Fiance's ex....

[sstark1218]

I need some help here, I really don't know what to do. My fiance has a daughter from another woman. His daughter has a brother (who does not belong to my fiance) but we take him as often as we take his daughter. About a week after my fiance and I got engaged, so did his ex and her boyfriend. There wedding is August 20, 2005 and ours is June 17, 2006. We aren't very close with her, other than being civil because of the kids, and I personally cannot stand her. She is only looking out for herself, and not these kids, but that is a different subject. Anyhow... I just got my mail today and she had the nerve to send us an invitation. Now I feel like I have to send her one since both of her kids are going to be in my wedding party. Is it proper etiquette to invite her since she invited us, and since her kids will be there? I have a feeling the answer is yes, but I don't want her at my wedding!! What do I do????!!!
:? :x

Oh yea.. if this helps.. they were never married... just dating when she became pregnant with his daughter back in 94... please help!! I am stressing over this one bad!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Hmmm....well, this sounds like quite the situation. Because she sent you an invitation to her wedding I don't think you are required to send her one for your wedding, BUT, since her son and her daughter are both in the wedding party, you probably have to. (I don't know rules of etiquette and infact most times I don't even listen to them!) If it was only your fiance's daughter in the wedding party then you probably wouldn't have to invite her but since you are having her son in the wedding party too, then you should probably extend an invitation to her. If you don't want her there then I think the only way you can stop it from happening is by not having her son in your wedding party! Best of Luck!

~CanadianBride~

[sstark1218]

I actually didn't want any kids in the wedding. But he has a ton of niece's and nephew's and cousins, etc. and his family is very close and there has to be a part of every kid. Since Levi (the son) is a big part of the family, he has to be included. He calls my fiances parents his grandparents, etc. I just don't know what we'll do yet... I am hoping that since we aren't attending her wedding, if we decide to invite her, she won't show up!! :wink:
But on the other hand, I really think she is doing this just to show us how nice her wedding is going to be, her invitations, dress, etc... that's just the type of person she is. But, ours will be better regardless of how much money they spent or we spend. I just needed to vent about this a little and get some outside opinions. Thanks girls!

[LaceyinPgh]

I wouldn't invite her. She is his ex. She has no business being there. Her son being there is no different than if he were an adopted son being there. If your fiance had signed legal papers to adopt the little boy, would you still consider inviting her? Probably not. I wouldn't worry. If she says something just say that due to money or room size, ect you had to cut people. As a new bride she certainly should understand.

[stoneysgirl]

Since you said she is probably doing it just to try and show you up. Send her a nice card congratulating her but don't show up. No need for an excuse just be sure to congratulate them as if they were an aquaintence (not a friend) getting married. Then send her an invitation and if she shows up just be happy. Don't dwell on her attendance. Dwell on the fact that you are vowing to spend the rest of your lives with only each other and love each other unconditionally. Just think if she shows up then she can focus on the children and let the two of you concentrate on each other. :) Good luck! Just remember think positive!!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree with Stoney...if she does show up then you've got someone to watch the kids! And I suggest include some kids but don't go overboard...put your foot down if you think its getting to be too much!

~CanadianBride~

[grace_smith03]

You don't have to invite anyone you don't want at your wedding..it's YOUR wedding. Ask your fiance about this, and you also don't have to attend her wedding.

GL!

[niki173]

I would invite her only to the ceramony. You can forget to inster the reception card. :wink:
It's your day! :lol:

[wedbyjean]

if she shows up then she can focus on the children
if she does show up then you've got someone to watch the kids! Don't count on it! In my 11+ years of professionally planning weddings, I've seen too many times where the parents don't watch their kids at receptions. And kids will be kids -- they WILL find things to do (usually running in circles on the dance floor or around the cake table :x ).

I completely agree with grace -- you don't have to invite someone you don't want at your wedding. This woman is only a part of your lives because of the children, not because of any special bond that either you or your FH have (not had) with her. The days of the reciprocal invitation are over.

[sstark1218]

Thanks girls, this really makes me feel better. Things are really starting to come together and it's such a good feeling! Thanks again for the encouragement.