No Drinking, No Dancing? (long)

[CarlosHoney]

Would you be bored at a wedding without drinking? How about dancing?

I wasn't planning to have dancing at the reception. Not something I'm completely interested in.. Who am I kiding? Not even remotely interested in! So, Fi and I are in the car and he asks (this is the most uninvolved man EVER!) what our first dance will be. I'm taken aback! He asked about the wedding, and actually wanted a place in planning some aspect! Now I don't know what to do!

The place we're looking at booking has a room to accomidate 50 (our exact size) for $250. That's right in our budget. They have a larger room with a beautiful view and with a dance floor. That room is $650. I could expand my guest list, which I would like, by 20 or so people.. The room accomidates over 100, but I don't want that big of a wedding. We have a year, so we could probably move some stuff around, and afford the room.

About the DRINKING-We both have certain family members who are a little indulgent (The last time he saw his brother, his brother attacked him because he was so intoxicated). We were planning on having the toast compliments of the MOH, but that is it. Most of his family doesn't drink, but there are a few that do. I'm sure that there are certain members of my family that would be offended by a dry wedding. The dancing is more important to me by far, among the things that are unimportant, but what do you think?

It's being held at a country club, which has a full bar inside it, but I'm not sure if the guests can wander out and bring a drink in?

I'm such a newbie. Thanks!

[lindsayo18]

Here is my thought on it and take it for what it's worth....if you are holding a reception, no matter what the event, there should be alcohol as well as dancing. The dancing gives your gift the opportunity to let loose and have a little fun and most people like to have a couple drinks at a celebration!! If you are looking to prevent certain people from having too much to drink, you can do one of two things. Set up a cash bar so that your guests have to purchase their alcoholic beverages (non-alcoholic are taken care of, of course), or you can put a drink limit on the bar. The second one is harder for the bartender to monitor, but those are options that a lot of reception halls/bartenders will offer.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Ok first things first...the dance. I would think that having a dance would be an important part of the wedding. It gives you the chance to have your first dance as husband and wife, but it is not necessary. My friend's sister did not have a dance but they did have an "After party." If it were me, I'd say go for the dance, this way you can have some fun and let loose after the hectic parts of the day.

As far as the drinking thing. I think that if you absolutely want to have a dry wedding, this is up to you!! If you don't want to serve alcohol then go ahead, don't serve it. Your other options are to have a cash bar, this will probably cut down on some of your worries! (You could make this an absurd price so that people would be less likely to buy drinks anyhow....just a thought!) The bartender will know enough that they should cut off a customer if they have had too much!

If I was you, I would have the dance but nix the liqour. (by the sounds of where you are coming from!) Ultimately though this is up to you and your FH. Best of luck and keep us posted!!

~CanadianBride~

[CarlosHoney]

I'm not a drinker, and nither is FH. We both don't like alcohol, and oppose it pretty strongly, so I'm leaning torwards a dry wedding. I think that a champaigne toast should be enough. If not, I'm sure they can purchase drinks at the bar.

Thanks for the feedback.. I'm just afraid that no one will dance if I spend the extra money. Oh well, I should at least have our first dance.

[Bride]

i am having a semi-dry wedding. we are having wine with supper (2 bottles per 8 people per table) and that's it! After than all you can drink pop, juice, water and some speciality non-alcoholic drinks.

if you are on a tight budget though i would just nix everything alcohol related...that's where it builds up!

[LaceyinPgh]

I have no problem with a dry wedding. (I am however anti cash bar.) If you don't want alcohol, don't serve alcohol. I personally HATE cheese (yes cheese) I have instructed the chef that there isn't to be an ounce of cheese anywhere during my wedding. You don't like it, won't use it, it will cause problems...don't serve it.

Now, what are people supposed to do if they can't dance or at least watch others dance? You don't want alcohol so you can't bill it as cocktails and dinner. What time of the day is the wedding? If you moved it to early afternoon or late morning you could really get away with no alcohol (not many want to drink at 11 am). You could also get away with no dancing because no one wants to dance that early either. You could think about a morning wedding with a brunch reception. The bonuses are that you won't have to worry about alsohol or drinking as no one will be expecting those, you can have a amslaler less formal gathering, you will be saving TONS of money (talk with your site...food will be cheaper and they might give you a break on the room because they could possibly rent it out again that evening.), and you could leave for your honeymoon that afternoon/evening and get some extra time.

[CarlosHoney]

I was planning on having a late wedding, and serve hors d'oeuvres and dessert. It's most likely that we will swing for the dancing (no pun intended) and just work it out with the location about the alcohol.

How much is a ballpark on what a cash bar costs me? FH's cousin got married last year, and they had a cash bar, and I suspect that it was for the same reason that I'm looking for. The cousin's little brother is one of the individuals who is a lush, and by lush, I mean this guy has woken up hungover in a house covered in feces. Seriously, he gets loose.

I think that a champaigne toast should be sufficient. We might have an after party, or meet somewhere where they can get drinks.

Again, the wedding is inside a country club, which has a full service bar, so I immagine that if anyone gets that desperate, they can go get a drink.

Thanks again!

[LaceyinPgh]

A late night wedding is going to be REALLY hard to pull off dry. Most people are going ot be expecting a cocktail party type of atmosphere. Here is what I would recommend since money is tight. First of all, no to the cash bar, I understand that in some parts of the country they are acceptable. I however, feel it is unacceptable to ask your guests to pay for the alcohol that you offer them. If somene came into your house and you offered a glass of wine would then ask them for $12?

That said, a champage toast is a good start. See if you can work out bringing in your own liquor (most places that sell or provide liquor won't let you because in some states it is actually against the law) but it never hurts to ask. If they say yes then I would get a party ball (small keg) and buy my own alcohol from a distributor. The distributor will be able to help you figure out what you will need. The bonus is, any unopened cases or bottles you can usually return for a refund. If your country club says no to you bringing in your own alcohol work something like this out, you are only having 80 guests, right? I would serve a case or two of wine and a couple cases of beer. When that is gone it is gone. Again, work out wotht he manager to refund you for any unopened bottles since they will be able to use them anyway. If you or your FH have a favorite drink like I do, I would maybe have some stuff on hand to serve that as your "signature" cocktail. Of course, you can always go totally dry too. But, I wouldn't advise the cash bar option.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Why is a cash bar so wrong? If you are paying to feed these people to start with I don't think its wrong to ask them to pay for their drinks! Espicially if what you are shooting for is a "Dry" wedding. In my opinion cash bars are the only way to go and no one at my wedding complained. (Plus they all have a little bit of a drinking problem and I didn't want to contribute to that!!) Even if they did I wouldn't have listened. I payed thirty bucks a plate for them to eat and six hundred dollars for a DJ so that they could dance. I rented a three hundred dollar dance for floor for them and payed for the rent of our room to hold it all in, they can pay for their own liquor I think! Besides, the "special" ones got drink coupons anyhow! (but I think this is off topic isn't it?? lol. And uh oh, another one of those fights.....lol)

As far as having a dance floor and no one dancing, I rarely see that happen. Get a good Dj who does an interactive show and you will be set. Most people when they see a dance floor will get out their and shake their thang! You had to shove my mom and her sisters out the door at the end of the night at our wedding! If you dance, they will dance and its like I tell everyone around me, "I don't care if I look like a fool when I am dancing, I know that I AM having a good time and I don't care what other people think!!!!" Go for the dance floor and have some fun at your wedding, I'm sure you won't regret it!!

~CanadianBride~

[CarlosHoney]

Well, The thing is, if someone came to my house and drank wine, it would be them bringing it, because FH and I are avid non drinkers.

My plan of action is this:

I'm going to talk to the location. If I can bring my own, I can ask his cousin (who owns a few kegs) to borrow one. Sams Club sells wine, so my MOH is paying for champaigne, which I think is sufficient. I might also have a 'signature coctail' for those who don't like beer. Something purple, to match the theme.

If my location won't let me bring my own, I'm going to see what they'll charge me to have them supply some beer and wine. But, a limited ammount, and possibly only a few drinks per person. I don't really care about making them pay for their own drinks. If I had unlimited money, I'd pay for everything, but I don't..

I'd rather not have a cash bar-or any bar for that matter. But, at the minimum I'll have champaigne. I do like the idea of one or two signature coctails. I might even ask my Grandpa Joe to pitch in for liquor, as he is a Scotch man, and likes his 'bug juice'. I mean, we have all of our housewares, so I'd rather have my family help with the wedding than give me salad tongs.

Thanks for your help. I certainly see all sides and complaints.. So it might go more smoothly just to get a certain ammount, and when it's gone, it's gone.

[LaceyinPgh]

Why is a cash bar so wrong? If you are paying to feed these people to start with I don't think its wrong to ask them to pay for their drinks! Espicially if what you are shooting for is a "Dry" wedding. In my opinion cash bars are the only way to go and no one at my wedding complained. (Plus they all have a little bit of a drinking problem and I didn't want to contribute to that!!) Even if they did I wouldn't have listened. I payed thirty bucks a plate for them to eat and six hundred dollars for a DJ so that they could dance. I rented a three hundred dollar dance for floor for them and payed for the rent of our room to hold it all in, they can pay for their own liquor I think! Besides, the "special" ones got drink coupons anyhow! (but I think this is off topic isn't it?? lol. And uh oh, another one of those fights.....lol)

As far as having a dance floor and no one dancing, I rarely see that happen. Get a good Dj who does an interactive show and you will be set. Most people when they see a dance floor will get out their and shake their thang! You had to shove my mom and her sisters out the door at the end of the night at our wedding! If you dance, they will dance and its like I tell everyone around me, "I don't care if I look like a fool when I am dancing, I know that I AM having a good time and I don't care what other people think!!!!" Go for the dance floor and have some fun at your wedding, I'm sure you won't regret it!!

~CanadianBride~

In some places a cash bar is perfectly acceptable. Here, it is a scandal usally resulting in being shunned by your guests. Heck, my cousin had a cash bar at her wedding and I saw people take the checks out of their cards before dropping them at the gift table. My grandmother has never gotten over the poor hospitality. If drinking is an issue, you don't have to serve anything. But, I thikn asking your guests to contribute to the party that you invited them to is just not the right way to do it. But that is an issue that each individual has to deal with. And Canadianbride, you know I love you girl!

I do agree about the dance floor, as long as you have a decent DJ and you, your FH, and your wedding party start off the fun, everyone else will dance too. Even if you hate dancing, you just need to grin through 2 or 3 songs. Also, check with your venue, in a lot of places the bar is included in the overall price per person so you might be worrying over nothing. I know my venue includes it.

[lindsayo18]

The purpose of a cash bar is to deter people from drinking, but still giving them the option to do so. I don't think it is in anyway rude....if people do not want to pay for alcohol, then they don't drink, but I think you have to at least offer at something like this. As far as people taking money out of cards....it's not like the bride and groom get the money that people are using to pay for their drinks!!!!!! I think the signature cocktail is a good idea, but I don't totally agree with only supplying a limited amount of alcohol. If you are going to have it, don't run out. That would definitely turn more people off, then asking them to pay for their drinks.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree I've never heard of people taking the money out of their cards before dropping them in the box because they had to pay for their alcohol. But different strokes for different folks! (lol) I know at our wedding last month, we had a cash bar, everyone paid and we got cards FULL of money! Lol. I don't think a cash bar is unacceptable espicially if it is to deter people from over indulging! Best of luck, let us know what you decided and how it went!

~CanadianBride~

[SueMartin]

Australians dont usually have cash bars.. we have open bars & trust to the bartender to refuse to serve anyone too drunk.. but if you are worried, why not provide a little beer, a little wine & lots of non alcoholic drinks.. maybe a fruit cup, a few mocktails, some soft drinks.. and champagne for the toasts. tho personally I hate champagen ( too dry) but a semi dry white would do as well.

its your day.. you know how your friends & relatives will react. sorry i cant be of much help.. just lotsa of support for whatever you decide.