to ourselves (myself included) was talking too much wedding while planning and not enough about the two of us. I agree with Elizabeth though that if you find depression to be taking over to much, get to the doctor or talk to your pharmacist about some vitamins you could take, those I've heard can really help!

I wish there was something we could do!!! Just remember that you have friends here who love you and want to see you feeling better and getting back to posting with us! We miss you!! Take care and never worry about whinning too much...just look at my journal, it's full of it! Lmao!! Take care Sweet Pea!

Shawna

70707Bride

10-12-2006, 03:24 PM

Hi Angel,

I noticed you weren't around as much either. Just wanted to say, I know how you feel about money issues. I feel like we'll never be able to catch up! And do talk to Joel about how you are feeling, communication is extremely important as we all know, yet we avoid it.

Here are some ideas that might help take your mind off things:

write poetry, or in a journal as you are doing
take a walk
listen to your fave music (this always helps me)
just keep busy; clean, or do whateverI've noticed that the more I am bored, I start thinking about things that bother me.

Hope this helps!

lea m

10-12-2006, 04:14 PM

I just wrote a reply and before i finished, it wiped off!:(
It was something like this
Angel, im so sorry you feel like this! 6 years ago i got post-natal depression, and had it for about 5 years, i did a lot to try and help myself and somethings did help a bit, but ultimately, it was the medication my doctor gave me that helped in the long term! Not saying of course that you need it now but i think, like others have said, if you still feel this way in a couple more weeks and if it affects your everyday life,i.e you dont go out the house, you cant sleep, or like me want to sleep all the time, cry for nothing often etc then i would see your doctor, you don't want to carry on suffering needlessly! You might just need something else to occupy your mind, I studied and researched things that interested me, even if they have no connection to you for example, i researched Jack the ripper, i got interested in it and read about it untill i got bored, then i moved on to something else, it was like, if im busy reading and searching and studying, then i didn't have time to dwell on anything that felt bad, and when your depressed, even the slightest things seem a lot worse than they are! I just hope that you do feel better soon, being depressed was the hardest time of my life and my heart really goes out to you!! I wish i had all these lot though when i were depressed! It really makes you feel better knowing people are there when you want to talk!!

Goin2thechapel

10-12-2006, 05:27 PM

Angel,

What you're feeling is completely normal. I am a social worker and deal with alot of depressed clients. It's tough having planned such a huge event of your life to have it go away in a blink of an eye. I would strongly urge you to start a journal. Start journaling about being a newlywed : things you expected and didn't quite expect, reactions other people have about you being married, the first time you introduced your husband to someone else and called him your hubby, how you felt after that, how you look at you wedding band every day feeling like a million bucks, and how you feel being a wife!!

It's soo important for you to realize that the wedding is over but the the realy fun is just beginning! You have a life time partner right now who is probably more than eager to help you through this phase. Let him! you two are a team now!

Hope you feel better and please when ever you need to talk don't hesitate to contact me!

Jenn060306

10-15-2006, 01:47 AM

Hey Angel, I just thought i would stop in an say hi, how ya doing?
I'm thinking of you. I hope you are feeling better soon! Depression is no fun. Take Care!

ikkin510

10-15-2006, 09:42 PM

Hi Sweetie. I'm sorry to hear the depression is hitting you so hard. I agree, talk with a doctor, they may be able to help. Ignoring it could only make it worse. I hope things are going a little bit better for you. I've missed ya girlie. Keep your chin up and give me a shout if you EVER need to talk. I'm here for ya. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

AngelinLove

10-25-2006, 11:34 AM

SerendipityCrafts

10-25-2006, 11:55 AM

Hey ladies, I just wanted to let you all know that my pro pics are online now and here is the link to the gallery. There are 912 pictures, so if you are the type to look at them all, take a day off work...lol!!!

http://photopaul.smugmug.com/gallery/2029142

Well I couldn't take the day off work but I did scan through all of the thumbnails and I am so jealous! Your pictures are beautiful!!!

I don't know how you are ever going to choose the one's that you will have put into an album - there are so so so so so so many good ones!

hummingbird521

10-25-2006, 01:37 PM

I agree with Elizabeth. that would be a very, very hard decision to make.

Jenn060306

10-25-2006, 03:53 PM

Your pictures are sooooo beautiful! Everything looked so perfect! Even the gardens matched your wedding colours! :grinhappy:
Angel you looked stunning! Thank you so much for sharing!

AngelinLove

12-18-2006, 11:52 PM

I know that it has been forever and a day since I have added anything, so here goes:

Right now I am on a two week paid vacation from work....woo woo!!! I am finishing up my Christmas shopping, spending time with friends, relaxing and next week I am planning a trip to Indiana to make a visit to my biological father, who some of you may remember is in prison. That should be interesting.

Joel is in the first week of his last two weeks at his current job. He is starting a new job on January 2nd. He will pretty much be doing the same thing that he is doing now, but with better software, making more money and for a company that will hopefully not treat their employees like ****. We are both very anxious and excited. He ahs been looking for a new job for over a year!!!

Life in general seems to be heading in a calmer direction as the year closes out. With the wedding, the job changes and everything else that happened this year....well I am ready for some calm.

AngelinLove

12-19-2006, 12:01 AM

OKAY!!! Medical ****....YAY!!!

So, after the wedding I decided that I was going to stop taking BC, because I wanted the doctor to test me for any issues that I might have that might explain my extremely screwed up menstrual cycle. I wanted to knwo if there was anything that I should worry about and if there was anything that might effect my fertility when we do ttc. Well, after urine and blood tests, where the apparently tested my hormones and all that, and a transvaginal pelvis and abdominal pelvic U/S well....they really came up with nothing. Basically all my hormone levels came back normal, there was nothing abnormal found in the U/S and my ovaries were normal size. The "diagnosis" is that they think that my ovary is just underactive and only releases an egg every three - four months......yay!!! So...you ask...how do they fix that? Well, apparently they put you on BC to regulate you and then take you off and hope that it did the job.....lol...well it has never helped before. So, to make a long story short I know nothing and I am back on B/C for now. I am going to switch to a woman's health specialist after the new insurance from DH's new job kicks in.

Also, as most of you know I have been battling some depression since the wedding. Well, I think I am mostly past that, but I have been having some anxiety.....so my doctor put me on something for that. I don's notice any difference....so I might stop taking it. I hate taking any type of medications. I am weird I guess!!!

AngelinLove

12-19-2006, 12:06 AM

This past weekend was our four-year dating anniversary, as well as our three month wedding anniversary. So, on Friday I came home from work and the apartment was lit by candles and there were four dozen roses. DH had used two dozen to spell out I LUV U! on the floor and the other two dozen were just laying there in a bouquet. Then on Saturday we went Christmas shopping, like we do on every anniversary, since that is what we did for our first date and we went to The Melting Pot for dinner. Like last time....it was soooooooooo yummy and awesome. After dinner we went to my in-laws and the ladies decorated christmas cookies and drank wine...while the guys did...well nothing. On Sunday I did absolutely nothing. I made Rice Krispie Treats...yummy. We snuggled on the couch and watched a movie and picked up carryout for dinner. It was a very nice and relaxing weekend!!!

Well, I guess I am done for now....I am tired!!!

Jenn060306

12-19-2006, 12:41 AM

Sounds like a fantastic weekend!!! I like the idea of acknowledging when the relationship began. Mark and i did our 7 year's in November. It was nice!

hummingbird521

12-19-2006, 01:28 AM

Sounds like my kinda weekend as well. Just relaxing with the one you love. Good to know their is nothing to physically wrong after the testing. what a sweet way for Joel to say I love you. Some times anxiety medicine takes a while to kick in. Most of the time at least a month.

ladymelissa

12-19-2006, 04:03 AM

Awwww, that is so sweet of him!

MOB Karen

12-19-2006, 07:08 AM

http://simply-baby.net/forum/images/smilies/xmas-smiley-033.gif What a sweet thing for Joel to do for you!!! Sounds like you had a great time!!! :)

ikkin510

12-19-2006, 11:15 AM

I'm glad to see you back updating Angel, I've missed ya! Sounds like you had a good weekend. Your hubby is so sweet! Enjoy your two week vacation. I think everyone could use one of them around the holidays!

mariaandmanish

12-19-2006, 04:57 PM

Angel, it sounds like you're realy starting to settle into married life, and I'm so happy to hear it. I hope that the BC and your cycle works itself out, and think that seeing a health specialist will definitely be a great idea for you! GOod luck with that! Enjoy your wonderful husband!!!

AngelinLove

12-19-2006, 09:15 PM

So I have officially finished Christmas shopping for Joel!!! YAY!!!

So here is what I got him:

Stargate SG1 DVD Season 1-5
The Unit DVD Season 1
Diablo II PC Game
The Grapple - Harry Turtledove
The Rising Tide - Jeff Shaara
Gods and Generals DVD
Gettysburg DVD
Gremlins 2 DVD
Starship Troopers 1 & 2 DVD
Star Wars I,II,III DVD
Wireless Playstation 2 Controller
Clerks 2 - DVD
Greg The Bunny - DVD
Polo Shirt