Would you want a relationship with a man with children?

[MOB Karen]

Generally speaking, would you want to be in a relationship with a man with children? :D

[ladymelissa]

No, not little children. DH has kids, but they are grown up and two of them have their own children. I voted that they would be a hindrance, but I also would not want the mama drama and they ruin the atmosphere.

[MOB Karen]

I think the main reason I wouldn't want to be involved with a man with small children, is because I don't want to have to deal with their mother.

[CarlosHoney]

Hypothetically speaking, if something happened I choose not to remarry. I remember how awful step-parents could be, and I don't want to put Elias through that.

[hummingbird521]

Well I did not want to become involved with a man who had children and fought it inside tooth and nail. But love won out. part of the reason I fell in love was seeing what a wonderful father he is with his children.

[LaceyinPgh]

I voted that children would be a hinderance. I like my life style. I like being able to keep our own schedule. I like that fact that we travel a lot. I like the fact that our expendable income is OURS. I like the fact that on Sundays we can lie in bed and watch the Sunday monring news shows until 11 or 12 then causually go about our day. I like the fact that I haven't seen a movie dealing with animaition in years. At this satage in omy life I do not want to deal with children, mine or someone elses. They get on my nerves. If Sean had a child when I met him, I don't think it would have lasted past the first date.

[WebLady]

I voted 'Other', there are a few of these that I feel apply for me ...

I don't want baby's mama drama.
Kids would be a hindrance to the type of lifestyle I want to achieve for me and my man.
Kids ruin the atmosphere.
I don't want to be a stepmother.

But it is basically just the fact that I don't want kids and I don't want to deal with anyone elses either.

I went out with a guy once and when I found out he had kids I wasn't interested anymore.

[mariaandmanish]

For me, it would really depend on a few factors as to whether or not I would want to get involved with a man with children. If the man is not involved with his children at all, I don't think I would want to be involved with him because I would be thinking that that is how he would treat any children we might have. If the ex is a major pain and always around, I might have a problem with that too, as that could indicate some unresolved issues between them. Otherwise, I have no issues at all with a man with children, so long as he treats them with love and attention.

[AllyM1]

I voted that I wouldn't want baby mama drama...

[WhiskeyGirl]

I wouldn't actually care...as long as the children aren't heathens!! I would like it infact, it may take the pressure off me some!

[Kacie_bride]

I voted other because it would depend on the situation. I wouldn't say I wouldn't date someone with a child if I were single, but they would have to be a good father and a few other things. It would just depend and I would have to totally analyze the situation.

[rainbowtreat]

I voted other because all the other options were just as negative for me. There were none that stated anything about giving the guy a chance just becuase he had kids. They way I look at it I had a 50 50 chance of ending up with a guy hwo already had kids. I was almost 30 with kids of my own when I split with my ex husband. And if a guy was going to give me a chance with me having kids I would have to do the same for him. No I wouldnt want the drama of the kids mother and what not but it come with the fact that it is a part of life. I am lucky to have a guy who does not have any kids. And I am even luckier that my ex is witha girl who loves my kids and is more then willing to help our my ex by picking them up or dropping them off because it means he gets to see them more often. And she has kids herself. So she deals with 4 while he is at work.

[ladymelissa]

I voted other because all the other options were just as negative for me. There were none that stated anything about giving the guy a chance just becuase he had kids. They way I look at it I had a 50 50 chance of ending up with a guy hwo already had kids. I was almost 30 with kids of my own when I split with my ex husband. And if a guy was going to give me a chance with me having kids I would have to do the same for him. No I wouldnt want the drama of the kids mother and what not but it come with the fact that it is a part of life. I am lucky to have a guy who does not have any kids. And I am even luckier that my ex is witha girl who loves my kids and is more then willing to help our my ex by picking them up or dropping them off because it means he gets to see them more often. And she has kids herself. So she deals with 4 while he is at work.

You do make an excellent point that I hadn't thought of when I responded. Although I have not ever wanted kids, in all honesty I am probably far too nice of a person to have discounted someone with whom I had a good thing going simply b/c I found out they had kids. Now if the situation would have started to impede on the relationship or my happiness, then we may have to part ways. I have never dated anyone who had little kids, so my answer was somewhat limited based on my experience.

Also, if you had asked me 5 years ago what my perfect husband would look/be like Mike would not have been included in the description. We have a pretty big age difference, but he has far exceeded any expectations I had in any other area and we are both happier than we could have ever imagined. I would have missed out on so much had I simply eliminated him based on age alone. I guess what I am trying to say is I would probably have given him (prospective guy) and the kids a chance.

[Jenn060306]

I have never really had any experience with this because i have been with Mark since i was 17. Now if things weren't to work out i don't think i would completely discount a man with children. I don't know why. But i don't feel like it would be that big of a deal for me. I wouldn't want to have to deal with some of the drama that may come from the childs mother. But if he the right person i couldn't discount him because he had children.

[AngelinLove]

I dated a guy once, very briefly, who had two young children, 4 and 2, and we never would have woorked out anyways, but the worst thing about him having children was the baby mama drama. I love kids and his son, who was the 4-year-old, was adorable, but the ex was a major b!tch, so I think that that is the main reason why I might be skeptical. I would def. give a guy a chance though...I would never ahve shot them down for that reason alone.

The question that I have for the ladies that said that they would not date a guy becuase of this. What would happen if a child that your DH/FH had in the past, but never knew about was revealed? I know that this is far-fetched, but what if and the child was still younger, like under 12 and your DH/FH wanted to be apart of their lives. What would you do?

[Kacie_bride]

I dated a guy once, very briefly, who had two young children, 4 and 2, and we never would have woorked out anyways, but the worst thing about him having children was the baby mama drama. I love kids and his son, who was the 4-year-old, was adorable, but the ex was a major b!tch, so I think that that is the main reason why I might be skeptical. I would def. give a guy a chance though...I would never ahve shot them down for that reason alone.

The question that I have for the ladies that said that they would not date a guy becuase of this. What would happen if a child that your DH/FH had in the past, but never knew about was revealed? I know that this is far-fetched, but what if and the child was still younger, like under 12 and your DH/FH wanted to be apart of their lives. What would you do?

Actually I don't think that is that far-fetched. I have heard of it before and Justin's uncle actually found out a couple of years ago that he has a son he didn't about. The boy is now 14. So it does happen.

[ikkin510]

I voted other for this poll. I never had dated a man with kids, but I don't think it would have bothered me too much. Of course, if there was a mama drama, that wouldn't be fun. But I won't have not tried things out because if kids.

[ladymelissa]

The question that I have for the ladies that said that they would not date a guy becuase of this. What would happen if a child that your DH/FH had in the past, but never knew about was revealed? I know that this is far-fetched, but what if and the child was still younger, like under 12 and your DH/FH wanted to be apart of their lives. What would you do?
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to deal. I would at least try to make the best of it.

[LaceyinPgh]

The question that I have for the ladies that said that they would not date a guy becuase of this. What would happen if a child that your DH/FH had in the past, but never knew about was revealed? I know that this is far-fetched, but what if and the child was still younger, like under 12 and your DH/FH wanted to be apart of their lives. What would you do?

As awful as this is to say, I don't know that our marriage would work out. I mean I can't fault him for wanting to be a part of his child's life. But when I made the social contract we call marriage it was under certain circumstances. You can't change the rules of a game halfway through and expect all the players to be all right with that. I am accustomed to my way of life. That way of life does NOT in any way, shape, or form have room for a child in it. I am fine with him wanting to be a part of his child's life. But, he needs to be fine in understanding, that I have no desire to be a part of that child's life or to have that child influence mine.

[ladymelissa]

As awful as this is to say, I don't know that our marriage would work out. I mean I can't fault him for wanting to be a part of his child's life. But when I made the social contract we call marriage it was under certain circumstances. You can't change the rules of a game halfway through and expect all the players to be all right with that. I am accustomed to my way of life. That way of life does NOT in any way, shape, or form have room for a child in it. I am fine with him wanting to be a part of his child's life. But, he needs to be fine in understanding, that I have no desire to be a part of that child's life or to have that child influence mine.

You are entitled to your opinion and your happiness, but I always thought the "rules" of marriage were about about accepting the other person completely and walking the road of life together no matter what may happen.

[LaceyinPgh]

You are entitled to your opinion and your happiness, but I always thought the "rules" of marriage were about about accepting the other person completely and walking the road of life together no matter what may happen.
When we got married, he knew that I didn't want kids at this stage in my life. There are certain things that I won't deal with. If the roles were reversed (which would be REALLY weird) I wouldn't expect him to give up his way of life. I accept Sean completely. But, the facts in this situation change what I accepted. I accepted a partnership with him. Not, a ready made family that I didn't want in the first place. I can't enter into a contract then change all the mitigating factors of it and expect it to still stand.

[ladymelissa]

When we got married, he knew that I didn't want kids at this stage in my life. There are certain things that I won't deal with. If the roles were reversed (which would be REALLY weird) I wouldn't expect him to give up his way of life. I accept Sean completely. But, the facts in this situation change what I accepted. I accepted a partnership with him. Not, a ready made family that I didn't want in the first place. I can't enter into a contract then change all the mitigating factors of it and expect it to still stand.
At what point would you draw the line? If something happened where Sean got cancer, ended up paralyzed or lost his job and your lifestyle would have to change would that warrant a divorce?

[WebLady]

Originally Posted by LaceyinPgh:
As awful as this is to say, I don't know that our marriage would work out. I mean I can't fault him for wanting to be a part of his child's life. But when I made the social contract we call marriage it was under certain circumstances. You can't change the rules of a game halfway through and expect all the players to be all right with that. I am accustomed to my way of life. That way of life does NOT in any way, shape, or form have room for a child in it. I am fine with him wanting to be a part of his child's life. But, he needs to be fine in understanding, that I have no desire to be a part of that child's life or to have that child influence mine.

I have to somewhat agree ... if I was to find out DH had a child it would definitely change some things for me.

DH has always been the one to talk about how he was always careful (with the whole 3 other women he slept with) and finally got a vasectomy because he was so set against having kids.

Granted there is always the possibility that one of his past partners could have gotten pregnant and had a child without telling him, but that would be a very hard thing for me to deal with on many levels. I just don't know what I would do.

... but I always thought the "rules" of marriage were about about accepting the other person completely and walking the road of life together no matter what may happen.

I know this wasn't directed at me but I wanted to respond ... I love and accept my husband completely, but I do because of the person I believe that he is. One of the reasons I fell in love with and married him is because we share many of the same interests and goals and that we both don't want kids. If he had some life changing thing happen and he became a different person with different wants and needs then I just don't know what I'd do.

[LaceyinPgh]

At what point would you draw the line? If something happened where Sean got cancer, ended up paralyzed or lost his job and your lifestyle would have to change would that warrant a divorce?
Cancer and accidents aren't something that you bring upon yourself.

As for losing his job. We just went through hell and back with a VERY nasty Securities and Exchanges Commission Investigation that over a year and turned up NOTHING except that Sean and his partners run the company by the books. That investigation cost us through his business and personally more financially than anyone could imagine. There was a point about a month before the wedding where we thought we were going to have to call it off because the SEC was eating so much time, energy, and money that we thought Sean's company might have to close its doors putting us out of a ton financially and placing 30+ employees out of jobs. Between all of that and the bs people were pulling about my wedding, I was living on a diet of valuim just to get through the day. And, I did with a smile on my face to the point that not even my mother knew that all of it was going on in my wonderful little life.

So, maybe with that information, you don't want to question my motives on that one.

[CarlosHoney]

I think that Marriage is truly agreeing to stick it out, no matter what. Now, I have no problem with divorce. I am not someone who doesn't see that as an option.. But I think that getting married means that if your DH was mangled in a car crash, had kids that he didn't know about, became a celebrity/millionaire overnight, etc.. I think that's all part of the game. :bbmrgreen:

[ladymelissa]

Lacey- I didn't want you to be offended, I was just wondering what your mitigating factors were.

[AngelinLove]

I personally feel that if you love someone so much that you choose to vow yourself to that person forever, you love that person for who they are completely. People change over time. Their wants, needs, ambitions, plans, hopes, etc. change. I can completely understand why someone would not want to accept some new suprise ready made family and disrupt the life that they are accustomed to and used to living, but feel that if you married that person that you owe it to them and your marriage to try and make it work. Now, if you found out that he just withheld this info from you that would be different. But, if he was just as suprised and shocked as you, then it is just one of those "worse" situations that you vow to love someone through when you marry them. The person that you love would not have changed or be any different, accept that they would be a father. They would still enjoy the same things, have the same interests, likes, dislikes, heart and personality. They would still be the man that you love. I just can't see how anyone who truly loves and commits themselves to another person could just walk away because a child showed up. I am not trying to attack anyone or anything, I just don't understand it. I know that it would devestate me if that happened with Joel (which I know 100% could never happen, but still), but I love him soooooo much and am marrying him with teh intention of spending the rest of my life with him, through better, worse, thick, then and to hell and back again. Unlike addiction, abuse, infidelity or something like that...this would not be a situation that he chose, so I would remain by his side and support him. I am not saying that I don't believe in divorce, because if he were abusive or unfaithful I would leave him so quick that his head would be spinning long after he realized that he had lost all his ****!!!! I just don't believe that this situation is one that could be justified by divorce!!!!

[ladymelissa]

I also don't see this "long lost child" scenario as something a guy has much control over, given my views regarding women's bodies, women's choice. He may very well have used protection and an accident he wasn't even aware of occurred and that woman decided to not tell him.

I was also trying to think of it with a touch of reality. I mean if this child has made it to 10 or whatever, I doubt they are looking for a full time family and I would be expected to step in as full time mother. I figured it would be like every other Sat. or every other weekend or something and most of the time my husband may just visit with the child and from time to time we all might go to the zoo or something.

Even in the absolute worst case, like the bio mom died or ended up in prison and the child would have to live with us, I would probably feel so bad for the kid, that I would at least have to give it my best shot. If I became so depressed and hated my life and resented everything or the kid was so bad that they were stealing or on drugs or putting me at risk and my DH would not do anything to meet me halfway with the issues then divorce would be an absolute last resort.

[LaceyinPgh]

Lacey- I didn't want you to be offended, I was just wondering what your mitigating factors were.
You didn't offend me. I don't take my relationship lightly. I just wanted ot make sure that everyone on here understood that I have the things that I am willing to put up with and things that are deal breakers.

[LizabethDavis]

I would have to say that I would have to give the guy a chance, even if he had little kids. Afterall, I have kids of my own that Patrick accepted as his own and how would that be fair to that guy if I wouldn't marry him just because he had kids. I love kids and want one more. I wouldn't mind being a step-mother in the least!

[BriansBride07]

God for bid if me and my FH were to break up or one of us was to lose the other due to illness or death. But I would have to say that whoever the man was that wanted me that bad better first accept my children and me as a whole package. I in turn would do the same for the man who was to have children and starting a new relationship. I really feel that if you have children that you would look at this differently.