What would you do if your FH/DH/SO became an addict?

[WebLady]

If my DH decided to become a drug addict or and alcoholic or even a smoker I would have a hard time living with him. This would not be the man I fell in love with and married and certainly not the man I want to spend my life with.

Granted I'd want to try and get him help but I'm not sure I could stay with him during that time. It would definitely be hard, but if he wanted what we had again, he'd have to show me that he can be what he was before.

[LaceyinPgh]

Sorry, but his butt would be out the door. I am not dealing with something like this. Now if in a reasonable amount of time he was able to clean up his act and get his life back on track then MAYBE we would see about starting things over again. But it would take more than most could imagine for me to ever trust in him again to the point that I would want to keep him as my life partner. To risk our security, welfare, well being, health, and my trust in him just for a quick feel good high? That is not the person I married. That is not the person I made an agreement to spend my life with. I certainly am not going to run after him like his mother. If the situation were reversed I wouldn't accept any different from him onto me.

[ladymelissa]

First off, I don't think most people just wake up one day and say, "I think I am going to be an alcoholic from now on." And then proceed to get drunk every single minute of every day. There would most likely be a progression of sorts, slow changes in behavior which I would address as soon as I noticed and then I would talk it through, see what is driving him to this behavior and try to fix those problems. If necessary we would go through counseling together.

If he continued to remain in denial and won't even bother to see a doctor (if it's depression or something) and my life, health or safety are being compromised then a separation and ultimately a divorce may be in order.

IMO marriage is a two way street, you have to meet each other halfway. If he cares so little about your thoughts, feelings and safety then there really isn't much of a marriage to save. I don't really know how to vote, I would exhaust every single option to try to help him and stick with him through the rough time, but if he isn't willing to even try then that is when I would consider separation or divorce.

[ikkin510]

I honestly don't see this happening with Steve, but I guess really anything is possible! LOL.
I know he wouldn't do the smoking, he is allergic to smoke so he won't even be in the same room as it (we go so well together!)
As for drinking, if he started to drink on a regularly and a lot, I would talk to him when I first noticed it. I will try to work out any problem that comes along, so I would try to get help for him.

[Kacie_bride]

I put not sure, but if it was drugs it would be over then. I am 100% against any type of illegal drug, including marijuana, and this would not be acceptable to me. If he was careless enough to gamble with our future then he is not the man I need to be with. Like Lacey said, if he cleaned up there may be a chance we could patch things up. It would take a lot to develop the trust back and if there were children in the picture I don't know if I could ever trust him with them.

If he developed a problem with alcohol I do not exactly know what I would do. It would be hard for me. I would defiantely would want him to seek some professional help. If he refused then it would be over for good. I would give him a chance to reconstruct his life and I would be behind him if he truely wanted to get better.

[hummingbird521]

Been there, done that. Kick him out the door. No questions asked, no answers needed.

[mariaandmanish]

In the beginning, I would stay with him clearly and try to help him through the addiction, whether that be support or putting him in a program, whatever it took. If I tried everything and nothing worked, and he continued to be an addict and was not willing to change that or work towards changing that, I think I would leave. Especially if I had children with him as I would not want my children to grow up thinking something like that would be okay.

[AllyM1]

I would stay with him and help him to get clean. If after a few tries, he relapses, then I would leave him and give him a chance to get clean for good. If he cant' do this, then it's over. I feel if you really truly love someone, you will try everything to make it work and help that person get better. I would never just turn my back on someone who needed help.

I don't really consider marijuana a drug that people get addicted to. I mean, people have sex for crack and things like that but I have never (personally) heard of or met anyone who had sex or anything like that for weed. Plus weed you can stop in a day if needed unlike crack/coke, herion, meth, etc.

[cowboysbride]

First off, I don't think most people just wake up one day and say, "I think I am going to be an alcoholic from now on."

I'm with Melissa on this one, she said everything I wanted to say!

[countrygirl]

I have lived w an addict, and thought that he was cleaned up. I finally had enough of that, and other things, and we separated (we were never married). J can't do drugs or he could be court marshalled. If he were to ever pick up the habit, I would insist that he get help asap. If he refused, or continued the habit, it would be LATER TATER!!!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I would put him on the show "intervention:..lol. No seriously, I couldn't kick him out! I wouldn't leave him. I love my husband and I take our vows seriously. THe only way I WOULD leave is if my husband became violent and abusive! I am not the type to run away, especially not to the person that I commited my heart, my soul and my life to!! If after repeated attempts and failing to get sober, then I would definately take stock of where our relationship is and is headed! He wouldn't leave me in my times of need, why should I bail when the going gets tough with him!!!

[LizabethDavis]

I saw my mother put up with this sort of thing for far too long...with the same guy of course.

He started out as an alcoholic, then got off the alcohol and turned to drugs. He rolled multiple vehicles, pulled guns on himself when he wasn't able to get anything and wandered the streets of Bangor not knowing where he was going. He threatened my mother, myself and my brother and beat the living snot out of his neighbors adult daughter. My mom had the sense to leave him, but only after wasting 10 years of her life on him. I will not be doing the same.

I voted for seperate until he gets better. However, I will not give him an endless amount of time. If he is unable to get himself clean within a reasonable amount of time, he is out the door.

Let's hope this doesn't ever happen to any of us though!

[Jenn060306]

I don't know. I would trying to help him get clean. And stay with him for better or worse. How ever.... there may be a point where it is not good for us to stay together with him in such a state. I really don't know and probably won't unless we cross that bridge

[mlm063007]

I don't really consider marijuana a drug that people get addicted to. I mean, people have sex for crack and things like that but I have never (personally) heard of or met anyone who had sex or anything like that for weed. Plus weed you can stop in a day if needed unlike crack/coke, herion, meth, etc.

I have to say that I disagree with this. Although I dont think that it is as addictive as cocaine or heroin, it is still addictive. My ex was a marijauna user, and he could not stop. It is also known as a "gateway" drug because once you do it, you feel that you will be ok with whatever you do. The main reason that our relationship ended was because he was not able to stop with marijauna use.

I believe that it is LESS addictive, which is why people can quit easier than with any other drug.

[WebLady]

I have to say that I disagree with this. Although I dont think that it is as addictive as cocaine or heroin, it is still addictive. My ex was a marijauna user, and he could not stop. It is also known as a "gateway" drug because once you do it, you feel that you will be ok with whatever you do. The main reason that our relationship ended was because he was not able to stop with marijauna use.

I believe that it is LESS addictive, which is why people can quit easier than with any other drug.

I agree that marijuana can be just as addictive as some other drugs (including cigarettes and alcohol) and I have seen some people become addicted and obsessed with it so much that they couldn't start or end the day without getting high. It is sad, as with any addiction.

But I don't think of it as 'the gateway drug' I know plenty of people that smoked pot (myself included) and never had any urge to do any other 'harder' drugs.

But this is really an issue for another thread ;)

[ladymelissa]

Anyone can get mentally addicted to ANYTHING, shopping and gambling included. Marijuana is not physically addictive, meaning you don't get headaches or severe withdrawal symptoms when you stop, like you do with caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol or heroine.

[Kacie_bride]

Anyone can get mentally addicted to ANYTHING, shopping and gambling included. Marijuana is not physically addictive, meaning you don't get headaches or severe withdrawal symptoms when you stop, like you do with caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol or heroine.

Oh man, I know I am seriously addicted to caffeine. I have gotten headaches before because of it. I don't think it is as serious as a heroine addiction. You don't get that sick, but it is not fun to have a caffeine headache.

[CarlosHoney]

Well, I think that it would depend on the addiction..

Herion? Cocaine? Yes.. I'd give him a limited chance to clean himself up and then he'd be out the door. That's not a good environment and role model for Elias.

Gambling? Porn? I'd tell him that he needed to get therapy.

Caffine? Cigarettes? I'd be supportive of him quitting, as I have been with him quitting smoking.

Marijuana, on the other hand, you guys know my opinions on that. :bbmrgreen:

[WebLady]

Marijuana, on the other hand, you guys know my opinions on that. :bbmrgreen:
I think I know your opinion on it and I somewhat agree. But smoking it once in a while and being obsessed and/or addicted to it is quite a different thing, don't you think? You wouldn't be ok with your husband being obsessed and/or addicted to it, would you?

Me, I would put this in with any other addiction. Sort of along the same lines as drinking, if you are adult and responsible about it and this substance doesn't consume your life then fine, but when it does is when it becomes a problem.

I knew a guy once that would talk about pot when setting his budget for the week ... "Ok I just got paid; I need to get some weed, pay some bills, put gas in my car and buy some groceries." The weed was the first thing he thought of and he would not pay a bill if he had to in order to get some. :bbconfused:

[hummingbird521]

I knew a guy once that would talk about pot when setting his budget for the week ... "Ok I just got paid; I need to get some weed, pay some bills, put gas in my car and buy some groceries." The weed was the first thing he thought of and he would not pay a bill if he had to in order to get some. :bbconfused:[/quote]

I have known many people like this and those are the true addicts, at least this is my opinion of it. My son is this way and it has (and will continue) to cause us many many problems. At one point in my life I used. It was not an obsession and one day I thought to myself "what a stupid waste of my money" and have never looked back or missed it one bit. I wish I could get my son to stop putting this first in his life before food and bills. If it was him alone I dont' think I would care, but with my grandchildren I beg and pray he will stop. But I also know that he has to be the one to decide to do it. No amount of talking from me will make him any wiser.

[Orgirl1969]

Been there, done that. Got out while the getting was good. I was with a great guy for about 4 years. Planned on spending the rest of my life with him, I was absolutely crazy about him. BUT, we'd been together about a year or so the day he found out about a planned merger at his company and was faced with losing his job (he's an engineer), he came home with a 6-pack that very night. That turned into a 12-pack after awhile and eventually he'd drink about that much every night. Even when the merger fell through and losing his job wasn't in the picture anymore, he continued to drink like that. He didn't get mean, just wouldn't remember most evenings. I put up with it for 2 years, he refused to believe he had a problem, but eventually I figured out that he wasn't going to change for me and I didn't want to spend the next 30 or 40 years of my life like that. We would probably still be together if he had only met me halfway or recognized his problem.

That being said, I wouldn't have met the most wonderful man in the world if that were the case. No regrets. The nice thing about getting older and dating more men is that you find out exactly what you don't want even if you don't always know what you do want! These are my 3 deal-breakers:
1. Serious dishonesty (the little white lies I can overlook, like "Does this dress make my butt look too big?" "No honey, you look great."),
2. Excessive drinking or any drug usage (I smoke occasionally, so I don't count that) and 3. Any kind of physical or verbal abuse (No man is worth it if he constantly bags your self esteem to make himself feel better).

Of course, I hope no one on here ever has to deal with any of that.

[CarlosHoney]

Oh, I know.. Honestly, I've been dependant on Marijuana before. I used it very heavily for a few years, and I truly believe that it saved my life. I might have done something very awful to myself if I hadn't had that escape.. I'm clean now, though.

The thing that many people have to understand about addiction is that at the time in that person (the addict's) life, that's their saving grace. I think I'd rather be strung out on (insert drug of choice here) than be dead, and having that experience has really changed me.. I know that I was psychilogically dependant on pot. And yes, there were times when I bought it before paying my bills..

The difference with Marijuana, though, (I got this from my Dr.) is that the habitiual, everyday smokers reach a point in their life where it's just no longer feasable. Since it's not a physical addiciton, and it's a fairly harmless herb, pot is one of those things that 90% of people typically grow out of.

There's always an exception to the rule, but I don't think that "severe marijuana addiction" is anything that someone should worry about. I wouldn't.

[WebLady]

Well I think "severe addiction" to anything is a bad thing, regardless of what drew the person to 'escape' within it.

Sure we might grow out of alot of things we do as we mature, but not everything we do is good for us. No, I don't think marijuana is quite as bad as some people make it out to be. But it is still a mind altering substance, and I have a hard time believing that long term heavy usage has no lasting effects on the body.

Anyway, I am glad to hear that you are clean and over that stage in your life Carrie :hug:

[CarlosHoney]

Well I think "severe addiction" to anything is a bad thing, regardless of what drew the person to 'escape' within it.

Sure we might grow out of alot of things we do as we mature, but not everything we do is good for us. No, I don't think marijuana is quite as bad as some people make it out to be. But it is still a mind altering substance, and I have a hard time believing that long term heavy usage has no lasting effects on the body.

Anyway, I am glad to hear that you are clean and over that stage in your life Carrie :hug:I agree!! Me too!! :hug:

[EarlyBird]

When i met FH he was an addict. Before we even got "together" officially, he made his own decision to go into treatment, he said "in order to be with you, i will need to be clean" and checked himself in the next day. Essentially, that was the best part of our non-relationship, relationship ;)
we learned so much about each other via letters, he was not allowed to call or have visitors for QUITE some time.
Im happy to say he has been clean for YEARS now, but i truly dont know if i would ever go through it again :)

[BarceloMayaPalaceBride]

I already married an addict once and am NOT going down that road again.

[vicky_vicky]

In the beginning, I would stay with him clearly and try to help him through the addiction, whether that be support or putting him in a program, whatever it took. If I tried everything and nothing worked, and he continued to be an addict and was not willing to change that or work towards changing that, I think I would leave. Especially if I had children with him as I would not want my children to grow up thinking something like that would be okay.


I totally agree, I would help him get over it and be clean. I would really try as hard as possible for that. Leaving him would be the last option but if he wasnt trying to get better.

[ally20o7]

This is a really touchy topic for me. When I met FH, he was smoking pot everyday, binge drinking like mad, and all sorts of fun stuff (and already had a DUI at the time):bbrolleyes:. He told me that he didn't have a problem, just did it for recreation, and could stop at anytime. But I said I'm not one to judge people about their past.

He actually ended up getting busted with pot about 6 months into our relationship, and was in jail for a week for violation of probation for his DUI. That almost ended it. I seriously seriously contemplated leaving. I decided to give him a second chance. He hasn't done it since.