Normally I wouldn't do this but....

[AllyM1]

Okay so normally I wouldn't do this, but I don't know who else to ask. Basically a family friend of ours passed away a few months ago from cancer. About a week after she died of cancer her daughter found out that she had cervical cancer. She has been going through chemotherapy and had a hysterectomy(I am not sure if that's what it's called) and all that and today she went to the doctors and they found new cancer in her lymph nodes and her lungs. My mom said that her friend basically is giving up. She said that she's not going to beat the cancer.

I don't know what to do.... That's where I need your advice. I don't know if I should do something for my mom, if I should do something for our friend, I don't know... My mom was crying all evening and I myself have had to hold back the tears. I'm confused and I need help...

Sorry to sound so desperate, but I have never had to deal with this sort of situation before. And I can't really ask my DH because he doesn't know...

[LaceyinPgh]

Ally that is terrible. If there really isn't any hope and she is refusing to carry on with treatment there isn't much that you can do for her. You just need to be her freind right now. Let her know that if there is anything that needs done, she can call on you. Just call to talk to her. Ask her how she is and if she needs anything. Listen to her when she wants to talk. And, don't forget to make her laugh. As sad as it is, you have to make sure that she is as happy and comfortable as you can make her.

As for you mom, you just have to be there for her too. It sucks to be the one stuck holding everyone and everything together in a situation where you just want to run away and scream. Unfortunately, we all draw that straw at some point in life. Sometimes it is harder on friends and family, I think.

Again, I am really sorry.

[WebLady]

I'm sorry to hear this! I agree with what Lacey said.

Best wishes hub :hug:

[mariaandmanish]

Ally- to a certain extent I understand what you are going through. Two years ago, in March, my grandfather (my favorite one) found out that he had a rare form of bone cancer called Multiple Myloma (sp?). Anyway, he went through chemo and radiation for about a month and they found that it wasn't helping at all, he was just getting sicker. In May, he decided that he didn't want to undergo any more treatment, and spent his last month on earth on morphine to help comtrol the pain. He died less than 3 months after being diagnosed.

The only thing that we, as his family, could do was sit back and let him go. We went to see him at home often, gave him our love and support, and gave that to each other as well. It is really the only thing that you can do both for your friend, and your mother. Listen, and love. I'm so sorry to hear that you are all going through this.:hug:

[Jenn060306]

I'm sorry that your friend is going through this. It's very tough to deal with. My best advice is to be there for her and your mom. Maybe try to have a good get together one more time before she can't do all the same things anymore. Have her over for dinner or go out.
Take care Ally. I'll be thinking of you guys.

[CarlosHoney]

I agree with everyone else. Maybe you can treat her to a spa day, where she can feel good for at least a little while.. Or a Girl's Day Out where you get pedicures and go see a chick flick. Hugs, honey. I'm going to keep you in my thoughts.

[septemberbride06]

First of all, I am so sorry.
My FH was going through something like this when we first met.
I will have to agree with everyone else. Just be there as much as they will allow you to be. I will be praying for you. :(

[AngelinLove]

My mom passed away in 2001 from lung cancer that had metastasized to her hip, liver, and blood. She fought like hell to make ita nd did the chemo and radiation. In the end there was no way to save her and she finally accepted that she was going to die. All we could do as her family was love her, make her comfortable, and try like hell to make her smile whenever possible. I am not gonna lie to you....it is one of the hardest things ever to do, but it is the only thing you cna do. Good luck!!!!!

[AllyM1]

Thank you girls so much for all your advice. This is a sh*tty experience to go through. I mean I have definitely had my share of death, but nothing like this when it involves cancer and a mother and daughter dying. I am trying to plan a little get together for us girls. It's hard because she lives an hour from my parents which is two hours from me.

I hope all goes well with my plan for her, hopefully I get to do this for her before she passes...

[theweddinghelper]

Ally that is terrible. If there really isn't any hope and she is refusing to carry on with treatment there isn't much that you can do for her. You just need to be her freind right now. Let her know that if there is anything that needs done, she can call on you. Just call to talk to her. Ask her how she is and if she needs anything. Listen to her when she wants to talk. And, don't forget to make her laugh. As sad as it is, you have to make sure that she is as happy and comfortable as you can make her.

As for you mom, you just have to be there for her too. It sucks to be the one stuck holding everyone and everything together in a situation where you just want to run away and scream. Unfortunately, we all draw that straw at some point in life. Sometimes it is harder on friends and family, I think.

Again, I am really sorry.

Well said Lacey! I totally agree w/ you!
Ally, I am so sorry as well! The only thing you can do though, is PRAY! Iwill pray for her, her family, and yours.