Family Issues

[Troysgirl83]

Hi there,

It is approx. 20 months until the wedding and I believe it is time to start planning what my fiance and I want and what the budget for the wedding should be.

I am grateful that my parents have said that they will pay for the wedding but they seem to want it their way and also believe that we have plenty of time to plan it and not to start as yet.

We have had to put of our wedding for two years as next year my uncle is getting married and everyone is flying to New Zealand for it (he lives there already and we live in Australia....long story).

I really want to start planning it now because I don't want to miss out on bookings, etc.

My parents always don't listen to what I want and crush my dreams. :(

Can anyone help with any advice of what to do?

Thanks Troysgirl83

[kevinsbride2B]

That is really tough sweety!!! It is your day, and being your day it should be just as you want it and have pictured it for so long. Not by any means is it right, but in the past from friends and family i have seen parents be the oens to pay for it all and it becomes there day.
You may on the other hand be quite suprised though, there is a lot of stuff that they might like that you like aswell.
Be firm in the decision making. If you don't liek something speak up. And son't forget to remind them that although you are very grateful for the funding, it is your day and that's what there money is suppose to be providing, your day!!! Good luck darlin!

[LaceyinPgh]

Their money turns into their choice. You need to sit mom and dad down and explain that you are grateful that they are helping; but, if they are going to insist that you do things their way you can't accept their gift. It might be better for you and your fiance to just pay for things yourselves. That way you retain the creative control.

[Jenn060306]

I had a very similar problem when i was planning my wedding. My parents where paying for pretty much everything. When it came to planning 3 weeks after getting engaged my mother had us out picking reception locations. That was all booked before the first month was up. Then when it came to having a sit down dinner or a buffet she simply said to me 'You expect your grandmother to get her own food?!?!' I was totally shocked at what she said. My parents decided that a live band wasn't important enough to them so they refused to pay for it even though it was a huge deal to DH.

I talked to my mother about it a number of times before she realized how i really felt. It is extremely tough. But you have to be very clear with them that this is YOUR wedding. Not theirs. And no matter what they want. You have to like it as well. Eventually my mother understood and was really great help when it came to planning.
Make a list of your must haves. With your FH share those with your parents. Discuss their expectations and hopefully everyone will be on the same page! If you can't then you may have to consider turning down their financial support.

Good Luck! And remember.... if you book things early. You do have a better chance of getting the venue and venders that are your first choice!

[septemberbride06]

Same with us. My parents are pretty much paying, so when they started taking over, I was actually too tired of doing everything myself, and decided hey! if she wants to do it, let her. I have the final say in everything, but when she comes up with an idea, she presents it to me. If I like it, I say Sure if I don't I tell her No. She will usually do what I want in the end. Just hang in there, they will see after a while that you are the boss, and after all it is YOUR day.

[WebLady]

I am sorry you are going through this, but it seems to be a common problem (at least the money issue) If I were you I'd do like some of the other ladies have said and tell them that you are grateful for their offer but if they are going to force their opinions on you then you'd rather not take their gift.

The way I see it, a gift should be something you give to someone that you know they would like, not just something you want them to have.

Maybe you can suggest to them that they figure out what they intend on spending and give that to you so you can plan how you want. Of course you want to remind them that you love them and still want them to be a part of it all.

Good luck!!