I am a HORRIBLE person....

[countrygirl]

K, so I have been talking about the custody case alot lately, and I apologize if I am blabbing too much about it. But it is tomorrow, and I am so nervous. I am scared with either way that the case goes. I want the kids to be with us because I know it is best for them. But, there is a part of me that doesn't want custody of them. I feel horrible for even saying that, and could never tell Josh. I don't know why I feel that way. I have to admit that it is wonderful having the kids around,and I love them very very much. But then I enjoy it when they are at thier mother's house. We are able to do more for Nico, and do more things that we can't normally do when the kids are there.

I feel rotten. I love those kids with all of my heart, and want the very best for them. They don't get everything they need at thier mother's house. We have a more stable, loving home, and can take better care of them.

So why do I feel like this? Can anyone answer that? Because, I can't.

[LaceyinPgh]

My best friend married a man with 2 kids from his past relationship. Much like your situation, the kids didn't exactly have it well while living with their mom. They were dity, didn't have what they needed, and weren't doing well in school. My friend helped her husband fight for custody of the two kids. The entire time she was doing it she said the same things that you just did. She wanted them because it would be so much better for them but at the same time she liked her life as it was with her husband and her two biological children. That was because she was just used to it being that way.

Long story short, her step kids live with them all the time now as their biological mom passed away last Thanksgiving in the middle of the custody battle. But, my friend will tell you that it is 100% different. They aren't the same kids as the two kids who just vistied every other weekend. She has a littl emore control over them and what they do. They are forced to follow the rules. Plus, what was an occasional occurance is now an everyday thing so in time you just get used to it.

It is natural for you to want to look out for your happiness and for your son. That is what healthy human beings do. But you ar eable to realize that those kids are better off with you and J. Although it is a big and scary step, if you are successful, your life will just slowly work into having his kids around all the time too. After a few months it will just be normal.

[MOB Karen]

That is wonderful advice, Lacey!! Heather, I think the more they live with you, the more they will just adjust to being your children too! And you are not horrible, you are wonderful!! :)

[countrygirl]

Well, I do feel like a rotten person. And the worst part is, it isn't thier fault in the least. There are times when I just want to say "NO, I want it just the three of us, not six!!" But that isn't how I really feel. Josh had kids when we met, and I call them my own as well. And when I look ahead, I see all of them w us, and me doing things w the girls when they are teens, and me going to games to watch the boys play sports. I dont see thier mom in the picture at all.

I am so confused right now.

[theweddinghelper]

I can see how you feel a little bit of both right now, we are only human
after all! Lacey did have great advice! Not only is she funny but she's wise too.:bbmrgreen: Just keep praying about it and God will help give you the strength and peace of mind. After a while you will probably even feel empty when they are not around and wonder how you ever felt this way @ all. Not only will it be best for the kids, but Josh and you will feel so much better knowing they are safe, eating better, being well taken care of, and LOVED unconditionally!:)

[JennF]

I don't have any advice to give since I've never been there (and you've already received some really good advice)...but I do want to say that it's completely natural to feel more than one way about anything you're doing. The fact that you're able to see all sides of the situation says good things about you. Of course you love his kids and want what's best for them, but I do think it's par for the course that you're feeling some trepidation about something that's going to be a fairly major change. That's normal and you're not horrible at all...In fact I can't even imagine someone thinking you're horrible.

Just know that there are people thinking of you. :)

[ladymelissa]

I don't have much advice, I just wanted to give you a hug. I'll keep you in my thoughts, I am sure everything will work out for the best. I also think JennF makes an excellent point, people usually have some doubts when it comes to a major change.

[Valmai]

Its probably 'cos your anxious about today, and although there are these problems with his ex your home life with Josh and Nico is great it is is only natural that ur going to be worried that things might change and the girls coming to live with u will cause problems. You will get thru it all and im sure you and all the children will have a great time! Good luck with court xxx

[hummingbird521]

I don't have any great words of wisdom here, but I know exactly how you feel. You are human and have your own thoughts and feelings on this. Everyone has given you good advice already. Just know that you are not a bad person for feeling them.

[Jacklynn]

The best advice I can think of is to just try to accept what the outcome is. When they announce it be excited with everything that you have if they become yours, if they do not, then try to remember that maybe you guys are better off not having them all of the time. I really hope the best for the situation and I hope whatever it is the children get the best parenting that they can :)

Good Luck today!

[cowboysbride]

Oh I hope I haven't missed you! Lacey and the other girls have given wonderful advice I feel you are just used to things a certain way and it will be an adjustment. YOU ARE NOT a horrible person you are human and I would feel the same way.

Luck and love, keep your chin up!

[CindySue]

Heather, you are not a terrible person. Everyone has giving you great advice, but there was one thing missed (or I might have missed it), are you sure that some of this deep down isnt because youre worried there is about to be a long drawn out court battle? For some reason, I dont see her handing those kids over quietly. Shes going to lose her child support when she does.
But like others have posted, when they live with you and you have more control, no battles with lice, nobody constantly putting ugly lies into their heads I bet they things will be a lot different. You and Josh wont be constantly worrying if they are being taken care of because you will know that they are.
I had similar feelings when my step daughter was here for a month. I love her to death and never had any problems with her, but my life, my routine was all messed up while she was here. Me and her daddy fought. I couldnt wait for her to go home, but then the closer it got to her last day, the worse I felt, because I didnt really want her to go.
Good Luck with this sweetie!!!!!!

[countrygirl]

Thank you ladies so much. I did talk to a friend last night, and it felt better to get it out a bit, and between that conversation, and reading your posts, I understand alittle of why I am feeling like this.

Bottom line, the kids need to be w us. They need thier dad, and a stable home. Josh needs them. He is so much happier when they are w us. Nico is happier. And, I am happier too. We have a very loving home, and I woudn't give that up for anything. I love those kids, and though it will be tough at first, I am willing to raise them as my own if duty calls.

We go to court at 230 today, so wish me luck, and again, thank you for your all of your support. I means so much to me.

[hummingbird521]

Good luck today Heather. :hug: You are doing the right thing for everyone. The kids do need you and once it is all worked out and the routine starts it will be much better.

[MOB Karen]

Good luck, Heather!!! I'll be thinking about you!!! :D

[mariaandmanish]

I wish you the best of luck today, Heather. I will be thinking about you and sending you good thoughts and vibes this afternoon!

[cowboysbride]

Good luck Heather COWGIRL UP and show em that you and Josh are the best choice for those kids!

[countrygirl]

..............COWGIRL UP ............

Nicely put Ellen!!!

[cowboysbride]

Nicely put Ellen!!!

I knew you would know what that was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bbmrgreen:

[countrygirl]

I knew you would know what that was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bbmrgreen:

Yeah, how can I forget that one????????

YEEEHAWWWWWW!!!!!

[ladymelissa]

Good luck, I am thinking about you!

[countrygirl]

Thanks Melissa. I will def let everyone know what happens tomorrow.

[AngelinLove]

I ama little late on this, but good luck and I hope that everything goes the right way in court!!!

[CindySue]

Did I miss the update? What happened in court for them?

[MOB Karen]

I don't think she's been back yet.

[septemberbride06]

That is all very good advice. Me and my FH are about to go through the whole custody battle thing, and I have a very bad feeling. It is scary to me too because my sone is the only one I have been around for so long. We haven't even seen Joe's little boy since April (Easter weekend). Sometimes at night, Joe will cry himself to sleep because he misses that baby so much. What kind of a person would do that to someone?
:(

[LaceyinPgh]

No Heather yet? I have been checking on and off. I hope she didn't flip out and kill the ex in a courtroom full of witnesses. I guess we are going to have to wire money to Karen and Amber to go and bail Heather out.

[rainbowtreat]

I am hoping all went in their favor. I hope it doesnt get dragged out even longer for those girls sakes. A little late I know but good luck Heather. We are all waiting to hear how it went.

[MOB Karen]

No Heather yet? I have been checking on and off. I hope she didn't flip out and kill the ex in a courtroom full of witnesses. I guess we are going to have to wire money to Karen and Amber to go and bail Heather out.

I'll check the news to see if anyone went crazy over at the Maricopa County Courthouse. LOL!

[LaceyinPgh]

I'll check the news to see if anyone went crazy over at the Maricopa County Courthouse. LOL!
Maricopa County? Isn't that the place with the insane sheriff that makes his prisoners live in tents, eat lunch meat sandwiches 3 meals a day, and wear the pink undies? He is on America's Most Wanted alot. He cracks me up.

[MOB Karen]

Maricopa County? Isn't that the place with the insane sheriff that makes his prisoners live in tents, eat lunch meat sandwiches 3 meals a day, and wear the pink undies? He is on America's Most Wanted alot. He cracks me up.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, that's our sheriff! LOL!!

[countrygirl]

Ok ladies, enough w the the 'kill kill kill' talk. SHEESH!! She certainly isn't worth that. Though I did want to hit her several times.

SO, we were in court for 2.5 hours yesterday. We had five witnesses (including myself) and she had two. We were dressed to a T and they looked like ****. We told the truth, they lied. They said the kids are TERRIFIED of Josh and I, that are abusive, and harrass them. We proved otherwise. Her own witness slammer her several times and niether of them even noticed it. She cross examined me, and when she heard my answer (which was in favor of J) she, ironically, had no further ??'s. She pretty much made herself look terrible.

The judge was VERY upset about the girls hair being cut. The x didn't have copies of anything, lied several times, and changed her story alot as well. She was so looooooooooooong winded trying to have her fiance (who she has known for 4 months) and her on-again-off-again friend prove how good of a mother she is that the judge was acutally yawning.

We don't know the outcome yet, but will find out in a few days. The stupid state MAILS it to you. Of course, we were in there until after five, and she didn't have time to recess and come back w an answer, so such is life.

Thanks again for all of the support girls. It's been alot easier to deal with knowing that there are others who have gone thru it, and knowing that there are prayers out there for us.

[countrygirl]

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, that's our sheriff! LOL!!

He's mean as h3ll (crooked too)!!!!

[LaceyinPgh]

He's mean as h3ll (crooked too)!!!!
But **** entertaining!

[hummingbird521]

Heather it sounds like things went well for you and Josh. I have been wondering all day how it went. Can't wait to hear the news. I pray it is in your favor.

[ladymelissa]

You are still in my thoughts, let us know when you do.

[Kacie_bride]

It seems as if things went well. I will keep you and J and the girls in my prayers!

[mariaandmanish]

Sounds like things went really well in your favor, so I'm thrilled for you! Can't wait to hear the results when you get them! Good luck with being patient while you wait!