What are your "Deal Breakers"?

[CarlosHoney]

I was thinking about this the other day. In combination with Orgirl1969's post, and the episode from Sex and the City, what are YOUR "deal breakers"?

[Orgirl1969]

I was thinking about this the other day. In combination with Orgirl1969's post, and the episode from Sex and the City, what are YOUR "deal breakers"?

1. Serious dishonesty (the little white lies I can overlook, like "Does this dress make my butt look too big?" "No honey, you look great."),

2. Excessive drinking or any drug usage (I smoke occasionally, so I don't count that), and

3. Any kind of physical or verbal abuse (No man is worth it if he constantly bags your self esteem to make himself feel better).

And of course, the "hair care product" thing! I also would never marry a firefighter again (I know they are not all bad, but) or marry a doctor. Seems like everything takes a backseat to the job.

[Kacie_bride]

1. Cheating

2. illegal drug use

3. illegal activities (not like traffic violations or anything minor)

4. disrespecting my family

[ladymelissa]

Mine are cheating and verbal or physical abuse are immediate deal breakers. Meaning no counciling or help, it's just over.

Putting anything, like addictions before the welfare of the household (ie. gambling entire paychecks before bills are paid), I would try to help before just leaving, but if things don't get better in a decent amount of time, it would be a deal breaker.

[CarlosHoney]

1. Disrespect. This category pretty much covers all bases for me.. Since if he has respect, he won't lie, cheat, and abuse me. He won't say nasty things to my friends and family. He'll give me my say and comprimise. :bbmrgreen:

2. Chewing with the mouth open...

3. Bad kisser...

4. Racist, Homophobe, or Sexist..

5. Republican (see the politics thread, lol!)

[WebLady]

I would have to go with a combination of what everyone has said so far ...

1. Cheating (definitely on the top of my list)

2. Emotional or Physical abuse (another biggy for me)

3. Illegal activity (pretty much crime in general ... not like traffic stuff though)

4. Lies (I like the little white lies every now and then, like when I ask if I look fat ;))

5. Disrespecting me (or my family if done in front of them ... disagree and don't like them if you want just respect me enough to be civil to them)

6. Alienating me from his friends and/or not wanting to have anything to do with mine (sort of along the same lines as disrespect I guess)

7. Trying to change or control me like trying to keep me from my friends and family and what I like, telling me what to wear and that kind of thing. But again, I guess that is sort of along the same lines as disrespect.

8. Addictions (drugs, alcohol, etc ...) and like Melissa said ... Putting anything, like addictions before his or mine or our welfare

9. Smoking is another one for me (at the bottom, but still there) .... I didn't fall in love and marry someone that smoked and I don't want to live with one. If he started I would ask him to quit for me and for his health and if he didn't, well I just don't know, it would be hard to deal with.

I guess that is all ;)

[ladymelissa]

I used verbal abuse as sort of a blanket for the respect/lies issues.

[LaceyinPgh]

1. Cheating
2. Physical/mental/emotional abuse to me (or to our children should we ever have any)
3. Lying
4. Any offense that is a misdameanor or higher
5. Addicition (drugs, alcohol, gambeling, smoking, anything that is going to cost money and put our home and life together at risk)
6. Personality changes (this is something that would affect the operations of our day to life, not wanting to go out anymore, moodiness, ect.)
7. Controlling behavior (where were you, you aren't wearing that, you don't need to go to that meeting, you vistited your mother last week.)


That is a long list. I love my husband. I love being married to him. But there is no law in the world that says I have to be married to anyone. I did it because I thought that it would enrich our lives. Should that enrichment stop to the point that my happiness (or the happiness of my children) would be in jeopardy, I don't have to stay.

[WebLady]

6. Personality changes (this is something that would affect the operations of our day to life, not wanting to go out anymore, moodiness, ect.)
I need to add this one to my list too ;)

[Orgirl1969]

Me too!!! :bbconfused:

[LizabethDavis]

1. Cheating
2. Physical/mental/emotional abuse to me (or to our children should we ever have any)
3. Lying
4. Any offense that is a misdameanor or higher
5. Addicition (drugs, alcohol, gambeling, smoking, anything that is going to cost money and put our home and life together at risk)
6. Personality changes (this is something that would affect the operations of our day to life, not wanting to go out anymore, moodiness, ect.)
7. Controlling behavior (where were you, you aren't wearing that, you don't need to go to that meeting, you vistited your mother last week.)


That is a long list. I love my husband. I love being married to him. But there is no law in the world that says I have to be married to anyone. I did it because I thought that it would enrich our lives. Should that enrichment stop to the point that my happiness (or the happiness of my children) would be in jeopardy, I don't have to stay.

Lacey pretty much summed it up for me as well!!! I hardly ever have to say anything around these boards.

[mariaandmanish]

1. Unfaithfulness
2. Abuse of any kind... physical, verbal, even subtle abuse like controlling behavior would be the end for me.
3. Disrespect for me or mine.
4. Serious Addiction that is not even being attempted to overcome. This includes alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex... whatever. If there were no effort to change, then I would be gone.
5. Doing something illegal... meaning more than running a red light... something criminal that could get him put in jail.

I, too, love my husband immensely. More than I thought I could love someone, but I would not stand for any of those things, as those would prove that my love was given and shouldn't have.

[Jenn060306]

1. Cheating
2. Lieing about BIG things.
3. Drugs and exsessive drinking
4. Abuse
5. Disrespecting my belifes

[AllyM1]

I don't mean any offense to anyone here, and if you are offended then I'm sorry, but my deal breakers would be...

1. Dishonesty
2. Cheating
3. Abuse
4. Liberal, hippy, tree-hugger, environmental freaks, etc... can't do it...
5. I know this is going to sound bad, but when I meet people I always look at their shoes... if I met a guy and his shoes were nasty, it wouldn't go farther than "hello my name is... "

[Orgirl1969]

1. Dishonesty
2. Cheating
3. Abuse
4. Liberal, hippy, tree-hugger, environmental freaks, etc... can't do it...
5. I know this is going to sound bad, but when I meet people I always look at their shoes... if I met a guy and his shoes were nasty, it wouldn't go farther than "hello my name is... "

Totally understand #4 AND #5!!! My best friend always went after those types (particularly the "starving" artist or musician) and even though she found someone to climb trees with her, she usually ended up miserable. She even had one guy (another "oh, he writes the sweetest poems" artist) walk to her house for her date and she ended up buying dinner!!! I was always attracted to short-haired, clean cut men in suits and she could never figure out why. I think it's because I don't want a guy who has to choose either to take me out or pay his electric bill! My thing that I look at first is teeth. If he's not taking care of his teeth, what else is he not taking care of?

[hummingbird521]

My thing that I look at first is teeth. If he's not taking care of his teeth, what else is he not taking care of?[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely. I found myself dating men for awhile who used drugs. This was not for me. So I started making men smile at me, if they had their teeth and were in good shape chances are they weren't users. In fact one man I dated (who now we are really good friends) I had him smile at me and told him I was checking his teeth out. And told him why. He grinned great big and said he had never had that pick up line used before and thought it was grand. :D

[countrygirl]

I have been thru alot in a past relationship. There some things that I will not stand for.

Dishonesty
Disloyalty
Any form of abuse