MOTHER IN LAWS

[stoneysgirl]

Okay my mother in law is kind of on the wierd side. She is miserable and hates the idea of someone else being happy. From day one before she even met me, she was telling DF that she thinks he needs to get back together with his ex wife! She hasn't given me a chance at all. His ex is even married to someone else! and me and her get along great. She is happy that he is finally happy too. His sister delivered the wedding invitation since he didn't want to deal with her saying anything about us getting married. After a week of knowing, she finally said yesterday she will try to be there. She also told him basically that she doesn't think he is happy and that since being with me he has changed. Well he has! He has changed for the better. He is becoming more responsible and is staying home rather than partying and drinking all the time. When people see us together, they can tell how happy we both are. We have our quarrels but who doesn't. I told him last night that if she isn't going to accept me being in his life and his kids lives and be supportive than I don't want her at our wedding. It is supposed to be "our" day and one of the best days of our lives. So why should I have to say "I do" to the love of my life and look over and see his mom pouting and thinking that her son is ruining his life. He has told his mom the same thing. She isn't allowed at our house anymore unless he is home because of the way she treats me (when she leaves, I am in tears). Does anyone else have in laws like this? The way I see it, if she doesn't go than she is the one missing out on one of the best days of her son's life. Even her sister has mentioned how happy he is and she was wary of me too. I have tried and tried with this woman but it bites me in the butt. Alright had to vent! By the way, a month from tomorrow I will be his wife!!!!!

[fotogrllt]

Believe it or not your situation is quite common. Sounds like your future mother in law feels that she is losing control of her son. Hence, she is playing tennis with you to show you she is still in control. I, myself, have had this situation and the best thing I did was to quit playing tennis. Whenever the now ex mother in law said or did negative things I simply replied, "I'm sorry you feel that way," in a possitive, but unconcerned tone of voice and went about my business or changed the subject. If she continued, then I smiled and said, "it has been good seeing you, but I have to run. Thank you for you time." When someone is trying to control you, don't react negatively, it only gives them the power to continue. Remember, controlling mother in laws are like controlling children who have temper tantrums, they want attention. Let her have the temer tantrum and ignore it. Also what my ex husband and I started doing was coming up with excuses why we could not go to the mother in laws house. Excuses such as, "Sounds like it will be a fun event, but unfortunately, we are going to my parents house that day. They need some help with something." When a controling person discovers that you can get along fine without them, they tend to change their attitude.

[stoneysgirl]

Thanks. I have ignored her up until this point. Doing things as you suggested. Yet she just tried harder which finally I had to put a stop to it. Good thing I was not alone in feeling the way I did. My fiancee felt the same way and he made it clear that she was not in control anymore and that if she continued to try she would only lose in the end. This last time she came over, she kept quiet. She wasn't friendly, which I don't mind as long as she doesn't continue to control our lives. I am very proud of him for sticking up for himself and myself. I do hope she comes around and accepts that we are going to be together. If not I am afraid of her pushing my fiancee away. As much as I dislike her attitude, I don't want either one of them to miss out on having each other in their lives. and I also know that she has a special bond with his son and if they quit speaking to each other, I am afraid that will start to harm that too. Some people have said that I just need to grow up! I don't want this woman out of our lives, I actually want the opposite. I would love to have her be a big part of our lives. We just don't the drama that she tends to create.

[fotogrllt]

Sounds good what you and your fiance is doing. And for the person who told you to grow up, seems to have a few issues themselves. Marriage, like it not, is like a business merger. When you marry someone your merging with their family. Unlike a business merger, you can't fire or lay them off. But you do have the power of two, you and your man. Good luck and God bless.