Can't have an open bar

[kevinsbride2B]

My FH and I are on a very very very tight budget of $15 000 for our entire day! We've realized that there is no possible way we can have an open bar or even offer any free drinks to our guests. We will be offering 2 bottles of wine per table made by KEvin's parents but that's going to be it.
I have numerous "friedns" coming up to me now telling me that a wedding isn't a wedding unless there's an open bar and that's the best part of the reception. Quite frankly I'm embarassed. So many of these people come from families that are going to be offered an open ended wedding budget with unlimited spending.
I finally got so frusterated at one person and told them that they might as well not come as our guests should really be those who know us and those who know us know that we aren't the most wealthy and that we will be paying out of our pockets and we do not have the family to pay for us.
When we were talking to the hall we were told to word it "non host bar" I thought that sounded a lot better then pay bar.
Just rude, I can't get over people complaining about this. I understand it's disapointing but isn't it suppose to be about celebrating a special day. God knows theres more to do at a wedding then strictly drink right?!

[LaceyinPgh]

Personally, I am totally against inviting anyone to your wedding and asking them to pay for a thing. I feel that it is less offensive to offer no bar or a limited bar as opposed to a cash bar. Now I understand that not everyone has the wedding budget to work with that I did. I think that if you are putting two bottles of wine on each table (that is about 10 glasses of wine per table.) it should be enough. I know that money is tight, but maybe you could look into getting a keg of beer as well. I don't know what those run but they wouldn't be nearly as expensive as if you bought cases of beer. Of course, you don't need to offer anything hard at all. The hard liquor is what will cost you the most. I would say the wine and the possible keg should cover the alcohol. It really is a better alternative than offering a cash or non host bar, to me at least.

[WhiskeyGirl]

In my opinion you can have a cash bar if you want! My FIL wanted an open bar and I said no! I am not paying for others to get loaded on me!!! You dont need to bring in a keg, if people don't like it then they are there for the WRONG reasons!!!!! Stick to your guns and do what makes the two of you happy!!

[hummingbird521]

I think you need to do what is best for you and your FH. whether this is "non host bar" or no bar at all. I agree with Lacey on the point that I think it is better to have no bar than to make the guests pay for their own drinks, but that is what I would do in the situation. You do what is best for you. I think it is rude for people to expect you to do more than you can afford and if drinking is all they are coming for then let them stay home.

[ladymelissa]

The age old cash bar debate. For events such as weddings (or when gift giving is the norm) my personal opinion is you should only offer what you can afford, even if it is 2 bottles of wine per table and a full selection of nonalcoholic beverages or no alcohol at all. Lacey's beer idea isn't bad as well. I am not sure what your venue would allow, but you can get a keg for about $60- $100 and that is for about 15 gallons (not glasses) of beer, more than enough to go around. $100 in a $15,000 budget is not that much and maybe Kevin's family could cover at least half of it.

Although, in some areas cash bars are the norm (not in my area as I have never been to a cash bar wedding). I am guessing your area isn't like that or no one would have questioned your idea. What is most important is to do what you feel is best for you. It is fine to just offer wine and nonalcoholic beverages and if you want to do a cash bar then guests will have to deal. If they can't deal with that then maybe you are better off without them.

[kevinsbride2B]

Our venue will not allow the keg although I do agree it is a great idea. We do plan to pay for all non-alcoholic beverages. Kevin's family will not be paying for anything aside from the wine for the entire wedding.
We have 100 guests who will be attending for the dinner and more afterwords who will not be invited for dinner strictlu celebrations and the sweets table.
I met with the venue last week and I had to twist there arm to allow the wine.

[ladymelissa]

We have 100 guests who will be attending for the dinner and more afterwords who will not be invited for dinner strictlu celebrations and the sweets table.
Is it normal in your area to only invite some people after dinner? I would be offended if I received an invite for after dinner only, like I am "B" list and not important enough to come to dinner, but you'd still like a gift from me. I don't want to upset you, but I always thought that was a pretty big etiquette faux pas.

[LizabethDavis]

I could not afford an open bar either, not too mention that I didn't want people getting trashed at my wedding, so I opted to not have a bar at all...If people think it is going to suck simply because there is no alcohol, then they are there for the wrong reasons.

[LaceyinPgh]

Since your venue won't permit it, I wouldn't worry about it. I think the two bottles of wine per table should be plenty. There will be some tables where hardly anyone will touch it and some tables where it will be sucked dry in seconds. But, the good news is that they will all balance out.

[kevinsbride2B]

Yes it's normal here. All are welcomed to the church, but only family and extended family for the dinner. I've been to numerous weddings like this. I will still be handing out gifts to all who come, and there will be all the toehr events, but only family for dinner. It was this way that I could invite all who i would want to come. If I didn't do this I would have a few hundred. This way I don't exclude others.

[jeni740]

Jeesh I dont know where you guys are getting married but most of the halls I called and got menus for it 20.95-30.00 for dinner and 5hrs open bar total minus the tip and tax so it will cost me maybe 2000.00 for my whole day.

[Valmai]

I have never been to a wedding that has had an open bar its always a cash bar - which probably meansthats the norm over here? xxx

[ton_chicka]

We are having an open bar (cocktail hour) at my parents house while the wedding party are getting their pictures done.. (which is a 2 min walk from the reception location)this bar will include some beer, wine, volka or rum for a few drinks for the guests.

When we get to the wedding there will be bottles of wine on the tables for toasts, etc during our meal. Then once the wine is gone - there will be a cash bar.

I mean around 200 people to pay for drinks all night - is just CrAzY - in my opinion. My family and my fiance family are big drinkers... we could be out thousands on booze alone! ha-ha

I think this should be enough.. by the time the guest have to pay for their our drinks they should be good and buzzed!

This is usually a typical wedding where I am from.... that or only have wine on the tables, as well as an open cash bar.

Not that I think it should have to have free booze for guests - I just think their should be some access for the guest to have drinks if they want - cash or open.

[Jenn060306]

IMO, I think it is really presumptuous to assume that you should get free drinks at a wedding. If the bride and groom can afford to offer that then that's great. But not everyone can do that. Weddings are super expensive. I wish more people realized how much they cost.
If you want to have a non host bar then by all means do so. If people have a problem with it and don't want to pay then they can either suck it up and drink water all night or they can stay home. you already have enough stresses with planning your wedding. People being upset about not being able to have some free drinks is there problem.

[AllyM1]

We didn't have a lot of money to do a really open bar. What we did was a host bar to $500, then after the tab reached $500, everyone had to pay for their alcohol. Even me. I paid for two beers at my reception. I had about 75 guests and probably about 30 of them drank... I just can't believe 30 people could use up that host bar.

[Panthers Bride]

Cash bars are pretty common. Normally, only the very "well-to-do" have open bar. That being said, the bride and groom will provide champagne on every table or a champagne fountain for the toast and non alcoholic beverages. If people want to get drunk, they'll have to pay for it. Nobody thinks anything of it. Course, dollar dances are really common as well (my brother and sister both had em at their weddings), which I think is somewhat tacky. So to each his or her own.

[CarlosHoney]

We didn't serve anything more than punch, and no, it wasn't spiked. We don't really drink, anyway, and in my opinion, if someone is going to be offended that they can't get loaded on your tab, and actually open their mouth and say something.... Let's just say that you're not the one commiting the social faux pas.

A glass of wine (or two) should be more than enough.. You're paying for food, beverages, cake, dinner (for some), music, dancing, fun... You are inviting them to celebrate with you. You're not really inviting them to get drunk.

[hummingbird521]

the only alcohol served at our wedding was a bottle of champagne for toasting. No one other than my father had a drink of it. We ended up with several bottles leftover. Which was fine by both of us.

[mariaandmanish]

Our reception hall included the open bar in the cost of the meal, and it was really cheap for this area (only $40 a person for food and drink). THe open bar was only 4 hours, out of a 6 hour reception, but that worked for me, as I didn't want my guests leaving trashed. By ending the drinking at 11:00, we made sure that no one left to drive home drunk. Although, after 11:00 the bar was still open, it just became a cash bar.

[Kacie_bride]

the only alcohol served at our wedding was a bottle of champagne for toasting. No one other than my father had a drink of it. We ended up with several bottles leftover. Which was fine by both of us.

Heck yeah! More for you!

[CarlosHoney]

It's funny.. We got a complimentary bottle of champaigne for having our reception at that place.. It is sitting in my fridge right now. No joke..

I even swiped a pair of glasses in case we were to drink it that night. I think that we're going to make Mimosas out of it someday, but Carlo doesn't drink, so that's even iffy. We might have it for our 50th or something...

[StaceyMc]

We're not serving alcohol at our reception. The church doesn't allow alcohol in the hall and Joe and I don't drink very much anyways (we met in a bar, so we did drink in the past), so I really didn't see the point in moving the reception just so we could serve alcohol.

As far as I'm concerned, (I know I said this before) - If someone is just coming for free drinks, you don't need them there anyways.

[kevinsbride2B]

I most deffinetly agree with ya!!!!!!!!!!!
As it is drinks are very cheap at our location for a cash bar. $4.00 Canadian for anything aside from import beer. Plus we'll be paying for the tips. But I come from a line of heavy drinkers in my family.
I was at a wedding on Saturday and the amount of people that get a drink put it down, can't find it again and get another over and over is rediculous. I will give credit to a lot of my family and friends who wouldn't do that, but still there are many others.
My guest will have chapagne in their glasses, 2 large bottles of wine per table of 6.

[septemberbride06]

Is it normal in your area to only invite some people after dinner? I would be offended if I received an invite for after dinner only, like I am "B" list and not important enough to come to dinner, but you'd still like a gift from me. I don't want to upset you, but I always thought that was a pretty big etiquette faux pas.

I agree. I too think I would be a bit offended. I would think you would invite more for the actual ceremony.

[ladymelissa]

I agree. I too think I would be a bit offended. I would think you would invite more for the actual ceremony.
Even that would bother me. It's different if there is an announcement in the weekly church bulletin or newsletter inviting all members of the church, not to receive an invite in the mail only for the ceremony. My personal philosophy is to only invite the number of people you can afford for all the wedding celebrations.

[kevinsbride2B]

Well everyone I have spoken with realizes that expenses are important. They all understand. This is somthign we do in my family and extended family. Thos who are truly offended can chose not to show.

[chrissgurl2007]

Where I am from almost everyone has cash bars and it goes over quite well, some people give less of a presentation because of having to pay for their own drinks but if you really think about it no t everyone drinks so relax and dont let anyone else stress you out!

[lea m]

Is it normal in your area to only invite some people after dinner? I would be offended if I received an invite for after dinner only, like I am "B" list and not important enough to come to dinner, but you'd still like a gift from me. I don't want to upset you, but I always thought that was a pretty big etiquette faux pas.


In England that is the "norm"! You have day guests and evening guests!! Its expected that you are going to have more guests in the evening! And about the cash bar, I've never been to a wedding with an open bar, Its just normal here to have a cash bar! People are fine with that and expect it!! If i had a budget of say 50000pounds then maybe i would!

[nic1124]

I think we are going to have a cunsumption bar. We dont think many people will drink very much. This way we pay at the end for what actually gets used. the caterer said it usually ends up costing half of what open bar would. I just hope people arent unusually thirsty that night.

There is nothing wrong with having a cash bar although I do agree that the guests should know ahead of time

[SerendipityCrafts]

Pfffft! What do those people know .....weddings come in all shapes and sizes. The only thing I would advise is to let people know if it is to be a cash bar so that they can come prepared.

That said .... I know you live in ON and I know that there are U-Brew's there. You can look into making your own wine as a way to save some $$$$ and help Kev's parents.

BTW - You can also serve up what you can afford but no one says that this means you have to provide alcohol to make every kind of drink that has ever been made. We didn't have an open bar but instead we had what we wanted to serve. We made a lots and lots of white sangria, a red sangria and we made a rum punch. We bought 3 x 4 litre boxes of each wine and 2 x 26 oz. of rum for 40-50 people. There was plenty and some leftover.

We also offered straight red wine, white wine, raspberry lemonade, tea, coffee, flavoured water, bottled water and pop shoppe.

[kevinsbride2B]

Yes mamn! I've already told close friends and it will be stated on the invite that we're planning a "non host bar". We'll supply the non alcoholic drinks and what not, but it's the alcohol that gets up there in price. Kev's parents belong to some place where they go to make wine. They live in Northern Ontario now, and every few months or so they still travel to Oakville to make their wine. Personally I think the fun should be the party not the drinking at the party right?! Sure drinking and having fun that way is a wedding tradition but I don't need every person hammered beyond recognition either.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Sure drinking and having fun that way is a wedding tradition but I don't need every person hammered beyond recognition either.

LOL Seen that and I am not sure how that person faced everyone the next day. If by chance a guest didn't see it, they sure as heck heard about it afterwards!

There will always be one or two people that take advantage of an open bar & a couple's generosity.

[mj512]

your tight budget is $15,000???

My budget is about 3 grand.... feel lucky

[kevinsbride2B]

Well witht he siz of my family and what not, not to mention our out of town guest arrangements, 15 is VERY tight.

[ladymelissa]

Well witht he siz of my family and what not, not to mention our out of town guest arrangements, 15 is VERY tight.
The couple is generally not expected nor required to pay for OOT guests' travel and hotel expenses.

[kevinsbride2B]

Well in our case we have a bunch of them that we are because we don't have room at any of our houses. My family is too nice sometimes.
But we're not gonna eb so nice because i found out today that I'm pretty much loosing my job next week. Things cash wise are gonna get VERY VERY VERY tight.
We're not paying for all of our out of town guests, but direct fam that was going to stay with us will now be at a local hotel.

[ladymelissa]

I am sorry to hear about your job, I hope you can find another one soon!

[kevinsbride2B]

Thanks hunny, it's just making a big fat damper on all of our plans and budgets and what not.

[mj512]

how many people are you having?
We have about 236 right now

I am sorry about your job

[lea m]

how many people are you having?
We have about 236 right now

I am sorry about your job


How are you holding a wedding for 236 people with a budget of $3000? I'm amazed?

[kevinsbride2B]

Well as of last night, EVERYTHING is up in the air. I can't even tell you an estimate anymore. Kevin and I had everythign all decided and I think he got mad that there are way more epopel on my side then his and wants to be a shmuck cause he's choosing to refuse a bunch of stuff!
I'll be able to answer this on Thursday when we go a talk to the hall and KEvin gets his head back on.

[Orgirl1969]

So sorry to hear about your job! That really sucks with your wedding upcoming so soon. Best wishes to you in your search for new employment, perhaps you will find something better! :)

As far as the cash bar is concerned, you are already serving wine on the tables, that's great! We arranged to have boxed wine served from the bar instead of individual bottles. Have you talked to your reception site about keg beer? Ours was only $80 and we talked to the site about serving a "signature" drink, which in my case are Cosmopolitans? They don't have to keep a completely stocked bar so it was MUCH cheaper to do this and we didn't feel like our guests were going to be shorted. If people want something different, there is a regular bar in a different part of our site and they can get cash drinks from there. Our total bar bill (1 keg of Bud Light, 2 kinds of boxed wines, Chardonnay and Merlot, a bottle of champagne for each table, bought by the case at 2 cases, and 200 signature drinks-not everyone will drink those) will be about $600 for around 200 guests + $50 to pay the bartender. My cousin's wedding in August had an open bar for about the same number of people and their bar bill was over $2500. I'm thinking I got off pretty easy!!

[kevinsbride2B]

I really like that idea, a signiture drink!!!!
It's that $2500 that your talking about that I see absolutly unreal!!! I don't see ANY reason to pay that. If I had parents paying it would eb one thing but i don't and that's just not cool!

[Orgirl1969]

NO, it wasn't cool. My aunt and uncle took care of the bar bill and they are muckety-mucks in their small town, so I guess they felt like they needed to impress everyone. And, they served premium liquor too, no cheap vodka or rum. I don't have the budget for it OR the parents willing to pay that kind of price. The signature drink idea came from a bride-on-a-budget book I bought a few months ago. It just so happens that most of my friends drink beer (including the FH), but I don't, and everyone knows I love Cosmos! You can even tie in your theme with your drink. Sex on the Beach or Hurricanes for a beach theme, White Russians for winter, etc. I thought it was a neat idea!!

[mj512]

How are you holding a wedding for 236 people with a budget of $3000? I'm amazed?

Sorry, I don't mean to hijack this thread in any way!

my budget is a MAX of $3,000, im hoping to keep it around 2500

well first off I live in a rural area in Indiana...

second off I am a college student who is paying for her own college bills who after two years have already reached over 30 grand, and my fiances is about that as well. We are both going into the ministry so our 70,000 + loans will be hard to pay off. My parents are supplying the money.

We are having a buffet in which will be about 500 or so including a dessert buffet
I am paying about 500 for my dress, more than what I actually wanted to pay because I am only wearing it one day, and while I LOVE it, I have to face reality that I have bills to pay.

Also my photographer is a husband wife team and the guy attends my university (he is like 35 or so, and is back as a non-traditional student) and they are only charging us for the developement of the pictures. So about 300 is probably what we will pay him

The church is only 150, and the reception place is charging us very little because it is a new building that my grandpa's church just built ($40)

my DJ is $375 (my mom works with the guys wife)

And I have already did my own save the date magnets for about $25
And I enjoy making things so I think I will be making our invitations, (I live with three other girls who enjoy stuff liek that too)

soooo that leaves me about $1115 to work with for decoration and other little things :)

soooo basically that is how I am doing it :)
When you have little to work with and know that you have $70,000 in debt from college, I would rather pay off my debt and have a less extravegant wedding, which btw, I can still make it extravegant by doing little formal things such as a setting assignment and such.

[mj512]

oh, and our engagement pics, which we are getting Oct. 14th, are included in the photographers package

[lea m]

Sorry, I don't mean to hijack this thread in any way!

my budget is a MAX of $3,000, im hoping to keep it around 2500

well first off I live in a rural area in Indiana...

second off I am a college student who is paying for her own college bills who after two years have already reached over 30 grand, and my fiances is about that as well. We are both going into the ministry so our 70,000 + loans will be hard to pay off. My parents are supplying the money.

We are having a buffet in which will be about 500 or so including a dessert buffet
I am paying about 500 for my dress, more than what I actually wanted to pay because I am only wearing it one day, and while I LOVE it, I have to face reality that I have bills to pay.

Also my photographer is a husband wife team and the guy attends my university (he is like 35 or so, and is back as a non-traditional student) and they are only charging us for the developement of the pictures. So about 300 is probably what we will pay him

The church is only 150, and the reception place is charging us very little because it is a new building that my grandpa's church just built ($40)

my DJ is $375 (my mom works with the guys wife)

And I have already did my own save the date magnets for about $25
And I enjoy making things so I think I will be making our invitations, (I live with three other girls who enjoy stuff liek that too)

soooo that leaves me about $1115 to work with for decoration and other little things :)

soooo basically that is how I am doing it :)
When you have little to work with and know that you have $70,000 in debt from college, I would rather pay off my debt and have a less extravegant wedding, which btw, I can still make it extravegant by doing little formal things such as a setting assignment and such.


That is Fantastic!

[kevinsbride2B]

Girl you need to write a book on how to do a wedding for $3000! We just cut our budget today to a max of $10 000. We've decided to DIY for some of the big things now so hopfully we can really cut back.

My Future inlaws are now starting to give us a run around for the wine. Like come on people!!! That's so far the ONLY thing we're asking of them. It's just like my god what is wrong with you!!!

[isabel39]

Hi - I am a caterer and am also getting married myself in Jan. What I would recommend to you is that you cut down on the food, perhaps by not aving a full sit down dinner but a lovely buffett instead so that you can offer even just beer and wine. People want to drink at a wedding reception, it's just a plain fact. I'm sorry to say, but 15K is a LOT to have to spend on a wedding.

[kevinsbride2B]

The venue I am havign the wedding at has a buffet that is unbelivably over priced. My budget has been cut down EXTREMLY since the beginign of this thread. $15,000 isn't even close to my budget anymore. That is also Canadian dollars.
We've discussed it all with everyone and it's ok now, everythign is set.

[babygurl07]

Is it normal in your area to only invite some people after dinner? I would be offended if I received an invite for after dinner only, like I am "B" list and not important enough to come to dinner, but you'd still like a gift from me. I don't want to upset you, but I always thought that was a pretty big etiquette faux pas.

It's normal from where I am from (western canada....calgary). My sisters wedding was in May and she invited certain people to the ceremony....certain people to dinner and the rest came after 9pm for the reception dance........wasn't strange for us at all. Something that is normal :) Cash bars are also normal.......

[kevinsbride2B]

Ya it's the same deal here or atleast with allof my friends and family. We usually do 2 invitations. One for the ceremony and dinner, and the other for the cermony and dessert and dancing.
I won't be using 2 invites anymore though. The price thatw e got from the hall was really great, and if we went under the 100 people, we would be paying an extra $500. So it actually fit perfectly.