To take his name or not

[WebLady]

I had a discussion with some friends the other day about a fad of brides, opting out of the tradition of taking their husbands last name after they are married. (and is is not just those with established careers)

There seem to be quite a few reasons for this, from wanting to keep a family name to feelings of loosing your identity as a person or even claims of it being chauvinistic ... there are many things involving weddings that can be traced back to a time where men were dominant over women but I don't see this that way.

I did a wedding once, when I was a photographer, where the groom took the brides last name after the wedding :o

When I got married I wanted to somehow keep my family name, as sort of an homage to my father, but I didn't want a long hyphenated last name so I just dropped my middle name and now I use my maiden name in it's place and took my husbands last name while still keeping my fathers name. It worked out well for me.

Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to get some other opinions on this ... so what are you doing and why? (or what did you do and why)

WebLady :)

[WhiskeyGirl]

I took my husbands name because I think its the respectful thing to do. If I had hyphynated my name my last name would be soooooooo long, so I figured I will ALWAYS be me and by taking his name it won't change who I am as a person. My other thinking was for that of our future children. My mom took my dad's name so I think that taking my husband's last name was the best thing. I really and truely wanted to!

~CanadianBride~

[WebLady]

I think it is sort of a respect thing too .... if you are joining your life with this person and starting a new family (even if it is only a family of 2 -- I am not having children) it just makes since to have the same last name.

I know this one girl that says you loose who you are by taking another name in marriage. I don't agree, "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet" I just don't see how a name changes you.

I am strong enough in who I am that this won't affect me. I never thought for a minute that I would loose any part of who I am and I don't think my husband has any control over me because I took his name. He even said it would be OK with him if I decided not too.

I suppose if I was some well known actor or writer I would keep my maiden name for that but I would still take my husbands name socially ... but that is just me. I didn't think about why or where the tradition came from, I just wanted to me 'Mrs' :wink: I don't think that makes me week at all, it just makes me married :)

Thanks for sharing CanadianBride!

WebLady :)

[Bride]

i will be changing my name to my FH's last name as well. I've always known i would change my last name to my FH's last name even when i was a little girl. It's great too that his last name is shorter than mine! ;)

[LaceyinPgh]

I am not changing my name when I get married. I see no reason to do so. I am so proud of who I am and what I have accomplished in my life. I also just like my name. It has worked well for me for 26 years, why change now? It isn't that I don't respect my FH. I do. I just don't think name change is all that important.

To me changing my name also symbolizes a form of control. Women in patrilinear cultures changed their names traditional to show a movement from being under their father's control to being under their husband's control. I have no say in the name I was given but I am not moving from one's control to another's control. (I love both my father and FH I am not attacking them, just giving historical insight.)

Besides I just spent a ton of money on like 500 checks that will take me forever to use. I am not wasting that. Nor, am I dealing with all the name change forms. If it is so important that our names match, Sean can have fun changing his. 8)

[WebLady]

... To me changing my name also symbolizes a form of control. Women in patrilinear cultures changed their names traditional to show a movement from being under their father's control to being under their husband's control. I have no say in the name I was given but I am not moving from one's control to another's control. (I love both my father and FH I am not attacking them, just giving historical insight.) ...

I actually went back and forth with this idea when I got married but I ended up taking my husbands name and dropping my middle name in exchange for my maiden name in the end. (as I mentioned in the first post on this thread) For me, the fact that my husband didn't care either way made it better.

Did you know that the wedding ring can also be viewed as a symbol of control ...

"Some say that the ring was worn on the third finger of the left hand of the bride because it was the weakest finger on the weakest hand and thus the ring symbolizing a husbands control over his wife. And of course to tell other men that she was taken, which is one of the ways we use the ring today. "

Actually MANY wedding traditions can be traced back to a time when women had few rights and were treated as property.

We all seem to pick and choose what we are comfortable with. I think it is all in how you look at it and how it makes you feel. Some people push against things that others think or expect that we should do (I am guilty of this at times, myself)

As for my name change, I am still the same me and I am still proud of who I am ... I am also proud to be Mrs. EECIV

I am just glad we live in a time and a place where we can choose :wink:

WebLady :)

[LaceyinPgh]

The Goober, (that is what I call Sean) is wearing a wedding ring too. So, at least it is equal control. Not that he has anything to worry about, I can barely control my half of our lives, let alone his half too. I just wish I could get him to understand that the dishes have no magical powers allowing them to place themselves in the dishwasher. :wink:

[Kissy27]

Hi, here is my choice. I am going to keep my own last name, the reason being that my father died when I was a little girl, and my name is all that I have left of him. Also because my family is not very big and its important to me to carry on the family name this way. Also, on a more personal level, me and my FH's families are somewhat symbolic in our community. My family is "considered" to be of a lower class in our community, and his family more upper class (people even refer to them as the Kennedy's, and my family the Bloge's). People are even asking me if I am going to be Kissy Kennedy or Kissy Bloge! So my reason for choosing to keep my name has sentimental reasons, as well as for Pride. My FH respects my choice.

Good Luck to all the other Bride's to be out there!

[WebLady]

The Goober, (that is what I call Sean) is wearing a wedding ring too. So, at least it is equal control. Not that he has anything to worry about, I can barely control my half of our lives, let alone his half too. I just wish I could get him to understand that the dishes have no magical powers allowing them to place themselves in the dishwasher. :wink:

I hear ya girl :wink: BTW; I got mine trained to take out the trash

Hi, here is my choice. I am going to keep my own last name, the reason being that my father died when I was a little girl, and my name is all that I have left of him. Also because my family is not very big and its important to me to carry on the family name this way. Also, on a more personal level, me and my FH's families are somewhat symbolic in our community. My family is "considered" to be of a lower class in our community, and his family more upper class (people even refer to them as the Kennedy's, and my family the Bloge's). People are even asking me if I am going to be Kissy Kennedy or Kissy Bloge! So my reason for choosing to keep my name has sentimental reasons, as well as for Pride. My FH respects my choice.

Good Luck to all the other Bride's to be out there!

My father has not passed but he is ill. He and I have been alot closer in my adult life than when I was young and he was the reason I wanted to keep at least part of my family name. Of course my mom didn't like that I dropped my middle name. But I never seem to do anything that makes her happy but that is another story.

I think it is just sad that we, as adults still have to deal with the whole 'class war' thing.

All the best to you all,

WebLady :)

[bobbijoandchris]

We had a simalar discusion on this topic. She is very libral and I respect that the compramise was to have a hyphenated name but we didn't want to confuse our children but she didn't want to take the "Mans" name she finally decided that we can make up a name so the hassle of changing our name would not be so one sided....I agreed.. in the end we both then dicided if we just stick with tradition!

Chris

[allydawn0040]

I have been married for 3 years now & I had initially decided against taking my husband's last name. For 2 years I used my maiden name, because it would carry one my family's surname. However, my hubby was very disappointed that I didn't take his last name so for our 2nd Christmas together I gave him a photocopy of my drivers license (of course it had his last name). He was so excited! I have to admit it did make me feel much closer to him, even though "it's just a name". I think it is a form of bonding and trust. I am a Christian & what kept convicting me over and over was the part about a wife being submissive to her husband (keep in mind the husband is to love the wife as Jesus loved the church so I was not worried about control being tied to the submissive) and I definately was being selfish about the whole last name thing because I was so comfortable with my own last name. I will also say that we did not concieve our 1st child until after I changed my name (within 30 days) and we had been trying the whole time since we got married. Now I am not saying that if you change your name you will become pregnant but it sure worked for us (again it's not because of the name change but the obiendce to follow God's plan). I don't know if this helps you but I it just my thoughts on the subject and I think it is an issue you need to decide for yourself based on who you are, your beliefs, your husbands beliefs, tradition and many other factors.
Blessings,
allydawn0040