Should lifestyle choices effect how people treat you?

[WebLady]

This can be at work or in life in general. I bet most people would say no, but what about the issue of people with children ... should they get special treatment?

As with other topics please be courteous and respectful to each other :happy:

[AllyM1]

Should they? No. Do they? Unfortunately yes.

I try not to treat people differently just because I don't agree with their lifestyle.. sometimes I fail, but I'm only human.

Like people that don't have children... I fall into that catagory so I would never treat them differently as the same with people with children.

[WebLady]

This can be at work or in life in general. I bet most people would say no, but what about the issue of people with children ... should they get special treatment?

I try to treat all people with the same respect they show me, sometimes even more so.

And as for the people with kids, I don't think they deserve any special treatment. Why is it fair that someone with a child should not have to work overtime? Why do I have to work around my sister schedule just because she has a child? Why is it that having a child means your life is so much more important than mine? You made the choice to have children so you should be the one to adjust if anyone should.

Ok I am getting off the soap box now ;)

ETA - the 'you' is meant as a general, not anyone particular :)

[Jenn060306]

People with Children.... I don't think they should get alot of special treatment. I do agree with baby and parent parking spots. Getting the carrier out in the stroller and everything can be really difficult in a regular parking space. Other then that..... i don't see how people with children get special treatment.

[rainbowtreat]

I think every one should be treated the same. Having children does make me a better person. I should not be treated better just because I have kids.

[Jenn060306]

Why is it that having a child means your life is so much more important than mine? You made the choice to have children so you should be the one to adjust if anyone should.

I am fortunet to not have to deal with anyone who feels like there schedule and life is that much more important then mine.
I do agree that you shouldn't be freaking out cause you might wake the baby or taking the baby out. But i do try to be considerate of my SiL and her having to drag her 3 out. For gift giving holidays it's much easier to just go to their house so they don't have to lug all the big boxes and sleeping kids in when they get home at night.

[ladymelissa]

No, people with kids should not get special treatment. If they want to get out of work a little early to catch their kid's game (or whatever) then they should have to get someone to cover for them and in turn cover for someone else if that person wants to get out a little early on a separate occasion.

[mariaandmanish]

I personally believe that everyone's life choices are theres, and should not affect the way they are treated, UNLESS they have committed a crime that hurt other people. Other than that, how people live their lives is their choice completely, and not up to me to judge, or condemn. I try my hardest to treat all people the same... as individuals who are important and matter and it really bothers me when people don't treat everyone equally just because of how they choose to live their lives, or the color of their skin, or their gender. I have no patience for that, which is why I could not be with someone who did that. Now, that would be a deal breaker for me.

And I also agree that people with children should not be treated differently than people without.

[CarlosHoney]

I think that having a baby, my opinion has definitley changed. I used to think that way.. I don't think that parents should be in a seperate class of people.. But there are things that really are changed because of children.

I think that the parking space is a good point, Jen. A friend of mine went with me downtown, and we had 3 kids between us. It was a real experience to remember.

I think that simple things, like picking up something that a parent has dropped, opening a door for a Mom with her hands full, you know, common courtesy.. I think that's something that people should do to help parents out. I do those things for other parents, as well as people with disabilities and the elderly.

I also think that you shouldn't get fired because your child has been sick and you've had to miss work. I think that in some cases, yes, you ought to be able to get out early to see that kid's baseball game.. But if you talk to the boss and make arrangements early in the week, there ought not be a problem.

People without kids just don't understand. No fault there, but unless you have a child, no ammount of explination will work. It's really hard, and I think that the hostile Anti-Family attitude of a whole lot of people in this country is pretty detrimental to our society.

Getting dirty looks and getting hasled is no fun. If my child is throwing a temper tantrum, or is crying, or being fussy, I'm doing everything that I can. I don't like causing a scene. Feel sorry for me, don't feel angry that someone's kid is disrupting your life.. :grinhappy:

[mariaandmanish]

I think that having a baby, my opinion has definitley changed. I used to think that way.. I don't think that parents should be in a seperate class of people.. But there are things that really are changed because of children.

I think that the parking space is a good point, Jen. A friend of mine went with me downtown, and we had 3 kids between us. It was a real experience to remember.

I think that simple things, like picking up something that a parent has dropped, opening a door for a Mom with her hands full, you know, common courtesy.. I think that's something that people should do to help parents out. I do those things for other parents, as well as people with disabilities and the elderly.

I also think that you shouldn't get fired because your child has been sick and you've had to miss work. I think that in some cases, yes, you ought to be able to get out early to see that kid's baseball game.. But if you talk to the boss and make arrangements early in the week, there ought not be a problem.

People without kids just don't understand. No fault there, but unless you have a child, no ammount of explination will work. It's really hard, and I think that the hostile Anti-Family attitude of a whole lot of people in this country is pretty detrimental to our society.

You're absolutely right, Carrie. All of those things are common courtesy though, I don't see them as being treated differently. As for the job situation, absolutely parents should be able to make arrangements for their kids activities, the same way that they make arrangements before they had kids for their own activities. That doesn't seem to me as though parents are getting special treatment though. I see special treatment as getting things other's are not getting, without really doing the work that makes "you" deserving of it. The things you mentioned don't fall into that category for me.


Getting dirty looks and getting hasled is no fun. If my child is throwing a temper tantrum, or is crying, or being fussy, I'm doing everything that I can. I don't like causing a scene. Feel sorry for me, don't feel angry that someone's kid is disrupting your life.. :grinhappy:


As for that, I am not a parent yet, but it really bothers me when people get upset and give mother's and father's nasty looks for that. I mean, a child is another person whose moods are not under complete control of the parent. As long as it appears that the parent is recognizing and trying to deal with their child, then I don't see a reason for other people to be upset. The only exception to that, is when a child is throwing a temper tantrum in public and the parent is going along as if this is acceptable behavior... that just seems like bad parenting to me. (JMO)

[ladymelissa]

I think that simple things, like picking up something that a parent has dropped, opening a door for a Mom with her hands full, you know, common courtesy.. I think that's something that people should do to help parents out. I do those things for other parents, as well as people with disabilities and the elderly.
I would always hold a door for someone, whether they had their hands full with packages, kids, a stroller or even empty handed if they happened to be right behind me.

I also think that you shouldn't get fired because your child has been sick and you've had to miss work. I think that in some cases, yes, you ought to be able to get out early to see that kid's baseball game.. But if you talk to the boss and make arrangements early in the week, there ought not be a problem.
If that is true then someone without kids should also be able to make arrangements to get out early to enter their dog in a dog show or b/c they have concert tickets to an event they may have wanted to see for a long time or have a hot date with someone that they have had their eye on. People's personal time is just that, theirs and if you both have the same job, why would a parent's time be more important?

People without kids just don't understand. No fault there, but unless you have a child, no ammount of explination will work. It's really hard, and I think that the hostile Anti-Family attitude of a whole lot of people in this country is pretty detrimental to our society.

Getting dirty looks and getting hasled is no fun. If my child is throwing a temper tantrum, or is crying, or being fussy, I'm doing everything that I can. I don't like causing a scene. Feel sorry for me, don't feel angry that someone's kid is disrupting your life.. :grinhappy:
If your kid is out of control you should take them somewhere else, preferably somewhere private until they can behave or settle down. It's a known fact that kids have a very short attention span so plan your trips accordingly. That is also courteous, if I am expected to give up parking spaces and hold doors then don't let your kid blow out my ear drums and give me a headache.

[LaceyinPgh]

Hell no people shouldn't be treated differently. The way I see it, things like the mommy to be parking spots and handicapped spots in parking lots are common courtesy. Just like holding open a door for someone with a walker or a stroller and diaper bag. It is just being civil by returning the tretment you would hope to get in a similiar situation.

There is a difference between common courtsey and special treatment. But because you decided to have a kid doesn't mean that I have to change my life or schedule to accomidate you. (Carrie, I appreciate that when Elias is being fussy you try to either alleviate or remove yourself from the situation. Tragically not everyone does that.) Frankly, when Sean and I go out, it usually isn't a $15 trip to McDonalds. For example Sean and I have season tickets to the ballet. Each seat costs about $400 for the season. Last year I was annoyed through the Nutcracker for 2+ hours because some idiot thought ti was a great idea to bring their 3 year old. I had to hear snack bags rattle, toys drop, and have my seat kicked until I thought it was vibrate mode. At intermission I complained to our usher. What was done, nothing because it was a child. Well, don't tell the child, tell its mother. It is her problem. Now, if I had talked through the entire ballet, kicked seats, and disturbed everyone around me, they would have said something to me. Why am I different than that child's mother? If she could afford the ticket, she should have been able to afford the baby sitter for the night.

It doesn't extend to just children. And I probably have something against children because I don't have my own, I admit that. But just because of the life choices that you make, doesn't mean that I should have to deal with them. Guess what, you aren't that important. An example of this is" In college I worked the night shift at a movie theater. I went to school all day then worked until usually 1-2 in the morning. I was promised when I took the job that I would be out of there no later than 12. why was I stuck all that extra time every night when I had to be in class at 8 in the monring? Because, I had a car. You see 99% of the people who worked there didn't own a car. So when the last bus came by at 12:05 they HAD to be on it. So that always left me and usually 2 managers to clean all the theaters, and shut down the concession stands. How was that fair that because I was responsible with my credit and money that I was being punished. After a few weeks I told them where to shove their jobs.

If you want to make any choices in your life, good for you. It is your right. But it is NOT my place to have to suffer the consequenses of them!

[CarlosHoney]

You guys are completely right. :grinhappy: You'd be surprised, though, how many people see me coming, hands full with baby and god only knows what else.. And they don't do anything at all to help. I've had people let a door slam closed in Elias's face. Yeah, I was pretty steamed. :worry:

I don't expect special treatment. I have yet to see those Mommy parking spots.. But I'll bet they'd be abused really easily since there's not a law protecting them. And, yes, I do plan my outings according to Elias's schedule. I plan meals out when he's going to be asleep.. Like today, I nursed him and he fell asleep, and I put him in my friend's stroller just as our food was arriving.

Now, that Nutcracker fiasco, man, Lacey...... I'm sorry. That stinks. There are movie theatres here in town that won't sell you a ticket if you have a small child. Even when no one else is there. I think that's a little insaine.

I go to nice restaurants on occasion (mind you, not ritzy places! probably between $50 for our bill, tops) with Elias and haven't had many problems.. But the way I see it, if he has a mentdown, I'm going to have a much worse night than anyone else in that restaurant. ;)

[LaceyinPgh]

You guys are completely right. :grinhappy: You'd be surprised, though, how many people see me coming, hands full with baby and god only knows what else.. And they don't do anything at all to help. I've had people let a door slam closed in Elias's face. Yeah, I was pretty steamed. :worry:

I don't expect special treatment. I have yet to see those Mommy parking spots.. But I'll bet they'd be abused really easily since there's not a law protecting them. And, yes, I do plan my outings according to Elias's schedule. I plan meals out when he's going to be asleep.. Like today, I nursed him and he fell asleep, and I put him in my friend's stroller just as our food was arriving.

Now, that Nutcracker fiasco, man, Lacey...... I'm sorry. That stinks. There are movie theatres here in town that won't sell you a ticket if you have a small child. Even when no one else is there. I think that's a little insaine.

I go to nice restaurants on occasion (mind you, not ritzy places! probably between $50 for our bill, tops) with Elias and haven't had many problems.. But the way I see it, if he has a mentdown, I'm going to have a much worse night than anyone else in that restaurant. ;)

It is different when it is baby too. You can't really predict a baby's mood. You also can't tell them to stop it and settle down. They usually act up when something is wrong. Your job as a parent is to fix what is wrong. It annoys me when people just ignore. I'm happy that you as the parent can block it out. But I can't. DO SOMETHING!!!!!!! What gets me are people with 3 and 4 year olds (or older) who allow them to misbehave. That is unacceptable. If people had control over their children and some common sense to go with it there wouldn't be a problem.

[CarlosHoney]

It is different when it is baby too. You can't really predict a baby's mood. You also can't tell them to stop it and settle down. They usually act up when something is wrong. Your job as a parent is to fix what is wrong. It annoys me when people just ignore. I'm happy that you as the parent can block it out. But I can't. DO SOMETHING!!!!!!! What gets me are people with 3 and 4 year olds (or older) who allow them to misbehave. That is unacceptable. If people had control over their children and some common sense to go with it there wouldn't be a problem.See, there are a lot of parents, I think, that don't leave the house at all. Then, when they do, their kids don't have a sense of social accountability. Gently teaching them that your foot doesn't belong in someone else's face, and that maybe that nice lady doesn't want your chicken nugget, and that you have to use your inside voice, etc...

I think that with any social fubar, it's like this: Everyone has that one, incredibly bad thing that happens, whether they cut someone off or little Jimmy launches a meatwad across the restaurant. Things are cool, 350 days out of the year, but those few times really leaves an impression.

Like, I can understand that the Mom bringing the 3 year old to the Nutcracker was probably just a mistake on her part. Kids act completely different in public than they do at home.. So she was thinking that it would be a fun thing to do as a family without considering that it's a 3 hour excursion.. with a toddler. On the other hand, she might just not care about anyone around her. Who knows..

It just kills me that a few bad apples.... :rain:

[WebLady]

... I think that simple things, like picking up something that a parent has dropped, opening a door for a Mom with her hands full, you know, common courtesy ... I think that's something that people should do to help parents out. I do those things for other parents, as well as people with disabilities and the elderly.
I would do this kind of thing for anyone, this isn't really a problem. Respect and common courtesy, this is also how I feel about a man opening a door for me.

...I also think that you shouldn't get fired because your child has been sick and you've had to miss work. I think that in some cases, yes, you ought to be able to get out early to see that kid's baseball game.. But if you talk to the boss and make arrangements early in the week, there ought not be a problem.
No, I don't think someone should get fired for them being sick or their kids being sick. But I don't see the harm in the company asking for a Dr's note, if you are sick enough to miss work then you probably need to go to a Dr anyway. My sisters job give you like one 'free sick day' ever quarter or something like that, then after that you have to have a note from yours or the kids Dr.

As for the games and other similar things, I still don't think it is fair, like Melissa said, you should get someone to cover your shift in advance or offer to come in early or stay late another day to make up for it.

... People without kids just don't understand. No fault there, but unless you have a child, no ammount of explination will work.
I luv you Carrie and I hope you don't hate me for this, but this isn't really fair to say (my mom and my sister have said similar things too) ... just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't know how it can affect your life. Maybe I haven't had the personal everyday experience, but I know pretty well, probably more than some would think and that is actually one of the reasons why I choose not to have kids.

And for that matter, who's to say that people with kids will never see how they affect others since they are just use to it.

... It's really hard, and I think that the hostile Anti-Family attitude of a whole lot of people in this country is pretty detrimental to our society.

I don't think that anyone (well me at least) is being really anti-family (aside from personal choice) All I am saying is that a persons family life or lack there of shouldn't affect how you are treated, at home or at work. Why should your choice to have kids have anything to do with me ... just like any other lifestyle choice shouldn't.

I've had experiences where people with kids would always complain about things and were usually the ones to take long lunches and leave early all the time (even if it was only by a few minutes) This one lady I once worked with use to always have to leave by 4:30 when everyone else left at 5:00. Someone always had to do extra work because of her. She said she had to pick up her kid from day care. So why not make other arrangments to pick up the kid if you can't make it on time because of your job.

Sure family has to come first but you shouldn't have a job that requires so much of your time if your family needs you so much that you are habitually asking to leave early for something.

And the other issue is with family, like I said there have been times when my sister has made comments like "Well I have a baby now so we have to do things differently" Why does having a child suddenly make you so much better than me that everyone has to bow down and kiss your feet?! No one cares to work around my schedule, why is my life less important because I don't have children? At the very least there should be a compromise that works for everyone instead of automatically expecting everyone to do what works better for you.

... Getting dirty looks and getting hasled is no fun. If my child is throwing a temper tantrum, or is crying, or being fussy, I'm doing everything that I can. I don't like causing a scene. Feel sorry for me, don't feel angry that someone's kid is disrupting your life.. :grinhappy:
The only time I have ever had a bad thought or given a dirty look to someone with kids is when the kids are throwing a fit and the mom doesn't seem to be doing a darn thing about it, many times it seems like they just ignore it. And it bothers me even more in an inappropriate place, like a nice restaurant or a movie theater, a store (especially one w/o a kids dept) or a wedding ... if the kid is screaming take it outside. I mean I can handle a quick cry and then the parent corrects or calms the child, but it is often more than that.

And I do feel sorry for these people ... it is sad to see a woman with 2 or 3 or more kids and they are all screaming, she often looks worn down and tired, I feel for her and I would certainly not want her life. But again, they are the ones that made the choice to be parents. If she can't handle the kids then maybe she needs to hire someone to help or stay at home.

I hope I have not upset or offended anyone, if I have I'm sorry, I only meant to express my views on this. I still luv you all even if you don't agree with me :bbmrgreen:

[CarlosHoney]

No, Brandi!! :hug: not saying that you're saying that at all!! I just notice this whole "Oh, you're pregnant? My condolances..." thing happening. Not here, in general.

I try to keep my family peaceful, and when my baby is crying I always respond. It kills me to hear him cry!! Makes me really sad. Breaks my heart.

I'm not saying that people don't understand, I'm just saying that you can never truly understand until you have one. I thought that I knew, but I didn't.

[WebLady]

No, Brandi!! :hug: not saying that you're saying that at all!! I just notice this whole "Oh, you're pregnant? My condolances..." thing happening. Not here, in general.

WOW, I haven't noticed anything like that. I know I would never say that. I always give congrats, it is not my place to tell them they shoudn't have a kid.

I'm glad you were not mad at me :frogg:

... I try to keep my family peaceful, and when my baby is crying I always respond ...
Good to hear, you are better than most :grinhappy:

... I thought that I knew, but I didn't.
See I think this should be like anything else ... research the job, talk to and/or apprentise with other mothers :bblol: I guess that won't happen *wink*

[CarlosHoney]

See I think this should be like anything else ... research the job, talk to and/or apprentise with other mothers :bblol: I guess that won't happen *wink*I did. I thought that I understood, and I mean, I did.. I knew that I'd be tired, and I knew that babies cry, but it's juat different when you're walking the mile in the shoes..

The thing is, Brandi, if for some weird reason you ended up with a child (in Bizzaro land) you would take to it like a duck to water and wonder how you ever did it without one.. That's the general concensus anyway... :grinhappy:

[WebLady]

I did. I thought that I understood, and I mean, I did.. I knew that I'd be tired, and I knew that babies cry, but it's juat different when you're walking the mile in the shoes..

The thing is, Brandi, if for some weird reason you ended up with a child (in Bizzaro land) you would take to it like a duck to water and wonder how you ever did it without one.. That's the general concensus anyway... :grinhappy:
You're probably right :cloppy:

[CarlosHoney]

You're probably right :cloppy: I love that cow!!!

[AllyM1]

I have grown up around babies and children so I know from experience that they don't always behave. Now I do agree that it isn't something that a mom should get dirty looks for, but anyone knows, even mom's, that a baby crying louder and louder and nothing you are doing is quieting the baby, it annoying.

My husband and I were sat at a restaurant next to a family. They had 4 kids I would say all under the age of 6. Those kids were so bad. The one kid ran up to our table and stood there looking at us. The mom came over and grabbed the kid and walked away. She didn't even apologize for her children being loud or her little boy coming to our table. That is what irritates me. It would have been okay if she would have just apologized. We ended up paying for our drinks and leaving.

I love kids and like I said I have been around them my entire life. But when I'm trying to enjoy my meal or a movie, whatever it is, I don't want a baby/child screaming in my ear or hitting me in the head with toys. It's just rude.

People's lifestyle choices shouldn't effect how people treat us, but the fact is there is always going to be people judging you. Should they? No. But you'll have to deal with that for the rest of your life.